My face whipped backwards with a force, my left cheek was stinging. I slowly touched my cheek, my cold and shaky hand shooting the heated surface as I closed my eyes.
"I can do whatever the fuck I want and you won't have any say in it, Aditi." He shouted, fury vibrating in each and every sentence he uttered, "Bitch, I'm not here to please you, but you are. I'm your husband!"
I gulped down the bile rising up my throat, my hands were shaking, they always did, I never looked up to meet his eyes being the perfect submissive that I am that I will always be, a weak excuse for a human being. That's what I was and I accepted it, easier to live this way.
Dropping down the hand from my cheek, I stared down at the floor "Sanam, I.. I'm sorry" My voice quivered as I lost another fight with my weak self. A weak fighter, that's what I am. "I am sorry for questioning you." Gulping down I continued "It's just..."
"It's just what?" Sanam bellowed, droplets of his saliva touching my cheeks, nose and lips and I flinched, not bothering to wipe my face, or too scared to do that. My legs moved backwards on their own accord. Pathetic excuse for a human. "That I'm sleeping around? That I have a girlfriend? That I have a mistress? You need conformation?"
My eyes widened and slowly moved up and met the brown eyes of the monster whom I call my husband, I shook my head "N-no"
His lips turned up attaining the shape of that familiar smirk, the smirk I feared "Yes, I have a mistress, yes I fuck her everyday, every fucking day. Yes to everything you're suspecting. So, what are you going to do bitch? Divorce me? What will you do after that? Destroy me? Oh no, let me ask again, will you even be alive without money? You uneducated cunt."
His laugh echoing all around the room as the knife dig deeper into my heart. My vision blurred. I knew he was right, what will I do? I have no money, my parents won't take me back. Will I ever be able to destroy him? Will I survive out there? Will my weak self let me fight? No, never, I won't be able to do anything.Never. And... and..
"No, wait." He cleared his throat "Do you even have anything to prove my infidelity?" He snorted shaking his head "So, all these points are moot. Go cunt do what good wives do and be in your limit."
Weak weak weak
I nodded my head, as the familiar sensation filled me. Fury, I can feel it, I can feel it warming me up, I can feel it shaking me, I can feel it when it consumes my head, I can feel it when it crawls up my skin, my spine. But, I can never act, never act on it. I'm weak, pathetic. I'm scared, I'm afraid of him. I started to move away from him, slowly.
"No, stop!" His sharp voice entered my ears, my spine straightened, my shoulders tensed and I closed my eyes again, as if it will act as a shield for me. My fingers itched to touch my skin and claw on it as I felt him move closer to me. My chest heaved rising up and down, up and down, faster and faster. "Or let me teach you how to be in your limits."
His hand fisted my hair and pulled my towards our bedroom, dragging me with him. I fell down, but he never stopped. Pain is all I can feel, so much pain as he harshly tugs at my hair uprooting some from my scalp. So much pain as my knees rubbed on the harsh floor, but I never scream, never beg him to stop, I just cry, sob, but never beg, because it will be futile, so I never try just like I never tried fighting.
He's an abuser, but he's my husband. He's cruel, but he's my husband, he beats me whenever his heart desires because he's my husband and I am his wife, a weakling. I.... I can't see any way out of it.