"Ciara..."
*Huh?*
I regained consciousness to the sound of frail sobs. As I opened my eyes, a clean white ceiling filled my view.
"Ah..."
The excess light in the room caused me to squint. It was the middle of the day, but I was exhausted. I could only exhale slightly harder in the stead of a sigh.
*Just end me...*
It was another ordinary day on my death bed.
"Mom..." I weakly said.
"Oh, Ciara, you're awake! Do you want to know what happened today? First..."
An incessant rambling ensued. One I would have a hard time paying attention to.
This was my mother. Always energetic. Although 'energetic' might not be the right word... Maybe 'cathartic'? Regardless, her energy was wearing me down even further.
*Mom. Just let me go.*
For almost as long as can remember, I've been confined in this hell. Every waking moment passes without significance, and most of my dreams even take place in the same room.
*Why did I end up this way?*
For nearly as long as I could remember, I've been bedridden with an unknown condition.
*Well, I'm sure the doctors and my parents know...*
This condition was merely unknown because I didn't care about what I had. I'm sure they have told me at some point, and I'm sure they would tell me if I asked. My parents satisfied any of my demands.
Except for one.
"Mom..."
"- basketball..! Oh! Yes, dear? What can I get you? You know, we recently bought some books, would you like me to read you some of them? Or perhaps..."
If I had the energy to laugh or smile, I would have. I loved my mom. I really did. I knew she was trying to cheer me up by catching me up to current events and offering me material goods, but it was having the opposite effect. She was really charming in this moment, but I couldn't react. I didn't have the strength.
"Let... me... die," I resolutely stated.
"Huh?"
This time, I straightforwardly told her. Even though my words and body were weak, my resolve was strong.
"This... you can't... be serious? Oh, I know! You really want me to read those books to you, don't you? I've brought some new ones, and all of your favorites are here, too! How does that sound?"
*Denial?*
I wasn't too surprised. In the past, I had frequently implied that it wasn't worth it to keep me alive. The hospital bills for a dying girl who never recovered... How expensive would they be? If this was the only case, I would have been more understanding. A parent doesn't want to see their child pass away, after all. The connection is quite strong. The true reason was that I always felt exhausted. Every conscious moment, my body was telling me to sleep. I couldn't fall asleep whenever I wanted, so hours upon hours would pass this way. And when I finally fell asleep, I would wake up in the same exhausted state in the blink of an eye. It was as if time fast forwarded and I never got any sleep at all.
It was truly hell. I wanted to convince them that they were just paying for their daughter's extended suffering, but I had no way to. This was the most frustrating part of all. I couldn't do anything, so I just stared back at my mother with the most determined gaze I could manage.
"Ciara, you..." she paused to reconcile her feelings, but I could clearly see that she was about to break.
"I'll be right back! The new books I've got in the car are pretty good. You'll love them!" She charged out the door in a hurry.
I sighed inwardly.
*I'm not that gullible...*
Indeed, the new books she was mentioning were right next to the chair she was sitting on.
*I know you didn't want me to see you cry.*
With some effort, I turned my head towards the door to reminisce.
In the same direction of the door, in my current field of view, was my heart rate monitor. Strangely enough, this was one of the only things I could find solace in recently. There was something about the constantly changing numbers that fascinated me.
\64... 65... 66... 68...
*A jump of two!*
Although most may find it sad, this was my favorite activity. I liked to think of myself as an arithmetic athlete - these numbers were my life. Although I had requested to see math-related books often, I couldn't study them on my own. There was a digital clock on the wall, but those numbers changed too slowly to be interesting. These numbers, on the other hand, were special to me. They were my own. They were literally the essence of my life.
*Alright. Let's start by doubling.*
Performing various operations on these numbers - this was the game I liked to play.
\64. 128. 256. 512. 1024. 2048. 4096. 8192. 16384...
*Ah. There's the next heartbeat.*
And just for fun, I liked to put a little time constraint on myself. How many times could I double a number within two heartbeats? This time, it was a 63.
\63. 126. 252. 504. 1008. 2016. 4032. 8064. 16128. 32256...
*And... there's the next one.*
\61. I was clearly more proficient every time my heartbeat got slower, since there was more time to count in between every one.
And so the doubling game continued... for who knows how long.
*Hmm... How long was that? I probably did it a little longer than expected.*
I was counting numbers in my head every time my heart beat. Even though many numbers passed through my thoughts, it probably hadn't been very long. After all, at just above 60 bpm, 60 games of doubling would merely take slightly longer than a minute. So, it had probably been slightly over six minutes.
*Usually I switch games every five minutes, but... I went a little overboard. But I don't think it matters... I'm not going anywhere, anyway...*
There was nothing like a depressing thought to dampen my spirits. It was time to switch to my new game.
*Let's see. Where did I leave off?*
This game was the easy one. It was counting, but there was a catch. The game went like this. Every time I reached a new power of ten, I would have to count by those. Here's how I started the game a long time ago:
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Twenty. Thirty. Forty. Fifty. Sixty. Seventy. Eighty. Ninety. One hundred. Two hundred. Three hundred...
And it's continued to this day. And here's where I left off...
Eight hundred two thousand decyllion. Eight hundred three thousand decyllion. Eight hundred four thousand decyllion. Eight hundred five thousand decyllion...
I was in the decyllions. What is one decyllion? Ten to the power of four thousand ninety-six, 10^4096 . Add another 10^5 for the hundred thousand, and I was at least at 10^5001 . The five thousandth power of ten! This was an exhilarating moment for me. How long had it taken my to get here? In all honesty, I wasn't even sure. To me, the real world was more transcendental than the world of numbers, so I could easily calculate how long it would theoretically take me. Supposing it took me ten seconds to reach the next power of ten, it would take me about fifty one thousand seconds, or 14 hours, to reach my current point. Of course, this is without breaks.
Unfortunately, even though I could accurately keep track of time when I was paying attention, I had no idea how much time would pass when I was dozing off or mildly unconscious. On top of this, I frequently forgot where I was. Although I loved numbers, I wasn't a genius. It was safe to say I had played this game for far longer than fourteen hours. Did I even leave off at eight hundred thousand decyllion to begin with? I wasn't sure, but it didn't matter, because I wouldn't be going anywhere, anyway.
And so the fervent counting continued more many more minutes to come.
You might ask if I ever got bored. You might ask if I had anything else to think about. The answer would be a resounding no! The world of numbers is infinite! What was our world in comparison? Puny!
For example, how big is the Earth?
Radius! Over six thousand kilometers, or six million meters.
Diameter! Over twelve thousand kilometers, or twelve thousand meters.
Circumference! Over forty thousand kilometers, or forty million meters.
These tiny numbers couldn't hold my attention for a moment!
Now... the size of the universe? The universe is much bigger than our planet. In fact, the observable universe is many times bigger! But!
Radius! 46.5 billion light years, or 4.4*10^26 meters!
Diameter! 93 billion light years, or 8.8*10^26 meters!
These numbers are a drop in the bucket compared to the wide world of numbers.
Where was I? 10^5000 ! This number was far larger than the number of possible decks of cards, far larger than the number of smallest particles in the universe! Even this number is a mere drop in a vast bucket. In fact, it's as if there were no drop at all, since this world is truly infinite!
*And infinity is only the beginning! Even though I will never reach infinity by counting, I can go much farther in the world of numbers than I could possibly go here on Earth!*
This is why I would keep thinking about the world of numbers. How far would I go? What's my limit? These are the questions I wanted to answer! So I would keep counting and keep playing this game of numbers!
*One googolchime decyllion... Two googolchime decyllion... Three googolchime decyllion...*
The game continued for many more hours, but my mom hadn't returned. In fact, no one had showed up for a while now. How long had it been? I wasn't sure, but I knew I was about to fall asleep again. Although my willpower was strong, my mind and body weren't. My spirit was unwilling, but my body was saying otherwise.
*Oh, well. Let's cool off with one last doubling game...*
\60.
*Oh, there's one I like!*
\60. 120. 240. 480. 960. 1920. 3840. 7680. 15360. 30720...
**Ba-dump!**
\62.
*Alright, reset.*
\62. 124. 248. 496. 992. 1984. 3968. 7936. 15872...
**Ba-dump!**
\65!
*Whoa, a jump of three! Reset.*
\65. 130. 260. 520. 1040. 2080. 4160. 8320. 16640. 32128. 64256. 128512. 257024...
Thirteen numbers doubled in less than a second. This uncanny ability to compute binary operations at a rapid pace wasn't formed immediately. I had nothing else to do, so this was my pastime. In addition, I was quite familiar with doubling numbers 60-75, which was most commonly my heart rate. Even though I could compute other numbers quickly, it wouldn't be nearly as fast as computing numbers in this range.
Obviously, I wasn't good at anything else. I could hardly even move my body. What was I supposed to do? But I relished this field I excelled in. Even though it may seem useless, I already knew I was useless as a whole. This ability was my only consolation.
And so the doubling game continued. It lasted until I could hardly keep my eyes open, as was routine.
**Ba-dump!**
*Alright. One more...*
\64!
*Alright! Powers of 2, let's go!*
\64! 128! 256! 512! 1024! 2048! 4096! 8192! 16384! 32768! 65536! 131072! 262144!! 524288!! 1048576!!
*Two to the twentieth power! A new record!*
It was surprising, but it was a new record. I hardly broke my own records recently, since they were already so good. Who knew I could go so far beyond?
*Did I finally reach the fabled level up? Did my brain level up? Ha ha ha!*
Little did I realize the number on the heart rate monitor had already changed.
*Oh. When did that happen? Is this record for real, then?*
I missed the timing on my next heartbeat. It was a shame, but deep down, I knew I couldn't beat my record so easily. It was a mistake, but it wasn't super uncommon.
*Oh, well. I can just do better next time! Let's move on to the next number. Reset!*
I knew I said this one would have been my last game before sleeping, but I couldn't end on such a sour note. I at least had to play one more round. I took another look at the heart rate monitor.
\0.
*Alright! This one's pretty easy!*
\0. 0. 0. 0. 0. 0. 0. 0. 0. 0. 0. 0! 0! 0? 0? 0???
*Wait, what?*
Zero.
*Zero???*
The calculative speed of my brain was clearly much faster than the rational part of my brain, and when I finally realized what this number represented, my brain short-circuited.
*Wait, how am I still alive?*
In reality, my brain really *should* have short-circuited, but I was feeling fine.
Zero beats per minute... in other words, no pulse. I was dead.
*Whaaaaaaat?*
I was dead! Or was I? What was going on?
Unfortunately, I couldn't figure anything out. My brain was only good for arithmetic. Real-world problems were beyond me.
*Uh... What do I do now?*
I clearly couldn't play my doubling game anymore. This was a true tragedy. But before I could think about this any further, the doorknob turned.
*Ah. Sorry, Mom. I'm dead.*
Even though I wasn't tearful of my own death, I was sure my mother would be. When I thought of this, I couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness.
The door slowly but smoothly swung open, but unexpectedly, the person who entered wasn't my mom. Neither was it any of the nurses or doctors who would regularly check up on me. Instead, it was an unassuming man in a gray robe.
His appearance was odd. I couldn't tell his age, nor could I tell his race. His robe contained a hood as well, so I couldn't see if he had any hair on his head. All around, it was very strange, and my brain couldn't handle it.
*???*
At this point, I panicked. If I still had my heart rate, it would definitely be abnormally high, yet the monitor still read a big fat zero.
The man gently closed the door and calmly stepped towards me.
*???*
I didn't know how, but I realized that this man wasn't going to hurt me, so I found it easy to calm down. Immediately after approaching the side of my bed, he spoke to me.
"Let's go," he said in a gentle voice.
*???*
At this point in time, my head was filled with more question marks than the entirety of my life combined. I had way too many questions! I stared back at the man in bewilderment.
As if he understood all of the questions in my head, he responded.
"You're dead. I'll explain on the way."
No, wait.
*You didn't answer anything!*
What was that understanding gaze, then? Did he understand the plaster on the wall? Huh?
After a couple seconds of silence, I finally got the courage to attempt to speak.
"I can't talk."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Huh?"
Immediately after I said this, I wanted to hit my forehead.
*Smack!*
*Huh?*
I had hit my own forehead.
I, a bedridden cripple, had smacked myself in the forehead. And it hurt!
"Owieeeeeeeeee!"
I couldn't help but exclaim in pain.
"Hahaha!" The robed man let out a laugh.
Even though it was a laugh, I could tell it wasn't a demeaning one. It was a gentle one, as if a father were watching his young daughter pulling various antics.
"Come, come! I'll explain everything on the way!"
"On the way? But I can't stand."
"Can't stand? Have you tried?"
"Huh?"
Have I tried? What kind of question was that? Of course I had! Before I descended into the world of numbers, that was all I had tried to do!
In this moment, I really wanted to smack this guy in the face. So I got up, and smacked him in the face.
*Smack!*
This sound echoed throughout the room. It took me a couple of seconds to process what I had done.
"Huh? Aaaaah! Mister, I'm so sorry!"
I waved my hands frantically and yelled incoherently.
*What's this? What's going on?!*
This time, I was truly confused! A question mark factorial had appeared in my head! How could I possibly conceive this situation ever occurring!
But it was happening. I was standing up, and I had smacked a full grown man in the face. He was quite a bit taller than me, so I had to reach up to slap him, yet I had done it with ease.
The man, despite being hit in the face, didn't show any hostility. Instead, all he showed me was a concerned smile. Seeing this, I couldn't help but feel more ashamed, so I stared at the ground.
After a couple more seconds, the robed man spoke once more.
"Are you done now? Come," he said in a soothing tone.
"Yes..." I responded.
What else could I do? I was fully able-bodied, and I slapped an unknown man. Now I possibly owed him a favor, so I didn't disobey.
He opened the door to the hallway, only to reveal an unknown hallway.
*? I don't think that's the normal hallway in the hospital...*
Although this was another strange scene, I was capped on surprise for the day, so I didn't show much of a reaction. A single question mark in my head was sufficient to display confusion in this scenario.
The man stepped through the door, and I was quick to follow. After a mere few seconds of walking, we reached a door labeled 'i'. The man opened it and gently ushered me inside, closing the door behind us.
This room had no color. It was strange. It was neither white nor black, nor any combination of red, yellow, or blue. It was neither transparent nor opaque, and it wasn't light nor dark. The best way to describe it was...
*I feel lightheaded.*
It was the color of blood rushing to the head, the color you see when you sat up too fast.
Fortunately, this feeling didn't last long, and I regained a cool head.
The robed man initiated the conversation.
"You're dead. How do you feel?" He kicked off with a question, which was very appropriate for right about now. I definitely had plenty of those to ask at the moment.
"Uh, did you kill me?"
"No, young lady. I didn't kill you. You died of... somewhat natural causes."
"...Somewhat?"
"Yes. You were weak and bedridden. Your body simply stopped functioning. Nobody has told you your specific ailment, so I will not disclose this, either. Although it's not completely natural for you to die so young, you were definitely not murdered."
To be frank, I didn't care about how I died. Instead, I countered with another question.
"Will my parents be okay?"
"Various families lose children. They are the unfortunate ones of the population. For now, they will grieve, but ultimately, they will move on."
"Will it be possible to say goodbye?"
"Hahaha, you are a sweet young lady, asking about your family prior to yourself. Obviously, it won't be possible to go back to them in physical form, but if you wish to appear in their dreams a few times, that will not be a problem."
I sighed in relief. At least I would be able to give them some peace.
"Ah, that's good. Wait, how did you even know about my condition? I don't even know you! Who are you?"
"Ah, apologies. My name is Sr. Eight Enne, often abbreviated as 'S.8n'. Many mortals often refer to me as 'Death' as well. Here is some information about me."
He fished around in his robe for a bit before pulling out a silver business card and handing it to me. I took it and inspected it.
*Sir Eight Enne. S8n? Wait, what? Satan? Or 8n? Hmm... For your needs anywhere on the number line? The number line???*
"Um. About this... What's the number line? Is that like a mathematician's suicide hotline or something?"
"Hahahaha! That's quite the amusing take. You love numbers, don't you? You should be quite familiar with the number line."
"Um. Yes..."
Of course I was familiar with the number line. As a number aficionado, not knowing the number line would be like a human not knowing whether or not he was alive.
The number line. A mathematical abstraction of the real numbers often denoted by the bold **R**. Every point on the line represents a number, no matter where you are. But at this moment, I had a more crucial question.
"By the way, where are we?"
"Purgatory, but you will soon be in hell."
"Excuse me?"
"You will be in hell soon, young lady."
His tone of voice was gentle, but the implications of his words were less so. Regardless, I couldn't help but be apathetic.
"I see..."
What is this? This is no surprise. This is completely ordinary, an ordinary day in the life of Ciara. If I was in hell, then so be it. I don't know what I did to deserve hell over heaven, but I didn't really care.
"We are in hell, so most would feel tortured. However, for you, we have special circumstances."
"I see..." I was in a daze. This was much more information than I had ever consumed in one session, so of my brain was unsurprisingly fried. But... special circumstances in hell was... good, right? Or was it bad? Discounting my train of thought, the robed man continued.
"Usually, mortals would be given a fixed domain on the number line, but for you, I have permitted full traversal rights."
When I heard this, I was beginning to understand a few things, but I had to ask just to make sure.
"So... You are Satan, and hell is a literal number line?"
"Yes. Sir 8n, where n is an element of the complex numbers. I can assist you at any time."
This situation... This... Was truly a blessing!
After being a worthless lifeform for 15 years, my wish of exploring the infinite would come true today! I was so happy - happier than I had ever been before. I was so happy that I didn't even know how to express it.
"Oh."
All I could muster was this one word.
"Haha. You must be happy and eager to head out, but before you leave, let me give you this."
He fished around in his robe again and pulled out another card-sized... well, card.
"What's this?"
I eagerly took it an began to inspect it.
"It's your travel pass. This is your 'special circumstance'. With my permission, you will not be limited to any domain, and will have free reign to travel the number line. However, since you are a new arrival, you won't be able to go wherever you want right away. As you spend more time and travel more often, I will allow you to travel using various methods. Without this card, you wouldn't even be able to enter hell in the first place. Don't worry about losing it, that won't be possible. Do you have any questions?"
Satan gave a full explanation of my circumstances as I read the travel pass.
The cream-colored card read the following:
- Name: Ciara Lou
- Status: Mortal
- Position: (0,i)
- Domain: (-inf,inf)
- Class: 0
- Traversal Methods: Successorship, Reverse successorship
It was basically an identification and passport in my new life. It was a necessary item, so I was grateful to have it.
"Thank you, S8n!"
"Ah, yes..."
"But I have a request. Can I change my name?"
"That will not be a problem, but why?"
"Well... Ciara is dead. I'm a completely different person now! I couldn't walk or talk before, and I'm in the land of my dreams, and-"
"Alright, young lady... Your wish is granted. What shall your new name be?"
"Uh..."
"Hmm... Don't tell me you didn't even think this far?"
"No! I mean yes! I know! I will be named Cbya! Cbya Centuria! Cbya with a 'C'!"
"That... is kind of a strange spelling, is it not? Who's going to remember it?"
"It's unique! It's eccentric! It's perfect for me!"
"... Alright, then."
"Whoa!"
As soon as S8n gave the word, the text on the card morphed at a visible rate until it read what I wished for it to read:
Name: Cbya Centuria.
*Perfect!*
"Thanks you, S8n!"
I once again thanked my benefactor.
"Is that all, young lady?"
"Yes, this is perfect!"
"Alright. Good luck, Cyba. I wish you the best on your journey."
With that, S8n opened the door on the opposite side of where we entered, and it was labeled '0'.
"Ah, one more question! Will I ever be able to return to this room?"
At this question, S8n revealed a bitter smile.
"Unfortunately, the complex number space is not accessible to most mortals. I'm afraid I can't quite grant you this permission yet. But maybe in the future, you will be worthy."
"Ah..."
This response made me a bit sad, but it was understandable. It was regrettable that I wouldn't be able to enter this room again, but knowing that I could meet this man at any point gave me some relief. After all, there was an infinite world to explore.
"Young lady, are you ready?" S8n asked for the last time.
"Yes! Send me through!" I excitedly replied.
*0. The first whole number and the center of the number line, and the beginning of my new life. I wonder what's waiting for me on the other side?*
With these thoughts, I strode through the open door into the infinite world.