The ungiving scroll arm chaise made her miss the deep plush mattress from her hotel suite. It was the best sleep she had had after years. She was reminded of how it felt to sleep like a baby. No matter how much her mother tried to make a homely environment, Itika just couldn't feel comfortable there, in her own home. She wanted to move out, but from where she came, moving out either meant going to a different city for studies or job or getting married. She wasn't ready for marriage yet, but if it had meant her having her own place, she was going to make her peace. She had long forgotten how to relax. And if Jacob hadn't called her for a testing, Itika would have spent the entire day curled up in her fancy bed, surrounded by pillows made of what could only have been clouds. She rubbed two fingers on the back of her right arm to sooth the irritation she felt from the couch cover, head not moving an inch from its place as Jacob narrated the first scene.
'We wanted to start with this without any rehearsals, but since you are new we thought we'd brief you your job and then begin the shoot.'
Jacob sat cross-legged in a fiber chair opposite of her in loose brown cotton pants. Itika caught sight of the fitted sleeves of his white skivvy that were pulled just below the elbows. A chain of memories flashed her mind.
He used to pull them just like that.
LET IT GO.
She tried to clear her head. FOCUS. She tried harder this time to look away from those creases. He was not here. He won't be.
LET IT GO.
'… bet she told you about the kiss?'
KISS? That ought to snap her out of her memory lane. There was no mention of a kiss in the contract. She had ready it twice. The closest she and Shawn were going to come was sitting next to each other near a river. If they had told her they had to kiss, she would have had to refuse the project. Itika thought of a reaction that would be polite and won't make her look like a prude.
'I wasn't aware of that. Something like that should be in the contract itself, I think.'
Did she sound like she wasn't up for any lip-lock without seeming too old-fashioned? Maybe she did. Kissing on screen was a big deal for her. Her parents would be okay. They were way too cooler for her, she couldn't match their cool. Itika wondered if she was refusing kissing on a whole or refusing to kiss Shawn. She definitely didn't want to go near his face.
'I thought Dina must have told you about it.' To her relief, Jacob didn't look disappointed. He nodded his head as he continued to go through a set of papers in his hands and looked up, 'Well, what do you think? Can you do it?'
'I don't think I can.' Honest. She couldn't, and for once didn't think she should hide her discomfort with kissing a stranger.
Jacob smiled assuredly, like he was expecting her to say no. 'Can I ask why?'
'Ah.. umm.. I am not comfortable with it.'
Jacob stared at her, trying to read past her hesitation. 'Is it a cultural thing? I'm sorry if I sound racist.'
Itika was expecting it to be the first thing most would assume about her reluctance to get intimate on screen. But in Jacob she saw genuine curiosity, and his little apology wasn't expected either.
'No. That's really not an issue. I see why you'd think that, I guess. I just really am not comfortable.' Itika felt a sting of offense somewhere in her chest. CULTURAL THING? She wanted to react but Jacob wasn't condescending with his comment. She just had to move past it.
'If that's what you decide then we do have a plan B. So, you're not going to get intimate, right?'
'Yes, you can say that.'
Surprisingly, Jacob was taking it well. He started reading something on one of the stapled papers, and continued, 'I wasn't really thrilled with the kiss you know. It doesn't quite go with the flavor of the video. So, I think we will have you and Shawn enter a hotel room and show him dim the lights and the scene cuts there. Of course, you and he have to convince everything through your faces about what's going to happen. The hesitation. The shyness. All that young love sweetness. That was my initial plan. What do you think?'
'I… like it better.' She wasn't lying. Shawn had shared a kiss in six out of eight music videos, and having a love song without any heat was refreshing. Keeping aside the fact that she didn't have to change her mind if Jacob had been inflexible, she was happy with the concept. It was now to be seen how they were going to execute it.
Jacob took a relaxed breath and looked at Itika, childlike spark in his eyes. 'I'd really like to start with the shoot today. Do you have time?'
'Do you ask all your actors if they have time?' Itika smiled. There was an easy she felt around Jacob. He didn't seem like a serious director. His laugh that followed her question confirmed her perception.
'I don't. I'm just given their schedule and have to work accordingly.'
'Okay. I've nothing else to do today. If you think we can start today, I'm up for it.'
'Oh, Great. Shawn's also here. He was waiting for the rehearsal but now we can rehearse while the cameras are rolling. And guess what, the hotel scene is first on the list.' Jacob raised an eyebrow. Itika thought the smirk was unprofessional, she had seen him the other day, he was all-business. The ease he had been showing today seemed like he too was relaxing around her.
A few seconds dawdled between the two and before it became awkward, Itika looked away and at a white clay statue behind him. Jacob too had retreated to the script. Thankfully.
She was suddenly afraid.
It was really possible that she was overthinking, again. But, if her past experiences with men had taught her something, it was that they didn't like being friends with girls if they're single. She didn't like being hit on by guys she thought were her friends or even colleagues. And that three second look that Jacob had given her felt like he was interested in her more than she had thought. She didn't want another acquaintance ask her out. She hated to be in that position. And God knew she had been there way too many times.
DON'T BE SO FULL OF YOURSELF, she scolded herself in her mind. There were greater chances that Jacob wasn't interested in her at all. But, the thought of being asked out irked her in a nutshell. It made her anxious.
This was one reason she could never have a guy friend. Sooner or later, they all had tried a chance on her, out of the blue asking for a casual hook-up, or a sex chat, or even phone sex. The guys she had considered friends had given in to their loneliness and took the chance of ruining their friendship with her just for a few moments of pleasure. It had upset her when the incident had repeated itself six times over the years. Even knowing she was committed hadn't stopped them. 'I won't tell your boyfriend, if you don't' was the last thing she had heard from an old friend before she had to block his number. It took a lot for a person to fall in her eyes; she was someone who had faith in people when they made mistakes. She forgave often, but once that person stooped lower than she could discern, he basically became a stranger to her, almost dead.
'Hey?' Jacob broke her out of contemplation.
'Yes, sorry. When do we start?'