The next day, I found myself at the hospital yet again. I had decided to volunteer in the children's ward by reading the books or playing with them. I always had a soft spot for children and I didn't like that they had to go through cancer as I do.
I walked into the children's ward and soon I felt all the kids gaze at me with curious looks. "Hi everyone, my name is Angelina and I'm here to play with you guys today," I said sweetly. They all began to cheer and pile up at the base of my feet. "Hi, Angelina I'm Penelope!" A cute little girl said. "Hi Penelope, you're really pretty," I told her while ruffling her hair.
She giggled and sat down along with all the other children. "So what do you guys wanna do first?" I asked. "Storytime!" They all yelled at me. I giggled and nodded my head, resulting in Penelope rushing to get a book from the bookshelf. She returned with a book I knew all too familiarly, Goldie Locks and the three bears. "Once upon a time, there was a girl with golden hair." I began, and soon I had the attention of all the little children.
: : :
A few hours later, the children received visitors. Their parents came to spend time with them and they were overjoyed. I looked around at all their happy faces but frowned when I saw little Penelope sitting in a corner by herself. I made my way over to her and sat down. "Hey, Penelope. Why are you here by yourself?" I asked the six-year-old. "My parents are working again, my brother might visit me." She said softly. "Well until then I'll keep your company ok?". "Yeah!" She yelled enthusiastically.
"Come on let's go to my room." She said while dragging me along. We entered a room, close to where we were sitting. It was all pink with teddy bears covering the bed. "Wow, your room is very pretty," I told her truthfully. "Thank you. I picked out the colors myself." She said proudly. I laughed, just as the door opened and a boy who looked to be my age walked in. "Ashy!" Penelope yelled while running up to the boy and hugging him.
"Who are you?" He asked harshly. "Uhm... I-I'm Angelina, I'm the new volunteer." I said nervously. He looked into my eyes while glaring, leaving me confused. "Ash stop. Angel was just playing with me because I was by myself." Penelope told him. "Well, I'm here now so you can leave." He spat in my direction. I slowly got up to leave when Dr. Silver walked in.
"Hey, Angelina? I didn't know you were here. You don't have chemo today....why are you here?" He asked with concern. "I'm fine Dr. Silvie. I was just volunteering. Josh wouldn't let me out of his sight unless I have school and I really needed to get out of the house." I answered truthfully. "Ok well, don't forget your checkup next week.". "I won't," I said as he walked out.
I turned around to meet Penelope's eyes. "You have cancer too?" She asked sadly. "Yup. I have leukemia. Just like you, my hair is all gone too. I just wear a wig to hide it since I have school." I said with a sad smile while taking off my wig. She gasped and gave me a tight hug.
"Oh my gosh....I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I thought you were like the other volunteers who just said that they understood when they didn't." Her brother, Ashton said. "It's fine. I probably would've reacted the same way if I were you." I said truthfully. "Well let's start over. Hi, I'm Ashton, it's nice to meet you, Angelina." He said while sticking his hand out for me to shake. "It's nice to meet you too Ashton," I said while playing along.
"Well, I have to go now. But I'll be back tomorrow if you'll have me?" I asked jokingly. "Yeah! Come back!" Penelope yelled. "I will Pen, I promise," I said while ruffling her hair once again. She smiled and hugged me, and I felt a joyful grin form on my face knowing that I made a little girl happy.
: : :
The next day, I went back to the hospital after school with excitement filling my being for the first time in a while. I made my way to Penelope's room and opened the door after knocking and hearing a soft come in. I entered and found two unfamiliar people standing at Penelope's bed. "Hi, I'm Angelina. I'm a volunteer here." I told them while shaking each of their hands.
"Hi I'm Diana and this is my husband Mike. We're her parents." Her mother replied. I nodded and walked over to Penelope. "Hey, Pen. How are you today?" I asked while ruffling her hair. "I'm fine, though I should be asking you that. Don't you need to rest too just like me?" She asked confused. Her parents glanced at her with a curious look. "Well, I've just finished my round of chemo and I haven't been able to do anything for a while so I'm trying now," I said softly.
"Oh goodness! You have cancer?" Mike, her Dad asked. "Yeah, leukemia. I've had it for a couple of months. My hair's fallen out but I wear a wig so people don't notice it.". "You're very brave then, coming here to help the children while you're struggling yourself," Diana said with a sad smile. "I like to do what I can," I said truthfully.
"Hey, Angelina." A voice said from behind me causing me to flinch. I turned around to meet the amused gaze of Ashton. "You startled me, that wasn't nice lad," I said firmly. "Sorry, Ms. British." He replied tauntingly. "Since you're here can you show me where the cafeteria is?" He asked hopefully. I simply nodded with a small smile. "I'll be back Penelope."
: : :
After we arrived at the cafeteria, I decided to give Ashton a tour of the place. "And this is where I stay whenever I'm here for a few days," I said while showing him my room that Josh personally pays for which I find totally unnecessary. "Angie?" I heard a voice call from behind me. "Alli!" I yelled once I saw her face. I hugged her tightly as if I hadn't seen her in years. "I missed you." She said with a sigh of relief. "Are you here to see Nate? Is he awake yet?"
At that moment I felt my body freeze as if thrown into a sea of ice. "He's not awake yet. I don't know when he'll wake up." I told her softly. She nodded with glistening tears in her eyes. "Uhm Alli this is Ashton. His six-year-old sister has leukemia and I'm volunteering in the children's ward so that's how we met.". "It's nice to meet you, Ashton." She said with a smile. "Nice to meet you too." He replied with a short nod.
I plastered a fake smile onto my face and gestured Ashton towards the door. As soon as we walked out I bumped into someone. I looked up, ready to let all my anger out on that person but stopped when I realized that it was a tear stricken Ms. Hale. "Ms. Hale? What's wrong?" I asked her worriedly.
"Oh Angelina, they asked me to take him off of life support. I can't believe they would ask me to do that." She cried out. "Oh my god," I muttered. My breathing quickened and I felt my body going into a sense of panic. "You can't. He's going to wake up." I told her firmly. "I know that...but isn't letting him go better than letting him suffer?" She said unsurely.
"What?! No, you cannot let him go...you can't! He will wake up, don't do this please don't I can't lose him too!" I started screaming. My body convulsed with sobs and then I knew that my first happy day in months had turned into yet another dull and painful one.
: : :
After a few minutes, I calmed down and rushed to see Nate with Alli and Ashton on my tail. It had completely slipped my mind that he was still there and had witnessed everything. I entered Nate's room and sat beside him, gazing at his face and his closed eyes which I longed to see open. "Can someone explain what's going on here...?" Ashton's asked slowly. I nodded hesitantly and turned towards him with a sigh.
"This is Nate. My boyfriend. He had cancer too but in his lungs, he was getting a lung transplant and it worked but his body slipped into a coma. It's been eight months since then and the doctors want to take him off of his life support." He looked shocked at first, but then looked over to Nate's sleeping body. "I'm so sorry Angelina, that isn't fair.". "Am I being selfish by not letting him go? I just...I can't let him go because I just got him. He made me happy again." I said softly. "Angie you're not being selfish, he would do the same if it was you lying there," Alli said firmly.
I nodded, though my worries were not at ease, and stood up to leave. "I'm going to go home. Can you tell Penelope that I'll see her later?" I asked Ashton. "Yeah of course.". "Ok...I'll see you guys later. Bye Alli, bye Ashton."
I left the hospital feeling a sense of sadness overcoming me, would he ever wake up I found myself asking. How is it fair to finally find someone only to have to let go so soon?
I wandered the streets, making my way home slowly in hopes of avoiding Josh's lectures about walking around by myself. I walked up the pathway to our house which I noticed was probably empty due to the fact that Josh's car wasn't there.
I entered the house, feeling a sense of numbness like I wasn't in control of my own body. I wandered around trying to find a way to relax. A way to shut everything out. Come on Angelina. Stop being selfish! Let him go. A voice suddenly yelled. You're going to die anyway. What a waste of poor Josh's money.
Why don't you just end it now? "No no no!" I yelled while covering my ears, not knowing what else to do. My feet moved lifelessly. I couldn't feel my movements and I couldn't feel my hands, so when I entered the bathroom, picked up a bottle of pills, opened them and forced a handful down my throat, I realized then and there that as my body shook violently and my mind slipped into darkness,
I still felt nothing. Not one thing.
Author's Note:
This chapter is dedicated to everyone who feels lonely in this world, to everyone who is going through something that they can't speak up about. The world is a really cruel place and sometimes we don't realize our wrong until its too late to do anything about it. Just know that if any of you ever need someone to talk too, I am here.
Next chapter will be posted by Tuesday, 24th of September, 2019.