Growing up in the system, living in the system for even a little amount of time, or being born into the system are all equally as traumatizing as the other. The feeling of abandonment, neglect, unloved, scared haunted the children in the system, because no matter how old we got, we always wondered why we ended up there to begin with. Why didn't our parents want us? Why would our parents abandon us? Was there something wrong with us? Why didn't we have a page in their story? Why were we not good enough? A life of always looking back...and sometimes one day we search out our birth parents, and other times we don't. Just because some of us find them, doesn't mean it works out. Most parents who gave away their child have no interest in the child they abandoned, and sometimes it's because they feel too guilty for doing so, that they can't bare the sight of you. Rare times, the birth parents are happy, and say it was meant to be. Accepting their child back, as if they never gave them away to begin with, saying "I gave you your best chance, a chance I couldn't give you." But the truth is, they didn't give us the chance they thought they did. They gave us abandonment issues, neglect issues resulting in a clingy behaviorism, desperately needing to find a source of reassuring constantly because we never have reassurance. Some of us develop anger issues, due to having to defend ourselves all the time. And for weak minded people..... Some of us go insane.
Who can blame one for going insane? It's a tough life in the foster system, the longer you wait for adoption, the more you see. I feel pity for the older kids, who will most likely not get adopted, left to age out of the system. They see the most, and go through the most. It's worse for them, then the younger kids. Not many couples who choose to adopt go for a teen, most want babies, or young ages children. Not many want children over the age of 10. That's an awfully long time to be in the system...
I'll never forget.
I'll never be able to forget.
I'll always remember the damage that Danni has caused me, just as I'll remember the faces of the children I left behind, as I packed my things, and waited to leave. Obviously just having been adopted, the other kids had began crying, sniffling or some other saddened act. I'll remember their faces for the rest of my life.
.....
"Rosia, it smells amazing!"
I smile, dumping the chopped up mushrooms into the crock pot. "I just started the broth ten minutes ago! It doesn't smell like much yet, Caleb."
"It smells good if I say it smells good."
I quirk an eyebrow at him, "Oh, well, I suppose your nostrils know best then? Well in that case....you're in for a 8 hour torture ride, my dear friend, because you have to smell it all day."
He frowns, "Well, that's just.....torture. But it will be worth it."
I finish cutting the meat, and put it in the pot. Seasoning it quickly, I stir it and place the lid on top.
"Okay, stir it in 10 minutes, then it's good to sit for 4 hours untouched. I'm going over to see Ana's mother."
He nods, kissing my forehead as I pass by on my way out the door. He's quite the romantic. It's going to be sad when Danni does come back, and he will have to go. I'll miss this cute and cuddly thing we have going on, it's almost like we're a real... What am I thinking? I knock on Ana's door, regaining my thoughts.
I hear Ana's mother walking to the door, and I smile warmly as she opens the door, "Hey Mama Bear, I was just coming to invite you to dinner tonight. I'm making your favorite, in the slow cooker as we speak. Beef stroganoff, served on Jasmin rice, and I made a pecan pie for dessert, with vanilla ice cream. I figured we could even have a drink by the pool after. We have some fireball and A&W, I know you love the Red Hot flavor."
She smiles and hugs me, "I really do love how you take care of an old woman, Ambrosia. What time?"
I smile and hug her back tightly, "How about 5?"
She pulls back and nods, "I'll be there. I better leave now so I make it on time. I have a few errands to run today." She squeezes my shoulder, "I hope that the four of you kids are having fun, I know it's been difficult for you dealing with Danni lately. If you need to talk about it later, I'd be more than willing to listen, dear, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?"
I nod, "Yes, of course. I might take you up on that when we enjoy that drink by the pool."
She laughs, "At least you have a nice pool to resort to when times get tough. That's been my escape for years, our pool. I've been thinking about getting colored lights installed. Wouldn't that be interesting?"
I smirk, "I'll show you our multicolored lights tonight, we can take a swim and you can see how you like them."
"Oh, I'll break out my good swimsuit in that case! How exciting!"
I laugh, "Well, I guess I should let you go run your errands so you can get finished in time. I wouldn't wanna make you wait any longer than necessary."
"You're not allowed to make me wait any longer, its my favorite meal day, I want to stuff my face with it at 5 on the dot."
I nod, "Me, too, Mama Bear! I'll see you at 5."
She gets in her car, "Lock up the house for me, won't you?"
"Of course."
I pull my keys out of my pocket, and lock the door up, and head back to my house. I love Ana's mother, she's the closest thing I have ever had to a mother. She's everything I'd wished I'd had growing up, warm and kind, overly generous, humorous, adventurous, laid back and trusting, reassuring and supporting, but above all, she was so understanding and nonjudgmental. Every heart break, every problem, every bruise, every argument, Ana's mother was there to help me with. Even though she was Ana's mother, in many ways, she was mine as well.
I'll never forget the day I first met her...
Ana pulled me into her house, reassuring me that it would all be okay, I would be okay. I was having a panic attack, scared of the possibilities of my future. "It's okay, Ambrosia, I'm here with you. I'll never leave your side, okay? I pinky promise." She stuck her pinky out to me, the most childish of promises, but innocent to the bone. I smile at her after a while, wrapping my own small pinky around hers. "Pinky promise."
A tall woman had walked into the foyer where we sat on the small couch, she was beautiful, and looked just like the small brunette, Ana. I could tell she was her mother. "Ana, who is this?"
Ana stood up quickly then, "Mama, this is Ambrosia. She's my friend, she just got adopted by Danni, across the street...." She turns to me before looking at her mother again, "I want us to treat her like family, I want her to always have a safe place here. She's scared, Mama."
Her mother looks at me, this time with pity, "Ambrosia, dear, come here my child."
I approached the woman slowly, unsure of her at the moment, she wraps me into a hug, "It will be okay, Ambrosia. You have had quite a hard life, and you are so strong. You can come here whenever you need a shoulder, a bed, or family. We will be happy to have you. Okay?"
"Yes, ma'am." I wipe my cheeks, as Ana waves me to follow her into the kitchen, where she pulls out two candy bars, offering me both to choose from.
I choose the Snickers, my favorite kind of chocolate candy. We eat our candy in silence, watching the chocolate slowly disappear. "I wish candy lasted forever." I nod, "Me too."
Ana stands in front of me, and grabs my hands, "But our friendship will last forever, best friends by day, sisters by night." I nod as we grin at each other, "Forever and always."
Life wouldn't be the same without my best friend at my side. Best friends by day, sisters by night.
.....
As promised, Ana's mother Kayla showed up at 4:58, in perfect time to sit and eat by 5. After helping Caleb carry out food, and enjoying the meal, we all pitch in to clean up before preparing dessert. I grab out the pecan pie, vanilla ice cream and whipped cream from the fridge. Quickly, I dish out the pie, scoop out ice cream, and top each with whipped cream and a cherry.
I grab one, and let the others grab theirs as well, eating mine slowly. Pecan pie has long been my favorite. Ana nudges me, "Good job on dinner and everything. Mom's really happy."
I smile, "Thanks...go get that fireball and A&W."
Ana grins, "Oh hell yes."
She runs up to my room and comes back with a grin.
"Who's ready for my famous red hot?"
Kayla, "Hun, you better make mine first, considering I'm the only adult here, okay?"
"You got it, mama. Nice and strong, just for you."
Ana hands her mother her drink, "Thanks, doll."
Ana, "You're welcome, mama."
She hands us our drinks, and we all head out back. Kayla sits next to me, at the same time as Caleb sits on my opposite side. She sips her drink, and turns to me, "So has Danni been off her rocker a lot lately?"
I sigh, "Yeah, worse than ever. I just..." I throw my hands in the air, "I don't get it. What could she possibly be going through right now that's making her abuse herself this way? I don't know what to do, she needs help.."
Kayla, "How long did she leave for?"
"One month."
Kayla scoffs, "She left you for a enitre month? Did she at least leave you money? To feed yourself?"
I nod "This time she actually left me $3,000 to get groceries and whatever else I need."
Kayla stops moving, "$3,000 for just one month?"
I look at her, "Yeah, what's wrong?"
She looks at me, "Hun, you need to go through her room. In fact, we should both go through it now."
"Why?"
"Because no body leaves their child $3,000 for just one month unless they don't plan on coming back."
Caleb, "And what if she didn't come back....what happens then?"
Kayla frowns, "Then whenever child services check in, Ambrosia won't be here much longer."
I look down, "I'll go back to foster care and I'll age out."
Kayla rubs my hand, "I won't let that happen."
Caleb, "I'll be 18 in two months. I could move in with you, and help you out."
Kayla, "That wouldn't work, as sweet as a gesture as that is. I'd adopt you myself, if it came to that."
I smile, "You would?"
Ana, "Of course she would. You're our family, too."
I start to cry, "I just...I've never....Until I moved here, I never knew what a family really felt like. I was just a scared, lonely little girl, and then I met you guys and....well, I learned what a family was. I love you guys so much."
Ana walks over and hugs me, "I love you, too, Rosia. Best friends by day, sisters by night. Forever and always."
I smile, "Forever and always."
I stand up, "Let's go look through Danni's room, Kayla."
Kayla gets up, grabbing our drinks, handing me mine, "First, we all shall drink to the wonderful young woman you have become, Ambrosia. You were made of glass when you walked into our home the first day, and now you're made of steel. To Ambrosia."
Everyone echoes "To Ambrosia" as we take a deep drink. Kayla and I disappearing into the house, heading into Danni's room.
I turn on the light, "What exactly are we looking for?"
"First, let's see how much she packed. Then, we look for a note, hidden away for you to find later. Then we look for bank notes, extra cash she may have hidden away, etc. Assuming we find a note, or clues she is gone for good. I'm not feel good about this."
I nod, "Me either. I have a bad feeling in my gut."
I open her drawers, one by one, and my heart falls to my stomach. It's all empty. She's not planning on coming back.
I shake my head at Kayla, "Nothing. Empty."
Kayla, "Okay, so she must not be coming back. There's no jewelry, except for these two rings, they look expensive. No toiletries, no files. All the important things are gone." She holds up a folder, "Except for your adoption papers."
I look down, "She knew I'd need them..."
She abandoned me.
Thats a bold move, even for Danni. If she left a note anywhere, it's probably in that folder.
I grab the folder, and spill the papers across Danni's mattress. I separate them all, unsuccessful, until a pink unfamiliar paper falls out.
"That's the note."
I unfold it taking a deep breath.
"Dear Ambrosia,
If you're reading this, you have figured out that I'm not coming back. I met the love of my life, I hope you understand that I have to move on. It was a nice ride, but it's obviously clear I was not meant to be a mother. I'll continue to pay for the house, you can continue to live there, just lay low. If you get found out, it's your own fault. Or you can find another adopted family, I've signed over my rights, you'll find the paper in the folder, should you need it.
Good luck, Ambrosia. From Danni. Goodbye x.
Kayla doesn't say anything for a while, neither do I, as I stare at the paper that she signed over the rights to me on. "So this is real. She's not coming back."
Kayla hugs me, "What do you want to do? Do you want to try and stay here, do you want me to adopt you and live with us, do you want me to adopt you and still live here until you're ready to move with us?"
"I-I guess.. I don't know. I'm not ready to move out yet, I know that, I just....don't know about the rest yet. I'm okay with you adopting me, of course, I just need to process this first."
Kayla nods, "Of course, Hun! I'm sorry! I wasn't even thinking! Take your time."
Someone knocks on the door lightly, and I turn.
Ana smiles lightly, "So?"
"She's gone, Ana. She's not coming back."
Ana hugs me, "I mean, I know it's bad but....it's also not bad, you know? She's always been so negative for you. Maybe now you can find your happiness."
I nod, "Maybe." I tilt my head, "If you adopted me, would I still be able to live here?"
"I don't see why not. It's your home." She pauses, "You'd just have to make it look like you're living with us, turn the guest room into what looks like your room, so when the CSS comes to poke around, it looks like you do."
I nod, "That won't be hard."
Ana taps me lightly, "Caleb is waiting in your room for you, he's worried."
I nod, "Okay, I just got clean up the k-"
"No, you don't. Me, Mom and Brandon can clean the kitchen, you cooked, go see your boyfriend, and let us do the rest. Okay? Okay, bye bye."
I roll my eyes, "Okay, okay. I'm going."
I smirk as I walk to my room, closing my door as Caleb closes the curtains.
Caleb turns to me, "So?"
"She's gone, for good."
Caleb, "I'm so sorry... I'll stay here with you as long as you need me to, though, okay?"
I smile, "I'd like that, actually."
Caleb grabs my hands, "Oh yeah? Am I rubbing off on you already?"
I smile, stepping closer to him slowly, "I think it's safe to say now.....that we were never really meant to be friends."
"Well," He says as he leans into me, "I'm glad you're finally seeing things clearly." I tilt my head up gently, pressing our lips together, melding our lips together. His thumbs tracing up and down my spine, sending small chills through my body. Warmth spreading between our lips, like the fire ignited by our passion. My hands tangled in his hair, tugging at the strands, getting his adrenaline pumping. His tongue teasing my lip, our bodies pressed together. Our breath racing to match our heart beats, an everlasting bliss. Time seems to slow down, as we lay back against the cool sheets on the bed, our hands trailing across the plains of each other's bodies, the perfect fit.
Although I fought every relationship, every feeling I've gained over the years, this relationship is only growing stronger. Every minute spent with Caleb, every day we spend by each other's side, my feelings grow stronger, bonding us together.
Like Snow White, I've been awakened by true loves kiss, an everlasting spell tying me into his web.