أول الغضب جنون وآخره ندم
Anger begins with madness, but ends in regret
Rose
We walk down the pavement, silence accompanying us. All I can think of right now is about Elia; slowly, things about him are being revealed. He was married and that's one of the things that I would never expect from him—who would? He's probably in his late twenties but I never knew someone like him would consider settling down.
I never knew someone like him can even settle down.
''I know you were awake,'' He says.
My eyes widen slightly before clearing my throat but I choose to not respond. When he notices that I'm not saying anything, he glances at my direction for a few seconds, ''You can ask me anything, Rose.'' He adds.
We both keep quiet once more. Deep inside, I want to know more but I'm only hesitating. I look straight down the road; not really knowing where we're going, ''I don't want to ask you anything.'' I answer, shaking my head a little.
''There has got to be something.''
I stop, putting both of my hands in my jacket's pocket. Elia turns to look at me, realising that I've stopped walking, ''No, Elia. There's a lot of things that I want to know about you but I don't want to ask you anything. It's better if I know nothing.'' I say, not quite sure myself.
Elia starts to look around as he sighs deeply, probably thinking something, ''I was married once. We were both madly in love with each other that I don't think I'll ever find anyone like her. I was right, she was the only one that would end up breaking my heart and leave everything behind just because she was scared.'' He responds, looking straight into my blue eyes.
Furrowing my eyebrows, I start to walk down the road, not wanting to hear anymore from him but he stops me by blocking my way, ''She left, Rose. She left because she found out about me. That I'm a killer, that she married a killer,'' He leans in, saying it directly at my face but I turn away—not bothered to look into his eyes.
''You're not a killer,'' I cut him.
He takes a few step back, ''Don't. You saw me.''
I take a closer look at him, remembering the amount of people he killed. That's only when we're together. The amount of people he killed in the past—that's not a surprise, ''But did I walk away?'' I ask, earning a confused look from him.
''Nobody's perfect, Elia. Get that in your head.'' I mutter, even though my voice is low but it's loud enough for him to hear. Then, I continue to walk down the road—leaving him behind as I let out another sigh.
''You are,'' I hear him say from behind, making me stop walking at once.
My eyebrows furrow in confusion but at the same time, my heart starts to beat fast at the excitement. I turn to look at him to find him also looking at me, ''Well, maybe not.'' He quickly say, earning a chuckle from me and within seconds, we're already making our way down the road—where it'll lead us somewhere.
Once we're further from where we came, I realise that we're currently at the dark side of the road. I start to look around; looking at a few men in suits that are talking and smoking near the wall as they all look at Elia and I. At moments like this, I regret that short dresses are ever created.
As soon as we step inside, every men starts to look at us with some sort of meaning but Elia pays no attention. He continues to walk inside with me following behind him—knowing that no one has the guts to bother me so he didn't bother to care anyway.
Before we could reach one of the doors at the back, a tall, huge and well-built or overly-built man blocks the way, making Elia sigh in annoyance, ''Move.'' He says, looking straight into the man's eyes. He may be a few inches taller than Elia but Elia doesn't seem affected by his body size nor his height.
''Leave, boss doesn't want to see you.'' The man replies, looking directly at Elia before glancing at my direction.
''I'll count to three. You will move or I will make you move.'' From the side, I see Elia's lips curve up into a small smile as he stands still—not even showing any signs of leaving this place.
I start to feel uncomfortable as I look around and see a few men standing up, looking at us.
''One.'' He starts, earning more attention from other men in the room.
''Two.'' He continues, once he sees that the man in front of him is not slightly affected. I take a few steps closer towards Elia, incase one of those men ever think of causing any trouble.
''Three.'' Elia stops, taking out a gun from his back pocket and directly placing it on the man's head, pulling the trigger; causing everyone in the room to take out their guns and point at one another's head.
As I turn to look, I see a few men pointing the gun at Elia and I but most of the men are pointing their guns directly towards the men who's aiming us. I think I understand this now, I thought before mentally rolling my eyes. Most of the men here are working for Elia.
Without a care in the world, Elia steps inside the room after pulling me in first. Once we're inside, I see a man around his forties—looking directly at Elia and I in surprise. Then, he starts to smile, ''It's nice to finally see you, Elia. I had to kill a few men in order to get you. Only if I know, that you would come here by yourself.'' He says, pointing at the two seats in front of him; the desk in between.
''You bring a girl along.'' He watches every part of my body as he drinks his liquor—but Elia pulls the trigger right near his head—causing his eyes to widen immediately and drop his glass on the ground.
Due to Elia's action, he starts to sit in his chair and put both of his hands up in the air, ''I apologise.'' He mutters under his breath, this time, not glancing at my direction.
Elia sits down, putting the gun on the desk before patting on the other seat beside him, gesturing for me to sit. I do as told—not really knowing what he has planned. As soon as the man puts both of his hands down on the desk, trying to get the gun, Elia stabs a knife directly onto the back of his hand, causing him to scream in pain.
My eyes widen as I quickly look away, not wanting to witness the crime, note the sarcasm.
''Let's not try that again, shall we?'' Elia smiles, revealing his dimples before taking an empty glass and pouring liquor. The man in front of us starts to nod as his face reddens due to the pain. I take a better look at him and I see his body trembling slightly.
''As soon as I step out of this room, all of your men will be dead, leaving you in here suffering as I will torture you if you don't give me answers that I need.'' I turn to look at Elia as he speaks, confidently before he takes a sip of the liquor and putting it back down on the desk, ''Are we clear, my friend?''
The man nods once more but Elia stabs another knife, near his other hand, making him yelp, ''Yes, yes!'' He replies, nodding his head quickly.
''Who sent you?'' Elia starts to ask, looking directly into the man's eyes.
When he does not receive any answers from the man in front of us, he stabs the knife directly onto his other hand—causing him to scream louder, ''Just answer the damn question, for fuck's sake.'' Elia says, his voice sounding a bit demanding.
''Egli vuole che voi. Egli vuole che voi morti! Egli ucciderà l intera vostra famiglia.'' The man speaks, his eyes filled with hatred and revenge but Elia looks at him, expressionless, ''You are already dead, Elia! You are a dead man. He made sure of that.''
This time, Elia sighs deeply, ''Say hi to him for me, will you?'' Then, he continues to stab the back of his hand—causing him to only let out screams and kicking out on the desk. I watch as his hands bleed the amount of blood that would lead him to death.
Elia stands up, picking up his gun and placing the backpack on his shoulder before holding my hand. ''You will die, Elia! He won't stop until you die!'' The man shouts from behind, making Elia roll his eyes in annoyance as we step out of the room.
My eyes widen at the sight I see, almost half of the men are dead—leaving a few alive. Elia walks towards one of the men, ''Make sure that he bleeds to death, don't kill him.'' He says and the man nods in understanding.
We both walk out of the building and I fasten my steps, not wanting to see anymore of this. I walk further away from Elia—catching my breath. Elia watches me from behind as I run my fingers through my hair, breathing hard. I know, I can walk down this road and leave but I choose to stay, I can't blame anyone for this.
After a few minutes, Elia decides to break the silence, ''I'm not safe, tesoro. When you're with me, it goes the same with you.''
''Is it easy for you?'' I turn to look at him, directly into his brown eyes, ''Killing people, is it easy for you or do you hesitate every time you want to pull the trigger? Do you map out what you're going to do to them or is it just a spontaneous way of showing that you want things to work out your way? Those men—'' I point inside the door, ''—those dead men, half of them works for you, don't they?''
''I'm sorry that you have to see that—''
I cut him off, ''Is it easy for you, Elia? Because it wasn't easy for me to watch you kill those people. Innocent or not, I can't see you kill them and not knowing whether it's easy or not for you. What do you see in them before you take away their lives?'' I ask once more, breathing out harshly.
He clenches his jaw, looking at me, ''It's never easy but sometimes killing is the only answer. Die, problem solved. You see, amore, this is what I do. If you want to leave, I'll let you go. You deserve so much better than this and I'm not holding you back.''
''How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not leaving?'' I answer, slightly frustrated.
Elia takes a few steps closer but there are still space between us, ''Then, don't. Stay.'' Both of his eyes are looking at me with emotions—some sort of emotions that I've never seen before.
I close my eyes, feeling his touch on my face; calming my nerves. Different volts of electricity flows in my veins whenever he touches me and sometimes I wonder, if he feels the same? Only depending on his touch, I feel his finger running on my lower lip before actually feeling the softness of his lips on mine.
He stays still for a few seconds, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear as he tilt his head to the side—pressing his lips and kissing me slowly. Within seconds, he pulls away, letting our lips brush against one another; even though I crave more.
As soon as I open my eyes, I still see him looking at me; with a small smile on his face.
We continue to walk, realising how the sun is setting soon. I look down and see that our fingers are still entwined—not a single sign showing that we're letting go soon. We may not be saying anything while we walk but it's as if we're speaking about everything.
As we walk further, I see a couple walking a few feet away from us. She has a wide smile on her face as he kisses her on the cheek, only looking at her in awe. The way they are holding each other, it shows how they never want to let go. That's when I see a ring on her finger, making me glance at Elia before looking at my own feet.
''I've been there, didn't last.'' He says, suddenly; earning a laugh from me.
I look up at him and see him letting out chuckles. It's funny how no one can seem to realise how much problem we've been through when we're just walking down this road—without a single evident showing that we have trouble. We look like a normal couple except we're not a couple.
''It's going to last with someone, you know.'' I mutter, making him turn to look at me—his smile slowly drops but I don't seem to realise as I look away but within seconds, I am already looking back at him; feeling quite uncomfortable at his stare as I just smile at him.
He smiles back, ''I know.''
We continue to walk, ignoring the glances that we're receiving from a few people here. I turn to look at the river, realising how I'm actually in Milan—with all this problems that Elia and I face, we barely notice the beauty of this country. The street lights are turned on; brightening the road even though the sun hasn't fully set yet but it's getting dark soon.
Elia stops walking, gesturing for me to go inside first—once we have arrived at a different hotel. He handles a few things at the receptionist before we start to walk towards the elevator and it takes me awhile to realise that we're still holding onto each other's hands.
As soon as we enter our suite, I turn to look at Elia, seeing him putting his backpack on the coffee table before sighing and walking straight towards the bedroom. I walk down the hall, wanting to head straight towards the other room but as I turn to look left, I see him taking his jacket off—causing me to continue on staring.
When he turns to look at me, I immediately turn to look away; feeling my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. To my surprise, when I turn to look once more, I see him still looking at me, slowly taking his shirt off; revealing his toned body.
Elia walks towards me, leaning his side against the door as he looks down at me, ''You can come and join me if you want,'' He says, his voice deep and inviting—making me question my sanity.
My body keeps on saying yes while my brain keeps on saying no. As I breathe out, I feel him reaching out for my arm as he slides his hand down to my wrist, leaving sparks at the places he touched. Then, he entwine our fingers together—lightly pulling me.
''If I want,'' I mutter under my breath once I realise that our faces are inches apart.
''If you want,'' He replies, brushing our noses.
''If I don't want to?'' I question, making him let go of my hand and pull his body away immediately, leaving quite a gap between us. My eyebrows frown in confusion at his sudden reaction. Then, he reaches onto the door, wanting to close it.
''Then walk away,'' He answers, with a playful smirk. Within seconds, he is teasingly closing the door before opening it again for a few times—making me laugh. Then, he breathes out, the smile never leaving his face, ''We can do this forever, tesoro. I don't mind.'' He adds.
Without me realising, I am standing on my tiptoes, cupping onto his face before meeting his lips in an instant. He places his hands on my waist, responding to the kiss—but before he could kiss me any further, I pull away and close the door in front of me; leaving him dumbfounded on the other side.
I walk towards the bathroom, with a smile but as soon as I step inside, I look at myself in the mirror.
Was I giving away my only chance?