"Get the hell out of here!"

Yes, it's me.

Formerly known as Bart, my current name is too weird to spell it out. While I'm obviously capable of doing that, you, my fellow earthlings, would never be able to do the same. What? Earthlings? Let me explain everything from scratch.

Just yesterday, I was your typical Murican teenager. You know what that means, right? Waking up in the Murican dream, eating sweet pancakes first thing in the morning, going to school... What could go wrong?

Here is where you are mistaken. Apparently, God played a prank on me! 

I wasn't hit by a truck-kun. I didn't drown, die from seizure or even got smashed to the ground by a falling plus-size beauty! I just went to my high-school, day like every day. Greeting my schoolmates on the way, pretending that I didn't their disgusted stares as they ignored my waving hand.

Figures.

No one likes ugly, fat kids! 

When everyone thinks that murican high-school life is all about learning, playing basketball with friends and hitting on chicks... My Parents made sure that I won't be a part of those activities! Feeding me junk food day by day, inviting me to sit down in front of the TV instead of prompting me to go outside... They were the failure of the parents!

Yeah, I loved them!

With all the overtime hours they worked to take care of our family financial needs, it's no wonder they didn't have time to properly educate me. In those rare times when their extended shifts got cancelled, I could see their looks filled with worry when they thought that I couldn't see it... 

But let's stop speaking about that.

So I went to the school, all happy and motivated to try my best at not scoring another F for the test. The first subject passed as usual. As soon as the school ring signalled its a break time, I dashed out of the class to the main corridor to prevent big bullies from my class from... well... bullying me. Picking on the weak was their speciality!

The break passed without any surprising or extraordinary events. A few looks of disgust, some nudges in my back... Yet when the school bell rang, calling us back to the class for the second subject, I heard a commotion at the doors. 

Within my dumb and oversized imagination, I thought that maybe someone may need my help! Who could know? Perhaps this was my time to be a hero!

It wasn't.

Ever since battle royale type of game turned out to be such a hit, some dumbfucks decided that it might be a good idea to play it in reality.

Can you imagine that?

Well, at the very least, I couldn't. Only when the government forced the school to accept a macho, I was forced to accept the brutal reality. But who is this macho in the first place? 

Well, he was actually called a guardian, but there are reasons why I liked to call him macho! You know, two meters tall, handsome as far as a straight person like me can say, his muscles actually reaching the size of my fat arms...

When I arrived, all I could see was some hooded guy falling down and dropping what looked like a gun. Our macho was a former marine after all. It would be strange if he was unable to subdue some small fry...

At this point, regretfully I'm forced to guessing. Maybe the weapon dropped to the ground, shot and killed me on the spot? Perhaps I was so scared that I suffered from a seizure? Or maybe some other ridiculous stuff happened.

I have honestly no idea!

All I could say with certainty was that God - or some mystic figure that appeared in front of someone who just transcended from his life on earth - made a hilarious face when he saw me! You should've seen it for yourself!

"You died a tragic death!"

"...will be reincarnated to a wonderful world!"

"I won't leave you without a parting gift!"

Rather than comprehending what this guy said... Well, it will suffice to say that I just went through a rather unusual situation, so cut me some slack! I would love to see anyone outside of those cliche Main Characters from the games and novels, instantly coming to his senses after dying or something!

Also...

The wonderful world my ass!

While it's true that I got reincarnated, given a second chance, reborn into a new, beautiful place... This God apparently forgot to equip me with at least an essential skillset necessary to survive in my new environment.

Yes, I received his gift. Instead of being born as an infant, I turned out to be a son of the grand elder of a powerful clan. To be fair, he did his job here correctly. All the necessary knowledge about this world was right where it should be. All the memories of the body I was forced into as well. Thanks to that, I was perfectly aware that even a trashbin that stood in the corner of the family's mansion's courtyard, had higher chances of being successful in this world than the current me...

Born without a gift for cultivation. 

Not even a shred of an innate talent! 

For sixteen years, my wonderful father was investing insane amounts of our clan's wealth into various medicines and scholars to heal my affliction.

 Sadly, to no avail. 

Apparently, I was perfectly healthy! It was just that my body lacked something crucial to allow me to walk the path of cultivation like any proper man born to this world.

And to top it all off, I was cast away from the family! Yet, why I'm getting banished from the clan then, you might ask? Well, the one dismissing me is not my father.

The clan leader returned from his voyages barely a week ago, exactly six days after I appeared in this body. Noticing the state of family finances, he pummeled my lovely father to the point that this saviour of mine actually spewed up blood! Can you imagine this? Seeing your beloved father coughing up blood after being furiously bashed by an arrogant young master?

Why do I call him a young master? Let me explain. Our real clan head - my dear and benevolent uncle - died during his travels. While I think I know what happened, if I dared to say this out loud, instead of being expelled from the family, I would end up getting killed!

"You utter trash! You ruined my father's fortune! If you don't disappear from my sight at this moment, I will feed you to the dogs!"

Yep, that's the situation I'm in right now. All the bliss promised to me by God ended up after one day. What could I do then? I rubbed my small spatial ring - the last gift offered to me by my father before he got locked up - turned around and left. I would most likely die in a matter of days in the outside world, but it would still be better than being torn apart by the so-called "dogs" of our clan.

Have you ever heard the terms "Magical beasts"?

They do exist. Maybe not on earth, but here, they are as real as you can get. Twice the size of the biggest dog I saw on the internet in my previous life. This body had some fond memories of them. It's better to die to some stray toxic snake than to make some traumatic memories for those lovely puppies!

As I walked away from the central plaza of our clan mansion, I was escorted by the pitying looks of the clan's guards. According to the memories I received, I used to play with them since I was a baby. It's no wonder they still felt affectionate towards to me if they watched me grow from a toddler to a fine, young man.

"Farewell Victor, Farewell Mike"

As I passed by them, I stopped for a moment. Nodding my head slightly, I paid my last respects to those people who watched as I grew and often helped me out. As I walked away and sent my last look towards the mansion that I spent my whole life in, I could see some tears lingering in the corner of their eyes. 

The last goodbye to the Hectra clan young master.

"Activating the Earthling System"

"Activation successful."

"Implementing the first layer of blessing."

"Implementation successful."

"Creating a user window."

"Creation successful."

"Adding decorations."

"Adding decorations failed"

"Adding decorations."

"Adding decorations failed"

"Adding decorations…"

With a sudden burst, strings of messages appeared in front of my eyes. For some reason, my body was stuck to the last action I took, making my legs carry me away from the Hectra lands. It felt as if I was some bugged model in some cheap RPG game, gliding on top of the ground, with one leg raised and the entire body frozen in one position.

"Adding decorations."

"Adding decorations failed"

"Adding decorations."

"Adding decorations failed"

With the same message reappearing in my head over and over again, my consciousness started to fade away. As I kept gliding in the straight line, I couldn't even follow the road. In less than a few moments since the messages appeared for the first time, I left the paved tract only to enter into a vast and insanely dangerous forest. It seems that this reincarnation was just a silly joke of God, punishment for not trying harder in my previous life!

As the last bit of energy left my body and mind alike, my vision blurred. I couldn't see anything anymore. I couldn't do anything anymore.

I think I'm dying.

"Flood messages alarm. Bugged section quarantined. Continuing the installation."

"Granting the starting gift."

"Remodeling host innate structure."

"Installation completed."