Host Immortal Tree: On to the next question!
Host Immortal Tree: this one is... slightly more dramatic
Host Immortal Tree: Theoretically you have secretly adopted children and told your husband it's yours. What would you do?
Old Man Team!
Li Guiren: Um
Li Guiren: I only have one kid and even I don't want to say it's mine
(Tian Shun, in distance: middle finger)
Sefu: yo wtf is this question
Host Immortal Tree: These questions were posed by your greatest fans(?)
Sefu: I suppose I would say it after they're in a really good mood? I dunno
Team Not incest
Monroe: These fans are so weird. Seriously. What's with this question?
Jia Hyson: Ummmm sweats nervously N-no idea.
Host Immortal Tree: 🙂These fans hold the decision of one million p in their hands
Jis Hyson: I- I suppose if such a thing did happen. The person had good intentions in mind.
Jia Hyson: besides the kids are pretty cute.
Jia Hyson: …I heard.
Monroe: Um. I guess I would tell them eventually?
Team Dumb and Bitchy
Bebe: Heh
Drake: ???
Bebe: It's okay Drake. Your dumb ass don't need to understand
Drake: ...
Bebe: In this hypothetical situation. Those kids aren't even Bebe's. Maybe Bebe used the kids as a way to break up. Just throw the kids and runs
Jia Hyson: Wow that's cold
Bebe: sneer At least it's not real ah
Jia Hyson: ....
Drake: I would wait a few years until the other would develop a closeness with the kids then tell them?
Jia Hyson: Yeah that seems about right
Spicy chicken Team
Tian Shun: ..this is weird
Da Gong: Cluck [Agreed but I would trust and accept my lover no matter what if that happened and I'm sure there must be reason it was a secret. This bird has no reason to do such a thing but maybe if I really wanted a baby with my worm and my worm couldn't lay egg I would do it ah. To make my little worm happy.]
Audience: AW
Jia Hyson: urk! My heart! It's bleeding! My cold shriveled slag heart!!!!
Host Immortal Tree: All contestants must answer
Host Immortal Tree: ahem
Host Immortal Tree: Tian Shun
Tian Shun: But anything I say wouldn't beat that ah!
Tian Shun: Can't I be a salted fish this round?
Host Immortal Tree: 🙂 No
Tian Shun: ...
Tian Shun: I guess I wouldn't say it and let the other live a beautiful lie
Jia Hyson: Oh hey that's what I'm doing!
Jia Hyson: Fuck. Wait.
Host Immortal Tree: The votes have been tallied up and it seems that the audience has decided the person with the surname Li is a terrible person, that's right, Li Guiren you are a horrible person, unfortunately even though you are a scum parent you didn't win, the winner is still Jia Hyson!
Li Guiren: Yeah that checks out.
Jia Hyson: Woo finally!
Jia Hyson: It's a bit sad that I, the main character am struggling to win in this huh.
Bebe: You're telling me, Bebe, the most loved character.
Host Immortal Tree: Currently the points are in a three way tie with Team Grandpa, Team Moral Degredation and Team Da Gong is the best all have two points.
Host Immortal Tree: While the forgettable team has zero!
Forgettable team Drake and Bebe: ...
Host Immortal Tree: The next question has been carefully designed to bring chaos
Host Immortal Tree: If you had to sacrifice your teammate to save yourself, would you do it?
Team Dumb and Bitchy
Bebe: In a heartbeat
Drake: You're so awful QAQ
Bebe: Wouldn't you?
Drake: Well.... now I would!
Team Not incest
Monroe: Never
Jia Hyson: sigh Monroe is such a good kid with high potential. It's better he lives instead of this old man ah. So I suppose I rather take the fall this time.
Monroe: Brother… QAQ
Host Immortal Tree: Honest answers only
Jia Hyson: Rude this was honest
Host Immortal Tree: 🙂
Jia Hyson: No matter what I raised him sincerely as my brother.
Jia Hyson: Even though I didn't reciprocate romantically... I did, in a way... like him a lot ah.
Monroe: Movedtears.gif
Jia Hyson: Yup still standing firm on that answer host. This old man is willing if it really boils down to it.
Li Guiren: See. That's how an old soul should react Sefu
Sefu: ...Shut up
Spicy chicken Team
Tian Shun: Guys. Are you seriously asking me if I would value a chicken's life over my own? Obviously not. I literally killed for less ah.
Da Gong, nodding in agreement: Cluck [Exactly. How can you think I would value this sad human's life over this glorious rooster's life? Sacrifice him. Little worm would be happier with me anyway heh.]
Tian Shun: …This chicken is somehow more ruthless than me ah
Old Man Team!
Li Guiren: I'm a police detective that is meant to enforce law and justice. I could never do such an underhanded thing.
Sefu: I'm a royal guard meant to serve and protect. How could I break my warrior's code of honour?
Host Immortal Tree: Tch, lame
Li Guiren: We understand each other well.
Sefu: Indeed.
*Li Guiren draws his gun and Sefu whips out a sword*
Host Immortal Tree: Oho?
Li Guiren: …Well it seems the question is answered.
Sefu: …indeed.
Li Guiren: …You going to sheath that sword?
Sefu: Drop the gun first.
Li Guiren: …
Sefu: …
Host Immortal Tree: Cast your votes everyone!
Bebe: ...They're still not dropping their weapons
Host Immortal Tree: Once again, contestants are allowed to attack each other if its on camera.
Bebe: ....if they die can we get their points?
Drake: ...
Host Immortal Tree: No 🙂
Bebe: boo
Host Immortal Tree: Well the votes are in
and....
this round was not for points!
Audience: !!!
Bebe: wtf
Host Immortal Tree: The real treasure was the chaos we found along the way
Jia Hyson: no way
Sefu: *throws sword down*
Li Guiren: *chucks gun at host*
Host Immortal Tree: *dodges nimbly*
Da Gong: tch
Tian Shun: This is bullshit
Monroe: Eh, I'm ok
Host Immortal Tree: COMMERCIAL BREAK
Film Empress Noc: 7 out 10 hosts with romance-based systems struggle with dealing with the infamous white moonlights of the male lead's hearts. However, with Overlord Li Jun's R&D's new and improved White Lotus Replacement buff (TM) you can quickly capture your target's interest with a face seven to eight points similar to their white moonlight's! With this, climbing onto the bed is no problem at all! Jiayou~!
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Host Immortal Tree: Ew
Host Immortal Tree: Well, we're back on air haha, this next round is definitely for points.
Contestants: ...
Host Immortal Tree: The question is: what kink is an immediate no go?
Team Not incest
Monroe: Um. Cuckolding. Definitely.
Monroe: If I could finally openly have my love in my arms, it would break me to watch him be with someone else.
Jia Hyson: Aw
Jia Hyson: Mine is scat. Poop is gross.
Monroe: …
Spicy chicken Team
Tian Shun: Daddy kink.
Tian Shun: Definitely daddy kink is a no go.
Da Gong: Cluck cluck [Any kink that hurts my worm is not my kink!]
Audience: AW
Bebe: once again, Da Gong has shown himself to be the best male lifeform Bebe has ever seen.
Other lifeforms of the male gender: ….
Old Man Team!
Li Guiren: Fuck I don't want to go after the Spicy Chickens. I can't think of anything to not sound shallow in comparison.
Sefu: Anything we say will make us look bad in comparison just pick something.
Li Guiren: Baby talk I guess will be weird for me. Like, who wants to fuck a baby?
Sefu: You know when I said anything we say will make us look bad in comparison?
Li Guiren: Yes?
Sefu: You made us look worse. Disgust.gif
Li Guiren: ….
Sefu: I'm not into blood or knife play. It's fun to spank my naughty wife but I can't bear to really hurt my kitty.
Team Dumb and Bitchy
Bebe: Bebe doesn't like Trojan virus kink. It's disgusting and Bebe won't stand for it.
Jia Hyson: I have questions.
Bebe: No you don't.
Jia Hyson: …Oh yeah. Sure. Cuz that's how it works.
Drake: Necrophillia.
Bebe: ...wow
Drake: Most of the good ones were taken.
Bebe: So you went with necrophillia. The kink of fucking dead people.
Drake: Well it's gross right?
Bebe: It makes sense but I still want to curse you out for some reason.
Host Immortal Tree: Huh. It seems that the most forgettable team were still talking.
Drake: ...
Avatar
Host Immortal Tree: Well, it's not like they were going to win anyways.
Drake: ........
Bebe: .........
Bebe: You guys really fucked Bebe over with this teammate
Host Immortal Tree, whispering into microphone: Hey… Is it possible to remove boring contestants?
Audience: YEAH!
Drake and Bebe: ...
Host Immortal Tree: No? ok. Disappointed.gif
Jia Hyson: So… who won?
Host Immortal Tree: It was a tie! between Team Moral Degradation and Da Gong's team
Da Gong: cluck
Sefu: I don't like this new name either
Host Immortal Tree: The tie breaking game is a flight contest! who ever reaches the highest altitude wins the point for their team.
Sefu: ...
Li Guiren: ...
Sefu: this seems biased
Da Gong: flaps wings enthusiastically
Audience: WOO GO DA GONG!
Tian Shun: ....
Host Immortal Tree: Moral degradation team is Jia Hyson and desperado ah~
Jia Hyson: ooohh
Jia Hyson: I thought it was Li Guiren cuz of the bad dad thing ah
Bebe: same tbh
Host Immortal Tree: Hah, no incest is much worse.
Monroe and Jia Hyson: ....
Jia Hyson: Um. Can I order a plane ticket?
Jia Hyson: does that count?
Host Immortal Tree: No, but you can throw your teammate
Jia Hyson and Monroe who didn't really do sports in school: .....
Jia Hyson and Monroe who didn't really do sports in school: we forfeit
Host Immortal Tree: 3, 2, 1…
Da Gong: *flaps wings and hovers*
Jia Hyson and Monroe who didn't really do sports in school: no seriously we forfeit
Da Gong: *still flapping*
Audience: *screaming incoherently in enthusiasm*
Tian Shun: em
Tian Shun: *awkwardly flaps arms*
Host Immortal Tree: By the way… How tall are you Jia Hyson?
Jia Hyson: Erm, about 168 cm?
Host Immortal Tree: *Runs over to da gong with tape measure*
Host Immortal Tree: …
Host Immortal Tree: POINT GOES TO TEAM NOT INCEST
Da Gong: cluck 😦
Bebe: *slow clap* Good job Host Tree, way to offend the most popular rooster here.
Host Immortal Tree: 🙂
Bebe: The audience must have lower approval ratings for you now ehhehe
Host Immortal Tree: You basically aren't even in the game, why are you talking?
Bebe: ...
Bebe: Bebe just wants some screentime QAQ
Host Immortal Tree: 🙂
Host Immortal Tree: That would lower our ratings so no
Host Immortal Tree: Next question: Who would you like to have around your deathbed? Can be more than one person.
Jia Hyson: zhow morbid. Are you sure this is from our fans?
Spicy chicken Team
Tian Shun: Well if we're talking about an alternative to when I already died I would still pick Wei Wei I suppose. I don't have anyone else and the only other family I have is a shitty geezer whose probably already theoretically dead because of his already very old age or STDs or something gross.
Da Gong: Cluck cluck tsk [My little worm, my three odd looking children, Ye Cheng and my other servants and lackeys. I would tell everyone not to bully my little worm when I'm gone tsk.]
Host Immortal Tree: 🙂
Team Dumb and Bitchy
Drake: Adrian and my family.
Bebe: Bebe's system friends and Bebe supposes host too. And also a special investigator Overseer from the Justice System because the only way Bebe dies is though murder or self destruct, and Bebe would never fucking self destruct ah.
Old Man Team!
Li Guiren: I suppose Wei Wei and my bastard of a son.
Li Guiren: Even though I hate the brat, I prefer him over anyone else to watch over Wei Wei when I'm gone. After all, not everyone can become a ghost, and it's especially less likely with my constitution.
Tian Shun: …
Sefu: I have no blood family anymore. I'll just be happy having my lovely kitten be the last thing I ever see.
Team Not incest
Monroe: If I could, I would want my family there. Maddy and Adrian… It was lonely dying when no one is around.
Jia Hyson: ....I don't know.
Jia Hyson: I just don't want to die alone with no one by my side again.
Host Immortal Tree: *wipes fake tear*
Host Immortal Tree: What an emotional question.
Contestants: ....
Host Immortal Tree: Pls vote and subscribe for more content
Host Immortal Tree: Follow me @the immortal tree on systagram for more emotional vulnerability.
Contestants: ......
Host Immortal Tree: Wuwuwuwu- anyways, the votes for this exploitative question have come in!
Host Immortal Tree: The winner is Team Not Incest!
Jia Hyson: woo
Monroe: Brother we did it!
Bebe: ....
Host Immortal Tree: You have pulled into the lead with a total of four points.
Jia Hyson: omfg get out wow
Bebe: Can we switch teams? Me and host should be together right ah?
Host Immortal Tree: Team Grandpa has two points as well as Team Spicy Chicken
Sefu: Grandpa... *cough blood*
Da Gong: cluck
Host Immortal Tree: And ah... there was something else…..
Drake: ...we got it.
Host Immortal Tree: Hm.
Bebe: ....
Host Immortal Tree: On a lighter note- *flicks lighter*
Audience: *FORCED LAUGHTER*
Host Immortal Tree: It's time for an ad break.
Film Empress Noc: The hit baby system television show is finally coming back! Mr Fluffers and BabyM's sporty adventures with their spiritual pets Poivre the stressed birb, Lala the forgettable rabbit, and Ning the lazy leaf spirit. Will they finally defeat the evil Esther Everesta and her equally evil Eevee, Spade Z? Find out on Yeet Me Out of the Ballpark! Coming back next Spring!
Overseer System Ellora25: Join us on the most anticipated finale of this season of System Wars! Our top three finalists, our first all female-identified system finalists, will finally battle against each other to show the entire system world who is the strongest system warrior!
Will it be the powerful Overseer Ally wielding her electrifying giant broadsword Xecros?
The young Overlord Ruby JG with her swift physical body and elegant long-ranged attacks using her favoured bow Reesowo?
Or the dark horse of the year? A long time cannon fodder system who has only been given one physical body despite her many hosts, the mysterious system who had only recently upgraded to Overseer level, Overseer Alina R and her elusive invisible Daoist Sword Edge!
Who will win? Who will lose? Find out next week at 10! Your lovely system host, Overseer System Ellora25, signing out! System Wars!!!
Host Immortal Tree: aaand we're back
Host Immortal Tree: Move that one team to the back, bring the popular ones forward for a nice starting shot.
Host Immortal Tree: But keep them just in frame.
Barely in frame Bebe and Drake: ...
Host Immortal Tree: Next we have a spicy question from some sort of waterfowl!
Host Immortal Tree: What is the best crime, objectively?
Old Man Team!
Sefu: The mantis stalks the cicada, unaware of the oriole behind. The best crime is to force your two enemies to fight first then swoop in to reap the benefits.
Li Guiren: Just use ghosts. Any crime becomes the best when you have the power of the supernatural by your side.
Team Dumb and Bitchy
Drake: Um, violence isn't really my thing but..
Drake: With enough money I think any crime can be done. So. The crime of being too rich?
Bebe: You just made a lot of enemies in the audience kiddo.
Drake: ???
Bebe: Anyway.
Bebe: Hacking is the best crime. How easy is it to stab someone? Nah, hacking takes skill and intellect. Anyone can murder but not everyone can hack.
Jia Hyson: Okay, that is not fair, you're a fucking system. Hacking for you is like breathing.
Bebe: That doesn't change the fact that Bebe is better than you at it hehe.
Host Immortal Tree: It seems the audience thinks you're a 2008 edgelord Bebe.
Bebe: hehe
Team Not incest
Monroe: Classic knife made out of ice trick.
Jia Hyson: I'll do you one better- if the victim has smooth surface floors, use water to cover the floor and then trick the victim into thinking there's an emergency at home. The victim will rush in, slip and hopefully crack their head. If it kills them, the water will dry up with none the wise.
Jia Hyson: Even if it doesn't kill them, they'll be hurt and you can always make sure you give yourself an out during your emergency explanation by leaving a loophole. So while they won't be too happy you're still safe ah.
Jia Hyson: It was something I've been contemplating recently ah.
Monroe: …
Monroe: …I love you.
Li Guiren: Me too.
Sefu: Same
Tian Shun: You're stunning when you think about killing people did you know that?
Drake: It's adorable when you get murder-y
Da Gong: Cluck ❤️
Bebe: …
Bebe: Ya'll some crazy bitches you know that right?
Host Immortal Tree: No one cares Bobo.
Bebe: QwQ
Spicy chicken Team
Tian Shun: Getting one of the spirits who are capable of turning things intangible or possessing people to steal. Either way, the crime can't be put on your hands. It's perfect.
Da Gong: Cluck… Cluck. [The crime of cuteness. My little worm should be sentenced to a lifetime imprisonment… with me.]
Jia Hyson, spits out blood: Fuck I was attacked with too much meng! He's right, this can't be legal!
Host Immortal Tree: The votes are in!
Host Immortal Tree: Winner of this round is.....
Host Immortal Tree: DA GONG!
Da Gong: Cock a doodle doo~
Tian Shun in background: woo
Host Immortal Tree: The final question is here!
Host Immortal Tree: Created by yours truly…. moi.
Host Immortal Tree: After this ad break.
Film Empress Noc: We interrupt this live broadcast to tell you a rogue goose has devastated a nearby interstellar carrot farm. I repeat. A horrible goose has decimated a nearby interstellar carrot farm. Space Farmer Aiden and local pit boy will be interviewed about this tragic event at Foxy news by our favorite reporters System White Fox and System Silly Fox.
Film Empress Noc: Have you been finding it hard distinguishing those green tea bitches and annoying white lotuses? Finding it hard to identify those crocodile tears and uncovering those back handed schemes? Don't worry, Overlord Li Jun's R&D has got you covered with the Lotus Tea Mist! Just inhale the green-white fragrance and you'll find your intuition to discern even the most white of lotus and bitter of green teas can even rival the gods! (Only 999p per ml. Warning, Lotus Tea Mist may cause nausea, stomach cramps, temporary blindness, permanent blindness and death).
Film Empress Noc: Bad breath? Hungry but full from a large meal? With Cynnie's Basil flavoured Catsup Candy not only will your breath smell like an Italian garden, you'll completely lose your appetite too! Try it now! Cynnie's Basil flavoured Catsup Candy! It's Ba-ba-Basilicious! (Manufactured by Overlord Li Jun's R&D)
Host Immortal Tree: The final question
Contestants: !
Host Immortal Tree: Dun dun dun!
Audience: GASP!
Contestants: !!!
Host Immortal Tree: Is worth two points!
Audience: LE GASP!!
Contestants: !!!!!!!!!
Host Immortal Tree: It requires some historical knowledge which will be filtered through Overlord Li Jun's reality filter.
Host Immortal Tree: If you were accused in the Salem witch trials…
Host Immortal Tree: Would you-
Host Immortal Tree: confess and accuse someone else to go free
or maintain your innocence?
Jia Hyson: Fuck me that's brutal
Old Man Team!
Sefu: I would accuse the accuser and draw chaos. In the distraction I'll try find a way to escape.
Li Guiren: Is my son there? Because I hear being a witch is genetic probably.
Host Immortal Tree: ...
Li Guiren: You already knew I would say something along those lines come on.
Host Immortal Tree: Can we take away points for being bad?
Audience: NO
Team Not incest
Monroe: I'm innocent and I will deny these claims calmly and use logic to try convince them. If that doesn't work I rather kill myself then burn.
Jia Hyson: Honestly if I'm at that point, it's probably because I fucked someone I shouldn't and there's no saving me so I rather drag someone I hate down with me.
Team Dumb and Bitchy
Drake: I would maintain innocence. I believe in the people and my male lead halo to get me out of this.
Bebe: Bebe is innocent and deny it. But if that doesn't work Bebe will accuse the dumbest person around in order to have the highest chance of getting replaced by the dumb fuck. stares at Drake
Drake: Well. This is awkward.
Spicy chicken Team
Tian Shun: I'm innocent but I know that there's no proof. Might as well drag dear old dad in.
Da Gong: Cluck. [I'm a rooster. There's no such thing as witch roosters. So I'm good.]
Host Immortal Tree: Please cast your votes carefully!
Host Immortal Tree: The final votes are coming in and
Host Immortal Tree: The winner of this round is Jiia Hyyyyyyyyyysssssoooooooon!
Audience: 👏👏👏👏👏
Jia Hyson: WOOOO
Jia Hyson: HELL TO THE YEAH
Monroe: Brother I'm so proud of you!
*Other gongs enthusiastically claps*
Host Immortal Tree: Why are you so excited?
Jia Hyson: Uh cuz I won?
Host Immortal Tree: That was the final question
Host Immortal Tree: Of this episode.
Jia Hyson: ???
Contestants: ?????
Bebe: Fuck
Host Immortal Tree: That's right, producer Li Jun has approved a SECOND EPISODE!
Jia Hyson: So next episode it's 2 million p?
Host Immortal Tree: Nope 🙂
Jia Hyson: So... its twice the work for the same amount of prize money?
Host Immortal Tree: :)
Jia Hyson: ^@$$^@(*&_#
Other contestants: (@)($@@^*#
Host Immortal Tree: You can always withdraw and get no money.
Everyone: !)(#@)&$&)!()$()&!_(#)$&(!@&#$&)@!($
Host Immortal Tree: Whats that? Double or nothing?
Everyone: !!
Host Immortal Tree: Hehe.
Host Immortal Tree: Just kidding.
Everyone:...
Host Immortal Tree: Still one million.
Host Immortal Tree: DRAMA, TENSION, EMOTIONAL EXPLOITATION!
Host Immortal Tree: Next time on...!
Host Immortal Tree: BETA BE A BETA GAME SHOW!
Host Immortal Tree: This is the Immortal Tree signing off.
Film Empress Noc: Thanks for coming to the show today, please support Overlord Li Jun at the Li Jun's R&D franchisee stores! 😘
Film Empress Noc: Also support the Author God on her ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/hweichan
*Due to the show taking way longer than we thought we decided to put the last few questions into a second episode (yay). The episode will be 3/4 Saturday or Sunday, 9:30 am GMT+8 so join in the fun on our discord!