Kenna
Two months ago, I lost one person who meant the world to me—he was my father, my one and only dad who taught me everything I needed to know. He gave me everything I needed to have, he loved me with all of his heart and he cared about me and my mother more than he cared about himself.
All I needed was for him to stay. Stay a little bit longer. Long enough for me to prove just how much I love him; how much I had hoped for us to spend more time together than being separated like this, forever.
I saw pain in my eyes. I saw pain in everyone's eyes and they were trying their best to hide away the sadness they held but they failed miserably because the sadness for his death was incapable of hiding. The sadness wanted to show, wanted to rise and wanted to control.
Twenty-six years of my life, I had hoped for an eternity—maybe I was hoping for something far impossible in this world, some might say I was insane because my wishes and my hopes were stupid. They were crazy wishes.
Deep down, I know there will always be a little hint of hope left for someone like me. Goodbye forever may not be 'forever' as how we hoped because one day, I might just see the smile plastered on his face, the blueness and of his eyes the wrinkles near his lips. I might even feel the softness of his touch, hear the joy of his laughter and taste the delicious food of his cooking—maybe, maybe, one day in a dream where we'll both be grinning.
My eyes wander down the road as I make my way towards the nearest café, wanting to give a little something for Aidan; since he got his cast off last week, he has been bugging me for his favourite scones and I couldn't resist either.
A familiar figure surprises me, ''Mia?''
Her brown eyes meet mine as she wipes away her fallen tears, causing me to immediately make my way towards her—seeing Mia cry appears to be one of the rarest things in life. She's strong and she's even stronger than Aidan or Alain, so why on earth would she be crying in the middle of the street?
''Kenna—I didn't expect to see you here,'' She replies before faking a smile, trying to hide away the worries glinting in his eyes.
''Are you okay, Mia?'' I ask.
She nods, ''I've never been better. Don't worry about me, I was just getting breakfast.'' She says with another smile, controlling her heavy breathings.
I grab onto her hand, ''You . . . can tell me anything, Mia. You know that, don't you? Besides, you're not a good liar. Your brothers might not have figured you out but I can see the way you avoid making eye contacts with me. So, tell me, why were you crying in the middle of the street when you should be at uni?'' I give her an assuring grip, wanting to give her the strength for something she's hiding.
Mia stays quiet for a little while, her head probably running wild as she tries to figure out more excuses but she nods, ''Can we talk inside?''
I smile, gesturing for her to step in first.
Just as I'm about to pull the door open, I feel the coldness surrounding me which causes me to look up at the sky, first snow of the year. My lips curve up into a smile at the sight of the snowflakes, making me feel one fall onto the middle of my palm.
Time flies and it doesn't take me long to realise how Christmas is near.
I immediately follow Mia inside, taking a seat in front of her as she plays with the tips of her fingers. Mia and her brothers have a lot in common, something I've been paying attention to but they act differently when they get nervous—Mia, she fidgets or tap her foot. Alain, he clears his throat a lot and probably even rub the back of his neck while Aidan, he clenches his jaw and sigh a lot. His hands would tremble, too.
But, when they're mad—they tend to play with their hair a lot and pinch the bridge of their nose. It's funny if you imagine them being in the same room and mad at each other, each just pinching the bridge of their nose in unison before running their fingers through their hair. It's a sight worth seeing but as far as I've been with them, I haven't gotten the chance.
''What I'm about to tell . . . you can't tell anyone. Not my mother, my father, anyone especially my brothers. They'd flip,'' She grabs onto my hand, gripping tightly which causes me to nod my head; gripping back, assuring her.
''Mia, you can trust me. I wouldn't tell a soul,'' I smile at her before letting out a deep sigh.
She tucks a few strands of hair behind her ear, ''The thing is, Kenna—I'm pregnant.'' Her eyes meet mine as mine widen in surprise but I remain calm by trying to process what I heard. This may all seem like a small matter but for Mia, it's a huge deal—especially when she's still in uni, still altering her own future.
''This definitely can't be heard by Aidan,'' I mutter and she chuckles, leaning back on her seat.
''He can't know. Not now.'' She breathes out, ''He's not going to deal with it very well—he might even beat the hell out of Tony. He worries too much about me. I know that he wants what's best but I'm an adult, Kenna . . . I can make my own choices. I can choose my own path,'' She adds.
''I know, Mia. He's overprotective of you because he loves you,'' I reply.
''Of course. I appreciate it that he loves me and I'm lucky to even have Alain and Aidan in my life but trust me . . . angry Alain and Aidan is something I don't ever want to see again. They'll change from angels to devils,'' She turns to look out the window.
I breathe, ''Have you told Tony?''
She blinks a few times, ''No . . . I haven't told anyone but you. I don't think I'm ready. What if he doesn't want to have a baby? What if he's not ready, too? What if we're making a big mistake? He has always talked about his future and how his parents depended on him because he's the only child, what if he leaves me when he finds out?'' Her voice almost breaking at the end which causes me to look away, not exactly knowing what to say or what to expect.
As far as I can tell, Tony's a great guy. From the way he looks at her and the way he talks to her, it shows just how much he loves her but I know that a thing as simple as having a baby together at this young age is complicated. Some might even give up on love because it's 'too' complicated.
''When did you find out?''
''A week after Marc passed away. I was late and I didn't want it to be true—unfortunately, it's true. I've been hiding about it ever since, Tony hasn't expected anything and he has been too busy to even notice anything much. University life is hard,'' Her eyes are starting to get teary as she quickly wipes them away.
''Mia . . . I know that this is your baby and this is your life but Tony is the father. Sooner or later, he's going to find out and it's best if you tell him before that happens. We can't expect the worse from him unless we tell . . . what if he's the way he is? What if he accepts you and the baby? He's a very good guy, Mia. He loves you too much to leave,'' I reassure her with pleasing words as she nods, smiling before wiping the fallen tears.
''I know. He cares about me and he loves me. I love him, too—there's no way that I want to lose him because of something like this. We've talked about our future and we've talked about what's in store for us but we just never talked about us, you know? I don't know if he might be worried about that because I am but now, I don't exactly know where we stand. Do we have forever or are we just a couple who tries to work things out through uni?'' She blinks a few times.
I immediately sit beside her before soothingly rubbing the back of her body, ''This is not healthy for the baby. You're overthinking. Look, why don't you head home and get some rest? Figure things out and try to tell him when you're ready in which I hope won't take you too long,'' I pull her in for a hug as she wraps her arms around my waist.
After the quick encounter with Mia, I make my way towards Aidan's office in a hurry—not wanting to miss out on him, Flynn told me that he has a meeting to attend in fifteen minutes and I need to be as quick as I can.
Most of his employees begin to recognise me as soon as I step inside the building, seeing them smiling at me which causes me to smile back at them, ''Mrs. Ashton, you're here to see Mr. Ashton?'' One of the employees ask.
''Yes, is he in his office?'' I ask, stopping my steps.
She furrow her brows, ''He's about to attend a meeting. I'm sure he's on his way down,'' She replies before gesturing for me to wait at where I am instead of heading up to his office.
Within seconds, I turn to find Aidan exiting the elevator, seeing him all suit up with both of his arms properly functioning which causes me to smile; reminded by when he had his cast on, he was groaning and complaining about how he missed wearing a proper suit and tie to work.
Now, he's back in his holy grail suit, respect and power screaming as his employees greet him. Both of his eyes meet mine as he smiles before making his way towards me, surprising me with a quick kiss on the lips—making me blink a few times, confusion written all over my face.
Yet, it doesn't take me long to realise that our act has just begun.
''You didn't call,'' He says, shoving one hand into his slacks' pocket as a couple of his unfamiliar colleagues stand behind him—watching his every movement as Flynn gestures for them to take a seat as Aidan and I talk.
I clear my throat, ''Surprise?''
His brown eyes look down at the paper bag in my hand as he chuckles, revealing his perfectly straight teeth as he clenches his jaw, ''Scones? My favourite,'' He replies before taking them from my hand, making me smile back at him.
''Yeah . . . you kept on bugging me ever since you got the cast off and I'm sure this would stop the bugging,'' I respond.
He grins, ''You rarely come to my office.''
The two of us are standing in the middle of the lobby as everyone else is walking around but there's not much noise—which means that our conversation can easily be heard by others especially his employees but Aidan seems to be at ease, not worrying about it.
I look around, seeing a few of his employees glancing at us, whispering something afterwards, making me tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, not acknowledging the fact that Aidan is still standing in front of me with his eyes pierced onto my face.
''Is it wrong?'' I finally look back up at him.
His eyes move down to my lips and up to my eyes, ''No. I've always wanted to show my wife around,'' He replies with a serious expression plastered on his face as the tip of his lips curve up into a playful smirk but somehow, not quite a tease.
I laugh, ''Show me around your office? To who? Your employees?'' My laughter seems to have caught his attention as he stares down at my lips while I shake my head, trying to focus at anything else but his eyes; why am I suddenly nervous?
''Well . . . babe, my ex-flings would come here all the time and try to take me back. Don't you feel slightly worried about that? I might go running back into their arms,'' He leans closer towards me before winking as I feel my legs growing weaker just by the sound of his voice near my ear and the sight of his wink.
'Babe.' I recall it in my head.
''They can probably make you happy in bed but I can make you very, very, very happy in bed.'' I say without thinking as I proudly cross my arms, trying to make sure that our conversation wasn't heard and by far, it's working—but ruined by Aidan laughing, surprising almost half of his employee in the lobby, including Flynn.
''That's something for me to find out and for you to prove, sweetheart.'' He smiles down at my lips, making me look away, immediately.
I scoff, ''Yeah . . . you don't believe me? Ask Noah, he knows that better than anyone.''
''That's because you've never been with anyone but him,'' He whispers near my ear before leaning back, our faces are close to one another, ''Maybe, we can start changing that by continuing where we left off, huh?'' He kisses onto the side of my face, making my whole body freezes.
''W—we don't have anything left off to continue, Aidan.'' I stutter but I regain my confidence by mentally slapping myself back into reality. Deep down, I begin to question myself on why is he acting differently? Why is he suddenly being all flirty around me? He has never been like this before and it worries me. Slightly worried. The other parts of my body is actually pretty overwhelmed by this.
''What about that night in Dallas? We can do more than just kissing and ripping our clothes off,'' He chuckles, taking a few steps back before clearing his throat. ''See you tonight, wifey. Hubby has to go and make money,'' He grabs me by the waist near my butt before pulling me close and placing his lips on top of mine, softly.
My body overflows with an unknown amount of electricity which is also known as sparks as he pulls away, making me blink a few times at the sudden yet meaningful kiss.
''Take care,'' He pecks onto my cheek before walking away towards his colleagues, sparing a couple of seconds to glance back at me as I turn to look around as his employees immediately get back to work.
I turn on my heels and make my way towards the exit, ignoring Aidan's gaze as they burn on my back, leaving me with an uncertain amount of confusion—wanting to figure all of this out.
--
''He has been acting weird around me and it confuses me, Dimitri!'' I exclaim before realising that my sudden outburst was heard by a couple of nurses as they walk away, shaking their heads as I slowly take a seat, sighing deeply.
''Explain . . . 'weird','' He says from the other line.
''You know—weird as in, he gets really flirty around me, he called me sweetheart and babe earlier, he touches me anytime he wants and his actions are somehow . . . bothering me and it's confusing. Am I sick? Am I going to die?'' I smack my own forehead, realising that a doctor is staring back at me in surprise as he walks away.
He laughs, ''Oh boy . . . how can I have two fools at the same time?''
''What do you mean?'' I raise an eyebrow, even though I know that he can't see me, no matter how many expressions are used to express how I feel.
''There's this thing that people go through when they meet someone they're fond of. You'll start to feel butterflies in your stomach and before you know it, it's like the whole zoo is in there. You'll get nervous around him, you'll probably even avoid making any eye contacts, you'll try to say something to challenge him but it'll end up quite sexual than usual. Still can't figure this out?'' He asks, waiting for me to answer as I stare at my own feet—frowning. My head is beginning to ache as I continue to think of the possibilities of this, there has got to be symptoms of a certain illness but there's absolutely none for this kind.
I keep quiet, hesitating.
''For fuck's sake, Kenna. You're in love!'' The way he said those words causes my heart to stop beating as they continue in a faster pace, making me swallow an invisible lump in my throat—holding onto the armrest before trying to control my breaths.
''Love?'' I close my eyes, clenching my fist.
He sighs, ''Oh, come on. Love? The need to push him against the wall, kiss him, jump his bones—''
I cut him off, ''—okay, okay! I think that's enough information, Dimitri. I know what love means, I've been in love . . . once and things didn't work out. What I feel towards Aidan, right now is probably just something that will pass and be forgotten, all feelings have a chance of going away, right?'' I bite onto my lower lip, waiting for his answer.
''You and I have a lot in common with this one. We've been in love with different people and we stopped loving that person, I don't know if it's even possible for someone to alter their feelings like you said, but if what you and Aidan have is real, it's not going anywhere, love.'' He replies, his voice low and almost inaudible.
''We can't—we can't fall in love, Dimitri.''
''Who said anything about Aidan falling in love with you?'' He questions which causes me to frown, leaning back onto my seat. ''You're in love with him, Kenna. I don't know about him . . . maybe, maybe, he's in love with you, too. How about just get this whole thing over with and make babies already, how does that sound?''
''Disgusting,'' I breathe out.
''Disgustingly good. Okay, when was the last time you had sex?'' He asks, making me look down the hall—somehow afraid if someone might hear his voice in this quiet surrounding.
I groan, ''How is that even an appropriate question, Dimitri? Why does that even have to do with anything?''
Ever since Noah and I broke up, I never got the chance to find another love. Call me lazy or even unbothered by the perks of being in love but truth be told, I was bored of it—not because of Noah but because of love, I had enough of the same shit all over again.
Being with the same person for as long as a year and a half was quite the joy in my life. The first few months were heaven, endless love making and meaningful kisses but as time passed, meaningful kisses turned into quick kisses and endless love making turned into endless heart breaking.
Don't blame Noah in this one because I was the bitch in our relationship. I was the one who ruined it because I was scared of moving forward, even though he told me that he loved me with all of his heart and that he wanted to have a future with me but I crushed his heart and shattered his hopes.
We grew distant. I made us grew distant.
Work was in the way and I was somehow grateful because when things didn't work out between Noah and I, I blamed it all on my work—I blamed it all on my damn career for making my life too busy and less time with him. He understood me, he tried to make things better while I tried to make things worse.
Maybe, we weren't meant to be. He was holding tightly onto our love while I was ready to let go. I felt sorry for leaving him like that, for breaking him apart and for purposely leaving our relationship behind but I couldn't deal with the amount of pressure in my life; I couldn't deal with someone caring over me.
Some guys might've walked away. Some guys might've even cheated but he didn't. He didn't stop texting me or saying how much he loved me when I didn't go home—when I purposely stayed at the hospital and add night shifts into my week, but I didn't feel like I loved him back.
So, he was my last. The last guy I've ever been with and I guess that would answer Dimitri's dumb question.
''With Noah,'' I reply, receiving a quiet end on the other line which causes me to raise an eyebrow, ''Are you still . . . there?''
''I'm here. I'm just shocked,'' He breathes out. ''That was what . . . a year ago? Have you not been sexually active, Kenna? What have you been doing with your life?'' He continues to ask.
''You can't just shove it at my face, Dimitri. I don't have time to fool around with strangers like you and Aidan . . . I have my own life where I fully dedicate myself to work. Besides, I don't do those kind of things—I don't just have sex with strangers.'' I roll my eyes, thinking of how I have spent my year without Noah; quite surprising how I never thought of having fun in that way.
He scoffs before chuckling, ''Boring. You'll die as an old virgin,''
''I'm not a virgin,''
''Literally not a virgin. I'm just saying that you're a boring woman with no sex drive and when you start to feel these urges with Aidan, you're like a little noob.'' He replies.
''Noob? Excuse me? I am not a noob and I'm sure I still get the hang of it,'' I mutter. ''Besides . . . how can it change much from where I left off?''
''Do you know 'The Pancake', 'Swivel and Grind', 'Reach for the Sky', 'Backdoor Planking', 'Kneel Together', 'Hyper-Connected Doggy'?'' He stays quiet for a few seconds, ''Well . . . don't answer that, you don't know any.'' He adds.
''Why are you telling me all of this? It's completely unnecessary!'' I half-whispered and half-yelled as he continues to laugh, enjoying my discomfort to talk about this with him—especially with him.
''So, Kenna . . . as you can see, you've missed out a year of experience. What are you going to do when things go sexual with you and Aidan? Going to walk out the backdoor?'' He says and I can imagine the smirk plastered on his face as he leans back on his seat.
''Oh, what? He's not going to be 'in love' with me anymore when he finds out that I don't know certain sex positions? How accurate of you,'' I reply after making sure that no one is walking down the hallway before sighing, ''This conversation changed from sweet talking about Aidan to dirty talking about how it might go. You were supposed to help me figure this all out,''
''I am helping you. Look, women has this specialty when it comes to men—they're good at seducing us. So . . . since, you're a woman yourself, why not try seducing Aidan?'' He asks.
''What the hell?'' I frown.
''No, don't get me wrong. If you want to know if he loves you or not, or he might even have a little bit of feelings towards you, why not try? If he thinks of you as his best friend, he might not bothered to look down at your body or even your lips but if he thinks of you differently and somewhat more, you can start noticing how his gaze will lower.'' He says, making me think about it deeply—this might be a terrible idea because why on earth would I simply seduce Aidan? I'd end up embarrassed if things go wrong and even if things do go right, I'd wake up feeling much more embarrassed.
''How does that prove anything? That's not love. That's called lust,'' I begin to sigh again, something I would do for more than just once if he keeps on giving me these bad ideas.
''Look—whatever, we'll talk about this later. I have to go, just . . . try to find some actual good ideas when I'm gone. Don't mess this up for me,'' I hang up the phone before he gets to say anything else as I run down the halls, following with one of my nurses to get down to the emergency room.
--
I step out of the shower to look at myself in the mirror, my tan glowing underneath the light and my lips puckered with a bit hint of red from the heat. Staring at myself a little bit longer, those compliments from other people calling me pretty and beautiful are somewhat true; I've been too unaware of my own beauty and for some reason, I'm starting to realise more.
I walk towards my walk-in closet as I go through my undergarments, wanting to look for something comfortable to sleep in for the night with a pair of oversized shirt and shorts—what keeps me most comfortable at night than wearing those tight or satin nighties.
My heart stops at the sight of lingerie hidden near my other clothes, causing me to walk towards it and pull the contents out. I run my fingers over the material before eyeing the hot red colour, imagining myself in it; standing in the middle of the room, somehow also imagining Aidan to be laying on the bed as he holds a rose, eyeing my body with a smile.
I blink a few times, remembering back when I bought this lingerie; when I was with Noah but I never got the chance to use it or show it. I bought it for fun but I never really got to experience the fun with it when we were together.
Aidan hasn't gotten home yet from work and trying this lingerie for fun wouldn't cause me any harm; it's not like I'm going to walk around the house in this. I just want to stare at myself in the mirror and imagine myself in one of these different lingeries, just like Dimitri said if I ever want to seduce anyone, Aidan in particular.
After dropping the towel on the ground, I slip into the thin lingerie before gazing at myself in the mirror, watching how this lingerie define my legs to look longer than usual which would compliment my body shape perfectly. The colour compliments my tan, too which would be nice if it's ever come to something useful.
My wavy hair falls down onto my chest before I begin to mess around with it, wanting to make myself appear sexy; something I want to make sure I have than just imagining if I do. Noah called me sexy and beautiful more than once when we were together, I'm pretty sure he meant every word. So, I must have those qualities.
I turn to the side before gazing down at my hips and down to my legs again, standing in perfect posture to reveal my breasts and butt instead of looking like I have a hunched back.
As I lean back towards the closet, I bump into the nearest dresser which causes a couple of my bracelets to fall down onto the ground. I groan before leaning down to grab them, letting my body curve as I stand up straight; feeling confidently sexy in this lingerie.
''Special night?'' A familiar voice asks from behind which causes my eyes to widen.
I immediately turn around to see Aidan standing by the door with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his first button undone. Both of his eyes are glancing down at my body, staring a bit longer than necessary at my lips before meeting my eyes again; causing my heart to feel like it's going to thump out of my chest.
''You weren't home,'' I mutter as I lean back.
''I just got home. Why are you in that?'' He asks, this time, looking only into my eyes without gazing or glancing at other parts of my body but as I pay a closer look at him, I see how his jaw is clenched and his body is a bit tense; which is a good sign, right? He's attracted to me.
Should I let mission Kenmitri start or should I just run back into the walk-in closet and pretend that this never happened? It's starting to become a life and death decision, for some reason.
''I . . . I was just trying it out because I was alone at home until you came back which is a surprise because I didn't know and if I did, I wouldn't be standing here in my lingerie. Also, why are you in my room?'' I reply before questioning him back.
He clears his throat as he cross his arms, ''I needed to talk to you about something but I seem to have forgotten all about it as soon as I walked in and see you in that,'' He answers with a sly smirk on his face without moving away from the door.
''You like seeing me in this?'' I raise an eyebrow, purposely lowering my voice at my question.
His lips curve up into a grin, ''I love seeing you in that and I'd love it more if I get to see you out of that. It blocks the beautiful view, doesn't it?'' The way he says those words, he's calm and it's making me question on whether the Aidan standing by the door is still my best friend or another version of Aidan which represents my husband.
Slowly but surely, I begin to make my way towards him as he continues to eye me without even bothered to blink or move. The way he looks at me starts to make me feel hot and it's somehow bothering me than bothering him but by the way he stands there without any intention of moving, it's beginning to make me tremble.
Once we're close enough, he gazes down at my lips before looking back into my blue eyes, ''I know what you're doing.'' He mutters but loud enough for me to hear as we both stare back into each other's eyes without looking away.
''What am I doing?'' I ask, slowly.
He chuckles lightly, ''Be careful, Kenna. I don't want you to do things you might regret because once I start, I'm not the man to stop.'' His words sound deeper and huskier in my ears as I find myself leaning closer towards him.
''What if I ask you to stop?'' I glance down at his lips for a couple of seconds—doubting myself but at the same time, wanting to challenge the man in front of me.
''Unless you ask me to stop,'' He replies.
I breathe out, ''What is it with you? You're making me confused,'' The words slips out and I know it'd be too late to regret the words I've said as he looks back at me, wanting to figure me out.
''What am I doing to make you confused?''
'Some things. Everything.' I thought in my head but I don't bother to say it out loud because he'd ask for the reasons why and I don't have any. He's probably just being the same Aidan while I start to see him differently in ways I can only imagine.
''What is it?'' He asks again, this time, his expressions changes from playful to worried as he inhales deeply, trying not to meet my skin.
I clear my throat, ''Am I not pretty enough? Does this not make you feel attracted? How can you just look at me and—''
To my surprise, he leans in to meet my lips which causes me to close my eyes at the sensation. My heart starts to beat utterly fast as both of his hands wrap around my waist to pull me closer towards his body while I let my hands lay loose beside me, letting him run his hands on my upper back.
Within seconds, I find him pushing me deeper into the room with him holding me tightly around the waist, causing me to get lost in his soft yet passionate kisses. I find myself sitting onto the bed as he crouches to keep on kissing me without showing any intentions of stopping yet.
Without me realising, I find myself moaning at the way he starts to kiss down my neck; leaving a burning sensation behind as I try to hold back my moans but they just come out louder than intended before he starts to place his left hand on my shoulder, purposely pushing one string down to hang low around my arm.
Just as I'm about to grab onto his collar and undo the rest of his buttons, he leaves me with disappointment by breaking the kiss. Our eyes meet in an instant, letting me see his brown orbs staring back at me as his lips redden from our previous kisses.
I clear my throat before tucking a few strands of hair behind my ears, ''Did you eat the scones?'' I ask, causing him to look at me in surprise for a couple of seconds but he reacts quickly.
''I did. They tasted good,'' He stands up to sit beside me as he breathes out. ''Where did you buy them? Don't tell me it's Café Lalo, I might actually slam myself against the wall.'' He adds.
We both chuckle, ''No. Not Café Lalo,''
He smiles down at me before standing up to let out a deep breath, ''Get, uh, changed while I prepare dinner. I'll see you downstairs,'' He says without looking away from me as I nod, smiling back at him as I awkwardly shift on the bed.
As he steps out of the room, I am left immediately hiding myself under the sheets before screaming into a pillow; wanting to let out all of the frustrations before lifting my head up. Even though that was the most embarrassing thing I've ever done apart from back in Dallas when I asked for the kisses to be forgotten, it may seem like I've got the answer to my question.
Yet, at the same time, by putting all of these pieces together, I appear to be one hell of a horny girl.