Chereads / Life Giver (18+) / Chapter 88 - Don’t Fear Pain, Fear Not Being Strong Enough To Bear It

Chapter 88 - Don’t Fear Pain, Fear Not Being Strong Enough To Bear It

In the darkness of the night the stars illuminated the world with their gentle light allowing Zaya and Casmir to see each other clearly.

Following Zaya's awakening, Casmir carefully assisted her as she sat up, her body weak and sore.

"Don't worry Zaya! We're safe here, Instructor Redfire has picked us up." Casmir explained to her quickly and calmly to alleviate her immediate concerns.

However this didn't stop Zaya from looking around in confusion. Her last memories were of falling unconscious as Casmir stood before her, face to face with the Shadow Viper as it recklessly crawled towards them with its broken jaw and fractured skull.

Because of this, Zaya was naturally restless even though her body was exhausted from her injury and subsequent treatment. It took Casmir some time to explain the entire situation to Zaya and bring her to a calmer state, where she could process everything that had happened while she was unconscious.

Casmir did his best to explain everything and from the front of the shuttle, Redfire would occasionally interject to explain things he wished to keep from her. Like the true account of their 'rescue' by the Soldiers from the Dragonfly.

Yet, through all of their explanations, Zaya's eyes remained fixed on Casmir's calm expression, a disbelieving and grateful look on her face as she squeezed Casmir's hand tightly.

She took her time understanding the specifics of the event but there was one thing she was never unsure of from the moment she woke up, and that was how Casmir had risked his life for her.

Whenever she was reminded of this, her heart would flutter and a small smile would form on her face, only impaired by the pain from the light burns she had received on one side of her face.

"Thank you Casmir. Thank you so much for being there for me.. I.. Thank you..." Zaya said with watery eyes as Casmir finished explaining everything to her.

Casmir didn't know what to do seeing Zaya in such a state, unable to express herself with her usual tomboyish charm.

"It's fine, it's fine..! You would have done the same for me.." He responded calmly, grateful but unsure how to react to her sincerity.

From the side-lines, Redfire watched their exchange with raised eyebrows and an approving smile on his rough face.

'Now go in for the kiss..' He subconsciously thought.

Unfortunately, Casmir did no such thing. He let go of Zaya's hand, sitting down and leaning against the side of the shuttle as he let out a long breath of relief.

"I'm sorry I asked you to distract the Shadow Viper Zaya.. I should have done it.." Casmir said with a guilty look on his face.

Casmir had held the guilt of putting her in such a dangerous situation all night, but now, having expressed his guilt to her, he felt like a weight had been lifted off of his chest.

Zaya's response to his words however, left Casmir in a even worse state.

Almost immediately after Casmir had finished apologising, a weak palm strike hit the side of his face only making a light sound as Zaya looked at him angrily.

"Idiot! You know that you would have been too slow for that Viper! You're not the hero from some novel, you're just a man! Even if you're powerful!" Zaya cried hoarsely, her weak body unable to support her anger.

"You made the right call! Accept it, because when I was in danger you took it upon yourself to save me, even if you did so recklessly!!"

"I won't let you feel guilty for doing the right thing! I don't accept your apology!" Zaya cried as she looked straight into Casmir's eyes.

Shocked by her reaction, Casmir turned away from Zaya's firm gaze as he realised why his words were wrong.

Zaya saw him look away knowing that he was wrong and in response she turned away, facing her back towards Casmir as she huffed her nose angrily. She wanted to ignore Casmir to give him time to reflect, but moments later a hand gently fell on her shoulder causing her to look back at Casmir.

"You're right, I made the right call. You were the fastest, no one else could have done what you did. But I can still be angry that you were hurt." Casmir said firmly.

"Next time, I won't let you be faster than me. I won't let you get hurt again."

Looking into Casmir's eyes as he spoke, Zaya saw the anger he held for her attacker and the strong feelings he had for her. Seeing such strong emotions in him both made her feel loved but also angry at Casmir's naivety.

She had seen this unique combination of emotions before, in her father's eyes when one her tribes-people was harmed during a hunt for a dangerous ferocious beasts. However Zaya knew that her father would never act on those rash emotions, he would only strive to never place his people in such a situation again.

Zaya turned back to face Casmir, a painful look on her face as if she was forced to break something innocent.

"Casmir... people die.. I will die someday.. No matter how strong you are, you can't control fate and you should never try to. It will only bring you misery..." She said softly but her voice grew firm and unyielding as she continued.

"You're wrong that you're allowed to be angry that I was hurt, if you let yourself be controlled by your emotions, they will cloud your judgement."

"If you want to be strong, become a leader. Become someone that focuses on raising up those around them so that they can live for themselves, rather than protecting them like they're glass ornaments."

Suddenly as Zaya looked at Casmir she was reminded of something her father had repeated to her before.

"Don't fear pain, fear not being strong enough to bear it.." She said, taking hold of Casmir's hand as she looked straight into his eyes.

"Ask yourself this question honestly. What would you have done.. if I had died today?"

Moments ago, Casmir had been consumed with the thought of cultivating his strength so that Zaya would never be hurt again, but Zaya's words had trampled this foolish idea into dust.

Casmir himself knew that he couldn't control everything, he had already started to train Rose and Elena to defend themselves, because he knew he couldn't always be there for them. Yet he still contradicted himself because of his selfish desire to protect Zaya.

But now, forced to think by Zaya's words, Casmir was free to explore Zaya's question to its deepest and darkest depths.

Casmir saw himself, at the moment of Zaya's death, being consumed by the Soul Flames influence on his emotions. First he would kill the Viper but then he would lose control, venting his emotions on the forest around him and perhaps even his fellow students. This would result in the destruction of everything around through his Soul Energy's destructive power.

Then, alerted to Casmir's presence by the unrestrained waves of Qi energy he would release, the cloaked figures would be drawn to his location.

With their superior strength, experience and equipment, Casmir and the rest of his team would be slaughtered, regardless of how powerful Casmir felt he had become. This would leave his family, let alone the families of those around him, broken and disordered.

The dark version of events grew increasing clear with time as numerous disturbing possibilities occurred to him.

Meanwhile, Zaya held Casmir's hand as he closed his eyes and thought deeply, his hands often clenching sharply or weakening abruptly as various emotions flowed through him uncontrollably.

Over time, Casmir's hands calmed as his mind slowly came to terms with this potential reality, until finally, Casmir opened his eyes again.

A layer of water had built up open them but as he looked at Zaya his eyes shined only with realisation and a knew found belief in those around him. A belief that they would shoulder the world along side him, as long he gave them the chance to.

Zaya saw his eyes and smiled, her face filled with hope as she waited for Casmir to speak.

"Zaya... I don't ever want to lose you.. but if the day ever comes.. I'll be strong enough to bear it.. and carry your will forward.." Casmir said softly.

Hearing his words, a beautiful smile blossomed on Zaya's face, thankful that Casmir understood her even if it hurt him to stand face to face with mortality, not his own, but that of those he loves.

Now, having touched each others hearts in each their own ways, Zaya and Casmir slowly shifted closer and closer together. Their faces only a short distance apart as they subconsciously inched ever closer to each other, an oddly excited look in both of their eyes.

But then, Zaya's eyes suddenly widened as they darted to the side and saw Redfire's goofy face. His eye opened widely as if expectantly waiting for something to happen, while his half open mouth gave him the look of a simpleton.

Zaya's thoughts and desires were instantly twisted into knots as she lurched backwards, falling over her backless seat as if she had seen a ghost.

Casmir was obviously confused by her actions, looking backwards towards where Zaya had just glanced and seeing Redfire staring at them with a shocked expression on his face.

It only took a moment for Casmir to connect the dots, his face flushed red from both embarrassment and anger as he stared at Redfire's back with an angry gaze that could melt through stone.

Redfire on the other hand, quickly turned back to the front of the shuttle, cursing his bad luck that Zaya had seen him at just the wrong time.

'What a waste..! That would have been the perfect scene..' Redfire thought to himself.

Casmir quickly helped Zaya up from her fallen state before they separated from each other, straightening their backs as Casmir gave Zaya some simply thanks for her meaningful words.

Zaya meanwhile was cursing her own sheepishness, if this was any other time she would have jumped on Casmir to grab hold of him, but for some reason her heart was beating a mile a minute and her thoughts were all jumbled and messy.

'It must be the damn medicine they gave me! I would never stray from just a little kiss! It's just a kiss for gods sake! I've kissed boys before..' Zaya thought to herself as she tried to come to terms with her own feelings.

The rest of the trip to Ellaris on the shuttle was rather uneventful and it didn't take much longer to reach the government centre of Ellaris city.

Redfire received a few messages on his badge as he approached the city, most of which he seemed to ignore for some reason. Although Casmir noticed that Redfire had the same expression on as the one he wore when Casmir had first met Master Bluefire, causing her to fail in her Qi Refining and nearly blow up her cottage.

"Casmir, we're nearing the Ellaris Council building. Get ready to quickly jump off, I won't be landing for long and I'll be taking Zaya straight home to her tribe afterwards. So say goodbye now." Redfire explained rather hastily.

Casmir raised his eyebrow at Redfire's behaviour but he nodded anyway.

"Zaya, let's talk later. I'll come to your tribe in a few days." Casmir said as he leaned over to her, wrapping his arms around her.

Zaya accepted his hug in a clearly unpractised manner, but she held on to him for some time regardless.

"Don't come soon, wait until I've recovered in a weeks time. I don't want to be stuck in the tribe, I'll meet you at our gates at midday if you can make it then.." She replied softly.

They then left each others embrace as Casmir agreed to her suggestion.

Casmir stood up in the shuttle, looking down over the side and seeing the brightly lit Ellaris city. The tens of thousands of sparkling lights from fires and glowing crystals alike, melding into a beautiful picture that seemed to mirror the night sky in an odd way.

"We're nearly here, get ready to jump off Casmir!" Redfire said seriously, in a rough voice that somewhat alarmed Casmir.

Suddenly, the previously steady and smooth movements of the shuttle turned vigorous and erratic as it dropped down towards the ground sharply.

Grabbing hold of the side of the shuttle, Casmir quickly saw that they were heading towards the top of a very large building that was lit up brightly.

The building was grand and clearly held the cultural architecture of Elemental's, they enjoyed adorning their buildings with stone ornaments that embodied the different natural elements.

Unfortunately Casmir couldn't appreciate their artistry as it was night time, but also because of Redfire's unsteady control over the shuttle.

Moments later, the shuttle arrived just above the roof of one wing of the building as Redfire kept the shuttle hovering just off of the ground.

"Quickly Casmir! Get off, my sister will be here in a minute." Redfire said harshly.

Casmir barely had the time to jump off of the shuttle before it shot off, up into the air. Casmir looked up at the shuttle with a confused expression as he tried to understand Redfire's sudden change in temperament.

But before he could understand what was going on, a fierce wave of heat hit him from behind as a blue flame shot off into the air above him, following after the shuttle like a fox chasing a rabbit.

As the blue flame chased after the shuttle just metres behind it, its fierce heat focused on the individual piloting the shuttle and didn't effect Zaya in the slightest.

Although she was rattled by the shuttles movement.

In the end, the shuttle barely sped away in time as the blue flame slowly fizzled out just behind it, apparently too weak to catch up.

Back on the roof of the council building, the creator of the blue flame stood in front of Casmir as he straightened his back, put on his calmest smile and looked respectfully at this enraged figure.

"Master, sorry for worrying you! I'm fine, look not a scratch on me!" Casmir said sincerely, having learned that only a calm and sincere attitude would soothe this ones temper.

Master Bluefire's eyes were ablaze as she watched the shuttle disappear into the distance, her expression sending chills down Casmir's spine.

But when Master Bluefire's eyes fell onto Casmir's face, her entire attitude shifted.

Her fierce, yet cold expression, slowly calmed into a concerned look, which combined with her youthful figure and elegant light blue dress gave her the appearance of a young lady anxious about her husbands safety.

This sudden shift in her attitude did nothing to calm Casmir or cause him to be excited by her beautiful appearance. It only placed Casmir in a state of panic, unsure of how to approach this version of his strict and unforgiving Master.

As it turned out however, Casmir didn't need to worry.

Master Bluefire simply looked at Casmir carefully as she examined his body for any injuries before letting out a sigh of relief. At the same time she stretched her hand out to touch Casmir gently.