Why can't I hear? Doctor Sanguine doesn't want me to see the person who came. Is he someone from his family? Meeting Siouxsie is okay, but meeting that person is not? Why?
"Calm down." The devil's mouth moves. "You can still hear me."
"What's going on?" I asks him, knowing full well that he is a part of my head. He won't know something that I can't find out.
"What you see is obviously not your reality unless you want it to be." The Devil walks toward the door. "Want to know if I can see and hear what you can't see and hear?"
It walks through the door. I sigh and look down at the empty wall. Is my sickness growing too bad? Is the last bit of my sanity going away from grips? How long do I have before I become completely crazy?
[Nell Solomon belongs to Eli Sanguine.]
I wiggle my finger inside my ear. Am I hearing Eli's voice?
["So, she has another one now.] I flinch when I hear the new voice in my head. [The previous one looked a lot like you. What was his name again? That idiot also acted like this in front of me… Hahaha… If you want to live, leave her side. She may have forgotten, but her owner has always been me.]
I know this person. Where have I heard this voice before?
"Where, indeed?" The Devil reappears in front of me. "Do you want to know?"
"No." I tell him, "I don't want to know."
"Even if your Eli gets hurt?" The Devil looks toward the door. "Same face, same fate? Is that what you are hoping for?"
"I don't believe you." There's no way that I could hear what's happening on the other side of the door. "You are making this up."
"Choose death or see people around you die again." His eyes are burning bright like neon lights. "If that person returns, how many people will pay this time? Siouxsie? Eli Sanguine? Belinda? Everyone else from his family? You should have never married him. You have forgotten, but you don't why. You don't have time anymore. That person will come back to get you. Are you prepared to lose things again?"
But what I heard can't be the truth. I hear the sound of the door opening. Eli walks in with a smile. "Wife~ I am sorry. Someone came to see Siouxsie. They already left."
"Looks like your Doctor is not a simple man either." The Devil shakes his head. "He's lying to you. If it was someone who came to see Siouxsie, why did he not want you to see that person? Use your head. Don't trust everything that you see or hear."
I shouldn't trust you either.
"That's why you get hurt." He flicks his tail and walks out of the room.
"Doctor Sanguine, I want to trust you." I want to believe in this person over the Devil inside my head. I stand up and look into his eyes. "From now on, I will ask you if something I see or hear is real or not. I will believe in your reality." And your love.
***
When she says the words, Eli's heart thumps rapidly. He swallows. She's taking a step toward him. He takes her hands. "You can have my eyes and ears, Nell. Everything that I have belongs to you. Whether it's my soul or my body, it's yours."
Without saying a word, she takes him to the living room and points at the same spot where the messenger was standing and its dust was lying a while ago. "Doctor Sanguine, do you see a calico cat here?"
He stares at the spot. He can't see anything. Even the dust had been cleared away by Siouxsie before she left. Why is she pointing at this spot? Is this a coincidence?
"I don't see anything." He replies honestly, "Is the cat bothering you?"
"Then, do you…" She interlocks her fingers with his. "Hear him say that you have been lying to me about something?"
Eli purses his lips. She must have sensed it. But can she handle the truth? If he tells her that he's a ghoul, will she accept him? She can't bring herself to love him when he's pretending to be a human. Then, she's in danger. She doesn't remember her past. It's better if she never remembers. If he says the truth, would she start remembering? She might go through a horrible experience again.
"I have been lying to you." He smiles at her. "I don't intend to keep my promise. I won't take you to another country for euthanasia. I never intend to let you go even if the month is over. I want to stay beside you while I hope that you would look at me someday."
She shuts her eyes and lets out a breath. She looks at him with bright eyes. "It's not as bad as I thought it to be."
"I am sorry for making you feel this way." He wraps his arms around her shoulders. He can't meet her gaze. Maybe this is wrong. Someday, he will try to tell her. But he can't find the courage to tell her now. She might do something horrible to herself. "Let me become your eyes and ears. Believe in me." He will create a new reality for her. The one that doesn't shatter her.
He feels her hands on his back. "Doctor Sanguine, you have many people around you. They look up at you. They admire you. You have a family too. Even if I disappear, they will still be around you. You won't be alone."
"That's not true." He inhales sharply. "Those people can never fill the loneliness that you will leave in my life if you are gone. Nobody can replace you, Nell Solomon. I know it's hard to believe because It's only been a few days since I became a part of your world. But I have been looking at you for more than two years. I didn't know that it would happen to me. You were already a part of my heart before I realized what was happening to me."
He cups her face and tells her with desperation in his eyes, " Nell, you told me that city lights cannot take the place of the starry sky. Then, why do you expect that someone else can ever take your place in my life? I don't want to be your starry sky. I want to be the city lights takes away the darkness from your life. I want you to live again. If you can't see a reason, look at me. Only at me. Don't listen to the voices or look at the past anymore. Let me become your reason. If you aren't satisfied with me, I will help you find another reason. But if you disappear… if you disappear… how do you expect me to live? I will follow you to the afterlife."
She pulls away from him. "Don't say that. I don't want you to hurt yourself. You have never hurt anyone. Doctor Sanguine, you are one of those good things that makes this world a little better. Even Mr Emerson said that you were a kind man. Kindness is never an overrated quality. For the last two years, you came to the bookstore only because you wanted to get a glimpse of me. You didn't want anything in return. I know that you are being like this because you don't want me to hurt myself. What kind of stranger would go this far for someone else? You might be a little weird, but I acknowledge your feelings."
"Then, don't speak about disappearing again." He shouts at her. "If you are gone, I will be alone. I will say it until you believe it. I will be alone without you. I will be the loneliest creature in the universe. I will look for your soul everywhere. I will try to find you in everything that you will leave behind. Even after hundreds of years, I will try to find your existence. It doesn't matter how many people I have around me. If you aren't there, I will have a forever emptiness in my soul. Don't leave me behind. Stay with me."
For a long moment, she doesn't utter a word. Eli is taking long breaths, watching her every reaction. She nods at him. "Doctor Sanguine, I will believe in what you see and hear. I will hold your hand because you are holding my wrist. I will look at the shiny city lights from now on."