I will meet my ex after years we not meet, exactly 7 years ago before he decided to drop out to our university and move to the Netherlands. No, we did not break up because of distance, our relationship foundered because I had not been able to commit to someone. I was too busy with my world, at the age of 18, I was in a phase of self-development, while it was fun to live away from my parents, who were then in a different province.

He was quite understanding with my questionable behavior, taking a long time to replying his messages, often no news from me, never even called first and was very difficult when asked to meet.

I never asked him, whether our relationship foundered to be one of the reasons he decided to move to study abroad.

In fact, when he asked me to take him to the airport with his family. Despite we had broken up two weeks before, and I am only came as a friend.

The feeling that arises when I saw him leave, walking past security checking, is a feeling of relief, relief because there is no feeling of guilt for making someone waste his time for me. And happy because he got a great opportunity to study in a better place.

7 years he in the Netherlands we have not lost communication, sometimes I leave messages in his social media, brief comments about the portrait of his activities while there, and he also sometimes gives a statement about my opinions on something that I made on social media.

In contrast to me who did not have a relationship with anyone after breaking up, he had several relationships with other women. When I first saw the picture with his girlfriend on Instagram, I honestly did not feel jealous at all even sad feelings were not there, happy finally he moved on and wish he did not have any hope for me anymore.

Every time his love journey ends, there will be a moment where he will greet me first. Opening a conversation about each other's busyness. For me it's funny but not a strange thing, I know he needs something familiar when he is in that phase. I looked at him as a friend, the question "I was with whom" was a question he would definitely ask when we talked, and my answers remained the same. Not with anyone and not looking for anyone.

Two more stations, people who are in the MRT are busy with their business, some are seen daydreaming or maybe remembering past events like me. My handphone ringing, a message coming in, maybe from him, he confirm that he was already in the cafe that we appointed.

I close my eyes trying to breathe as comfortable as possible. Nervous, it's been a long time. Wondering if the way we talk and our body gestures will be different. Ask whether the familiar feeling is still there or is it completely gone and we have become strangers in each other's lives?

Breaking up with him is a learning chapter for me, 5 months having a boyfriend and finally breaking up giving a lot of learning. I learned that to have a boyfriend means someone must commit to communication between them, place priorities on that person, always aware that there is someone who worries about me besides my parents.

2012 was the year we broke up, until I graduated in 2015. I chose to be single and enjoy my college days with my friends, join organizations on and off campus, and traveling to the places I always wanted when I was in high school.

When I am finally working in 2016-2017, i didn't force myself to accept anyone who approached. When I feel that nothing click or I feel I'm not ready to commit, I still choose to be alone rather than try a relationship, that I knew from the beginning there was no "feeling."

The MRT door is already open, I walk out of the station. The cafe where we appoint is in front of this station. After exiting the station, I just crossed the road once and got to the destination. Around me there are many who walk in groups, together with their partners or a group of schoolchildren in different uniforms. There are people like me walking alone, not many. But there is.

My eyes fixed on the man sitting near the window of the cafe. He changed but did not change, it could be said that the character of his face that once seemed to be a sweet boy now turned into a man, his masculine aura was clearly emanated.

His hair that always looked neat now is becoming "messy." His confused expression was still the same, he was looking at his handphone, it seemed like there was information that he read and made him confused.

I walked slowly to the table where he sat. "Hi boy" I said trying to calm myself. I know-what a stupid things to said.

He looked up, smiling broadly to see me. "Alone?" He asked

"Yes. You?"

"With friends, but he still taking care of something."

Oh.

Then silence, He looked at me for a long time, I was confused what to say and just looked back at him with a smile.

"You look more beautiful. More interesting."

He chuckled at my surprised expression with he suddenly praised.

"Your face hasn't changed, it's still cute like when we started dating."

Then he told me about his university friends in Netherlands, he said, the girls there looked all grown up, even the Asian ones still looked mature compared to their age. In the early days he was there, he missed me when he was shopping at the supermarket, missed hugging me from behind, putting his chin on my head, the behavior he very often did when we were waiting in line to pay at the supermarket cashier, or other shopping places.

He is 176 cm and with my height only 155 cm, it is very tiny when standing next to him. Hearing all of it, it's really felt like a very old memories.