Growing up in a complete happy family, my dream was one day to build a family just like how my parents built us. It was my ideal family despite having some issues once in awhile, it did not stop me from going after this dream.

However, as I grew up, I realized that not all family can be like ours. Especially if the people in the world now are no longer committed to the relationship they are involved in. Most are cheating and I feel disgusted just by hearing it.

In other words, the society itself makes me sick when it comes to relationship.

I am not just being biased here without any thought in this. After all, I have experienced such failure many times. At first, these failed relationships never bothered me so much, with my family being there always and comforting me, it actually urged me to be in a relationship more until I meet the one for me. But when you have experienced so many failed relationships in life, you would surely come to reflect on what's going on with yourself based on how all things went disarray.

Why? Why do they always leave me? I did everything for them. I gave my heart fully into the relationship even though it was left broken many times! I never failed to love them unconditionally!

Just why?

These questions are now hunting me. And no matter how much I look for the answers, it just seem not to be there to help me.

And then, a realization hit me. It wasn't my fault. It was their fault. Why? Just because I look a bit chubby, the other party always ended up cheating on me with sexier girls. Just why is that?

So I decided, I won't marry anymore. In today's day and time, I don't think I would be able to look for a man who is as faithful as my father to my graceful and ever loving mother. I just don't see that happening anymore in our current society.

However, I may not want to marry but building a family still lingers in my mind. I still want to have my own child of course. But I don't want any father figure in our lives.

And right now, I am waiting to be laid tonight by the guy I met online.

Let's see if this will go smoothly...