"Now lift up your boxes!"
Jia Hyson lifts up their first proper mystery box, ready to plaster on a look of surprise. He's very glad he picked up those acting classes and minor roles in the entertainment industry. To fake surprise so many times.. ah, his face feels really stiff.
But really, this show, can it not give these newbies some face? First proper mystery box and the ingredients are all things you could find if you searched Top Ten Weird Things People Eat.
Offal, alfalfa sprouts, avocado and green tea leaves were more or less recognizable to this cast of westerners. But chicken feet, lotus root, dried fermented scallops and cactus pears would really send people into despair if they weren't worldly enough.
Not only was the third season of Home-cooked Miracle made to be more dramatic and challenging, in light of its global popularity they also introduced a more diverse range of cooking styles and food. Of course if they had been more genuine in their attempts at diversity then the contestants wouldn't be 90% white but Jia Hyson figures that sort of problem is beyond his capabilities of fixing. He was tempted to add that suggestion to the author in his notebook but was half-afraid that this dumb author would switch out decent characters for offensive racial stereotypes.
Why would he worry about that you ask?
"Ahh, what the f*ck is this?!"
"Chicken feet? You can eat these?!"
"I think Asians do."
"Yeah, well, Asians eat anything right?"
"What are these circle things? They smell fishy. Gross."
"I can't cook with this!"
"Ugh, this is a western show! Why is there trash like this here?"
Jia Hyson mentally facepalms. Sure the more insulting things said were from the purposely unlikable characters but still. This story would have definitely not have aged well over time. He couldn't even trust the author to write about good food in a cooking story much less provide racial diversity.
Luckily as a proud Chinese person he knew enough not to turn this episode into a complete racist clusterf*ck. Maddy also enjoyed experimenting and tasting new things so she should also be familiar with chicken feet and lotus roots. Drake, well, as the (possibly ex) male lead there was no need to worry about him. He may suddenly have lost his sex ability but he can't exactly drop his prominent background the same way.
"Soup is the best way to go I think," Jia Hyson says seriously to the camera as he begins making stock and chopping up some herbs. He may not have cooked a lot in his original life but his mother would have beaten him to death if he didn't know how to make basic herbal soup. In her words, 'If you can't cook rice and can't boil soup, might as well go starve and die!'
He remembers this clearly because of the sheer hypocrisy of it. After all, she had been worse at cooking and paying attention to things than he was. She once gave him frozen toast. That too was very memorable.
Still, not everyone in his family were incompetents in the kitchen so he learnt how to make soup from his grandmother. Unfortunately he couldn't exactly tell such a personal story to the camera and win some charisma points so he settles for explaining how he'd recently been interested in Asian cuisine while he drops the scallops into the stock along with some other traditional flavorings.
As he was pondering about if he should do something to the offal before cooking it into the soup, Jia Hyson hears a sudden loud crash. Surprised, he lifts his head up to see Maddy glaring at one of the bullies Shirley, who had 'accidentally' pushed off her bowl filled with marinating offal meat. None of it had escaped from its tragic end all over the floor.
"Oops," Shirley says insincerely, "my bad~"
"You-!" Maddy clenches her hands into fists, mystery ingredients were limited to what they had. Once they're gone, they're gone.
"Excuse me," Jia Hyson steps away from his station. Since he's making noodle soup his preparation isn't as heavy as some others after the initial steps. "What is going on?"
"Adrian," Maddy looks up at him feeling aggrieved. She had always thought the bullying that could happen on this show had been over exaggerated but now she feels like it's clearly the opposite! First that good-looking blackhearted asshole clearly trying to violate her brother, now this bitch is not even trying to hide her sabotaging. Who says the drama is scripted? There really are insane people in this world!
Shirley, seeing Adrian also shoots him a pitiful look, "It really was an accident," she says, sounding far more genuine than before, "Maddy you really shouldn't blow things out of proportion," Shirley chides before Maddy could even speak further.
Jia Hyson looks at Maddy who seems ready to explode. It was like watching a pufferfish bloat. Very cute as expected of his sister. Then he turns to Shirley with a cold look in his eyes that fail to match with his smile. "Even if it was an accident I think Maddy still deserves an apology," he says in a soothing and calm manner with a hint of disdain, like coaxing an unlikable child.
Of course because of his high attractiveness stat, someone as brainless as Shirley could only see the most shallow surface and felt Adrian was a gentleman trying to give both ladies face. Originally she felt like Drake Lanzoni had a much greater seductive charisma but she supposes that being pampered by such an elegant and kind man wouldn't be too bad either. It was a pity that such a beautiful male specimen seemed to stick to this bland looking nobody like glue.
Shirley's eyes look at Maddy with jealousy. She and many other females had noticed her during the very first challenge. During the break before the first elimination round began, many saw Drake talk to her, quickly followed by Adrian who then led her back upstairs in a manner more intimate than friendship. While no one was sure what they discussed it was clear that this girl had somehow managed to capture the interest of two of the most attractive guys there. Not only in appearance but in background too. Drake Lanzoni is one of the sons of the most influential families this side of the globe and who hasn't heard of the up and coming model slash star Adrian who's recently been showing up everywhere before he entered the competition. Both were high-level premium slabs of beef and yet this bitch thought she could eat steak for lunch and dinner? How hateful!
The hateful Maddy: (ﾉ￣□￣)ﾉ ~┻━┻ 'You're really overthinking things, I just wanna cook gurl,'
"I'm really sorry," Shirley apologizes, her remorseful shamed voice coupled with the wronged expression on her baby face really made it seem like she meant it. Shirley was born with a sweet face and a pin-up model body so naturally she should be popular with the contestants.
Unfortunately at least half of the amateur cooks here were also considered to have appearances in the realm of drool-worthiness so not everyone was moved. Jia Hyson remembers the last two seasons of Home cooked Miracle had normal looking people of various ages with only a few that could be described as very attractive. At first glance this season could be mistaken for a supermodel reality show. He doesn't know if he should blame the author or the world's television executives for this.
As Shirley left, Jia Hyson quickly checks on his stock before looking at Maddy who was glumly nudging away the mess on the floor. "Do you need offal?" He quickly offers, "I can spare you some."
Maddy hesitates but shakes her head resolutely, "Thanks but I can't keep depending on you for all my problems." She says, "I'll figure something out."
Jia Hyson nods and quickly goes back to his bench to make see if he can make noodles while he dries off some offal. He isn't too concerned, the mystery box challenge doesn't cause elimination in the first round, it's just the winner would gain an advantage in the second. Besides, despite his own anxieties Maddy has the protagonist halo, she'll be fine.
She doesn't need Adrian anymore...
Jia Hyson: QAQ 'My baby is all grown up, Bebe what should I do I'm so sad.'
Bebe: 'Go give birth.'
Jia Hyson: 'I would need to have sex first, aiyah now I'm sad for a completely different reason.'
Bebe: 'You weren't supposed to add three eggs to your noodles,'
Jia Hyson: 'F*ck,'
Jia Hyson looks a little despairingly at his little volcano of flour and other dry ingredients. In the middle of it lay three shining golden yolks where there was meant to be only one. "I don't think I can redo this."
"Thirty minutes!"
"Okay I definitely can't redo this," he sighs before continuing on his noodle making process. "I'll just call them egg noodles and hope they'll buy it."
The camerawoman watching him this time couldn't stifle her chuckle at his exasperated words. Jia Hyson was guaranteed to be one of the most popular contestants so wisely there was always one camera nearby him. Since he was not only beautiful to look at, quite witty and surprisingly cute and clumsy, everyone enjoyed being the one to watch over him.
Almost too quickly time ran out. Jia Hyson was internally swearing up a storm the last ten seconds as he tried his best to 'artfully' plate his offal-chicken feet noodle soup. Throwing on some bean sprouts and chilli on top he sighs in exhausted relief as Olivia calls out, "Time's up! Step away from your stations everyone!"
"Christ!" He curses, at least you couldn't make a bowl of noodles ugly. Still he's fairly happy with how he's done.
Leaning over his counter he tries to take a peek at what his sister has done but before he can two small hands cover his eyes. "Adrian no peeking!" Maddy laughs playfully making him grin and grip her wrists pretending to wrestle her off.
"Well now I just have to see!" With years together Jia Hyson knows she was ticklish, so he lightly scrapes a nail against her wrist making her squeal and retreat with a pout.
"Mean!"
"Come on," Jia Hyson wheedles, enjoying the easy sibling interaction, "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."
"It's a bowl of soup." She deadpans.
Jia Hyson looks sad, "My daughter is so cruel," he earns a whack to the head.
"Who's your daughter?" She laughs again. They bicker lightly unaware of the smell of vinegar filling the room. Only when Morgan Durand cleared his throat pointedly did they separate and stand in front of their dishes.
As expected, despite the initial setback, Maddy gained a lot of praise for her strange savory green tea cake with a thick sauce that came from boiled down chicken feet giving it a meaty but light taste, and deep fried lotus root chips for texture. Not only was the idea truly original, the taste was good and the overall appearance was gorgeous as well. Even compared to Adrian's delicious but ultimately boring looking noodle soup and Drake's own lavishly beautiful but slightly bland vegetarian plate, it was a clear winning dish.
As Maddy excitedly walks off with the judges to one of the pantries to see her advantage, Jia Hyson sneaks a peek behind him to see Drake's reaction. This is meant to be the turning point of the story where Drake sees Maddy's limitless potential and grudgingly acknowledges her talents, feelings of respect sprouting from his heart which would blossom into something else. Of course it probably won't turn into love all things considering but the respect still needed to be cultivated.
However, to Jia Hyson's shock instead of the expression of pleasant surprise or reluctant acknowledgement or even just a blank mask hiding the turmoil of his emotions there was clearly a handsome face dark with resentment and jealousy.
He touches his nose anxiously. It couldn't be... Drake's really turned into a jealous cannonfodder character? Eh? What strange situation is this? While plot wise it would be interesting to read but Jia Hyson really wasn't willing to let that happen.
Jia Hyson sighs as he tries to think things true. The impression shouldn't be this bad and Drake's personality is stubborn but not to the point of blindness. He likes talented people if nothing else. If Jia Hyson talks up Maddy with him, Drake should be able to see past their first meeting and gain a better opinion of her.
Bebe: 'Host, maybe that not-'
"Drake," Jia Hyson turns to face him. Immediately Drake's face smooths our into a more neutral expression. "May I taste your dish?"
Drake breaks into a smile, "Of course," he agrees before looking a bit embarrassed, "it's not very flavorful, I underestimated the flavor of lotus root and cactus pears."
Already chewing on the food happily, Jia Hyson had to agree. The taste was indeed delightfully harmonious but faint, if it had been enhanced a little it definitely would be hard to determine the winner of the round. However it's current state was still lacking. "Maybe instead of grilling the cactus pears pickling might have been better?" He suggests.
"Mn, unfortunately I was worried about time," they both exchange a long-suffering look that was common among the contestants when complaining about the challenges.
"So," Jia Hyson adds casually, "What did you think of Maddy's dish?"
Drake's expression falls for a moment before he pulls himself quickly together, looking calm and unperturbed. Jia Hyson felt really worried now, was his pride hit that hard? He doesn't understand why this male lead was so sensitive suddenly.
Bebe: 'Maybe cause you bent him?'
Jia Hyson: 'One, people don't suddenly become more sensitive once they become gay or bisexual you ignorant overpriced slag system, and two, if anyone is bending over for anyone it will clearly be me okay?'
Bebe was furious at the name calling, 'You dare call me a slag? Have you looked in a mirror recently?'
Jia Hyson: 'Of course I have, I make sure to look three times a day to see how much more beautiful I get,' (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
Bebe: '..Roll!' So shameless!
"Madeline indeed showed creativity this round," Drake after a minute of hesitation offers up stiffly. "Children are very imaginative, it's good she still has that."
Jia Hyson blinks. Did... did he just say Maddy was childish?
Bebe: 'Inadvertently he also said you were childish too. After all Host is one of the most delusio- imaginative person Bebe has ever known.'
Jia Hyson wants a refund on his system.
"That's it?" He raises a disbelieving brow at Drake, "Even if you disagree you should still not be so blatant about it."
"Why not?" Jia Hyson suppresses his eye roll. At least his arrogance is still intact then.
"Well Maddy's a girl," he tries, "she's young and it's obvious she has potential, come on a savory green tea cake was genius! I mean, the sauce looks really great too, I thought it was caramel before I hope she'll let me have a taste after. She probably will, Maddy is very generous you know? She's very kind but no pushover, you know, a very loyal friend if you get to know her.."
Every reason Jia Hyson gives, Drake's face goes one shade darker. It's actually rather fascinating to watch. He wouldn't mind seeing that god-given face blacken into a devil. However it's very counterproductive to his goals. Quickly he changes his angle, "Don't you know how bad you'll look to the audience if people think your jealous of a little girl?"
Drake gives him a condescending 'I'm a king therefore I am the law' look, "I'll just get them to cut it out," he says like bribing drama hungry executives to take out a catfight was as easy as taking candy from a baby.
Jia Hyson: 'This f*cking second gen rich boy...'
"Fine," Jia Hyson huffs, "Well I don't know why you're suddenly so close minded about her, but then again I guess I don't really know you do I?"
The reaction was just as he planned. Just prodding at the sore spot in their relationship is enough to get the young man to wince. "Adrian, I thought.."
"I'll be over it once you get over whatever resentment you have for Maddy," Jia Hyson interrupts ruthlessly. He didn't really want to use emotional blackmail on Drake but if the shoe fits, might as well wear it. He still wasn't sure if a male lead can fall into cannonfodder status but all the cannonfodder in this story had a very public social death that ruined their future in society. The best ending was actually Shirley who became a top-tier prostitute and eventually mistress number three to some rich man which lead to her death by the legal wife's hands. How was this the best ending? Well, out of all the cannonfodder endings she was the only one with an intact corpse.
Seriously, this is meant to be a heartwarming cooking story right? Face-slapping was alright but this sort of intensity belonged in revenge porn. Mentally he decides to see if he can lighten the sentences for a few of the more redeemable characters like Daniel Green who definitely didn't deserve being castrated and died because his injury got infected with maggots.
Yeah, that's right. Seriously. What the f*ck author. It's like you're not even trying to stick to your genre.
As his mind is filled with a thousand galloping mud horses for this shitty excuse of literature, the judges and a grinning Maddy made their way out of the pantry with a cloche in hand. Turning around to look at them he doesn't notice Drake's face turn exceedingly ugly.
With darkened eyes he stares resentfully at Madeline Fenwick, the beginnings of true hatred starting to stir in his chest. Was Adrian's relationship with that girl so good he could throw away their own for the sake of it? Was he worth less in his eyes than her? Unacceptable! Simply unacceptable!
Adrian is his!