Chereads / The Hired Professional(?)Mess Cleaner / Chapter 1 - Dog Blood Conquest of the Mary Sue Goddess (1)

The Hired Professional(?)Mess Cleaner

🇺🇸AutumnCat
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Synopsis

Chapter 1 - Dog Blood Conquest of the Mary Sue Goddess (1)

There is a peculiar phenomenon that happened in the Marquess' manor today.

What? The lady of the house Lady Rohesia has turned 16.

Why is that odd? Because today's not her birthday but rather... her birth day.

Wu KeLi massaged the bridge of her nose as she tilted her head up. What in the world did she get herself into?

Moments before, Wu KeLi had been minding her own business while buying a late evening snack from a food cart. After ordering a helping of grilled chicken skewers, Wu KeLi was on the way back home when a payphone on the side of the street abruptly rang scaring the sh*t out of her.

Brrrring brrring brrring

Oh look, a phone ringing mysteriously in the middle of the night by itself while I'm walking alone in the middle of an empty street.

Wow, it's still ringing, I wonder if I should pick it up?

F*ck no!

Wu KeLi immediately dashed out of there. Nope nope nope I'm not getting killed today.

Brrring brrring brrring

Wu KeLi stopped in her tracks. Oh nononono.

Brrring brrring brrring

Wu KeLi stood in one spot, frozen, hoping that the noise would just go away after a moment of silence and a last second pious prayer to a certain being in heaven.

Sadly the noise went on.

Wu KeLi dejectedly reaches in her coat pocket and took out her vibrating phone. It was an unknown number.

Wu KeLi pressed decline. Her phone went silent for a moment but in the next second, there was another call from the same unknown number.

Wu Keli continued to decline the call but the person on the other side seems hellbent on making her pick up.

Just as Wu KeLi was about to take out her SIM card, disconnect her internet and shut her phone down, the calls suddenly stopped.

{Host, can you not be so uncooperative?}

Wu KeLi who was about to breathe a sigh of relief choked on her saliva, "!!!"

{Host? Calm down, don't be scared, I'm not a ghost, you're not crazy, I'm but a humble system at your service.}

A system?

In a stumbling manner, Wu KeLi squatted down at the corner of the sidewalk with her white plastic bag of chicken skewers wrapped in tin foil placed on the ground beside her.

{Host— }

"Shhhh"

Wu KeLi held up her hand in a 'stop' gesture.

{?}

Wu KeLi, hands trembling, picked up the chicken skewer plastic bag. Unwrapping the aluminum foil, the deliciously savory smell of chicken and spice wafted out. The chicken skewers were just recently grilled not too long ago so when exposed to the cold winter air, puffs of steam formed.

Wu KeLi picked a skewer up and chewed at it.

Num num num

When all the chickens were devoured, Wu KeLi casually chewed on the skewer stick.

"Well, what you got for me?"

After eating, Wu KeLi felt much more relaxed. She even felt generous enough to hear out this so-called 'system'.

{I— }

"Wait before you start" Wu KeLi suddenly thought of something "Were you the one responsible for the creepy-as-fuck-payphone-ringing and the annoying-continuous-unknown calls?"

The system got nothing to hide so it very sincerely said {Yes, that was me. (= °▽°=)/ }

Little sh*t. If she had a slightly weaker heart she would've ascended to heaven on the spot.

{I wanted to make sure that our first meeting is absolutely unforgettable like first love. (*≧∀≦*)}

Wu KeLi felt like her eyes are blinded by the system's 'blush'. What first love, who wants to be your first love.

Wu KeLi wanted to close her eyes to find peace but sadly, since the system was communicating with her mentally, even if she dug her eyeballs out she would still be able to see this eyesore.

{Host, don't disdain me just yet! I'm here to offer the venerable you the deal of your lifetime.}

"...What?"

{Accept me, transmigrate, and complete the missions assigned by the system! As long as you complete all your missions you can lengthen your lifespan and become a winner in life.}

Wu KeLi rolled her eyes. This sounds suspiciously like a novel that she had read last week. Are systems like cabbages or is there a transmigrator shortage crisis?

{If Host refuses then the host will die in accordance with her original lifespan.}

A string of numbers appeared in front of Wu KeLi.

000:000:001:000:056:031

Wu KeLi looked at the green strings of number curiously. The last two numbers were constantly decreasing at a rapid speed compared to the other numbers.

{This is the Host's remaining lifespan. Years, months, days, hours, minutes and seconds are represented from left to right respectively.}

Huh. That can't be right.

Wu KeLi stared at the rows of zeroes in years and months.

She only has about a day more to live?!

{As Host can see, your lifespan is almost up. But don't worry, sign with this system and time will be but a number. Guaranteed to live up to a hundred!}

"A day..." She was perfectly healthy with no illnesses, was still young, so how was she expected to 'die'. Wu KeLi was pondering over the possible causes of her death. Could it be the cliched scene starring the legendary truck-kun?

{Host.}

"Mn?"

{Have you decided?}

At this point what is there to decide. If she could live normally until her hair turns white then there might still be rooms for discussion but she was going to die tomorrow alright?

Although she wasn't exactly living glamorously, she was still rather attached to this little life of hers. To her, death had always been a concern for the future, having to face it so suddenly, she felt a bit unwilling.

"Ok, I'll do your missions."

{\(≧▽≦)/ I knew Host wouldn't reject this lovely system.}

"..." Reject your ass, it was either 'do it or die' ok?

{Is Host ready to enter system space?}

"Yes."

Wu KeLi felt a weird tingling sensation all over her body. Especially her head. It felt like she was on an elevator that was dropping down.

The system space was an expanse of darkness with small shards of white purple lights twinkling here and there like stars. Wu KeLi looked down below her. The ground was completely pitch black like the rest of the space but without the fragments of stars. However, whenever she took a step there would a ripple, like she wasn't walking on solid ground but on water.

{Preparing to transfer Host to the first world. Because this is the Host's first world, there will be additional help from the system. Good luck!}

A screen popped up in front of Wu KeLi. On it was two buttons for 'Accept' and 'Decline'.

Wu KeLi pressed 'Accept'.

And lost consciousness.

"Marquess, congratulation it's a healthy baby girl!"

The Marchioness, fair skinned and beautiful with golden waves, laid on the large bed with a tired expression, her face full of perspiration. Several maids immediately rushed forth to attend her, using a wet towel to gently dab her forehead or to wipe her arms.

"You there, go get some more water."

A maid shoved a metal basin into her hands before rushing back to attend the Marchioness.

Wu KeLi looked around the room and saw a pitcher of water from across the room. As she walked towards it, she began to receive the information for this world.

This was a world where royalty and nobility exist much like during western medieval times. People in this world, although rare, possess the ability to use magic. The protagonist of this world was a goddess who had descended from the higher world into the mortal realm as Rohesia, the only daughter of the Marquess. With a powerful background, beautiful appearance as well as her original identity as a goddess, her life was naturally perfect to the point that one can only look and sigh in envy.

On the first ball that was extended to her from the royal family, she met the golden bachelors of the generation along with silver bachelors as well as some miscellaneous bronze bachelors.

Yep, this was a reverse harem world. All the single(or not) men available literally threw themselves at her, their pride, dignities, and morals be damned.

The Crown Prince was considered to be one of the more significant harem members along with the Prince of the neighboring country. (Wu KeLi is guessing that the higher your status is here, the hotter you are.)

The two engaged in a bitter battle in order to win Rohesia's favor. Eventually, the Crown Prince fueled by personal grudge found a reason to declare war on the country of the Prince. The citizens were thrown into a hellish nightmare as the two countries duked it out.

In the end, the goddess decided to step in, stretch out her arms, and accept ALL of her fellow admirers.

The end result was that the majority of the land became war-torn. There was a severe economic crisis and depression among the citizens. Strong capable youths were all sent to fight the war leaving behind only the weak and the young to function the society.

Sounds bad yeah? But that wasn't even the end of it. The goddess really went all out in collecting a harem of a thousand beautiful flowers.

Like how Pied Piper led the rats, Rohesia's led her harem members to build a beautiful palace. It was especially eye-catching among its surrounding poverty with its jewel ladened walls and pure white rose garden. Rohesia even used her divine power to make the palace emit a faint glowing halo just like her palace up in the higher realm.

Beautiful and eye-catching men were allowed entrance into the palace. Compared to the outside conditions where it was both dirty and dangerous, Rohesia treated her men quite generously even if they were only hers in name only. They were well clothed, well-fed, groomed and raised to be tender little cabbages. Rohesia's palace became many young youth's dreams, their ticket to a better life.

So, the goddess likes to keep a couple of men what of it, that's her business right? Of course that would be true if it didn't lead to a POPULATION CRISIS (Wu KeLi has noted that 'crises' was a common theme here)

Men became so scarce outside the palace that as time went on, the women of younger generations could only eat dust if they want to find a partner of the opposite sex.

Wu KeLi's identity for this world was a maid in the Marquess manor. This was right around the time when Rohesia descended to the human realm.

After digesting this world's information, We KeLi inhaled deeply.

Wow this world's plot is a hot mess.

{Main Mission: Prevent Rohesia from forming her harem. Protect world peace and the world's fertility rate!}

Wu KeLi, eyes full of complaint and grievances, couldn't help but speak up "Don't you think this mission is a little too...out there? I was hoping maybe we can start with something more down to earth, you know like more within my f*cking capabilities?"

{This system believes in the Host's ability ◉‿◉}

"..." Liar

Wu KeLi filled the basin with water and brought it back to the other maid.

"A-ah!"

The wet nurse who was holding the baby Rohesia suddenly gave out an alarmed cry.

"What's wrong?" The Marchioness was alerted by the wet nurse's exclamation and tried to get up. However, it had only been a short while after her birth so she collapsed back onto the bed due to her weak body.

The Marquess' expression darkened as he went to assess what was wrong.

"M-miss she..." The wet nurse was at a loss for words.

"Give her to me." The Marquess cold eyes narrowed in displeasure. What's wrong with this wet nurse, can't even speak properly. Reaching out his arms, he brought his daughter into his own embrace.

"Hm?" The Marquess was confused for a second. Was all newborn baby this heavy. The marquess took a closer look at his daughter. Were her limbs this big before?

Within the Marquess's arms, Rohesia blinked her big watery eyes. It was an enchanting shade of citrin with golden specks, filled with intelligence and sentience that was unsuited for a baby.

The infant Rohesia was enveloped in a soft golden light. The sight of this glowing baby made every on site shocked, including the Marquess and Marchioness. But what happened next was even more mind blowing.

Wu KeLi wished that she could drown someone in a sea of spit.

Rohesia, Rohesia ah...She! F*cking! Grew! Into! A! Grown! Ass! Adult!

As the light enveloping infant Rohesia grew brighter, Rohesia began to slowly mature.

The figure of a newborn slowly became that of a chubby toddler before turning into a delicate pre-teen. As the glaring light disappeared, the tender and soft figure of a young woman appeared. Dark golden locks flowed down her slender nape and white back, piling onto the floor in a gentle wave.

Wu KeLi was really too dejected. She had thought that she could at least take advantage of the protagonist's infancy period to draw up a plan. Who knew that she would grow up faster than a bamboo shot.

We're just going to skip over the childhood period lalala and dive headfirst into the melee battle?

Wu KeLi sucked in a deep deep breath and closed her eyes.

What in the world have I gotten myself into?