As she danced to the tune, she imagined dancing like this with her future boy, she thought does he also dance like that with her? Does he like her body? He must grossed out with mine right? He must be thinking i deserve a lot better, like this one, white like snow, slim, sofesticated, did he ever like me? He never smiled at me, he never called me pretty, he never asked how I'm doing, but he smiles at others, he treats others with gentleness, am i that ugly? Unworthy? Or it's that he had enough close people that he doesn't want me? But he also is good to other new people after me, he said he isn't ready for responsibility then why is he with her now? Why was he waiting for her? If that's the case, that he doesn't like me then why do i like him so much? What did i even like about him?!
She was really going crazy, but she knew this is not love, but is it really not love? She thought of him day and night, at every moment she hoped, she was with him, even though she wanted so bad to be in his arms, she prayed to the God to keep him happy, healthy, and safe and let him have the girl he wants .
She felt so unworthy of him when she saw him with other girls and his lifestyle, was he just her dream? She cried at night, but she didn't want her parents or anyone else she just wanted to be in his arms and cry, she just wanted to hug him to sleep every night, she wanted to cook for him, she wanted to do so many things only for him, but he only wanted her to be his slave, his toy, he told her to take off her clothes, he told her she deserves to be fucked if she expects love from him, he said he wants to see her being violeted by four men, he spoke so coldly to her, he didn't reply to her, she just wanted him, she was never mean to him, she was only kind to him, she lost all her self respect for him, everything remindid her of him, she missed talking to him so much, she missed him so much even though he never met her or spoke much with her, maybe because she was used to being away from loved ones but just missing and loving them from afar, but she really wanted him, she doubted that she loved him but when he posted himself with other girls , she would get so jealous, when she saw him with his new gf she cried all night, she cried for 5 hrs straight, even though she knows there are so many women loving him like her, but she still liked him, he talked well with everyone except her, she was broken, she was shattered, she remembers sitting by the road like a homeless person, because she was so tired, fed up with life, no one close to her texted her, or checked up on her, not her mother, not her family, not her best friend or friends, nor did he ever, she always controlled her cries, that at one point it became so uncontrollable that her tears started to fall by themselves, she just wanted someone to hold her, she just wanted to cry so hard, but no her family said you can't give up, you don't have family, no one will do anything for you, you have siblings and cousins to take care of her, no one thought of how it must feel to her, how it is to be without anyone, she was just a human, just like everyone , but why did they treat her so inhumanly? right it's her fault, she lacks self respect, self esteem, she should love herself lol .