I was starting my sophomore year as an outcast, again. No friend's, and definitely no involvement with boys at all. My only thought were of my future, and nothing could derail my plans for a better, and brighter future for myself. I was top of my class, and I wasn't about to let anyone push me to the side because of the home I was raised in. My parents are both addicts, and I refuse to let their mistakes give me a limited future. I will work hard, and I will get out of this tiny town. Living in the south always meant limited options, but that has never deterred me. I will make something of myself and prove that I am better than either of my parents ever were or ever will be.
School is horrible, but it is my future so I put up with the homophobic or racist comments made here or there to give myself a better, brighter future. Living in a tiny town apparently makes it okay for the teachers to be jerks to anyone who is different. I believe that they're just scared of anyone who isn't like them and lives their life to the fullest while they're stuck in this shitty town. The only time of day I find myself truly happy at school is during band, which just HAS to be my last class for the rest of highschool. I am in my element in band. No one talks about anything other than the music and the smells of brass and wood has always made me smile.
When I get home, dad is passed out on the couch, a burned out cigarette in hand while he snores sitting up. Typical. My little sister has volleyball practice after school until November, so I'm left to deal with out father's short temper alone until she gets home at 5 every evening. Yay me. I take the cigarette out of his hand and put it in his ashtray before going into kitchen to do last night and this mornings dishes. After I wash the dishes, I go into my room and climb onto the top bunk with my backpack to do today's assignments I purposely left undone so that I wouldn't have to sit in the living room all night and hear my dad complain about another horrible day of working construction over some crappy TV show or movie.
My younger sister, Amelia doesn't get home until 520, but dad is still sleeping and I don't care what she does with her time after school even though it's a 7 minute walk home from the school. I turn the ovens dial to the needed temperature for dinner and let the oven preheat before going out to start the laundry that always seems to be pilling up against me.
After dinner, I watch some of the crappy TV show on cable and let my dad enlighten me about how crappy his day was of laying bricks at some old ladies house before excusing myself to take a shower and lay in bed to read for the rest of the night.
When we moved, dad said everything was going to be different for the better. He was right about it being different. I used to be scared to be in my room alone for too long at our old house. At this house I find comfort in the pages of a book while snuggled down in my covers and ignoring the rest of the world.
After finishing my shower, I wait for the telling match between my sister and dad to calm down so i can sneak across the hallway and continue on to my daily ritual of hiding away in my room.
I'm about to run across the hallway to hide in our room when I hear my dad yell my name from the living room.
"Tara, come out here, please!" He says as more of a demand than a question. I slightly hit my head against the door jam and throw my dirty clothes in my room before going into the livingroom to see what my father wants.
"Yeah?" I ask as the back of my throat closes, not wanting to be the object of his attention tonight.
"You're just like your mother, you know that? Damn whore. Left us for drugs and went to chase her high instead of raise her two kids. You look and act just like her, you know that? You make ma want to puke just looking at you. When I adopted you it was out of pitty. I knew it wasn't going to be too long before she fucked up again, and your biological father is shit. Couldn't have my daughter's half sister growing up in the system. That would just be horrible. You know you are just like her. Everytime I look at you, all I see is her." He crinkles his nose in disgust and I hold back the tears from his words. I know he just wants to see me cry. That's all he wants, and I won't give him the satisfaction. No matter the harsh words I try so hard to prove wrong that he throws at me, I refuse to cry in front of him.
After my dad is done with me he gives me a wave of his hand and dismisses me before turning back to my sister to yell at her the words that I will always wish had never left his lips. "You fucking kids ruined my life. You know that? My life was fucking grate before you guys. Now I have to raise two kids that I didn't want in the first place and I have to work all the fucking time to come home to disrespect and a disgusting house everyday." My sister sits straighter before firing back a snarky comment I didn't quite hear through the loud ringing in my ears. I wish he would just burn the house down with him in it during one of his maps after work to save Amelia and I the trouble of having to put up with him. He's not worth the time, but since we're both still minors, we are stuck in his custody until we're at least 16 and can file for emancipation.