Meanwhile at Adam's house…
Adam made his way down along the road through the dryad forest believing that the town where the festival took place is the most likely place to find Ark.
Adam made his way down the mountain and towards the town, he walked through the forest, noticing that the trees of the forest while still losing leaves seemed healthier than any other trees Adam saw on his journeys.
Adam walked down the path, almost in the town now, he saw a house on its outskirts with a wide-open wooden door, like a quest-marker the door invited Adam to investigate the inside.
Adam took a look inside and was immediately struck by the odour of rotting meat coming from the inside, specifically from a blackened skeleton laying in a pool of purple-black slime.
"What the hell…" Adam asked out loud as he took a step inside, he pulled his shirt over his nose and walked into the house, walking up to the pool Adam noticed the purple slime was eating its way into the wooden floor…"Acid?" Adam thought as he leaned in closer to the horrific scene, there were no clothes left neither were there any remains of the flesh.
Adam walked out of the house, taking a second to breathe some fresh air before making the short journey to the main town before he could reach the city he saw a destroyed house.
"What the hell happened here…" Adam sighed walking over to the house and seeing the charred wood, upon seeing the various fragments laying around the ground Adam concluded that it had to have been an explosion, he looked around the area seeing a strange trail in the earth, they resembled claw marks…
Adam decided to follow the claw marks, seeing bits of blood along the way past a certain point, a clear trail was cut through the fallen leaves.
Eventually, Adam reached the end of the trail and saw another pile of purple ooze and a black skeleton handing above some rocks by a spider web.
"I don't know why…but I feel spidey may be involved in all this…" Adam though looking at the web.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a vial of the energy drink, he chugged it down and used it to scoop up some of the purple slime.
Adam turned back, sample in hand hoping to be able to figure out just what it was, and if it was what he thought it was, maybe he could create an antidote.
Adam walked back towards his house, deciding not to stick around the town.
On his way out Adam spotted strange carvings in the trees around the woods, some of them were leaking sap meaning they're freshly cut.
"Are these runes?" Adam thought to himself, "What does this one mean again…colour - no it's more like light… - no, it's wind…damn, these are hard to memorize." he complained to himself before continuing his way back home.
As Adam entered the dryad's forest he saw more of the same rune, "It's on the tip of my tongue…it's something to do with wind… no, it's movement!" Adam exclaimed satisfied as he continued walking up the mountain.
As Adam left the dryad's forest he froze in place, "Wait…movement?" he thought, in the distance stood a man, he was blond with a long black coat and red trousers.
Adam saw the man carving one of the runes into the earth - specifically the road to Adam's house and stepped back as he began casting a spell.
The earth shook below Adam's feet as he realised what was going on, a brilliant blue amber light filled the sky, like an aurora coming up from the ground itself, Adam sprinted towards the house seeing it collapse into a large crack which appeared in the ground, Uriel, Lily and I were on our way down the hole and Adam followed behind, granted I'm not sure if he fell or was concerned about his drug flowers falling into the dark abyss.
Moments later the entire area was illuminated by a bright blue light, I started to feel numb as my vision blurred and eventually I lost consciousness.
I opened my eyes, out of nowhere I felt the urge to gasp for air, in front of me was a massive rock, around me were piles of rubble.
"Thank fuck I don't have claustrophobia…" I exclaimed despite being alone as I tried desperately to turn around in hopes of being able to get out of wherever I was.
I felt a throbbing pain in my head…"Alright, …alright…think about this logically…" I told myself before I began going over the recent events…
I got shot back on earth, and re-spawned here, I got my ass beat by some country-side-thugs and later go my ass saved by Adam…
That right…Adam…he should be somewhere here…
"Adam?!" I called out in hopes of getting a response, much to my disappointment I was met with complete silence.
"Uriel?" I called out slightly more quietly…I hope to god Uriel isn't here...
I was met with a pleasant silence. "Get your pseudo-angelic-cat-ass over here and help me out!" I added - nothing.
"Lily?" I called out - nothing.
"That's right, I can use magic!" I exclaimed, I visualised my surroundings, granted it was pretty dark, but since I could see the rock before me, there had to be some light coming in right?
I imagined a spherical barrier radiating from the centre of my mass, everything within the sphere would disappear if it was rock - nothing.
"What the hell's going on?! Did I run out of mana or something?!" I cried, looking around again I noticed a small crack from which the light came, I decided that while crawling over there would most likely be pointless..since I can't fit in the crack, it's slightly better than dying in the relatively dark stone coffin, and so I wriggled my way forward towards the crack, as I thought it looked pretty hard, I reached into my pocket in hopes of finding my weapon - bingo!
I managed to get my hands on the revolver and through some miracle managed to load the small crystal bullet into the gun.
"Let's hope it's not the flame bullet or I'll be charred here…" I exclaimed as I held my breath and pulled the trigger, a large chunk of metal appeared at the tip of the gun smashing the rock, "LUCKY!" I cried as I wriggled my way out of the hole and into a larger-looking cave.
"Right…ok…" I gasped for air "Thinking positively…Uriel might be dead…" I said - I looked around the cave and much to my disappointment I saw Uriel laying flat on his back.
I let out a disappointed sigh loud enough for Uriel to hear, "Hey, get up!" I called out walking up to him, seeing his usual black tuxedo covered with dust and his hat missing exposing his white hair, the same colour as his beard. The tips of his hair kind of resembled cat ears.
His silence had me worried, I walked up to him but fell onto the ground when I realised my legs were completely numb.
I crawled over to Uriel on all fours, I culminated all of my first-aid knowledge into one action.
I pulled back my arm and slapped him across the face so loud the sound resonated in the chamber for a decent thirty seconds.
"WAKE UP YOU BITCH!" I called out before slapping him again.
For a second Uriel was engulfed in blue light which soon disappeared into small sparks which coiled their way around the air before disappearing as well.
"Where the hell am I?" Uriel asked looking around.
I slapped him one more time just for good measure.
"Slap me again and I will shove that hand so far up your-" his warning was interrupted by my reply, "We're in some cave," I said with a shrug.
"Don't ignore me…Wait…a cave?" Uriel replied, he felt his head for any injury and proceeded to try to stand up before falling to onto the rocky floor of the cave.
"Hah, idiot!" I said with a satisfied grin.
"Stop being as asshole…where is Adam?" Uriel asked.
"Do you think I'd actually come to your aid if I knew where to find Adam?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.
"One day…you'll become a good person… for some reason…for some god-forsaken reason, I still believe that…" Uriel said with a sigh before standing up, I stood up next.
"So, any actual idea where we are?" Uriel asked.
"Nope," I replied with a shrug.
"I remember a bright light and the house shaking…next thing I know I appeared here." Uriel said rubbing the red palm-shaped bruise on his face.
"Same, I guess the entire mountain collapsed…" I replied looking at the rocks…
"We should look for Adam, cast a light spell or something," Uriel commanded,
"Yeah, about that. I can't cast magic here for some reason." I replied, I extended my hand and tried to cast the create a fish spell, (A spell that creates a 3-D print of a goldfish made out of solid cod flesh) but nothing happened.
Uriel extended his hand and tried to cast the light spell from before, only for nothing to happen.
"Strange…let's try to concentrate on getting out first before we dwell on magic stuff…" Uriel decided before looking around for the source of the light in the room, it was a small crack in the floor which seemed man-made, Uriel and I walked towards in and peaking inside we saw what looked like a relatively modern looking living room.
I dropped down into the room which was seemingly lit with torches, Uriel followed.
"Yo, Adam?" I called out.
Out from behind a door walked out Adam, he wore his usual bluish-greenish-grey jumper, brown trousers and amber-lensed glasses.
"Look who finally woke up…" Adam said seemingly relieved.
"Yeah, yeah. Before that…" I looked around the re-make of the previous house but carved out of the cave, "Are you really so attached to this house that you're going make a full one to one scale copy in rock?!" I asked dumbfounded by the house.
"What can I say, it's been a few months and I can't sit around in a cave can I?" Adam asked with a shrug, specifically a one-shoulder shrug. Upon further inspection, one of his arms was in a make-shift cast.
"Are you alright?" I asked looking at what I presumed was a broken arm.
"Yeah, it's fine, I broke my arm a while ago, since no magic works down here I had to fix it the old fashion way," Adam said with a grin and a thumbs up.
"So you can't use magic either?" I asked disappointed.
"Yeah, I guess that means that the both of you are magicless, as well?" Adam asked, he looked disappointed too but managed to keep a smile on the entire time.
"Yeah…wait did you say months?!" Uriel asked surprised.
"Yeah, you two were under the effects of some spell, I guess that's how you two survived the rock-crushing thing and the months-of-no-food-or-water thing." Adam shrugged.
"Makes sense…" I replied walking over to the stone couch, it was surprisingly comfy…it was still cold though.
"Anyway, before we die from breathing in all that smoke from collective months of burning torches, you guys wanna' play a game?" Adam asked.
"At this point…, I'm not even going to complain…" I said with a sigh.
"WELL, I AM!" Uriel stepped in.
"Relax, I'm just kidding, it there was no air-flow down here, we'd all be dead for a while now." Adam laughed.
"So you've been surviving here for months already?" I asked.
"Yeah, there is a small stream of water coming in from somewhere above and other than that I've been living off moss and mushrooms…I won't like I'd kill for some meat." Adam said, his voice starting to sound more depressed with each word.
"I guess this means we're stuck here…wait, did you see Lily?" I asked.
"Yeah, I think she went out to look for food a while ago," Adam replied.
"Ah, good…I thought you'd do something irresponsible and just leave her to die." I laughed.
"For the love of God, have some faith in Adam!" Uriel complained.
"Exactly!" Adam agreed.
"So how long is she gone?" I asked.
"A few months," Adam replied with an uncertain shrug.
"..."
"..."
"..."
A knock came from some door.
"Delivery?" Adam asked as he moved over to the door, I think those mushrooms might have taken a toll on Adam's psyche.
Adam opened the door seeing a mushroom…except it had legs and arms…it had a mouth, with two large teeth on each side of the mouth, and glowing yellow eyes.
"...Guys…I think I need to lay off the mushrooms…" Adam said in a shaky voice as he pointed to the admittedly cute create.
"No, no, I think its the carbon monoxide poisoning, because I see it too," I replied.
"What are you two talking about," Uriel said in an irritated tone as he walked over to the creature, "They're called puffs, they are a relatively peaceful race of mushroom people," he explained patting the creature on its head.
"I see, so it's just a mushroom?" Adam asked.
"No, they're a sentient race of humanoid mushrooms," Uriel explained.
"Wait…so do they have souls too?" I asked.
"Of course, in fact not too long ago you were a puff too!" Uriel complained pointing over to me.
The puff waved use over as it began walking out of the house.
"I hate escort missions…" I complained as I stepped out to follow the mushroom.
"Wait, you're actually following it?!" Adam asked.
"Yeah, it seems like the obvious way to progress the plot…" I replied.
"What?" Adam asked.
"Oh look, it's a puff town!" I exclaimed pointing to a collection of large mushrooms growing by a small stream.
"Very convenient…" Adam commented.
"Nope, they're just mushrooms…" Uriel explained walking over and poking them.
The puff kept walking down the stream until we reached a large collection of wide capped mushrooms growing out of the sides and floor of the cave.
"Alright…so is this a puff town?" I asked.
"I guess…" Adam said with a shrug, he rushed over to one of the houses picking the roof up and looking inside, he swiftly put the roof back down and came back to the group red-faced.
"Well, what did you see?" I asked.
"Nothing I can say to somebody looking your age…" he commented speeding up to avoid further questioning.
Out of sheer curiosity I decided to head over to one of the houses and take off the room, I peaked inside seeing a bunch of puffs surrounding two other puffs, they had a little fight where all the puffs started beating up the one puff leaving the second one for later, spraying mushroom blood and guts all over the inside of the mushroom house before turning to the other puff.
I felt bad for the leftover puff and decided to pick it up and carry it out.
It was a small purple puff, as soon as I took it away I put it onto my shoulder and we kept walking, it seemed relieved as it laid down and breath a tiny, high-pitched breath of relief.
"This isn't a puff town, this is the puff ghetto…" I commented before catching up to the larger puff leading us forward.
Soon we reached a relatively large wall of stones, with an improvised moat, I saw the town was made from mushrooms like the 'puff ghetto' but some were bigger, there were a large number of tiny puffs, but there were a good few larger ones, seemingly guards.
There was a large, wide road going through the middle of the town, like a road for the bigger mushrooms…it was just barely big enough for us.
I saw the even smaller puffs looking out at us from outside of their tiny windows, so this is what it's like to be tall…
I noticed that they had unusually advanced homes, they had chimneys, glass with some source of light coming from inside of the house, and I'm pretty sure I saw a tiny chair and parasol on a mushroom-porch!
We were led down to the centre of the area, there was a stone castle, reaching slightly past my knees, the roof of the castle was a large mushroom.
The puff made several squeaky noises and several more came from inside, the mushroom moved aside revealing a human face buried down to their neck in the soil, with a mushroom crown.
"Lily?!" Adam exclaimed recognising the hair and eyes.
"Is Lily the name of this human?" Lily asked.
"...yes?" I replied.
"I see, in order to communicate with you, we have taken control of the Lily brain," Lily announced.
"Alright, alright…she's alright…right?" I asked admittedly concerned for Lily's well being.
"...Perhaps…" Lily replied in an uncertain tone.
"Right, well that's a risk I'm willing to take!" Adam announced excitedly
"Regardless, during our routine venture to the great caverns (Area near Adam's house) we found you, we were cautious at first…" Lily paused.
"However our kingdom now finds itself in a crisis…only you can help us!" Lily exclaimed.
"We're good, do you guys know a way out?" I asked.
"We thought you may say that, and that is why we decided to hide the only exit from the underworld…" Lily replied.
"And if we choose not to help you and let's say…destroy your entire civilization?" I asked looking at the guards armed with small twigs.
"In that case, your friend Lily will die," Lily replied.
Before I got a chance to reply Adam put a hand over my mouth, "That's a sacrifice I'm willing to take!" he exclaimed.
I felt a slight tugging on the side of my shirt, I looked over and saw the tiny puff I picked up earlier, I stepped aside, "What's up mushroom? You don't want me to commit mass genocide against your people?" I asked.
The puff started nodding its head furiously.
"Well, too bad." I shrugged causing the puff on my shoulder to quiver.
I looked over to it again seeing the big puppy eyes it was making at me, "Oh, come one, a little genocide never killed anyone." I replied.
I let out a long sight, "Fiiiiiiine…what do you want Lily?" I asked.
"I would ask that you aid us in a war." Lily finally said,
"Oh, so we still get to commit genocide," I said with a relieved shrug.
"You're actually going to help?" Uriel asked, his eyes full of pride in my vaguely human action.
"Yeah, my pet got upset about slaughtering their people…" I replied.
"Dear…dear god…that's…A NICE WAY TO REACT!" Uriel was almost crying as he spoke.
I felt a tiny slap on my neck, I looked down "What now?" I asked.
Despite the lack of lips I could tell the puff was pouting as it turned away from me cross-armed.
I let out a sigh…
"Well, Lily…Where is the enemy?" I asked.
"The enemy is located west of here, towards the dark abyss and the great lake!" Lily exclaimed I looked over, "Alright, so it's the pile of rocks next to the puddle and the crack in the floor…" I commented, the pile of rocks I assumed to be the base of the so-called enemy was only about forty meters away or so.
I walked over the houses, passing the puddle and crack before walking up to the enemy castle, essentially a large pile of rocks vaguely the shape of a cube.
I dug around inside pulling out a bright red puff, it had lime green dots on its cap and it tried to struggle free but my titan-like grasp kept it firmly in place.
I walked back to Lily dangling the red puff above her, "Is this the enemy?" I asked.
Lily was at a loss for words, "Y-yes! Indeed it's the villain! Please, slay him immediately!" Lily demanded.
"About that…what did he actually do?" I asked.
"I mean…he's the leader of a foreign castle…he just…needs to die…" Lily replied.
"...Right…but isn't that the same for you from his point of view?" I asked,
"No, we're a peaceful kingdom, we're just actively fighting the enemy before he attacks us first," Lily argued back.
"No, that means you're the one attacking them…" I planted my palm into my face slowly careful not to throw my puff pet off my shoulder.
"Ok…ok…Let's make a deal." I proposed, "If you come out of Lily…I'll squish the red puff right here and now." I suggested.
"Really?!" Lily asked before I answered an old, dried-up looking puff marched out of her mouth, I picked him up.
"What is this!?" squealed the puff in a high pitched voice.
"Oh, I can understand you!" I exclaimed before walking out of the castle walls, "Uriel, take care of Lily!" I called out before picking a stone off the ground, placing it in the pond and placed the two puffs onto it.
"What is this, human?!" the pull cried seeing his situation.
"You can solve your little problem in a civilized way," I announced before walking off away from the (admittedly large) puddle.
I looked over to the shoulder puff, "Well…I wonder why I can't understand you…" I asked.
The puff shrugged.
"I guess you can understand me…" I said.
The puff nodded.
"Do you know what their fight is all about?" I asked It's not like I cared that much…but it beast sitting in silence…I looked back to Uriel who was fighting with Adam over whether or not to dig Lily up.
I looked back to the puff.
It nodded its head.
"Cool, cool…so is it like…a family thing?" I asked
The puff nodded again.
"Damn…I guess that means the red guy is... like…the shrivelled up guy's son?" I asked.
The puff nodded again.
"Alright, alright…guess that should mean the situation should stay relatively civil, right?" I asked.
The puff shrugged.
"Yeah…monarchy and stuff…" I sighed.
A silent moment passed.
I felt a slap on my shoulder, I looked down to the puff again, "What's up?" I asked -the puff pointed at me.
"My name? Yeah…I don't have one…I never decided on one…" I shrugged.
"I guess I should ask you for your name…but I couldn't understand anyway…" I concluded.
"So are you a dude or a girl?" I asked.
The puff started waving its hands, or as they say 'throwing up them gang signs'
"Riiiiiiiiight…" I replied uncertainly.
"Well…what do you think they're doing?" I asked rhetorically looking over to the rock.
The red puff started writing a diary on some leaves blown in by the wind using his own blood, it was too small for me to read.
The king puff was busy building a shelter from himself with the use of a leaf and a twig.
"Not good…they're not talking things out…" I said before grabbing a rock off the ground and tossing it into the water causing some ripples the puffs interpreted as large waves.
The red puff started holding onto the rock as the waves crashed onto the shores of their makeshift island.
His grip was becoming loose when a wave taller wave hit him directly pushing him onto the rock causing him to pass out, the older puff hesitant at first walked over to drag him under his shelter.
"See they can cooperate!" I exclaimed, my shoulder puff was sitting down too.
I felt a slight pinch to the back of my leg.
I looked back only to see a group of puffs clad in black insect parts and moss…"Are these…puff assassins?" I asked looking over to the shoulder puff who was cowering behind my collar.
I turned to the so-called assassins, "Alright…kidnapping and mind-controlling Lily is one thing, but you made my pet upset." I sighed in a threatening tone before flicking one of the assassins away causing him to splatter blood onto the rocky floor as he fell down, the rest charged in. I picked one up and threw him onto the puddle, as if I was skipping stones, the impact itself split him into bits it also made giant droplets of water rain down onto the rock island.
I grabbed two into my hand a pressed them dry, there was one missing, he was climbing my arm on his way to my pet puff, right before he reached it I picked him up, "So, the rest of them were just decoys?" I asked somewhat impressed by the puff's abilities, out of nowhere another puff climbed my arm trying to get the other puff free,
*Puff noises* (Captain, I'm here to get you out!)
*Puff noises* (Forget me…you can still escape…)
I started to squeeze a bit harder.
The puff began leaking puff blood from its mouth, *Puff noises* (It's too late for me… you can still make it out!)
I picked the puff up, "You know what, I think you might be the boss or something…" I said flicking the smaller puff assassin away into the water, for the better or for worse he landed in the shallow, muddy water.
I took the puff assassin I've been squeezing this far and reached into my pocket pulling a familiar red orb, "Fire bullet." I chuckled before placing it inside of the puff's mouth and tossing him towards the roof of the cave, as he hit the stone roof the orb broke unleashing a comparably massive ball of fire charring the puff assassin.
The puff which landed in the water struggled to drag its crippled body onto the shore.
"Fear not, pet puff. I have protected you." I announced looking over to the puff peaking out from behind my collar.
I looked back to the stone island, both puffs were clinging onto the rock as the disturbances in the water shook the stone itself,
The red puff was clutching the rock with one hand and holding the king with another, a breeze came through the cave as the change of air temperature affected the air density causing tiny gusts of winds which caused bigger waves.
Along with the breeze came rock fragments, they blew across the rock island, they flew past like razor blades,
The red puff must have realised he can't hold on any longer, he used the leftover strength to toss the king puff onto the rock island as he himself sank into the water, the king puff reached out towards the red puff but his hand got sliced by a piece of debris.
I felt another slap on my neck, "Yeah, I gotcha…" I sighed before walking over to the stone island and pulling out the red puff out of the water and picking the king puff off the island.
I dropped them off in the centre of the puff town.
"So, will you show us the way out?" I asked.
The king puff looked down, "Alright…" he sighed.
"Alright!" I reached for my shoulder puff, "By the way, I found this puff earlier and I just kind of carried it around for a while." I said placing it down on the floor.
The king puff and the red puff were silent.
"Human…are you aware who it is you were carrying around on your shoulders?" the king puff asked.
"Nope, it's a great pet," I replied causing the puff to pout.
"This, human. Is the missing princess of the puff kingdom!" the king puff exclaimed.
"Oh, neat," I replied with a shrug.
There was an awkward silence…
"Right, so if you could point me and my friends to the exit…" I asked.
"...Y-yes…I guess I did agree…please wait until tomorrow…you can stay at our inn…" the king suggested.
"We're good, we'll stay at home…wait how do you guys tell the time?" I asked.
"We have scouts outside." The king explained.
"I see how it is…any you are absolutely sure we can leave tomorrow?" I asked while shooting the king puff a threatening stare.
"Naturally, first I have to arrange an escort and all those things!" the king explained in a squeaky voice.
I sighed and walked over to Adam doing my best not to crush any of the puffs, "You, Adam. Let's go back, they said we can leave tomorrow." I said seeing that Uriel had successfully managed to get Lily out of the hole in the centre of the town and was now dragging her over to the direction of the house.
Adam was squatting down next to a small house, looking into the house through the hole he made by picking the roof up.
"Adam…What are you doing?" I asked walking up to him, I looked inside of the building and turned to Adam, "Adam…are you actually looking at a puff brothel?" I asked in disbelief of how low Adam could fall.
"That's not it! Remember I taught biology back on earth, this is just…interesting…in a sciencey way…" Adam said uncertainly with a shrug,
I let out a sigh before making my way home, catching up with Uriel and helping him drag Lily while I was at it.
When we entered the house we dropped Lily off on the couch, "Well, what now…" I asked looking over to Uriel,
"Well…since they won't let us out until tomorrow…there isn't anything to do really…" Uriel said scratching his beard before heading over to look through Adam's cupboard eventually pulling out a stone rectangle.
"What is that?" I asked
"I have no idea, but there is something written on it…" Uriel said placing it down.
"I can't read the language…" I pointed out.
"That's right, you thought it wouldn't come in handy…" Uriel said with a sarcastic grin.
"Just read it already, cat!" I complained.
"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Uriel cried slamming his fists onto the rock floor before freezing as the pain shot up his arm causing him to let out a yelp.
"Stop acting like a bitch and read the damn thing!" I demanded.
"Alright…alright…" Uriel said in defeat, "it reads..funopoli" he announced.
"...Funopoli…" I asked.
"Yeah, any idea what it means?" Uriel asked.
"Yeah…I know…Adam is taking the copyright threat seriously." I said reading over the name.
"What?" Uriel asked confused.
"Nothing, it's a game," I explained.
"Wait…a game?" Uriel asked,
"Yeah, the original is about…like…it's basically capitalism the game." I explained uncertainly.
"What?" Uriel asked.
"Dude…I thought you're like, super well informed about all the world…" I replied - this time I got my chance to return the sarcastic grin.
"As if, there are too many worlds for me to memorize everything…" Uriel began looking kind of embarrassed, "Plus…earth is too weird for me…" he admitted.
"I mean…it's weird to hear that earth is the weird place when we're in a cave off mushroom people, but ok," I replied.
"Whatever, let's play the stupid game already," Uriel demanded.
"Fine, open it up. We'll need to wake Lily up first, the more people the more fun." I explained.
"Wait... did Adam design the characters after us?" I asked looking at the four small figurines after Uriel opened the small box.
"I think so, I guess I'm the hat," Uriel said picking up and inspecting his pawn.
"Then I guess that makes the gun me," I said taking my one.
"The teacup it obviously Adam," I said looking over to the fourth pawn, a literal stone carving of a pile of crap.
"..."
"..."
"I think this might be-" I was interrupted by Uriel who said "Yeah definitely…", we both looked over to the sleeping Lily with pity before deciding not to wake her up to play the game.
"Right, so I assume you know how to play the game?" Uriel asked.
"Yeah, I played it by myself once, my parents bought me the game for Christmas and I had nobody to play it with so I learned the rules," I explained.
"That is that is the single saddest thing I heard from you," Uriel said with even more pity in his eyes than before.
"Shut up, it's not like I wanted to play the game with anyone!" I replied.
Uriel just kept shooting me that same pitiful look,
"..."
"..."
I took out the four stone tiles inside which when placed beside each other into a square make up the playing board, I put Uriel's pawn on the start square labelled 'Start Here' same thing with my one.
I gave each one of us five brown coins and five green coins…
"What about the other pawns?" Uriel asked.
"I'm not going to give money to pawns that aren't in the game…" I replied.
"So you're not going to use the other pawns?" Uriel asked.
"Why would I put pawns that nobody is going to play on the board?" I asked rhetorically.
Uriel picked up the pawns and placed them down, "It does no harm for us to include them." Uriel shrugged.
"Sometimes, I can't tell if you are just that…annoyingly nice or if you're just trying to piss me off…" I complained before rolling the dice.
"One…" I announced before moving my pawn one square forward, it read "Warebears attack you, you loose one brown coin, if you don't have one, you lose a green one, else you go back to the start…" I surrendered the one coin…
"Alright, now you go…" I said tossing the dice to Uriel, "Six," he announced, he moved his pawn six places forward before reading the square aloud "A small inn, you can buy it for one green coin." Uriel put one green coin away before pulling out a little green-stone house figurine, "Keep in mind the green ones are mine." He said placing it down on the square.
I roll again, "Five!" I announced, "Finally, luck is on my side!" I said as I move my pawn forward by five only to realise I landed on Uriel's inn, "Ah, welcome to my inn!" he exclaimed upon seeing this, I looked to the bottom of the square, it had '1B' written in small text, I guess that's the amount I have to pay for stepping on it, I had Uriel one brown coin,
Uriel looked over to me, "Why are you paying me?" he asked.
"Because I landed on your square," I explained, slightly irritated at this point.
"It's alright, you can stay for free, I'm sure my inn can stay in business despite letting one person stay the night for free." Uriel shrugged.
"THAT'S NOT HOW THE GAME WORK!" I exclaimed handing him the dice.
Uriel: 6 Brown, 4 Green
Me: 3 Brown, 5 Green
Uriel rolled again, "One…" he said, a grin spread across my face, "Oh, too bad, it's ok though - sometimes, luck just isn't on our side." I explained.
Uriel moved forward by one, "Upon leaving the inn, you are approached by a group of bandits! They demand your money or they will kill you, which will mean returning to square one." Uriel read looking down to see an 'at least 2B' written on the bottom of the square.
"Ooooh, that suck!" I said with a wide grin, before seeing Uriel place six brown coins on the square.
I wasn't sure why he did this…but to be fair, he did a lot of stupid things.
Uriel: 0 Brown, 4 Green…
I roll the dice, "three…" I announce, moving my pawn over, "Surprise square!" I said as I reached for a card, "You found ten brown coins behind the couch!" I read with excitement before grabbing ten more brown coins.
Me: 13 Brown, 5 Green
Uriel rolls the dice, "One…" he read again, he moves over to the square, "Looks like your competition stalked you, move one pawn closest to the start to the square ahead of you." Uriel narrated before grabbing the cup pawn and moving it to where I was, Uriel then took out a surprise card for the pawn.
"Swap your money with someone else on this square…" Uriel read.
Me: 0 Brown, 0 Green
Adam: 13 Brown, 5 Green
Uriel: 0 Brown, 4 green.
Without saying anything I roll the dice, "Six…" I grumble before narrating the square "Multiply your money by two! -Enjoy~"
I just handed Uriel the dice…
He rolled the dice… "One" He announced moving onto the surprise square, "Add the value of all player coins on this square, and divide by two, that is your current balance, if it is not a full number or not an even number, round up and or minus one coin," Uriel said,
0.5(13 + 0) = 6.5, Round up to 7 and minus one 6 Brown, Green remains the same since the value ends up as 8, except for Adam who looses 1 Green.
Me: 0 Brown, 0 Green
Adam: 6 Brown, 4 Green
Uriel: 6 Brown, 4 green.
"GOD DAMN IT…he's taking advantage of the other pawns…is that even allowed?!… I guess I might as well cheat too…" I decided.
"Hey, you have Adam on your side, I think I should get Lily." I suggested, I expected him to protest but he just said: "Sound fair, I'm glad you learned from your mistakes."
I rolled one for Lily's pawn, "one…" she moved onto the werebear square and had to move back since she has no money.
"LILY YOU LITERAL PIECE OF SHIT!" I cried, causing the real Lily to wake up and jump up, "Adam?!" She exclaimed looking around, "No, no, sorry, I was just screaming at your pawn in the game." I explained waving Lily to go back to sleep.
I roll the dice for myself, "one…" I moved one forward… It was a bland square…
"What does a blank square mean?" Uriel asked.
A devilish idea was born in my head, "Oh, that…it means that we…fight…" I came up with some a random excuse.
"A fight? How does that work?" Uriel asked,
"Simple…" I look at the cards…"We just think about who would win the fight with the give land and pawns…" I explained.
"I see…a very creative game!" Uriel exclaimed.
"Exactly!" I replied, "Well since this is me, I have the teleport bullets so I teleport beside your Inn." I explained moving my pawn to the square after the inn.
"Alright, in that case, I think I win," Uriel replied uncertainly.
"Why is that?" I asked looking around the board.
That was when I imagined it, I move towards the inn…ready to take the enemy castle when suddenly… I'm surrounded by a group of bandits… Uriel pointed to the bandit card, "It says at least 2 brown, I gave them six, by giving them all I have I hope, nay pray that they will help me in my hour of need if such a time comes!" Uriel exclaimed.
I looked over to my money pile, no coins…this means I'm dead!
I flipped the board and left leaving Uriel along in the living room, except for the now sleeping Lily.
A few minutes later Adam walked into the house seeing Uriel on his knees picking up the bits of the game and putting them in the box, "I see you got a chance to play my game!" Adam announced excitedly.
"Yeah, it's pretty well designed…except for one of the pawns." Uriel sighed.
"It was funny," Adam replied shamelessly.
"So, I guess you played it with nameless child?" Adam asked.
"Yeah, we didn't want to wake Lily up," Uriel explained.
"How'd it go?" Adam asked.
"He failed horribly, despite cheating…" Uriel sighed with a smile.
"Well, it's a game of luck for the most part." Adam shrugged.
"True, but as a member of the heavenly host my karma is so high it's basically impossible for me to lose a luck-based game." Uriel laughed, closing the box and putting it away where he found it.
"Remind me not to gamble with you." Adam laughed.
The next morning…
A knock came from the door, Adam opened the door looking down to the two neat rows of puffs, in between them a taller puff with a puffy hat and twig-trumpet,
"...Uhmmm…yes?" Adam invited to puffs to say whatever they wanted to announce.
In a high pitched voice, the trumpet puff announced… "The one referred to a nameless child is requested at the capital."
Adam took a second to go over what he just heard and walked over to the hole leading to the cave where I was sleeping, "Dude, the mushrooms want you to go to the mushroom town." Adam explained.
"Great…maybe we'll be let out of here already…" I said as I slipped out of the cave-hole and into the living-room,
"What's up?" I asked looking at the puff herald.
"Your presence is required in the capital!" he replied seeming irritated.
"Why?" I asked.
"..."
"..."
"Alright, guess I'll just go…" I relented and headed towards the capital.
Uriel poked his head out the door, "…you were hoping he'd carry you back, didn't you?" he asked.
The puff looked down, "Yeah…" he sighed disappointedly before turning back and slowly waking back to the capital.
After a while of walking - about five minutes, I reached the town.
I crouched down by the middle of the capital which was now rebuilt into an improvised castle.
"Ah, it's you, nameless child!" the king puff announced.
"Indeed it is…can I leave now?…like…leave the cave?" I asked impatiently.
"I will honour my promise-" I interrupted the king…
"Great!" I exclaimed
"But first-" I interrupted him again,
"Oh shit…" I sighed.
"Nameless child, our people may have faced the crisis with the other kingdom alone…" the king spoke in a dramatic tone made slightly less dramatic by its high pitch…
"No, you didn't" I commented.
"And we would wish nothing more than to let you go and live your lives…" the king continued.
"Than let us go live out lives!" I commented more irritated.
"But alas, we fear a civil war may start…" The kind explained.
"I…don't care," I explained slowly shaking my head.
"You see - there are two big factions within our country…" the king explained.
"Figure something out, and let us out…" I'm slowly getting more pissed, do they want me to solve all their problems for them!?
"So, we're considering an arranged marriage…" the king finally explained.
"I don't c- wait…you actually came up with an idea?!" I asked in shock.
"Yes, we think this would benefit both parties, and strengthen our relationships!" the king elaborated.
"That makes sense…good for you guys," I said giving them a thumbs up.
"So you agree?" the king asked.
"Sure, why not. You marriage usually solves these problems I think…" I replied.
"Great, then with your blessing we'll wrap this up today, and let you and your friends go before the day ends!" the king announced excitedly,
"Alright, I'll go let the guys know to dress up fancy…" I said before turning to leave, I turned back, "That was a joke, we haven't had clean clothes for months and we're living off mushrooms." I explained straight-faced before leaving.
Once I made it back home…
I violently swung the door open, "Guys, we're invited to some wedding." I announced.
"This is kind of sudden, who's getting married?" Adam asked.
"Some mushrooms, it's a political thing." I shrugged.
"Alright, second question…are we allowed out yet?" Adam asked.
"Not yet, we have to go to the wedding first I think, otherwise I'm starting to consider regicide…" I replied.
"Whatever, let's get this over with…" Adam sighed,
Uriel stepped out of the bathroom, "When is the wedding?" he asked.
"I'm not sure, I guess we can head over whenever…" I explained.
"Maybe they'll send the trumpet guy again!" Adam said excitedly.
About an hour later we made our way back to the capital, the only one of us looking vaguely formal was Uriel with his usual tuxedo…
When we entered the town, the puff-peasants were throwing confetti made from torn-up flowers and leaves at us as we walked through the central road.
"Damn, I didn't realise we're such a big part of this…" Adam said looking at all the puffs.
"They're just excited!" Uriel said dismissively.
There were four piles of moss around the central "castle", most likely serving as seats for us, we all sat down.
A puff wearing a pope-looking hat walked out of the castle, "Welcome everyone, today we have gathered here to celebrate the union of two very important people, which was in no way brought about by the king as a way of stopping the potential conflict." the pope-puff read.
Out from inside of the castle walked out the princess-puff wearing a dress of white flower petals,
"I wonder what the guy looks like!" I whispered to Adam somewhat excited.
"Specifically, we will celebrate the union of the princess of the puff kingdom-" I looked over to Uriel who had a massive grin, thanks to that I missed the princess-puff's name, whatever…
"and the newcomer, nameless child." the pope-puff announced.
Despite the puffs cheering, Adam, Lily, Uriel and I were silent.
Eventually Uriel unable to hold his laughter in any longer burst out saying "G-good for you, man!" through his frantic laughing.
I turned to Adam, he just shrugged and gave me a thumbs-up, "WAIT, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DO YOU MEAN BY THAT THUMBS UP!?" I demanded.
The crowd turned to Adam and me, "I dunno, I wouldn't want to miss the chance to marry into royalty." Adam explained.
"What is the problem, I thought you agreed to the marriage earlier today?!" The king puff inquired.
"I THOUGH IT'S AN INTER-PUFF MARRIGE!!!" I cried back.
"...That's pretty bigoted of you…" the king puff said quietly.
"..."
"..."
"..."
I stood up, reaching for my gun.
"You either show me the way to the exit, right now or I destroy your entire civilization, here and now," I warned.
"Perhaps tomorrow-" the king was interrupted by the loud explosion coming from the fireball I created by shooting a fire bullet into one of the town's four districts.
"..."
"..."
"I think he's bluffing…" the kings whispered to his advisor, I loaded an iron shot into the gun and pointed it towards a random wall, I pulled the trigger releasing a chunk of iron crashing through the wall, I repeated this a few times the cave shaking each time the iron hit the wall.
"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, we'll show you the way out!" the king cried.
"R-really?" I asked.
"Y-yes…right away…just please…spare our kingdom…" the king pleaded.
A toothy grin spread across my face as I uttered one, single phrase "I'll spare your kingdom…." the puffs seemingly breath a sigh of relief,
"Maybe tomorrow…" I added loading another fire bullet into the gun, I felt two arms grab me from behind, it was Adam, "IF YOU WANT TO LIVE, YOU BETTER TELL US WHERE THE EXIT IS!" he cried, the puff king pointed towards a seemingly normal wall, but when Adam ran up to it, he saw a crack just barely wide enough for them to leave through.
When we made it out, Adam released me causing me to fall down to the floor as I felt a rush of energy, it was at that moment that I knew, I could cast magic again!
"Think you want a little overboard?" Adam asked gasping for air.
"Nope," I explained regretting nothing.
I turned to Uriel, "You knew about it, didn't you?!" I demanded.
"What gives you that idea?" he asked pretending to be surprised.
"I saw that smile…plus you are a terrible liar…" I added.
"Well, since you want to know so badly, I spoke to the trumpet-puff after you left him, I agreed to bring him back in return for him telling me more info." Uriel shrugged.
"...I say this a lot…but I mean it this time. Screw you, cat." I hissed.
I pulled out the gun and shot one bullet at the cave crack, before shooting an iron shot at it, causing the entrance to be closed off forever…
"It's for the best…" I sighed, finally relaxing a bit.
"I wouldn't be so sure about that…" Uriel said with a slight grin.
"Uriel…what the hell did you do?" I asked.
He opened his hand revealing the princess-puff…"Uriel…" I said before taking a deep breath.
"It's rude to leave the bride at the alter, you know," Uriel said sarcastically.
I couldn't think of an insult which would hurt Uriel…but I did eventually think of something.
A grin spread to my face again, "Hey…Uriel…" I said
"Y-yeah?" He seemed concerned about what I'd do next.
"I guess I don't mind…but you do realise you just separated this poor soul from her home and culture, alienating her forever, what if the air here kills her, or what if she dried out in the sun?" I asked.
Uriel's expression turned to horror as he turned back, before looking over to the puff, "I'm so sorry, I swear I'll fix this!" he cried as he began trying to dig the rubble up with his bare hands…it was pretty ineffective.
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Check out a tts reading of chapter 1 and potentially more in the future! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xorRJDGAQk&feature=youtu.be