The day in the restaurant was just the beginning of Eva's growing suspicion. Unease had settled and made a home in the pit of her stomach almost daily. A heavy rock that pushed on her, never letting her forget that it was there. It was a ravenous bird, pecking at the base of her spine every time strange glances were exchanged between the adults or conversations would end abruptly when she entered a room.
As time went on, anger began to blossom within her as she felt things spinning out of her control and she could never quite seem to get it in her grasp before it was spinning away again. Over the last month the anger had begun to grow from a budding flower to a smoldering flame, slow and steady in its assent.
Eva's training with her dad had become more intense. His urgency was felt in every stroke of the sword and every strategy lesson. Her friends had pulled her to the gym more often, refusing to relent even on her most sluggish days and began helping her practice her technique even after she was off the mat and now her mother had folded in medicinal and edible plant lessons. Eva felt overwhelmed and tired. Fatigue had settled over her like a thick, heavy and scratchy blanket, raking over her sensitive nerves at every venerable moment of rest.
Her stress was only heightened by the dreams. They were intense and almost palpable visions that felt more like a memory than something you peacefully imagine in the grips of sleep. She'd wake up sweating, her heart racing frantically, her palms wet and clammy. She would spend several minutes trying to steady her breathing before being pulled back down like she'd been gripped by an undertow, ripping her under and drowning her. The dream's grips clutching her tight and not letting go.
The dreams were thick, the smells vivid and the fear and joy mixed with longing and confusion. On the worst nights, red soulless eyes, dull grey-white skin the color of death and white hair the color of freshly fallen snow would invade her mind. The figure threatened to rip her world apart the imposing energy was clear, it was set on killing her. She would feel a fear slam into her ribs and then her heart would race frantically as though trying to escape the confines of her body. She didn't know what it was, only that she needed to run or it would swallow her whole.
Eva would wake up screaming in terror. The sound was primal, heavy with terror and would send her body into uncontrollable trembling. In her hysterical state, she would call out to her mother desperately.
Adena would run to Eva fear contorting her face into a mix of ferocity and anguish. She would open the door and see Eva sitting up in the bed sobbing. A continuious stream of murmured words would fall from Adena's mouth in a dulcet tone as she crawled in beside Eva, pulling her daughter into her lap. Wrapping tender and protective arms around her daughter, pushing the hair back from Eva's face. After Eva's breath would even out she would sing. The song was a Gaelic lullaby and her mother's soft and milky tone would smooth what was left of the fear away.
She felt like such a child, being held by her mother, but Eva could no more turn the comfort away than she could stop breathing. Her mother was the only thing that felt warm in the cold uncertainty that had overrun her in these moments. The action of comfort was familiar to Eva and gave her something solid to hold onto in the darkness that threatened to engulf her.
She couldn't bring herself to reject the gentle hands or the smell of lemon as the soft sound of her mother's song would draw her into dreams of a black-haired and cherub cheeked child cradled in her mother's arms in front of a large stone hearth being rocked much like this.
Adena would drop her cheek to Eva's head and whisper something in Gaelic into her daughter's ear. In a half-conscious state, Eva wasn't sure what her mother was saying but she could hear the pain laced beneath it.
The words would make Eva's heart contract and ache from the pain in her mother's voice. Adena would kiss the top of Eva's head then and continue the soft slow motion of smoothing her daughter's hair gently. Eva would turn her head into her mother, breathe in the familiar scent of her mother, making her feel safe once more as she fell down deep into sleep again.
When morning broke through the windows into her room she was be alone again and the exhaustion of broken dreams still settled heavily on her body. In a haze, Eva pulled herself out of bed and dressed quickly. She groaned as her body protested and her mind felt sluggish as though it was full of thick sticky fog weighing down even the simplest of actions or thoughts. She tried to shake her head to clear it but the dense cloud would not relent.
She plopped herself down in front of the vanity mirror and flinched at her unkempt appearance. Her hair was wild and rebellious, her eyes deeply sunken and dull as they reflected back at her. There was no warmth to be found in the green depths and the dark purple circles only emphasized the darkness that had overtaken them.
She ran tender fingers over her face. Her cheekbones had become more pronounced in the last month and her curls had begun to take on a dull and frazzled appearance. Her usually creamy skin was patchy and cloudy. Did no one else notice this transformation? Was it all just in her head? She didn't know anymore. She sighed and braided her hair in automatic motions.
Once her braid was fastened she moved to the door and grabbed her school bag, slinging it over her shoulder. From somewhere far away she recognized her motions as almost robotic in nature. When Spiris greeted her at the bottom of the stairs with his usual enthusiasm Eva gave him a vacant pat. This seemed to upset the large dog and he bumped her hand more insistently.
The feel of his cold, wet nose and soft velvet muzzle on her hand brought her back for a moment and she looked down at the large black cloud of fur with a smile. She relented and scratched him behind the ears, dropping to a squat as she buried her face in his fur. The dog knocked her over in his enthusiasm and she laughed. It felt like the first true laugh in ages.
Eva didn't linger. She went into the kitchen, grabbed a breakfast bar and pecked her mother on the cheek running out the door to make it to school on time. As the door closed, Adena sagged against the counter with as an explosive breath escaped her. Tears streaking her face as she buried it in her hands. Guilt and fear making her feel as though she were going to rip apart.
"Why don't you just tell her," a deep voice says from the doorway.
"It's not that easy Spiris," Adena said as she turned her head, seeing the large dog sitting in the entrance looking at her impatiently.
"Who told you that," he growled.
"Enid," Adena said in a broken voice, "She said if we tell her too much before she's ready we could overload her."
"What does that even mean," he barked in an angry voice.
"She's been under the binding spell so long that if we bring her out of it too quickly it could cause her mind to struggle to coincide this life and the one before. It could send her into a state of mania."
"They are the same thing," He argued.
"She wouldn't have the ability to separate out the two worlds. Both lives are the same reality but they aren't. Here she thinks she's just a human and that magic is a fantasy that you read in books," Adena's voice trembled as she tried to curb the tears.
"She's not sleeping, she's having nightmares almost every night. At this rate she's going to waste away right in front of us," he snarled.
"Don't you think I know that!?" Adena yelled, "She's my daughter! Do you have any idea what it's doing to me to see her going through this and be able to do NOTHING!" Her voice is nearly hysterical.
"Why would you and Caleb even use a spell this dangerous?" He asked, his tone low and dangerous.
"Because we had no other choice," Caleb said walking into the kitchen from the back hallway, "She was too young to have complete control. The power she was born with isn't anything we were familiar with and only some things we could teach her but so much we couldn't. None of us could afford the risk of being exposed. If they so much heard a whisper the shadow clan would descend before we could even prepare."
"So we just wait until she becomes a shadow of her former self? Starves herself to death? Drops from exhaustion?" The dog demanded.
"Enid said there would come a point where she'll have enough from the dreams to start questioning everything. She said when this happens we will be safe to tell her," Adena said looking at Caleb, her lips pulled into an agonized line.
He crossed to his wife and ran a hand over her cheek behind her neck and pulled her into him kissing the top of her head as she sobbed into his chest.
"I still think you two are being stupid. Regardless you're going to have to tell her soon. If you lifted the binding spell from her that means you broke it for him as well and the one thing I know about that boy is when he wakes up he won't stop until he gets back to her," Spiris said, a growl ripping from his throat.
"If he's not already. The availability of magic in this realm is far less potent than in Daearen. He'll manage to shake this off well before she does. But Spiris, you need to know, if we could do this any other way, we would," Caleb said looking at his friend.
The pained look on Caleb's face and sound of Adena's muffled sobs softened Spiris, "I'm sorry Adena, I didn't mean to make you cry," he said in a gentler tone.
"Not…your…fault," she choked out.
Unable to watch her cry anymore Spiris moved to his mistress and bumped her hand with his nose and leaned his muzzle into her hand, absorbing her pain. When this only managed to soften the crying, Spiris licked her hand and bumped it, as he had to Eva.
"What if they find us before she's ready," Adena said in a raw voice.
"I don't know, love," Caleb murmured. All of the battles he'd fought, lost and won. All of the life-altering decisions he'd had to make most of his life, had never prepared him for this.
He lifted Adena's face to look at him, "We take it as it comes, we fight, ask her forgiveness a million times over and we don't for one second let them get one inch of ground on her," his eyes became aqua pools, "We fight like hell, just like we always have."
Adena nodded. Something about Caleb's words registered with her and reignited a resolve within her. She turned away, "I'm going to check the emergency packs to make sure they're ready."
When Adena was gone Caleb leaned against the counter and buried his face in his hands. It's my fault. He thought with loathing. I let him get too powerful. I ran. I was afraid and so weak. His mind screamed at him as he fought his own tears. I'm sorry Eva… I'm sorry you got stuck with a Da like me. You deserve so much more than this. He was snapped out of his thoughts at Spiris whimpered at his feet. Caleb looked down at his friend.
"I hate to ask but… I need to go outside," Spiris said.