The darkness was heavy and it felt as if it was pushing, my consciousness was still present a little, it felt like a dream. I've forgotten what that feeling is like, I've always been able to lucid dream and that dream is always just black.
No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get out of this one. A light shone at the end of a tunnel and out came on the other end was something. I didn't get there in time to see the it before it faded away into dust.
"You wanted answers to your own life? Here you are,"
The voice was one of a little boy, so it was a bit less intimidating to go into the light. At the end, what I saw was nostalgic, I knew that I didn't remember it. It was like watching a movie but of my own life.
It was my brother, looking into my crib with shining eyes, at that time he was about 4 so he could wake and talk and also by this time he would of started to learn about calculus. So he was intelligent enough to know that this little baby in the crib is his little brother. I watched with calm eyes and a slight smile on my lips, it was comforting to me that I could see my brother like this one more time. Though he was little he was the only one who cared. The scene then turn and it was behind my brother. This time I could see me in the crib as a baby. No hair and open eyes laughing with hands up and trying to reach for my brother. Up a bit, I could see the hospital bed which my mother laid upon, she looked younger and that was expected. She laid on her back with her head turned away from the crib, she was already ignoring me and despising me from the day I was born. The scene then took another angle, I could see my mother's eyes, they were shining with the drastic mental ageing and tears that just came to pass.
I was watching, confused.
The screen turned black and then another scene showed. My mother was holding her belly lovingly with an unfamiliar man by her side holding her in a side hug and staring at her belly with adoration in his eyes. Who was this man? Is he my real father? He was also the reason for my mother's past love for me.
The scene changed again and my mother was still with me in her belly. She held her stomach while glaring at the door at the end of the room. She was sitting a concrete floor in a dark room with only one light. She must of been kidnapped and by the looks of it it's happened quite a lot.
My supposed father opened the door then came in with red hair? It was only the top of his hair that reflected off red when touched with light but it was still noticeable.
My mother got up immediately and took his hand then nodded. The scene disappeared again and on came another one. They were backed against the wall with armed guards pointed guns at them.
When the man turned around to protect her and face the guards my mother's eyes became wider and then tears started to tease her eyes. The angle changed and there was an open gash, as wide as a hand and as deep as a pinky finger on his back. How has he not fainted yet?
"Please, let us go, my wife is pregnant she needs care, not a kidnapping,"
The guards held their guns higher getting ready to fire. The man sighed and hugged my mother. A shot showing my father's smiling face and the guards shooting made me almost come to tears.
"They won't take our baby Juliet, never,"
They wanted me?
My father they turned around when all their ammo was gone and fought them all in hand to hand, these men obviously weren't trained for it but this man was still able to do hand to hand combat with bullets in his back and a huge gash that most people would have died from.
He knocked them all out then turned to face my mother who looked devastated with hands covering her mouth and her head shaking. He smiled then closed his eyes and buckle on his knees. My mother dived to catch him. As she did he landed on her knees.
He hugged his head, bending down to do so.
"Atticus, no,"
She sobbed silently hoping to not alert the rest of the guard.
The shot closes and another opened. She was walking along a grassy around with a mansion as her destination still sobbing and no longer holding her belly.
Another shot of her in her bedroom as she was still crying.
"This is your fault, if I never had you, Atticus would of never died,"
She took a knife and pointed it at her pregnant belly. About to strike she stopped and buckled at her attempt then falling into more sobs while the knife dropped onto the floor.
I looked at it in horror, I was going to die at one point in my life, and I couldn't even defend myself. It was my fault that my biological father died, it was my fault that my mother hates me and it was all because I existed.
A knock on the door brought both her and I out of our train of misery and a man came in before she answered the knock. It was my grandpa when he was younger and boy did I realise, looks definitely run in the family.
"My daughter, you have been sobbing for hours on end, you have other things to do you know? Tell your father what has got you so dragged down."
My mother wiped her eyes and looked at her tightened fists which sat on her knees.
"Atticus is dead, and all because of this baby!"
My grandpa looked at her belly then laid a hand on it.
"A baby can not do anything but live, do not blame an innocent coltus when it is yet to grow. I hope you realise this, I am sorry for you loss, he was a dear son to me as well, but you can not rest in despair forever,"
He left the room and a few second after my mother started furiously wiping at her eyes, looking as if she was trying to stop the tears.
She walked out of the room with a distinct sound of footsteps and closed the door behind her.