At the moment, I refuse to feel anything.
My head is hurting a little.
I know that he can't be my hallucination. If he can also see the Devil, he can't have problems relates to mind. Then, the Devil is also real.
If ghouls can exist, why can't a strange cat-like the Devil?
But I can't if other things are true. Did something really hurt Evie earlier? It happened right in front of me. What if her words were all true?
"Show me," I say to Eli. But I am going that it is not true. If it is true, I don't know how to react. I did say that I will forgive everything. But everything would change if he's speaking the truth.
He doesn't look up and meet my eyes. I hear a low buzzing sound in the back of my head. The temperature of the room is dropping and silence is growing. I notice that something is happening on the floor. Though he is not unmoving, His shadow is twisting and turning abnormally. It gets up from the floor and stands in front of me as a three-dimensional creature -- black, cold, and lifeless.
It moves toward the bed. I watch it gripping the edge of the bed, lifting it up and turning it over. Strangely, I don't hear a single sound.
So many things have happened since I tried to kill myself. Deep down in my heart, I know that this is real. He's telling me the truth. He wouldn't be a surgeon if he was seeing hallucinations.
He is a ghoul. This man can control shadows and senses. He might have controlled my senses too. I am sure that there's more. I don't have the courage to ask.
The shadow puts things the way it was and returns to become Eli's shadow. I stare at him, not knowing what to say. He peers at me anxiously. He is biting his lower lip.
Now, he's waiting for me to speak. It must have been difficult for him to tell me. I am not angry with him, but my heart is still heavy. I am upset and disappointed. I have told him my weaknesses and he had used it as he saw fit. I can't ignore this. I know now why he made me promise that
Today, I don't want to make a deal out of it. Tomorrow, I don't know what I will do.
"How long were you planning to keep this a secret?" I ask him. If I hadn't told him about my past, would he ever tell me this? "Tell me honestly."
"I am sorry." He lowers his head again, avoiding my gaze. "I wanted to live as a human with you because I didn't want you to find out what kind of creature I am. I was afraid that you would hate me. I couldn't guess how you would react. I should not have lied to you when you asked me if I could see the leprechaun. I didn't want your life to get touched by my world, but it seems impossible now."
Even if we got married, we were still strangers. I guess he couldn't just tell me about this. I didn't ask many questions either. Everyone has their secrets. But he is being honest now. At least, he doesn't have a wife or something. If I turned out to be his mistress, I might have killed him tomorrow for sure.
It's a little strange that a ghoul is my husband.
"You are 632-year-old ghoul." I scrutinize his body. He looks like he's in his 20s. His lifetime must be longer than humans. "You scammed me."
"I am sorry." How many times has he apologized? I have lost count. He keeps apologizing. He is sitting in front of me like a little depressed boy who has lost all of his hope.
"Is this how you look like for real?" I sit in front of him. "You are way older than me. I can't see any wrinkle on your face."
"This is my real face." Eli blushes a little. "Ghouls age slowly."
"Is there no physical difference between a human or ghoul?" I would be lying if I am not curious. "Show me your teeth. I want to see ghoul's teeth."
He looks at me, bewildered. "My teeth?"
"If you eat humans and all, you can't have normal teeth like humans." I frown at him. "By the way, were you waiting for me to become fat? You always said that you wanted to eat me."
Beads of sweat trickle down from his forehead. "Nell, I don't want to literally eat you. I wanted to…" Even his ears turn red. "...do other things to you."
If he wanted to eat me, he had plenty of opportunities. "Does your sister wants to eat me?"
I remember Siouxsie's funny words. She did say strange stuff. Now, Eli's reactions make sense.
"She won't harm you." There's a little doubt in his eyes. "I won't let anyone harm you."
These warm words aren't soothing my heart. I am asking these questions because I want to distract myself from something. I don't want to ask him about it before I confirm what I saw.
"Your teeth."
"But Nell, why do you want to see ghoul's teeth?" He furrows his brows.
"I don't have teeth fetish." I inhale sharply. What he's nervous about? He keeps fidgeting. "I just want to see the real you."
"Nell, please," He begs me with watery eyes.
"Eli Sanguine." This must be the first time I have called him by his full name. "You have three seconds."
He lets out a heavy sigh. "I will do as you wish."
The man in front of me begins to change. His black hair grows long, reaching his abdomen. His fingers and nails become longer and sharper, turning into claws. His eyes become black with his irises turn completely golden. His skin becomes smooth and paler while the colour of his lips is as red as blood. His eyelashes are long. He is exuding an elegant and phenomenal aura.
He's so beautiful and captivating. I can't tell whether he's a male or a female. But I have seen his boners. Still, I find myself doubting what's inside his pants.
Did I really marry a woman? I have seen his half-naked. But still, why is he so pretty?
***
She must be afraid. She must be thinking that his claws are fearsome. He looks like a beast.
"You look like a girl."
"I am sorry," He apologizes to her as if he's on autopilot. When he realizes what she had said, he wrinkles his brows and stares at her, "You are not afraid?"
"Stand up." She is too calm and composed, completely opposite of her right now. "And don't move an inch."
What is she planning to do? Eli is aware of human curiosity, but she should be afraid. Right? When he stands up, she comes closer to him and scrutinises his face. Does she not find his eyes odd?
"Open your mouth." Her voice is nearly a whisper. "I want to see."
It's not like he can say no. His opens his mouth, looking into her eyes and trying to read everything. She puts her palms on his chest and stands up on her toes. He could feel her breath on his face. He doesn't know if he's extra sensitive. He swallows hard. He can't move right now.
She puts her finger inside his mouth. "They are not as sharp as I expected them to be."
"..." Just what is she doing?
She doesn't stop, much to his discomfort. She moves her finger around his mouth, poking his tongue and then, she puts in another finger. Sensing his discomfort, the corner of her lips curls up. He trembled when she runs her hand over his crotch. "Wife, what are you doing?"
"Checking your goods," She replies with a low voice. "I want to know if you are really a man. You are too girlish and pretty. I feel like biting your skin right now."
Too pretty? When other people called him girlish and pretty, he tore their bodies apart with his claws. But when she says it like that, he wants to... "If you want to bite, then do it."
"Still being cheeky, aren't we?" She glowers at him.
"Wife, you are really not afraid?" He asks her. Why is she not afraid of him? There is no revulsion in her eyes.
She doesn't answer him. He squirms when she inserts her hand inside his pant and grabs his penis. Her hands are warm and soft, touching him while looking into his eyes with resentment. He doesn't know what to do. Her gentle touch is arousing him. Breathing erratically, he bends his head to take her lips.
Before he could do that, he squeezes his penis hard. He winces in pain. "Wife, it hurts."
She's angry for sure.
"Definitely real." She takes out her hand. Her fingers are wet with his pre-cum. She sniffs it. "Smells good too."