5 Years Ago
Mark found it hard to go to sleep that night. He found it hard to accept the two major thoughts in his mind. First is Mara's lips. It was supposed to be a taunt at first, but when she started to respond, he lost it. Her soft lips were as soft as he dreamed they would be. Her kisses were as sweet as he hoped it would be. Her fire is as addicting he knows it is going to be.
He really did not think that decision through. He just blurted the idea of being his girlfriend to her. Well, he has long thought of asking her that but the bastard who she called her boyfriend has asked her the question first before him.
He has long been in love with Mara. Watching her try to hide from the crowd was fun to watch, considering that she always sticks out like a sore thumb to him. Her beauty may not be something that everybody may say as "eyecatching", but the more you look at her, the more you want to look at her. She grows on you. It was around in 7th grade when he saw her laughing at a joke of a friend that she laughed with all her heart that he has just found himself looking at her and realizing that he loves her.
He didn't want to tell her that immediately because he didn't want to scare her of his feelings. Also at that time, he has started to notice more and more girls are starting to flock around him. He finds it annoying but he also does not want to hurt the feelings of these people by being rude to them. He does talk to them but that didn't mean he had relationships with any of them, because his eyes keep on being drawn back to Mara, who is busy trying to blend into the background but failing.
When they graduated, he has never thought that Richard would confess to her, and much more her accepting the confession.
But he saw it with his own two eyes. He saw how Mara's face blushed at his confession. He saw how Mara seemed to doubt it at first, then she scrunched her forehead thinking about it for a while, before beaming up and saying "yes" to him.
It broke him just looking at how happy she was to accept the confession. He could still remember the hug she gave Richard, how tight it was and how she bashfully gave him a quick peck to his lips. It hurt to see how happy she was. He knows he can make her happier than that, but her current happiness isn't him, so all he can do is just watch from afar as she becomes happy without him.
So time went on and she could see that Mara is happily in a relationship with the guy, and he just allowed himself to enjoy the times when they can be together at her house, where he gets to be invited by his mother all the time with them being long time neighbors. He loves how she just becomes a regular person at home, someone who isn't afraid of crowds. Someone who is just, Mara. And he always loves the fact that she always gives time for her mom no matter how busy she is at school.
He told himself that it would just be enough to just watch her from the sidelines and silently watching her be happy. He may sound like a psycho, but he always just watches her whenever he sees her. His eyes just follow Mara in whatever she does. Mara is his forever Mona Lisa that he will always find intriguing, no matter how many times he looks at it.
The breakup may have been heartbreaking for Mara, but hope sprung from his heart when he learned about it. He wanted to punch Richard but he knows that it would be a waste of energy. He actually didn't know that he was cheating, but he wanted to look cool in front of Mara. Well? Who wouldn't want to in front of the person whom they have long been in love with.? I am not sorry at all.
Mara's tears were hurting him, but he was happy at the same time that he became the shoulder she cried on that night. It was a shame though that she was too drunk to hear his confession. And she was too drunk to even remember that he stole a kiss that night. It was embarrassing to say that he did that to a drunk Mara, and he definitely would willingly go to jail for it, but he was just so happy that he had to give her a peck on her cheek. He may now have a chance to show her his feelings.
But he didn't know how to. He has been so lost about how to do it that it took him a while to realize that Mara is no longer leaving her house, nor is she going to school. She has even stopped doing her nightly routine of jogging on the beach. Could there be a problem? He once asked Mara's mother about the matter, however, she looked like she was about to cry when she was telling him that Mara will be fine.
That's when he saw Mara from his window, leaving the house wearing her regular ensemble of a shirt and pants. Not that he was waiting for her to do so, but you can also say that he was. She is not going to go jogging, that's clear from her clothes. Where could she be going? She did go to the beach, though. He hurriedly changed his clothes to go after her.
But when he was already out of his front door, he suddenly doesn't know how to approach Mara. What should he say? Ask if all is okay with her? If there is something wrong? What if Mara would think that he is barging into her personal space? He did remember Mara telling him that they are not even friends. Fuck! Thinking about that, it hurt as bad as being shot to the chest. She doesn't even consider him a friend? Was he all along just the one who thought that they had a long history together? Was he the only one who thought that their bond as childhood friends was special? Did she really not see him as a person? Did she just think that---?
"Mark?" that broke his train of thoughts. She's back! "What are you doing here?"
He looked at her. She lost weight. Her face now looks hollow compared to how it was last week.
"You need anything?" she asked. Nothing. He wanted to say. I don't need anything. How about you? Do you need anything? Are you all right? He can't say it out loud, but God knows how much he wanted to interrogate her into telling him all that he wants to know.
She turned around. He was willing to let her go for now, but something caught his eyes. He had to make sure. He grabbed Mara's arms and had her face him this time. Blood. Blood is dripping from her nose.
Fear was the first emotion that hit him. And it hit him hard. She saw it in his eyes, so she tried to escape him. "Mara? Is everything okay?" She was silent. "Mara?"
"No Mark!" And then the dam broke loose. Each pouring tear from her eyes was too much for Mark to see. "I have a brain tumor."
My Mara is hurting. She is hurting. His tears started falling this time. He can't lose her. Not when he still has not told her everything he wants to tell her. She still needs to hear the song he has written for her. She still needs to see the special place he has found for her. Not when he still has so much to show her.