We had an argument today. Two of my companions are blaming me for our misfortune. The woman defended me from her brothers but my face still got a few hits. These people seems to forget that I am a Gifted.
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Fifteen Years Ago,
It was silent, the only comparable silence he could remember is that time when the Tulosan delegation visited the palace and Grand Master Henry led a prayer. Everybody was silent. Nobody was talking like back then.
His father sat beside him, arms crossed and legs shaking. His eyes were closed, heads bowed. Praying. His father was never the religious kind. He always told Leo that the Omniscient may or may not exist. It was a person's choice if he was to believe.
But now his father was praying. It was solemn and true. Leo wondered what he was saying to the Omniscient. Would the Omniscient even listen? Well to that there was no doubt. His father was a good talker, he was told. But would the Omniscient grant? That was the question.
He leaned to the bench's backrest. The orange dusky sun struck the floor near his feet through the window. It was creeping back as day ebbed to night. He began kicking his hanging feet. He was bored more than bored.
Why were they like this anyway? He was told that his mother was giving birth. He saw the smiles of everyone when his mother announced the news several months ago. They say he would have a brother or a sister. Of course he was also happy. He always wanted a brother.
But the looks on their faces were not happy now. His grandfather was resting his chin on his cane beside him, also praying. His uncle Arthur, the jolly uncle Arthur, now had a placid face. Uncle Ivan was the same though. Still with his weird clothes, Uncle Ivan was gloomy as always.
"I hope it's still a boy this time" Uncle Ivan said, flinging his long hair behind. "Castonia's royal line is known to be heavy with sons. If you will have more daughters than sons then people would begin suspecting your legitimacy."
"Come on now Ivan," Uncle Arthur said. "My sister is not a mill for sons. Let it be a daughter this time."
"A granddaughter" Grandfather Edmund said. "Another Lucia in this world. That would be good. I bet she would be pretty like her grandmother and mother."
"Still, the political situation calls for a son." Uncle Ivan said.
"Since when are you an expert in politics?" Uncle Arthur grinned.
"I've always been an expert in politics. William is the warrior one. Timothy here is the charismatic one. While I am the one gifted with a political mindset."
Both uncle Arthur and Grandfather Edmund shook their heads to that. Leo also didn't believe. He heard songs, blatant ones, mocking uncle Ivan of his failures.
"I just hope this doesn't follow what happened last time." His grandfather said.
"Ah yes. That would be undesirable. The last time was just awful. Let's hope that doesn't happen today."
Leo's interest surged. He cocked his head toward Uncle Arthur. "What happened last time?"
"Nothing. Don't worry. Nothing."
"But I want to know."
"It's nothing Arthur." His grandfather caressed the back of his head. "Nothing. Forget it."
"I can't. Tell me."
"You nearly killed your mother. That's what happened." Uncle Ivan said.
"Ivan!" Uncle Arthur strode closer but retreated after seeing Uncle Ivan's sharp glare. Uncle Arthur looked at his father. "Tim. He... He... You know."
"But it's true." Uncle Ivan sighed, more of a grunt. "I was there. Lucia was lifeless for a few breaths. Good thing she recovered. What I said was the truth right? Saying that Leo almost killed her mother is probably too much. I apologize for it. But Lucia almost died that time."
"You are an idiot, you know!"
"And you are not?"
"At least I know how to hold my tongue now."
"One more word." His father said, voice cold. "I'm daring the two of you. One more word."
Everyone descended into silence again. Even Leo felt the force behind his father's voice. Even their breaths were stifled.
"But this will be the last one." His father said after a while. "Lucia indeed has a problem in birthing. Two children is enough for us. Whether it's a son or a daughter it doesn't matter."
His father resumed his stance, just staring at the shiny floor as the sun's light retreated to the window. Everything went back to the dreaded silence.
The door opened, pulling everyone's look at the old woman peeping out. Her face was dripping of sweat. Her clothes were bloody and her hands even more so.
His father didn't wait for a single word and burst into the room. Uncle Arthur and Uncle Ivan went next. Only him and Grandfather Edmund remained.
His grandfather looked at Leo and smiled through his white but visibly old teeth. "It seems they've left us."
Leo nodded. "You are not going inside?"
"Soon. Your mother is fine anyway. Both Ivan and Arthur are exaggerating. Lucia is a strong woman. A mere birth won't dim her."
"Dim?"
"Yes. Death. The thing I'm heading to soon. You are old enough to know what death is right?"
Leo did have some idea. Death. It was like sleeping but permanent. His other grandfather, Leopold, died before he was born.
"Sleeping?"
"Quite far from it. It is the end, Leo. Death is the end. You won't see the person anymore. Their memories would still be there, remembered in the minds of the people who love them. Or hate them. But memories are too faint to equal actual talking and being with the person."
"Would that mean I wouldn't be able to talk to you soon?"
His grandfather chuckled. "Probably. I hope to live forever, watching you and your brother or sister grow. But I can't. In a few years or even maybe this year, I would finally dim."
"That is sad!"
"Oh it is. It is." His grandfather said, voice growing faint with each word. He perked up and smiled. "Life is a gift and losing it is indeed sad. A person with memories, personality, quirks. Gone in just a moment. But remember Leo, the bleakness of death is noting compared to the radiant of life. Come now. Let's go inside."
His grandfather caned the floor and struggled walking. Leo led one of his grandfather's hand as they neared the door. The smell was strange when they went in. Strong in a bad way.
His heart jumped when he saw the scene. He had never seen so much blood before. Blood on the floor, pooling. Blood on the sheets. Blood on the clothes.
His mother was on the bed, smiling while looking at his father cradling a small thing wrapped in cloth. It was crying, loud to his ears. His two uncles were curiously looking at the thing, Uncle Ivan showing a small smile while Uncle Arthur in a full grin.
"A boy" Uncle Arthur said to Grandfather Edmund. "Our side of the family failed again father. No matter. He is so cute. By virtue of our blood, I'm sure."
Leo led his grandfather to the bedside and tiptoed to the thing they were holding. His father knelt and showed him.
It was a person. It's head was small and bald. The arms were thin that he worried that a single touch would break it. The skin was so thin and delicate.
Beautiful. There was no other way to describe it. Just beautiful. He had seen beautiful scenes before. The lush forests. The calm sea. The tall mountains. He had also seen exotic products. Silks. Gold. Figurines. Rubies. Emeralds.
Those were also beautiful things. But everything he had seen so far paled in comparison to the person in front of him. It was life, a new beginning. And nothing was more beautiful than that.
***
The corner of the cell was snug to his butt. The cold touch of cheap marble tiles was biting. The cell reeked. The snores of his fellow slaves were like the braying of mules.
Leo minded none of the discomforts. Even the aches of his wounds whizzed past his attention. As he huddled, legs close to his chest and chin on his knees, there was only one thing on his mind.
He killed that lad.
With his own two hands he dipped the spear into that lad's chest. He dipped it deep and forced it terribly. He bled that lad into death. He murdered.
The cheers of the audience declared his act as courage. The welcoming pats of his fellow slaves told of their admiration. The stiff nods of the guards displayed their newfound respect to him.
Wrong. They were wrong.
They didn't see the look on that lad's face when Leo killed him. That person wanted to live, to breathe, to cling to life some more. And yet Leo took that life. With a single thrust of his spear he murdered someone.
Others may argue that what he did was self-defense. In a way it was. But he made a decision. When he saw that the hourglass was almost exhausted, he decided. It wasn't self-defense. That lad couldn't have killed him even if they sparred for a whole day. He was afraid of being killed by the guards. And so he killed the lad. It was the lad or him. Only one victor- a single survivor.
Leo held his palms. Dawn through the cell's small window illuminated the cracked skin. His palms were clean now. But Leo could still see his hands being bloody. He could still feel the thick trickle of the lad's blood. Remnants of blood dried crimson under his fingernails.
He shook. Fear. Disgust. Guilt. Pain. He didn't know which he felt. Perhaps all. He leaned falling to his side, still huddling on his knees. Tears again skidded down his temple. Leo shut his eyes but the tears still pooled.
"I'm sorry" He said, a whisper through his dried lips.
He could see the lad, large eyes looking at him. The lad was a curious one, asking him questions about Castonia and Vanadis and what it was like north. At one point he decided to take the lad with him when he sails back home. He wanted to satiate that lad's curiosity, to give him a glimpse of what his parents' kingdom was like. That wouldn't happen now. He killed the lad. A murder through a single thrust.
Worst of all, it wasn't an accident. He would do it again. If given a spear on his hand and an hourglass, he would still slam spear on the lad's chest. He would murder again. He didn't have a choice.
"I'm sorry" His voice was different now. It was still the same clear voice he inherited from his father. But it was empty, without mirth, without joy. Prince Leo was gone. He didn't even know who he is anymore. He was a wretched. A slave. A thing so powerless he would murder just to live.
"Lad" A voice called. Lopet, he could tell.
"Wake up Highness" That was Gus.
Leo opened his eyes. Gus and Lopen squatted beyond the bars. Both men were staring at him.
Leo stared back until he avoided their looks and went back curling.
"We saw it lad." Lopet said. "We know. Terrible."
"We are sorry you have to experience that." Gus said.
"I'm alright. In fact you shouldn't be sorry about me. But that man I slew. That person I murdered. He's the one you should feel sorry for."
"No lad." Lopet said. "Both of you are sorry things. it is a dreadful thing. Killing. Taking a life."
Leo curled even tighter. He could still feel the crunch of the spear against the lad's chest. The tang of bloody sand still wafted on his nose. He caused that death. He took a life in one thrust.
"Why are you here?" He said through cracked lips.
"We feel troubled lad. That's why." Lopet said.
"There were others with similar circumstances as me. Some, even worse. Have you squatted in front of their cells too?"
"No. Only yours."
"Then why?"
"Because you are Prince Leo. Hard to believe but somehow I am convinced. Are you also convinced Gus?"
"He's a Castonian at least. But watching him swayed me into believing his identity."
Leo chuckled. "And so that's it? You are here because I am Prince Leo. Tend to my troubles because I am Prince Leo. What if wasn't Prince Leo? Would you just disregard me?"
Leo raised his head and looked at them. Lopet went closer. He gripped the iron bars and put his face in between.
"We've been hauling slaves from all over the land for years. Hundreds we pushed into this cruel fate." Lopet smiled. "We've been disregarding them, all of 'em lad. But never forgotten. Not a single face forgotten. You know why ain't stopping with this act? Because we be scared. Terrified. Five heads a month. That be our quota. If not then we would become the quota."
"You think we are here to pity you?" Gus said. "No lad. We are here to beg you. Smash these shackles from me hands. Free us. If your are indeed Prince Leo, then you can. I've seen the looks on them wretcheds that night. You telling ya stories while they listening like babes. Never seen anything like it before. Wretcheds with hope. You bring hope lad."
"I just smashed the hope into that boy's chest yesterday. If you think I can still do something then you have been blinded by my tales. I can't help you. Just leave me be."
Both men nodded slowly. Lopet threw something on the sand. It fell with a thud and was followed by another.
"Your dagger and your book. You left that." Lopet said. "Perhaps you are right. Perhaps we are expecting too much of you. But expectations are what we have right now. Rest Your Highness."
Lopet and Gus stood up. Leo went back curling. Thinking. Ruing. Feeling hopeless. The book and the dagger sat on the sand.
"And the boy." Lopet said before leaving. "His name is Helmun. We buried him. Personally."
Helmun, Leo repeated in his mind. The name became an echo and somehow he felt a little peace.