As the weeks passed, Hermione found herself darkly contemplating the truth of the Old Hermione's perverted ramblings. Sirius Black was a dog, a disgusting, smarmy, too-full-of-himself-and-his-charm sort of dog that flirted with every single female in the school, except her. He flirted with Madame Pomfrey and Professor McGonagal for Merlin's sake! He flirted with Slytherin girls! He even flirted wildly with Lily who was the object of Jamie's affection. But not her. Never her. That hurt. It really, really did. Some of those Slytherin girls made trolls look dainty and delicate. No, with her, the horrible, horrible boy was nothing but sweet, kind and respectful. She wanted to punch him.
Hermione Potter was dainty and delicate. She was petite, curvy, and had excellent bones. If you were an adult, it was easy to see that in just a year, or two, she was going to blossom into an incredible beauty. She was rather pretty now. Not only was she pretty, but she was cultured as well. She could play the piano, sing, dance, speak several languages, paint landscapes, do needlepoint work, run an estate like the Potter Estate with the help of house elves, she knew quite a few spells she'd learned at home from her parent's knees. She was the epitome of the cultured, refined, pureblood witch. Well, not the Slytherin sort of pureblood. However, the point was that she had been raised to be a lady. Her parents were older, they'd had children late in life. They had been so happy, so overjoyed to have twins because it had been their last chance to have children period. They had very firm views on how a young lady should comport herself in public. Apparently, Sirius Black didn't want to have anything to do with someone like her, or maybe just her because he flirted and teased plenty of girls who had the same background she did. Sirius Black made her positively itch to plant one in his beautiful, smirking face.
As a result, Hermione spent a lot of time under her tree, until the weather forced her indoors. Regulus would come and sit with her sometimes. They would talk about anything and everything. He had a brilliant mind, and she could see why Severus had made a tentative friendship (with Slytherins it was more like a friendly acquaintance/possible ally sort of thing) with the younger boy. She was trying desperately to cultivate him. He would eventually betray Voldemort. He would realize what Voldemort was really doing, and he would try to stop him. That made him a sort of hero to Hermione. Unconsciously, she treated him with a great deal of respect and politeness. She always listened to him and considered his opinion.
"Why do you do that?" He asked curiously one day. Hermione looked up and frowned in confusion. Her black curls were spilling over one shoulder and Regulus thought she looked adorable.
"Why do I do what?" she asked him.
"Whenever I offer my opinion, you accept it. No matter the subject. You argue with everyone. Remember, I eat in the Great Hall, too. I saw you dump a pitcher of pumpkin juice on your brother and tell him he was a gormless idiot." Regulus teased her. Hermione huffed.
"Well, he was."
"Yes, but you never do that to me. Why?" Regulus pressed her. Hermione closed her eyes to think. Suddenly, there were lips pressing tentatively against hers. She pulled back with a yelp of surprise and Regulus was blushing furiously. Worse and worse, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were walking by the lake and judging by the look on her brother's face he had definitely seen the kiss.
"Oh, no," she whispered. Regulus face became stiff and pale.
"I'm sorry," he began, but Hermione rolled her eyes at him.
"No, you stupid boy, it's my brother, and your brother, and Remus," she hissed at him. She didn't include Peter. It still bothered her to say his name aloud. His eyes grew wide.
"Oh, no," he muttered, flushing.
"That's what I said," she hissed at him.
"Hermione," James' voice was silky-soft and dangerously calm. She smiled nervously and placed herself between her brother and Regulus.
"Jamie," she began warningly. "You didn't see anything. You leave Regulus alone."
"I didn't see anything? So I suppose his lips weren't smashed against yours then?" James snapped in irritation. Hermione rolled her eyes.
"Of course not, Regulus has far more finesse than that," she snapped angrily. James goggled at her. Sirius looked as though he'd swallowed a live toad.
"Finesse?" James growled. "He's got finesse?"
"Yes, Jamie. It means skill or talent," Hermione snapped. Her eyes widened and she clapped a hand over her mouth. Old Hermione needed to shut up before she, Hermione Potter, was sent to live in a witch's nunnery.
"Oh, really," James practically purred at the younger boy who looked uncomfortable under the glares he was receiving from Hermione's brother and his own brother.
"Sirius Black you wipe that look off your face right now," hissed Hermione, her face contorting in rage. He glared at her and she glared back.
"I don't prance into the commons at 4 in the morning looking like…well…mother would wash my mouth out, but you know exactly what I mean," she growled at him. His friends looked at him with interest and he turned red.
"Hermione, we're not talking about Sirius, we're talking about you," James frowned. This wasn't going the way he'd planned at all.
"Ha!" Hermione shrieked, trembling with anger. "You make me sick with your double standards. Are you a virgin, Jamie? Are you?"
"Hermione, I don't think that we need to talk about this," James muttered in horror his face flushing in embarrassment.
"I have dated one stupid boy at this school. One. And he was a bloody gentleman," Hermione hissed into her brother's face. She pointed fiercely at Regulus. "One teensy-weensy stolen kiss does not make me or him depraved perverts. If you want to point out the perverts at this school, or the people whose morals could do with industrial strength tightening then go to the bloody bath room and look in the bloody mirror! Come, Regulus."
Hermione grabbed the Slytherin boy by the hand and practically dragged him up to the castle. She waved her wand angrily over her shoulder and all her school books neatly packed themselves and obediently floated behind her.
"Was that nonverbal?" James asked with awe in his voice. Remus frowned.
"I think maybe it was," he murmured softly.
HP/HG/HP
Hermione laid on her bed staring at the wall. Lily sat down next to her and nudged her.
"Want to talk about it?" Her friend and blood sister asked quietly. Hermione grunted in a very unladylike manner.
"The part where I'm some sort of depraved nymphomaniac who's shagging anything that walks? Or the part where now I've got a very sweet 4th year who thinks he's in love with me?" Hermione asked with a sigh. Lily snorted.
"I think I would have noticed the depraved nymphomaniac part," Lily got out without giggling, and she was quite proud of herself.
"You would think," Hermione muttered acerbically. "It would be sort of difficult to hide, wouldn't it? You girls would keep tripping over my whips and furry manacles and slipping in the lubricant I'd accidentally leave out."
"The…the what?" Lily asked with wide eyes. Hermione closed her eyes. Sometimes it sucked to know way more than you should.
"Never mind. What am I going to do about Regulus?" Hermione whined. Lily started in surprise. Hermione never whined. This situation was worse than she had realized.
"I'm not sure. Maybe we should ask Severus?"
"Oh swell, let's add him to my ever-growing list of men I've undoubtedly shagged," Hermione grumbled.
"Right. I'll talk to him and we can meet somewhere," Lily promised. "As soon as possible, I think."
"Whatever," Hermione muttered, closing her eyes.