[JC POV]
I am not really well. I think this Chris is hiding something. I know it for sure, my instincts never failed me before. He might not be the best for Lance. I swear if he just makes him cry, I'm going to punch him straight in the face.
We arrived at Escolar. Joy seemed to act awkward with me. I can't blame her she might have sensed my hesitancy in joining this trip. I wished we could've had been better. After our break-up, we never got to return to normal again. If I just knew that it would be the reason why our friendship almost collapsed, I would have had just chosen to be friends. Now, I just want to salvage what's left of the friendship we have. I don't want to lose them all, especially Lance.
Lance stayed with Chris a lot. He went everywhere with him, and they will always leave the group whenever they have the chance. It felt like they really wanted to spend time together, I never really liked it.
I know I should've protested with Chris coming on this trip, but the others insisted. Joy, on the other hand, just seemed to hang out with JR a lot. Unlike us, they don't have that kind of awkward atmosphere. They have a sure understanding that they are just simply friends. JR also seemed to respect Joy a lot. They can act casual and have fun with each other without having the weird vibes lovers or former lovers have. I envy them. I'm left alone. I'm sad, but I value our friendship more than anything. That's why I need to protect them all.
We checked-in to our rooms. Chris and Lance were going to stay together. I tried to protest but Joy and JR stopped me.
"I just think that they shouldn't be together in one room!" I exclaimed.
"Lance is a grown-up, don't be so overprotective," Joy said sarcastically.
"Aren't you worried?" I asked.
"What's the worst that can happen?" she said.
She might be right. Nothing's going to happen to Lance. Chris seems to be a good guy. Only that there's something off from him, but what can I do?
"I say that JC is jealous that he's not going to be teased with Lance anymore... you miss it don't you?" JR asked.
"Hey! I'm getting jealous too, but Lance is happy and that's all I want," Joy interrupted.
I just didn't speak.
Joy will sleep in another room for the night while JR and I will be staying together probably playing computer games the entire time. I don't know why I'm disappointed with that. I'm always fine and happy playing computer games but this time I feel envious of those people who got to hang out with someone they love. Oh God! I'm torn with this friendship-love scenario.
Joy left and went to unpack in her room.
JR went out to the pool. He said that that he's hanging out with girls "in their swimsuits". He's such a playboy, I don't know when or how will he experience real love, the unconditional one.
I went outside of the resort and walked towards the beach area. The view was magnificent. The blue sea was twinkling with the rays of the sun. The white sands were like millions of diamonds scattered all throughout the beach. Everyone was enjoying and having a good time, specially the two people sitting on one of the beach chairs.
They seemed to be enjoying the view. The taller guy is resting his shoulder on the other guy's shoulder. It was Chris and Lance.
Lance was gently stroking Chris's hair. They seemed to be talking deeply. I sense that there is a looming problem between the two.
Seeing the two of them together, I felt something different. I don't know if I'm annoyed or what, but I really don't feel good about this.
I wish could be with someone, but I am alone.
[Chris POV]
"Lance, I'm really sad," I told him while I rested my head on his shoulder.
"It's fine," he said gently. "I understand, just rest and stay at this moment."
"I just wish that we can stay like this forever," I said.
I looked at the beautiful view. Everything just seemed to be right when I'm with Lance. Everything is happy and perfect. I know that he's the one for me but until when can we be together?
I know that this would end fast. The day is getting nearer to the time when we are supposed to part. All I can do is enjoy the rest of our days left. Although, until now, I'm still unsure of what to do. I cannot risk it. I cannot hurt him.
He is my first love, my great love, the only person I'll ever love and I will do everything just to make him safe.
"I wonder what the others are doing. I'm supposed to spend this trip with them," he said which made me feel a bit guilty.
"You should go to them," I said.
"No... I enjoy being with you, I'm at peace now. I wish we can stay like this longer, and you need me, I'll be with you," he said.
He really understands me. I wish I can tell him sooner.
I just don't want to hurt him.
[Joy POV]
JC is acting strange.
He texted me just now.
"Meet me at the beach at 8 PM," he wrote. "I'll be waiting."
I didn't reply. I don't know what to say. I don't know what he's going to say. I feel something bad about this.
I just lied on the bed and rested.
~~~
I woke up with the sound of knocking on my door. It was already past eight. I thought it was JC, but I opened it and saw JR.
He was dressed in cream shorts and an unbuttoned orange floral shirt. He was wearing sunglasses. Who wears sunglasses at night?
"Hey, have you seen JC?" he asked me.
"No," I replied.
"Please tell him I'm just going to go to the night party with the girls. They have raves and drinks tonight. I'm going to have fun!" he said.
"Ok," I replied.
"And tell him, that I might not stay for the night. I might stay in some girl's room. Will you be ok there? Want me to call Lance?" He asked.
"No need," I said. He started to leave.
"Hey JR! Make sure you are protected!" I shouted at him.
"I know, I know!" he laughed.
As he left, I immediately fixed myself and ran towards the beach. I looked for him and ran. I seem to walk past two people talking just in the middle of the beach. It seems to be Chris and Lance. They were sitting in the sand just in front of the sea, with the waves touching their feet. I felt a very sad feeling like a needle piercing my heart. I don't know why I felt like that, but I worry for Lance. It seemed like our trip is going for an unexpected turn.
They looked immersed in a deep talk, I walked carefully so that they won't notice me, and I won't disturb them.
On the other side of the beach, JR's party is playing noisily with lots of sounds and lights. The people were dancing and drinking a lot. The nightlife parties contrasted the other side of the beach which was empty and silent. I could only hear the waves.
I looked up to the sky and I immediately know where to find him.
The moon was on the other side, I walked towards it, getting near the moon, getting near JC.
There he was, facing west of the beach looking at the moon.
I sat beside him.
"Hey," I said. "I'm sorry, I'm late."
He didn't reply.
"The moon is beautiful," I said.
"Yes, he is," he replied.
"He does."
"It's been so long since we've been alone like this," he said. "Can I lie on your shoulder?"
I hesitated and didn't reply.
"... I'm sorry... not as a lover but just as your friend. The friend you met back in Grade 8... I just feel so alone right now..." he said like he's on the verge of crying.
"Just do it, you don't need to ask permission from me," I told him.
He lied on my shoulder. We were sitting together on the sand facing the sky and gazing at the moon. The stars were nowhere to be found.
"You know, I'm always here for you right. Even after we broke up, I'll always be your friend," I told him. It was what I always wanted to tell him. We might not have ended in perfect terms, but I know we both wanted our friendship to stay, especially for our friends.
JC lifted his head and looked at me in the eyes.
"I wish... we have stayed together," he suddenly said.
His words caught me off guard, I didn't know how to react. It was the last thing I ever wanted to hear from him.
"What do you mean," I asked, clearly confused at the moment.
"If there is just something I can do so that we can be together again, I'm going crazy from this loneliness. My heart longs for someone," he spoke out of nowhere.
What is happening to him? He shouldn't be saying these words.
"But you said you're in love with someone," I replied. "You dated lots of girls from your school."
"Yes, I did. I just messed with them. I thought that's enough for me, but I can't change the fact that I'm in love with someone…," he started to sob.
He continued to speak while crying, "…I thought I can change it, I thought I can erase it, that I can be normal again. But I can't cheat love no matter how I distract my mind with other girls, my heart keeps thinking of that fucking first love!" he shouted.
"I don't understand," tears started building up in my eyes.
We both stood up looking confused at each other. JC was crying and so was I.
Then, he said something he shouldn't.
"Can we just be together again?"
No, this is it again! The wrong love! We were so young back then. We don't even know what love is. We both thought that love is seeing another person and feeling something about him or her but after the feelings of infatuation ends, it lasts, the love lasted, it's not real love.
I continued to cry. I remembered everything we've been through, and I realized something from it. Love is built through time. You won't even realize it. It's about being there for a certain person and being ready to sacrifice anything for him or her. It knows no age, appearance, gender, or anything. Love is just love. If you love a person, it doesn't mean that he or she needs to love you back. As long as you love him, that is the purest love in this world. It is unconditional. I can't accept him again. I don't want it to destroy both of us again.
"No…," I said. "This needs to stop. It's too late. This is selfish. I can't. I'm sorry," I uttered these words with tears in my eyes.
"Joy, please give me another chance," he said. "You're not the reason I broke up with you."
"But you said you didn't want to break our friendship? So, we need to just end it… I also realized it sooner, so it took me fast to move on…," I told him.
"Yes, it's because of our friendship! All of us!" he reasoned.
"JC, stop! It's too late!" I begged him.
"Why?!" He shouted, crying.
"I'm in love with someone," I said, finally. The world just stopped. What started from gentle talks turned into shouts, what started from tears turned into crying. What's awkward turned into pain. What's unspoken turned to confessions, but all of it ended now.
It felt like a thorn was removed from my heart. It gave me a sigh of relief. I know what's best for us and I cannot deny myself of my feelings anymore. JC and I have long ended. I care for him as a friend, but I cannot sacrifice my happiness anymore just for him. I have learned my lesson.
We calmed down. We took deep breaths and looked again at the skies above. The moon was now covered in clouds. We wiped the tears in our eyes. I wanted to hug him but at the same time, I'm angry. Why do we need to go to this point? Why do we need to hurt so much? What is the point of arguing? We both know we love each other, and it pains both to see the other hurting.
Suddenly JC held my wrist and looked at me in the eyes. He said some last few words gently. The answer to the question I have been asking him ever since.
"The reason why I broke up with you is because..." he spoke.
He had tears falling from his eyes.
"...I was in love with him."