My irritation was getting out of control. The stress and the anxiety, both were making me restless. There's a fear in my mind which makes me worried sick. What if I do some silly mistake while talking to Timothy? It's strange that today I couldn't control my way of speaking.
Until now I had a firm grip on my actions. Even when I met Lucinda's father, he was unable to find the differences between me and his daughter. No one was able to sense something odd in my behaviour.
Sure Kathryn didn't noticed anything strange. She took it lightly, thinking it's only a slip of tongue. But Timothy is different. He may be weak in front of Lucinda but he's no fool. I was 100 percent conscious and careful whenever I was with Timothy. I made sure that I behaved like the old Lucinda so that he won't notice the truth.
My body is also tired after the long carriage ride. Seriously, cars are way better than horse carriages. Even the roads are so uneven and bumpy in some areas. My body was shaking in the carriage. No matter how much decorate it fancy colour and stuffs, at the end it's not as comfy as the car.
Heck! Ever a truck is way better that these shitty carriages.
" Father are we gonna have dinner together?" Little Alex asked his father with gleaming eyes. Although I did not wished for it. Why you wanna make troubles for mommy? Are you not on my side Alex?
" If that's what you want then." Jesus fucking Christ. I'm so dead now.
" Yay! I'll tell you what I did today. It was so much fun. I also made a new friend,"
" Oh! That's great Alex. I'd like to hear more about your new friend."
" Yeah father. We played together in the garden. I want to visit her again soon. You will let me go there, right?"
" Yes,yes. Anything for my dear son. You can also invite your friend here."
" Yay! That's even better."
Timothy was busy talking with Alex. Great now his attention is not on me. I'll stay quite for the time being. It's better to avoid him although I'll be sleeping in his room. My body is tried today. I don't feel like entertaining him with my body. On the topic of entertainment, I remembered about the party.
I need to make sure that Timothy attends the banquet with me. If I can seduce him with some honey coated words that would be easy. Besides I need to make sure that we don't get physical a lot. A casual foreplay is good but to go it all the way, that will create problems for me. I don't have that much potion left to prevent my pregnancy. That's the last thing I want.
I need to tell Sir Joseph to visit my father and bring some of that birth controlling potion before it's too late. Thankfully Timothy isn't a horny animal. He's decent enough to keep his distance if I don't want any intimacy. I'll give him that.
He was never interested into getting physical. If he wanted, he could have slept with the other concubines. There were so many options. Yet he kept himself only for Lucinda. All these years, he remained true to her. But if he loved her so much, why the hell he hurt her mercilessly?
Not only her, little Alex had to suffer a lot. I know Timothy is not to be blamed but he's a part of it. That's why I want him to suffer as well. He needs to pay for his deeds. I don't give a flying fuck for his love.
" Lucy!" My shoulder was suddenly shaken by a sturdy hand which made me come back to my senses. I looked up to blankly stare at Timothy.
" What's the matter? Are you not feeling well? I have been calling out your name for while." His voice was gentle with a touch of dread. Is he worried about me?
" I apologise Your Majesty-"
" Didn't I tell you to call me by my name when we are alone?" His eyes were at me, and I couldn't help but notice his god like features. That smooth skin, those cheeks and that sexy jawline. Holy cow! I'm gonna end up having a crush on him if I continue to stare any longer.
" I'm sorry... I " Quickly diverting much eyes away from him, I kept my head down. My ear was feeling hot. Oh god! Don't tell me that I'm blushing. Oh hell naw!
" It's fine Lucy." The way he spoke my name, it made me feel kinda tingly. I was lost of words.
" What's wrong?" He asked me again, not knowing the reason for my silence. I was embarrassed and kinda confused with my own reaction. What the hell is going on with my mind?
" Nothing... it's just... when I hear you call me by that name, my heart feels kinda strange." He raised his eyebrows hearing my answer. Perhaps he thinks I'm crazy or stupid for spouting such nonsense.
" Strange? Like how exactly?"
" It starts to beat so fast." It's one way to put it. I mean I never felt like this. It's kinda unknown to me. Timothy held my chin and lifted it slowly to the point where our eyes can meet.
" I feel the same, you know." A gentle smile that has the love and affection, he offered it to me, on the way of our palace. For that moment I really felt that my heart was about to come out of my chest.
Three of us, we sat down on the enormous table, inside the giant dining hall. There were so many chairs left unoccupied. The table was filled with so many dishes. Various types of foods were waiting for us to savour.
Most of the time I eat with Alex. The reason is my table manners. Yes, what could you expect from a person who had burger, pizza and other sort of junk food as their daily meal. In fact I never been to a five star restaurant. Thanks to Lucy, I was able to learn the ethics of dining.
Well not really, I only told her to cut my food in small portions on those days, making my weak body as an excuse. When she was using the cutlery, I watched it carefully and recorded it to my brain.
That was how I leaned the way of eating. And Alex helped me too. All I had to do, was to copy them although the tension was in the air always, making me feel anxious. Being a queen has it's own privileges. I can eat gourmet food made exclusively by chefs and wear fancy garments.
But every good thing comes with a great price. I may live in luxury, my life is at the edge of a cliff. One wrong step and I'm dead. My enemies are like vultures, waiting for me to give up on my life, so that they can savour me.
" So I'll work hard to become like you, father."
" And why's that?"
" Mommy told me that I have to become a strong and a good man then I can marry Rose."
" Yes Alex. You need to become a good man even better than me. I have hurt your mother that's why I'm not that good anymore." What kind of a jerk he is? Trying to gain sympathy from his six year old son? Are you for real? Or is it for me? Is he feeling apologetic for treating me bad all those years?
Bitch please!
That sort of cheap trick won't work on me. Words are empty air. They have no such value unless you make them come true. If he wants to repent on his past mistakes, he should use his dumb head and understand the current situation. People are targeting him, they want him dead. Yet, like a little damsel in distress, he is lamenting.
The dinner ended and we headed back to our chamber. Without uttering any word, I laid down on the soft fluffy bed. Instantly, I felt that the sleep is taking over me. Of course I was so tired. There were no energy left for me.
" Lucy?"
" ....." I pretend I didn't hear it.
" Lucy? Are you awake?" For the fucks sake! What do you want ? Let me sleep in peace.
" Yes my lord." Please don't ask for sex or I'll have to drink two glasses of coffee to restart my system. In this state, I'm like a lifeless doll.
" Am I disturbing you? If you feel tired you can go back to sleep." Yeah right Mr. dumbass. If you knew I'm sleepy then why the fuck wake me up? Why you wanna make my life so difficult? Now I really wish that Eleanor and her boy toy kills you painfully.
" No, it's alright. Say what's on your mind."
" It's just..... I wanted to ask you about your day. Alex seems really happy after coming back from there. Did you also had fun?"
That's it? That's fucking it? Are you nuts bro? You could have waited for the morning and ask me tomorrow. He's getting on my nerves.
" I had a very good time. I had a tea party with lady Kathryn. Alex has taken a liking to her daughter. Although he's young but I wanted to encourage him and teach him the lessons of life."
" I see. He's lucky to have a great mother like you. If only I had that in my life." A hint of sadness covered his eyes. His face looks rigid and pained. Did he suffered in his childhood? Did he had a harsh experiences in his past?
Even if he had them, why the hell I want to know about them?
Why does my heart aches when I think of his heartbroken gesture?
Why is my mind telling me to ask him more about his painful experiences?
" I didn't quite get you." Finally I spoke those words without my own will.
~ to be continued