*TOSHIRO SHINTARU *
It's the morning and it's time to announce today's schedule.
"Alright, Everyone! After breakfast, get ready for the next part of our trip! We'll be hiking, to mount fuji!"
"We'll be hiking up mount fuji?!" A student exclaimed.
"No, it's just a reminder to get your hiking gear on! And don't complain on the way down!"
.
.
.
A basic run down of what happened that day; Everyone woke up at 5:00 am to get ready and eat breakfast.
We started the travel at around 6:00 am. It was a long and tiresome drive but we eventually arrived to the foot of Mt Fuji.
At 1:30pm, the students and teachers were allowed to go on their separate ways for lunch... And I made sure to make a head count...
But there was one person missing... "Misturu!" He apparently claimed that he went all the way to Aokigahara forest and back! Within 1 hour! By walk!
Then, for the rest of the afternoon was spent on travelling to lake Hamana... which looked absolutely beautiful!...
*HASHIBA MAEHARA *
Something happened last night, between Misturu and Sayuri... Even though, the boys dorm was further away from his, I could still hear them both shouting at each other!
I just didn't know why...
Since, this morning, Mitsuru looked dead, like he didn't get enough sleep. However, even in that state, I can't believe he went to the suicide forest! Without anybody noticing it!
Well, now, we're at Lake Hamana and everyone is walking around, chatting, playing with the water and taking pictures.
But, Misturu is in his own little world. He has been avoiding everyone since he came back from that damn forest! By himself! Without telling anyone!
I happened to notice him, sitting on a large rock and staring off at the sea.
"Hey, Mitsuru!" He didn't even flinch at my surprise arrival.
"Is it true that you went to Aokigahara forest?"
No reply... Though, it usually takes him a while to answer back, but I figured that something was wrong.
"Are you ok?.." I asked as I sat beside him, bending my head down at him.
"Shut up and leave me alone!..."
"Nah! I can't do that!" I exclaimed as I leaned back.
He looked down... I knew that he was angry but...upset...
"Is that because you're an idiot...?" He asked.
"I'm not an idiot! Besides... You're the bigger idiot here." He didn't seem surprised, his usual reaction would be, sometimes, over dramatic or trying to diss me back for insulting him, but he did neither.
"I wonder...why's that?" It sounded like a rhetorical question, but I didn't know what the initial answer would be.
Maybe, because Mitsuru feels in pain right now... But he's not the only one.
He's probably thinking, 'Why do I have to go through this?!'
"Well, it's stupid... Instead of pitying yourself and keep thinking about your pain and your suffering, start thinking about others, their pain and suffering could be as great as yours... I know for a fact that you've suffered alot, because... I know what those bandages mean..."
Mitsuru's eyes opened widely, he didn't expect me to say any of this.
But I had to let it out.
"I know for a fact that Yusari has suffered, because I know what it feels to see your dad, full of hatred....! I know for a fact that Sayuri has suffered... Because...
I know what it feels... to love someone... Who doesn't love you back..."
"What...? Maehara... You've seen it all... haven't you...?"
"Yes... I too have been through suffering... but I don't know if it's greater or smaller than yours... Either way, I choose not to show it... Because, they are people out there, that have nothing... And I'm always grateful for everything I have... So... A piece of advice... Be grateful."
*MITSURU FUKUYAMA *
I had no idea... Maehara didn't seem to be a person that went through pain... He always looked happy on the outside, that even I couldn't notice anything. ..
Everything that he said made me remember, back when I went to the suicide forest... I went there...
To end my life...
I was ready...
And I planned it...
I bought a rope with me... However, the peaceful setting I was going to die in, sounded worth it...
I was prepared until... birds began chirping very loudly and the wind blew so hard that it stole the rope away as it slipped passed my fingers...
It was so lively at that moment... it felt ironic to end it all.
Didn't you say that you've accepted your pain and suffering...?
Did you not accept that...?
Weren't you going to push forward and never give up! No matter what! It's only been a day! Have you forgotten?!
This place... is so lonely... We are old, we are tired...
Please Don't do it... We don't need anymore...
The trees look dead but they have not died...
The day has come... where I realise that...
I AM ALIVE!
*SAYURI SCHREIBER *
It's been fun, but I can't get him out of my mind... I'm afraid that he went to Aokigahara for specific reason... I want to know what changed his mind...
Me and some of my friends were playing in the water, I just got splashed before, "Sayuri..." I thought that was my imagination, until I looked around and saw Misturu standing behind me... in the cold.
"Can I talk to you?..."
"Ok..." I agreed and went up away from the water.
What does he want to talk about? He looked serious...
We started walking silently by the waves, I was just following him... Where were we going?...
I kept my gaze down, walking slowly and I kept my distance...
"Listen..." I faced up, his back was toward me.
"Do you think I'm...selfish?..." he asked.
"No..." I didn't want to say 'yes'... I was afraid of what he might say to me.
Honestly, I think Misturu is very selfish... but I couldn't get myself to admit it...
"Then... what if I said... that I would rather save myself, than to destroy others..." What?... Where did he get that from?
"If you don't save yourself...then, would you want to destroy others...?" I asked to clarify, because I didn't understand why he said that.
It's strange...just like that theoretical question he asked yesterday... about suicide... That I asked him...
"Have you....seen someone kill themselves...?"
But he never answered, maybe it was because he never trusted me...
"I would..." he looked at me in the eyes, with an evil smirk on his face.
"Wait! You mean you would destroy others, if you're broken!"
"That's right." He calmly closed his eyes.
"Then...You're not selfish..." Misturu opened his eyes while I was talking. "If you want to save everyone, then...its best to save yourself and control the monster within...Right. ..?"
"That's right... But, I might not be able to save myself, if I'm too busy worrying about everyone else..."
"Yeah.. That makes sense..." I don't quite understand him but his mentality is similar to my own...
"Then, it's fine to be selfish every once in a while..."
"But let's not forget about everyone else...and how much they're suffering."
He nodded in agreement, for some reason... He's in a fairly good mood...but why? He had a grudge on me since morning...
"Can I ask you a question...?" I asked a question to ask another question... how stupid...
"Sure..." If he's in a good mood, then maybe he'll answer.
"Have you seen someone-" "Commit suicide?" Misturu interrupted and took the words right out of my mouth. But is he really comfortable talking about this?
"Why?... Have you?" He asked.
"Um..no.." But that doesn't mean I haven't seen things...close to death...
"Well, I have... I don't want anyone to know about it... Can you keep a secret?"
I nodded.
"Not even Yusari and Maehara, understand?"
I continue to nod, until he looked at the lake. The sun was setting.
"My sister... committed suicide...when I was 9..." he finally confessed.
I couldn't belive he was that young! Why would she do that?! Why did she leave him behind?!
"You're probably wondering 'why'?..." How did he know?!
"Well, she went through alot because of me... my very existence... caused her to die!"
"No! You can't say that! It's not your fault! You were just a child!-" I yelled only to be cut off by him.
"Are you pitying me?"
"What? No...I'm just worried...! You can't blame it on yourself." I immediately froze when I heard him snicker.
"Hehehe!" He's laughing...Under his breath.
"I seriously can't tell!" He looked up and bursted into laughter. Leaving me so utterly confused.
After a short moment, he finally stopped..." Are you a bad person or a good person?..."
"Is that what you're laughing about?!... IDIOT!" I cross my arms in unsatisfactory.
Does he think I'm a bad person?... Why can't he tell?! I took a breather for a couple of seconds.
"It depends...on what people think... looking at me by different points of views, they can judge me whether I'm good or bad by the way they perceive me... Don't you get it?
Whether you tell them that you are a good person, they won't be influenced... To one person you may be a good person... While to another you may be a bad person... So, either way...it doesn't even matter what they think...you know who you are." I said, hoping I made my point across.
"But...I don't know who I am..." He doesn't know?... Maybe, he had to change personalities for different people.
"Do you think I'm a bad person?..." he asked. But he showed me a different expression... One I thought I would never see...
He had sadness in his eyes, he just didn't know who he is anymore. He has felt numb for most of his life that he doesn't know what expression to reveal in complicated situations.
I can sense it... He has pain in his eyes...I smiled at him, gently reassuring him...
"Of course, you're a bad person but... I know...you have a good heart..." I placed my hand on his chest, I can feel him breathing and his heart racing fast.
I felt all of it but I stared deep into his eyes. "I really believe that..."
"Thank you..." His eyes were watered in tears, I didn't expect him to hold my hand but he did!
Misturu bent over, crying, holding my hand tight like he would never let go. The sun setted against the sea, like it was sinking into it... It was beautiful...
"Misturu..." he looked up with dried up tears of sorrow, he smiled and said, "Yeah..."
I was staring into the sunset, the wind was blowing through my hair.
"If you're willing to change, then I know you would be able to do it... I believe in you... You just need to believe in yourself..."
We looked into each other, dazing in our eyes...holding hands....Holding... HANDS?!!
I finally woke up from my gazing and nervously removed my hand from his. "Ah! Sorry!" I blushed and looked away.
"No... its alright..." he lowered his gaze and turned away.
He's trying to hide his flustered face!...
To be continued...