Blood drips unsteadily in the night air, the worst of it is now over.
It's not her blood.
The carcass is heavy but not unreasonably so. It will be better, lighter without its guts. That's where most of the blood was. Stored right in the chest cavity. It was dead as a nail, no beating heart to pump anything out. Field dressing was the only way to go.
Sophie sighs, no one around to hear her except for maybe the crickets and similar-sized things. Those were edible, even tasty when toasted, but rather a pain to gather.
There was a time Sophie remembers buying toasted crickets. Fucking buying the damn things whole.
It was an impulse buy, off some health food stall in a market her friends dragged her to. The hippie health nuts who ran the thing thought her hair and scars were an impressive fashion statement. Maybe some intense but violently artistic body modification for whatever personal reasons.
At least they didn't stare.
Admittedly crickets tasted a fuck lot letter when it was siracha or bbq flavored, instead of hunger and desperation.
The crickets will live another night, Sophie has some bigger game to gut and dress.
The barking deer wasn't too old, its flesh supple and tender. Male. Maybe a yearling, its mature organs already in place. Not too long since it left its mother, setting up its own territory.
Sophie had finished it quickly despite the rust on her skills and the pure soft inexperience of this body. It was a messy exercise. She had to wrestle the easily spooked creature from it's back, carefully avoiding the small sharp horns and at the same time snapping its spine.
Sleep does not always come easy.
It's been better admittedly, but tonight is not one of those nights where sweet sleep embraces her. Not with the restlessness coursing through her veins and the plethora of uselessness fogging up her brain.
Tonight is not a night for rest. Not for Sophie.
She's younger, impossibly stronger, but she is not a new person. Insomnia is not something magically cured. Time travel, yes. Unexplainable abilities, also yes. The black call of the void? The silence, the tired eyes that sees stars at every blink, Parkinson's shaking limbs and a neverending list of 3am secrets? There is no cure for that.
Maybe she should let another damn snake bite her again and see if that works.
Sophie knows that best. People don't just get clean slates, they work with what they have. Right now she has the mega lottery of time and something vaguely dream related on her side. And she still can't calm the fuck down.
The still warm guts fall out with a wet splotching sound. There's not much she can do to keep them. The heart, the liver, larger parts- those could last and soften in the salty ocean brine perhaps. But the rest are useless-cept for the bits of lacy fat around the intestines.
It's a good thing her sibling were such sound sleepers. Good thing they don't go wandering into the night looking for the gap, the missing space.
Because if they did, if they found her like this, on her knees elbows deep in blood and guts, they just might get the wrong idea. Midnight movie trailers of what was to come. That's not good, not before they're ready.
She wants them to have as many good nights of sleep as possible. Gather strength, get used to their circumstances. All before the nightmares start for real.
Nightmares will come. The reasons to have them will collect like archives in a museum, and like a formaldehyde display, they will stay perfectly preserved.
Sophie can't stop that. She can't protect them from everything. Just enough to survive, that's all she asks. Just enough to keep them alive, preferably whole.
She runs the split deer into the stream then walks into the water herself to wash off the blood and any built up sweat. Mattie would destroy her if she came back to the cave looking and smelling so foul. To any creature drinking the run off blood and grime downstream, well too bad.
There are things that are most dangerous at night.
Ghosts. Monsters. But the ones that are of more pressing concern at the moment are the nocturnal predators that feed at night. Things that are naturally attracted to the smell of blood.
Sophie doesn't need much more light than that what the moon and stars provide, but fire scares the lynxes, the wildcats, the others. Fire warns the pests that slither and crawl to not approach.
Her brain knows how to balance a torch and the half processed weight of something dead. Her body does not. It was a good thing then that her catch was small, weighing only something more than a sack of potatoes.
Like after a refreshing jog, a midnight walk, Sophie feels lighter. Maybe it was the natural endorphins from the light exercise. Maybe it's just been too long since she felt the struggle of a pulse die under her fingertip. Fresh blood is so warm.
But the firelight burns hotter and the sleeping children, still so young really, back in their cave wouldn't like blood.
Some people mope and mourn. Some people distract themselves. Others try to be productive. Some people just fuck it out, releasing a tension they can't ever find on their own. Sometimes they just stay up, all through the long night, because there isn't much choice with the sleepless madness that is insomnia.
So Sophie went out for a hunt, a kill.
The best cure for insomnia was to get plenty of sleep. After a satisfying hunt, she was finally feeling tired, not bothering to stifle a yawn. After all, it was only her and the fangs, claws, and creepy crawlies out here in the dark.
Shame the game so small. Shame it wasn't a little more...human sized. But her current body is soft, unpracticed. There's no built-up muscle memory to rely on. Patience, for there was no shame in being weak. Not much shame for a lot of things, shame meant little. She needed to keep patient in her progress, in the seeds of plans set in place.
The deer's head bounced as she walked, a little unsteady in the balance. Its wide black eyes unfocused, underbite fangs exposed to the world as its limp neck and tongue rolled about. Watery blood was still draining from its nostrils.
It was so cute.
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"So cute! Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy!"
The two teenagers squealed and took turns baby talking at the excited dog. Though if you asked Mattie that, it never happened.
Ping-pong was a very good boy! Everyone knew that. A fluffy, cute and smart boy! A 90lb punk that sheds like crazy and has an unhealthy obsession with chewing but still a very good boy.
Ok, so Isko may be a bit biased. For a pet owner, the ultimate happiness was when others praised your furry baby. Ping-pong had thousands of more followers online than he did, though that was also Isko's fault.
Bowties and little accessories are cute alright?
Today the dog was walking around with its doggy hiking backpack harness on, somehow still looking very adorable despite being a little packing mule.
"You have a lot of stuff for him," Sophie remarked, playing with the zippers and peeking into the pockets.
Collapsable water bowls, hydro flask, dog treats, sanitary wipes, medical gloves, and all sorts of little random things for both human and pet consumption. Interesting things in a dog's backpack.
"Stuff is heavy ok. So if a big boy like Ping-pong could carry some of his own weight around, that would be great. " said Isko, completely serious despite his joking tone.
It was closer to the seaside compared to the main camp.
He ran into the Quan siblings mid morning, on Ping-pongs scavenging run and now unneeded daily walk. But what could he do as a dog dad? His punk loves sprinting across the sand, digging messily for crustaceans and shells.
What a good coincidence it was then that they ran into Isko of all people first. Yes, what a coincidence indeed.
Mattie gives up on guessing any and all coincidences, just like he gives up on waking up to a dead and split open deer hanging outside his 2nd 'bathroom'. Thanks, sis.
They came with a fresh dressed game that needed some processing. Something the still young ok veterinarian was happy to help even. A muntjac deer species, or at least that's what he would guess and classify from the teeth and fur markings of the carcass.
The small knife in his surprisingly skilled hands made quick work of the deer. Head, shoulders, spine, cracked beautifully. Legs and ligaments splitting with little mess under the treatment and pre bleed. He had a few of his tools on him now, in his hard plastic case. A butcher and a surgeon were two vastly different professions, two different skill sets.
But a man like Isko was, if anything, creative. That and almost stupidly stubborn.
Ping-pong let out a woof at its human, as if to talk back.
"What a gwoood big boy you are! So cute!"
"Good boy. Strong boy. Much strong doggo."
"So stwong and fluffy and awwwww"
Back and forth the two younger siblings snuggled and released their stress they didn't know they even held into the thick fluffy fur of a dog entirely unsuited for a tropical climate. How it didn't overheat was a mystery.
"I mean he could, but huskies can adapt to about anywhere. That's why it's important to keep him hydrated. That and we try to avoid doing anything in sunlight midday." he talked as he worked, casual and easy.
"Hmm wise." agreed Sophie.
While Isko worked on dismantling and deboning, Sophie assisted. Scraped and cleaned the hide when there wasn't anything to hold or cut. Removing all the bits of flesh and rinsing the thing in salty brine water. Sea salt was free, they were surrounded by it. Just had to boil it down.
"You're actually pretty good at this. The game was cut and gutted all in good time and fashion too. Are you a hunting cook or a medical student?" the veterinarian remarked.
It was in the way she moved, sure as a seasoned sous chef. Before he could voice out the next step, and trust he talked a lot, she was faster. Already in the right position with the right tool. Knife, poultry scissors, scalpel, smaller knife.
The pint-sized girl was good and together they worked the deer in record time, at least for him.
"Haha no, nothing like that." she brushed off, giving a bashful little laugh.
It made her resemble a spring blossom, demure and delicate in its sweet youth. It felt like a greenhouse here. This was an artificial bloom.
Isko looked around, confirming no one else was in the vicinity.
"Hey, like no offense or anything but.... you're pretending to be a lot younger than you are around other people right? Like I'm not calling you old or anything, because if you're old what am I? Oh gods that's scary. But you're like pulling this kid act in comparison and what's up with that?"
At the question, the two playing with the dog stilled.
Oh shit, was it that obvious?
Those were the kind of thoughts that ran through Mattie and June, along with varying levels of curiosity. Yeah, Mattie could kinda get a gist of Sophie's ploy but really it was more that he had given up with doing anything about it. June, however, was very curious, though she found it to be more one big running gag than anything.
Sophie chuckled, not minding it at all. She didn't act or hide in front of Isko. Her knife work, maturity, and lack of fear from blood and brains kind of made it obvious she wasn't as young as she looked. Far from it, by inviting him into close quarters to work the deer she allowed him to see the family dynamic between the three of them.
In their natural state, it was easy to see Sophie was the leader and eldest of them all.
"I mean, cool cool cools you got an Asian baby face, my tatay- er dad, had one too. I'm not trying to call you out or make you feel bad or anything. Just curious if there was something going on. Like I know girls like to act younger and all but you're still really young."
21, god that's like a baby. Then there was Mattie and June, they're like actual babies. He's not old! College was only a couple of years ago, but damn did it feel like forever. Maybe it's from all the travel field work he gets sent on?
"Hahaha, it's fine, no need to be so worried." Sophie laughed, a little louder and rougher.
Her siblings kept silent and turned their ears to the scene, though they resumed the petting on the whimpering attention needy dog below them. It had rolled over, belly rubs were in order.
"To be honest, I just thought it would be safer. People treat you differently when they think you're a kid versus you know, ...a legal adult." she explained.
"Yeah, yeah I think I get it. It's a harsh world out there, especially for girls."
"Right, if they think we're all minors, we can get away with a lot more. A little more sympathy and all that jazz. Like we don't milk it or anything. "
"Ohhh yeah, I can definitely see that. But don't the airline staff have your-"
"Oh I never lied to them necessarily, and I think most of them know. If you talk to us, or well me, long enough you figure it out. But if anyone else gets the wrong impression, well I don't think it's worth bothering to correct them. Again I also thought it would just be safer."
"I see, I see. " Isko nodded in understanding.
"So if you could, I'd appreciate it if you don't give me away too easily." Sophie teased naturally, holding a pink salt drenched hand in silent motion.
"Yeah of course. I mean not my place but...is it really all that safer?"
Isko wasn't all that young anymore at 28, though he wouldn't ever admit it. Even if he still was a brat, there were just some things you knew growing up poor and brown, whether that was north of Manila or south of Louisiana. Both, his youth was spent in both.
It was bad for everyone, but it was either the very young, the very old, or the pretty women that were the most vulnerable. Always. One of those if not all of them.
Isko wasn't all that young anymore but even when he was he had long been accustomed to seeing things. That's just the way humans were, cruel and unfair.
Animals were easier, kinder even when wild.
Animals didn't hold maliciousness. Just did what their instincts told them to survive. The law of nature was a lot simpler, fairer, than the laws of mankind.
Maybe that's why he chose this career path, maybe it was just because he liked cats and dogs.
Life's too short to stay in the dark alleyways of the past. Somewhere the sun was shining, somewhere pockets of happiness were to be found.
Tenderloin, backstrap, ribs, flank steak. It was coming into a nice little pile of separated meat and bones. Their hands were watery red from a seawater cooled carcass but it slowed the decomposition. They needed a lot more salt, more time, and preparation before they could even think of making ham or safely preserving meat for longer. The local deer meat was rather lean, it could be sliced thin and smoked into jerky chips. Crushed and mixed with rendered lard, it could become pemmican.
That was fine, Sophie intended to use the fresh meat as both an investment and as bait. She brought it down to share.
"To be honest..."
She made a little show herself of looking around, though her senses told her there was no one else, except maybe a stray in trees. But she wants Leon here, wants him to hear everything. It would be nice if he finally came out for lunch but that's probably asking for too much. Sophie will just save him a portion in a thermos.
The stubborn kid was no good if he was too weak and hungry to run.
"....to be honest, I'm really doubting that lately. About the whole it's safer if they think you're young kid thing....you're around the shelter a good amount right Isko? With Ping-pong? Lots of kids around..."
Isko's face turned grim at the implication, a contrast from his usually sunny demeanor. His broad thick shoulders drooped and the air around them turned serious with a tired sigh from the man. He quickly finished drying his knife and tools from the boiling water to sanitize them, setting them back in the cloth roll case.
"Yeah. What have you seen?"
"I don't want to accuse anyone or cause a panic or anything but...." Sophie led, her concern making her look both smaller yet older.
"But you saw something? Someone off?"
"There was this man- white about 50 something years old, not anywhere as tall as you but not short? I'm guessing just somewhere under 200 pounds. Had a hat and-"
"And a neckbeard!" shouted June from a few feet away.
Mattie shushed her by suffocation, with Ping-Pongs soft warm stomach. Somehow June can't find it in her to be mad, snuggling into the fur, even if Mattie did slam her head down.
It was a very odd sort of belly rub but Ping-pong didn't mind. Humans were all weird but belly rubs were belly rubs!
"So this old hairy white guy giving you the warning bells?"
"Yes! Very!" came June's muffled shouting.
Sophie nodded her head solemnly. "He was staring, and I know that's not a crime but...it was concerning. Like too intense. I hate to say it but...when people check me out it's when I don't...look 12? They usually look towards June, which is also awful but this guy..."
"Gave you pedophile feels." concluded Isko.
"Yes. I mean he looks just like anyone else you see on the street but...."
"I get it."
Yeah, Isko knew the type, knew them real well. There was always a certain type of Western 'tourist' browsing around the edges of Manila's back streets or the shadier sides of New Orleans. Shopping for more than just souvenir knick-knacks. More than a few of them were specifically looking for them young, too young.
He didn't exactly understand then why sometimes the neighborhood sisters, barely older than himself 'found work' and never came back the same. Sometimes they didn't, just disappeared, as if they never existed.
It wasn't exactly legal, but it was just a whole lot easier to get away with in a place like that, too many people almost desperate for foreign money to circulate.
"I saw him and he saw me notice him. Instead of looking away, like how you accidentally stare at someone, he just...kept staring. I asked Mattie too since June noticed and all and...I, we think he only stares at kids. You know?"
Isko nodded in understanding, helping with the strings of meat as Sophie stumbled, as if distracted and struggling to find the words.
They tied the papaya and banana leaves tightly, packaging the cuts of raw meat. The bones went to the boiling water, it would make a nice stock and would feed Ping-pong well. They could break out another pack of instant noodles, throw in some of the veggies to trade, and have themselves a nice friendly lunch with the bits of scrap and salt softened organ meat.
"It's possible he's just a normal person who liked kids. I mean it's scary and depressing out there and just looking at something cute like- like your Ping-pong. It's just..." Sophie trailed off.
"Better. They make it a lot easier to bear through."
Life is harsh and short. Focus on the good. That's how Isko tried to live.
"Yes! But...but that's just not how you look at dogs or kids. That's how ...you know...what I imagine perverts to look like behind the computer screen? Maybe I'm just being paranoid and projecting, it is freaky out here."
This girl, Sophie, was still holding back. There were parts and pieces of her that reminded him of the young neighborhood sisters. The ones that came back, that stiffly smiled and assured there was nothing wrong and that they made lots of money the other day.
This girl reminded him of them, never telling the whole truth. They couldn't. Because alleyways and backstreets were dark and hidden for a reason. There were things that most normal people weren't meant to see. It didn't sell well on the travel brochure.
Isko isn't as dumb as his bleached blond hair dye and easygoing attitude would have most people to believe. Little foreign mixed brown boys from the south didn't get into college easy, let alone take the physician's oath. Can't afford to be dumb, not really.
"I got you. I'll keep an eye out for the kiddos at the shelter, though I think the old grannies are doing a not bad job at that too. It looks like a messed up hospital ward and daycare all in one." laughed Isko, lifting up the mood.
Cheering people up. Like Ping-pong does naturally just by being there, that Isko can do.
"I think you got a real good head on your shoulders. You saw a danger for what it is, and it's probably what we're thinking, unfortunately. You probably already know but stay safe out there Sophie, you too June. And of course, I mean that for everyone, no offense Mattie buddy, but you know!" he rambles on.
Ping-pong barks, as if to tell it's human to shut up already and Isko hits him with a cooked bone. Ineffective, for it is a very good chewing bone. Ping-Pong likes it very much.
It works, whatever odd mood that had overtaken their little bubble has popped, like a bubble in the soup pot.
"Thank you. I'm glad I could tell someone else besides my brother and sister. " Sophie smiles, skimming the pot of scum.
The metal camping spoon makes a sharp grating noise against the pot. If any hot water splashes her bare arms, she doesn't make a sound, not an indication of being burned through the hot steam or bubbling mixture.
Not a sound from her, just like all those missing boys and girls on either side of the world.
"No problem! We gotta all stick together in these times." Isko grinned.
There was a time he was like that too. Always acting. But as they say, fake it till you make it. He's long since made it. He's not that old ok, not old or wise or any of that crap at all.
But somewhere the sun was shining. Somewhere on a nice beach, there's ramen cooking, meat grilling, and a cute dog is wagging its tail.
Why not make somewhere, right here?
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