I couldn't help but continue to wonder about my situation. I don't understand why I didn't notice the signs earlier. Every action I took, was eventually leading to my death. I went in between their love story, so that was just asking for death.
All those people who I thought I controlled, just wanted to see me die. I was a villain that they needed to destroy. To them my suffering was justice. How dare I love him? I got what I deserved.
So here I am. In an alleyway in the middle of the night. With disheveled clothing, bruises all over my body, a concussion, and major blood loss. I was dying.
But no one was ever gonna feel sorry for me. No ever feels sorry for the villain. I couldn't help but laugh at my situation.
If you look at it from a different point of view, it's actually very funny. I went from being the best to being the worst. Now I'm dying. I actually hope I die. If I don't die, I'm doomed to be found by some drunk and end up being rape.
Blood please abandon my body faster. Conscious please just slip away.
God let me die.
I do not want to be punish any further. I'm not sad or sorry for myself. I'm just so tired. I want to sleep and never wake up. I do not want revenge. I know that she's gonna end up looking like the victim, and I'm gonna end up in the same situation. I just want live a life in which I am not the enemy... well, that also means living a life in which I can't love him.
"Wake up," I heard a gentle voice saying. I couldn't feel anything. I felt numb. It was almost as if my body was no longer my body and I was out.
"Wake up and tell me what you desire." I couldn't see anything. Everything was dark but, I felt surprisingly warm. It was extremely cold in the alleyway, but now I felt fine. I felt warm.
"Who are you?" I asked
The voice sighed very gently and said, "that doesn't matter. Tell me what you want."
What I want? I don't know. I hate her, I love him, I don't want anything to do with them. They are poison.
"Child, your time is running out. Tell me how I can help you."
Help me? Someone's gonna help me?
I didn't know what to say. I just knew I needed to say it. "I..I want to live. I don't want to die like this. I want to live. Let me live." I said with a broken voice. I felt weak. My confidence was gone. I was asking for something stupid, but it's what I wanted. I wanted to live.
"You want to continue living this shitty live of yours?" Asked the voice. She spoke with such a light and gentle voice, but her words were extremely hurtful.
Tears ran down my face. "I just want to live. I never actually hurt her, I just wanted him. What was so wrong with me loving him?"
The voice sighed and stated, "Love is the most dangerous emotion, but oh well. It's not like you actually loved him."
"I did! I loved him, I loved him, I still love him!"
"You don't love him. You were tricked into loving him. It doesn't matter if you don't understand. You know what? I will give you a present." The voice sounded like it was having fun. I'm going through an emotional roller coaster and she is having fun. I felt slightly dejected. But also curious.
"What kind of present?" I asked. I had already experienced the most luxurious things in life, but I knew it wasn't anything materialistic.
"Your life."
Ha! That's as good as gone. "I want a knew life. In which I can be happy."
"Happiness is not given, is earned. Go back and earn your happiness. Fill your mind with knowledge and you will have power. Fill your life with friends and you will have support. Go back be your most amazing self."
"I want to. I want to live, but I am broken! I don't know how to explain it. I just feel empty!"
"Who isn't broken in this world? Who isn't empty? I want you to be happy and I want you to be powerful. I want you to be powerful enough to not need anyone's approval. I want to be happy by knowing that you're not alone."
"Go back. Go back and live."