"So it's final then?"
"It is."
"No objections?"
"None."
"No violent reactions?"
"None."
Teacher Beshy hammered her hand twice on the table with a smile. "Then for our year end outing, we will be going to Spring Valley."
"Yaaaay!"
"Woohoo!"
"Hooray~" I joined the cheers lifelessly which made Katherine giggle.
She nudged me with her elbow and moved closer to whisper amidst the noisy chatter. "Do you hate going on outings that much?"
The founder of the school was a strong believer of 'All work and No play makes Jane a stressed girl'. So he created this strange school tradition of sending the students on a short trip at the end of every school year to reward the students for their 'hard work'.
'It's not that I hate outings…'
I leaned my elbow on her desk and propped my chin on my hand. Then I lazily scanned the blackboard with the growing list of things that we have to prepare for this so-called relaxation trip. Discreetly covering my mouth with my fist, I answered in a very low voice. "It's a Tudeewanen trip to a very remote place. That means we have to bring with us a set of clothes, towels, slippers, toothbrush and other necessities. It's a lot of hassle."
"Tudeewanen?" Katherine tilted her head to the side.
I rolled my eyes and heaved a sigh. "Two days one night. 2. D. 1. N."
"Ooohh." She slowly nodded her head then frowned. "But you're used to that, aren't you? You always go for Tudeewanen trips every weekend with you-know-who."
My heart lurched and I felt really grateful that she had the great sense to not say his name because we never know when someone else was listening to our conversation. Which was also why Katherine and I have recently started practicing to talk with a very low tone.
It's not that hard for me because the tone of my voice has always been on the lower side since I was little. "This outing will definitely be filled with group activities that will exhaust every last drop of our energy. On the other hand, 'those' outings were mostly work related. That's right, they're business trips. We barely even see each other during those weekends since we're both busy doing our own thing. We're merely sharing the same roof to eat and sleep. "
Katherine clipped her hair behind her ear with a teasing smile. "So, what you're saying is that you prefer 'those' outings no matter how boring they were, over a fun-filled and elaborately planned trip like this. Is that it?"
"I prefer spontaneity over planning." I turned my eyes back on the board where Teacher Beshy added another requirement and I quietly muttered, "Besides, they were not that bad."
Katherine opened her notebook and started copying the things written on the board. "I bet it was so boring that it would've made me fall instantly asleep if you were to tell me what happened on those weekends. The only reason why you think that they're not that bad is because you spent it with someone you like."
I froze at her words because it hit the bullseye and reminded me of something that I've been trying to put aside at the moment.
It's been a week since that incident with Craige but I still turn into a red tomato whenever I think about what happened that night.
And for the entire week, aside from worrying about what will become of us in the future, I also greatly agonized about how I should tell Katherine about it.
It's not something that I would want to intentionally hide from her. But it's also a mission that I found to be really hard to clear.
I was not able to tell her because I was busy with the play.
I was not able to tell her because we're busy with the final exam.
I was not able to tell her because we didn't go home together that day.
I was not able to tell her because she stood up to get water.
I was not able to tell her because she painted her nails gray.
For the past week that I've been delaying telling Katherine about that very eventful night, I already used over a hundred excuses.
I admit it.
I was just acting cowardly.
It's not that I didn't trust Katherine. I knew that she would not carelessly judge me for the things that I say and do.
But... it's just that... telling Katherine about something like that, would just solidify that incident in my head as a memory instead of a dream. Telling her will make me have to admit to myself that there's no longer an escape for me from the situation that I was in because it's the reality.
And that reality was driving me crazy even with just a slight reminder of it.
I shook the crazy thoughts out of my head and also pretended to care about what's listed on the board by copying them.
Only after copying the entire thing did I see that one of the rules established was to always be with someone and never stray far from the property alone. 'Why?'
Katherine closed her notebook as soon as Teacher Beshy dismissed the class for the last time with a very sentimental speech.
"It has been my pleasure to be your homeroom teacher this year and I will surely miss you guys next year. It has been a really fun and memorable year for me and I hope that the same goes for you too.
Although the other teachers complained a lot about how you kids had been very noisy when there were no teachers around, I hope that you guys stay the same.
And it's not because I want your next homeroom teacher to suffer too.
But because I could see that you were able to build a very nice relationship with each other and I hope that you treasure that relationship.
This will be the last time that I'll be talking to you as your homeroom teacher because I hope that when we meet each other in three days for the trip, we will meet as friends and make a lot of fun memories together.
I want to sincerely thank you for all this time."
***
Dear Dairy Milk,
Today, we had a meeting for our first year-end class trip. Everyone seemed to enjoy planning the entire thing and they definitely looked excited about bonding with each other outside of school.
But the highlight of today's meeting for me was Teacher Beshy's little speech.
It reminded me of the first day of school when she suddenly started speaking in very fluent English that made her look really cool yet unapproachable at the same time. Although she tried her best to act friendly and loosen up the atmosphere, I couldn't help but feel really intimidated with her back then.
She seemed to be a really sweet and caring person based on the stories that the other kids share. And listening to her speech made me feel sentimental and a little regretful that, unlike my other classmates, I didn't try harder to get to know her better and be closer to her.
Writing about someone else's sentimentality suddenly made me think of something very cheesy and corny that made my fingers curl.
Should I tell you?
Better not?
But I want to tell you at least and bury this thought for the rest of my life.
Are you ready?
You're not allowed to refuse Dairy Milk! Serve your purpose!
Alright?
It's a really good thing that you can't answer back. UwU
Here goes nothing.
Listen well.
It feels like it was just yesterday when the school year started.
I know that a lot of things happened. A lot.
But they felt like they happened with 2x… no… 16x playback speed.
Looking back now, I feel really regretful for not doing more things that will remind me of my first year in Senior High, for not taking more pictures to look at later, and for not making more friends with whom I can reminisce with in the future.
And just when I was finally enjoying my time to the fullest, it came to an end.
But I guess that's just the curse of time.
The more you ask for it, the less you are given.
It crawls like a sloth when you're suffering.
And flies by with a zoom when you enjoy it.
Most people usually make a resolution at the end of the year. And since I don't really believe in that shit, I never made one when the year ended. So I'll be making one now since I'm on this sentimental train.
'I will try to be a better person and live with no regrets.'
P.S.
Thank you so much for sacrificing your precious existence for the sole purpose of absorbing my sentimental and mostly meaningless rants and also for putting up with me while I constantly reproach myself.
You always made me feel better.
Thank you for being a friend that I'll sadly never meet.
I want to sincerely thank you for being with me the entire time Dairy Milk.
You're the Best!