Krriiiing! KRIIIING!
"Hello, good morning, I am looking for Mr. Diaz." the familiar voice echoed on the telephone..
"Yup it's me, who is on the other line?" I knew it was the doctor, but out of courtesy I needed to ask.
"It's doctor Perez. I have news about the results. Come to my clinic at 11am." Said doctor Perez without a hint of emotion. His professional demeanor is quite cold, but amusing nonetheless.
It was 9am so I had to wait the longest 2 hours of my life. I was ready at 9:30 am so I drove into Mr. Perez' clinic earlier and decided to wait there. I had ambivalent feelings of excitement and fear that coursed its way into my racing heartbeat. The front desk nurse welcomed me with her usual bright smile but I had a hard time returning the gesture.
"You're quite early today, Mr. Diaz. Doctor said that he will be here—"
"At eleven," I cut her off. "I know. I'm sorry, this is really important to me so I wanted to just sit and wait here. I am a bit tense," I was more than a bit tense. I was tense, TENSE.
"Owkies Mr. Diaz," she sighed and mumbled, then went back to her charts.
Doctor Perez peered out his clinic door and signaled me to come inside. The air conditioning was colder than usual coupled with my nervous state; my shaking was obvious. Being the emotionless doctor that he is, he handed me a piece of paper containing the findings that will change my life forever. My eyes grew and my teeth clenched upon reading the document.
I have wasted more than 10 years of living a lie. I was so furious that I could never forgive her; I condemned God and blamed Him for everything. How can I take back that one decade of my life? How can I pull myself back together and move on knowing that I have been lied to all these years? I almost fell down to my knees when the sudden wave of emotions engulfed me; My tears fell onto the document that contained the truth as I grasped it with my uncontrollable hands. Shaking, I tried to sit down, but my tears still crept their way down and found their way onto the piece of paper. I tried to reread the information hoping for a piece of clue that would somehow change the fact, or at least a probability, a margin of error.
"D-doctor, are you sure?" I said with a shaky voice as I was wiping my tears with the back of my hand. He looked at me and tried to express his empathy by giving me a nod with a light tap on the shoulder. "You have to confront your wife. I believe that you can still set things straight. It is not too late but you have to start your life anew." His voice was quite cold but comforting.
After giving the doctor my thanks I found my way back home in Sta. Rosa, Laguna. The day was darker than usual as I parked in the garage. It was as if time was slowing down; as I shut down the engine I could hear voices in my head orchestrated by the loud beating of my heart.
When I opened the door of our house I saw Sophia, the kid whom I called my daughter all these years, busy reading her fairy tail. I remember buying that as a last minute gift because I almost forgot to get her a present on her 10th birthday. She welcomed me with her usual warm embrace. "Hey dad, where have you been?" She wrapped her tiny arms around my waist. I hesitated but gave in and hugged her back. A tear fell down my eye but I wiped it as I spoke, clearing my throat first "I had to run an errand for your mom, where is she anyway?"
"In the kitchen preparing our lunch, love ya, dad," she whispered as she let go of me and returned to her book. My heart almost melted as her words echoed in my mind. I was falling apart; how can I tell the truth without compromising our relationship? I cannot hurt this loving child who bore no resemblance to my physical features, which all started to make sense. After kissing Sophia's forehead I walked my way into the kitchen, with each heavy step I felt my legs becoming numb.
"Dear, we need to talk," I broke the silence that shrouded the room. Desiree was busy with her cooking, she turned around and looked at me innocently. "What about? Can you hand me the pepper please?" she said in a nonchalant tone as she stirred the vegetables and meat. "It's about Sophia. I –" I trailed off.
I felt a small finger poking me at the side. It was Sophia playing her games on me again, hiding behind my chair. She would often do that to get my attention whenever I am having a conversation with someone. She would stop if I ignored her which meant I was into a serious matter, but more often than not I would return the favor by tickling her on her sides. I did the latter.
"Hahahaha dad, stop it! That tickles!" Sophia exclaimed as I brought her into my arms and tickled her sides. The sound of her laughter always gives me a flowing stream of happiness that fills me up even during my darkest hours. Tears were again forming within my eyes when my wife said "Lunch is ready! Let us eat!"
I went to the kitchen sink to wash my face to recover from the tears that were welling up. During lunch I was looking at Sophia like it was the first time I saw the sun. I had to make a choice: to continue living this lie and have a false sense of happiness, or to tell the truth which will break the two women that I love, but would set me free.
During the night, I attempted to start another conversation with Desiree. I opened my mouth but no words came out. She looked at me and kissed me good night. When she was past asleep I was still wide awake, lying there, tormented and hurting. I wanted to be mad at her. I wanted to strangle her right there and then because she has been deceiving me all this time. She had an affair with another man but blackmailed me into marrying her, telling me that Sophia was my child. I stood up and went out of our house and cried. As I let go of all my sorrow and frustration I carried the official DNA result which was negative, tore it into pieces and burnt it. As the fire consumed what was left of that piece of truth my tears dried up. I will try to forget. Maybe I was just a coward after all, in denial; I couldn't face the truth. Or maybe I was just saving my family by depriving myself of my own freedom. I can never forgive myself if this family gets broken.
I walked into Sophia's room; she was past asleep and hugging her teddy bear firmly. I stood there for a minute, admiring her. As I looked at her peaceful face I knew that it was the right decision. I went back to bed and wrapped my arms around my wife. "I love you," I whispered as I closed my eyes.