"Nii-san."
Itachi turned his head towards his little brother whom he was giving a piggyback ride. He and Sasuke had been training with shurikens in the forest, the latter having twisted his ankle after accidentally tripping on a rock. Needless to say, Itachi was amused that Sasuke had looked so much like his favourite food at that moment.
"Yes, Sasuke?"
"...Why are there wars?"
Itachi stopped in his tracks. Surely it was not the normal question five-year-olds were supposed to ask? Unlike him, Sasuke hadn't seen war yet. Hadn't experienced the danger, the loss, the hardships, the mercilessness... Not like Itachi had.
So what brought up this question?
"Why do you ask, Sasuke?"
Sasuke seemed to be in deep contemplation, which was another thing Itachi became suspicious of. Boys of Sasuke's age and a bit above were usually only interested in either school, training, goofing off, or even girls to a small extent. No child normally asked about war. War was mostly the epitome of destruction, after all. It was something that the adults dismissed from young children's minds so as to not traumatize them from the get-go and allow them to experience the real world on their own, in their own pace.
But Sasuke, who was only five years old, had something in his eyes that spoke of a depth, of some kind of forced maturity that someone of his age should not have yet.
Itachi chose to entertain his little brother's question.
"There are different reasons on why war exists," Itachi said slowly. "It may be because there is a need for power, or there is a need for vengeance. It can also be because there is greed, and even because of the desire for peace. Ultimately, it all leads to an end result: the cycle of hatred will never stop lest the people stop trying to overcome each other through force."
Sasuke was quiet for a moment. "Nii-san..." This time his voice sounded uneasy. "You... have seen war before, haven't you?"
"...Yes. It is why I desire peace." Itachi gave him a small smile. "If only the five nations would become allies..."
Sasuke peered at his older brother's face. "...Why does a village exist, nii-san?"
Itachi sent his little brother a small smile, albeit with a hint of amusement to it. "What's with these questions, Sasuke?"
Sasuke's face turned red. "J—Just answer me, nii-san!" he said immediately, trying to hide his embarrassed face.
It had been years since he'd seen that expression on Itachi's face. Too long, in fact, which made Sasuke's heart clench in nostalgia and happiness.
"Well..." Itachi was thoughtful for a moment. "I would say that a village is created for its people."
Sasuke frowned. "For its... people...?"
Itachi nodded. "The people are what constitute a village, Sasuke. And we are a part of those people. The village was made to protect those who cannot protect themselves. It is also one of the prime reasons why we ninjas exist; it is to protect those who are dear to us and also the civilians."
"Why should we protect the civilians, though?"
"You know the answer to that. The civilians are mostly the ones who run the stores, the restaurants, teahouses, and all the other community shops out there. Nevertheless, they make up a village along with us ninjas. We shinobi are ideally intended for the protection of every generation, especially the future ones. If we don't cherish people, what will become of their future? If we don't cherish a village, where will we go? You may not understand it yet since you're too young, but you will understand more than I do when you grow older." Itachi's smile was warm and heartbreaking at the same time. "Someday, I truly wish you will find peace as great as I've always believed it is."
• • •
That conversation happened a week ago, and Itachi's words had been reverberating in Sasuke's head ever since.
Itachi was obviously a pacifist and loved the village so much that he even endured the pain of massacring his entire clan for the sake of preventing a civil war. Sasuke, on the other hand, wasn't so sure about his own motivation. He wasn't purely like Itachi, and he wasn't even like Naruto. He had gone through the path of darkness by himself, only being driven by either hate, vengeance, or by others' influence.
He was like a blank canvas, easily painted on by different colours. Sometimes, he wasn't even sure who he was anymore. It was like, in a way, he was a mere underling, only following someone else's orders and making those a basis for his goals. He was nothing without someone telling him what to do. He was living by himself, building a wall of figurative lies.
Who was he, a mere canvas, without a painter?
He recalled the time he remembered everything, which happened about two weeks ago.
• • •
He woke up and reeled backwards into the headboard.
He clutched his head painfully, screaming as millions — no, it seemed like billions— of scenes, of memories, of snapshots and clutters flashed inside his mind, rolling one by one over and over for somewhat like an eternity. He screamed in anguish at the overload in his brain.
There were hurried, frantic footsteps before the door slammed open, revealing two panting figures.
Itachi had already appeared by his brother's side and tentatively reached out towards the shaking child. "...Sasuke?" he said softly.
But Sasuke could not hear him. He was still holding his head, willing the pain to go away.
"Itachi! What's wrong with him?!" Mikoto gasped, running towards her son's side and holding him protectively to her chest.
"What has happened here?" Fugaku demanded, going to his eldest's side.
Itachi shook his head, faint confusion swirling in his eyes. "I have no idea, father. There is no sign of someone who broke in. Perhaps... Sasuke is having a nightmare."
Fugaku frowned. "A nightmare...? This intense?"
Sasuke heard painfully familiar voices and he forced himself to open his eyes. His head was still reeling from the backlash of memories, but as time passed, the pain receded, allowing his mind to breathe slowly.
Sasuke's eyes flashed open wide as he recognized the three figures before him. Mikoto was holding him to her, but she loosened her hold the moment she saw his eyes creaking open, causing her to position him in such wherein he could see all three of their worried faces in the range of his vision.
Funny, he didn't think he had ever seen his father have even the faintest worry on his expression when it came to him. Fugaku had always seemed so strong and unbreakable in terms of personality, so this was a first. Mikoto, on the other hand, was a soft, pleasant woman. The genuine worry on her face was enough to make Sasuke breathe reassuringly.
But it was Itachi's face that broke him the most. That had his breath caught up in his throat. The disarming concern on his brother's face, that familiar soft look in his eyes...
Sasuke blinked back tears, now seeing his whole family for the first time, albeit since he was 'awakened'.
It came like a tumbling rollercoaster ride. The greatest burst of happiness and love swelled up in his chest, causing him to stop breathing momentarily. It was as if every positive emotion and some negative and neutral ones were piling up one by one inside him, and he trembled once more.
The pain in his head was now completely forgotten.
Fugaku and Itachi's eyes widened. Mikoto gasped.
"Sasuke," Itachi said, a rare note of shock in his face.
The familiar blood-red dōjutsu of their clan now gleamed in Sasuke's eyes while the tears blurred it slightly, though there was no mistaking the three distinct markings — tomoe — on them.
Three tomoes.
Sasuke hugged his mother tightly, earning him a surprised 'oomph!'from her lips.
Photographic memory.
It truly was the happiest moment of his life.
• • •
Sasuke smiled inconspicuously as he sat before the table, watching his mother cook dinner. What she was doing was mere routine, yet it felt free and tantalizing to look at her. The happiness bubbling inside his chest still seemed surreal somehow, as if he was living in a dream.
But this couldn't possibly be an illusion, right?
"Sasuke." Itachi's voice was warm and conversational as he took his seat before his little brother. "You're starting the Academy next week, right?"
Sasuke immediately snapped to attention. "Yeah," he replied with a soft smile. "I'm… excited."
That meant seeing… his teammates again. Granted, he had already spent time with them back at the festival, but seeing them once more with his awakened memories was far more special. However, there was also a deep hesitance bordering in the back of his mind. He did not forget about his plans after they would defeat Kaguya, that he would become the ruler of the village, becoming the person everyone would hate and unite against.
That he had initially planned to be alone once again. That he needed to sever his bonds with Team 7 before carrying out his goal.
But…
Would any of that matter now…?
He remembered his own words, especially the desperation mixed with hurt and longing as well as deep-seated rage in his voice, back when Team 7 had another one of their reunions. Back when he was plunged deep into his own darkness, into the abysmal curse of hatred that resided in his clan. That he would stop everything if his family were alive.
And now it really happened.
What was he going to do now?
Was this really a time travel phenomenon he stumbled in?
He didn't remember even planning to go back in time in the first place. It was an unprecedented technique after all, and it was never used in the entire history of shinobi as far as he knew.
However, it may still be a possibility. After all, he only retrieved his memories just recently. Who was to say that he wouldn't gradually remember how he got back in time?
"...Sasuke?"
Itachi's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. Sasuke immediately turned to his brother, eyes wide in surprise.
"Y—Yeah…?"
Itachi looked concerned. "You were spaced out for a moment there. Are you all right?"
Sasuke blinked. "Uh… I guess I'm just looking forward to entering school," he covered up. "And I'm also happy because Father and Mother agreed to let me enroll early."
Itachi smiled in response. "Of course. You've shown talent in your skills as a ninja which qualifies you as an Academy student. You are also held in high regard by our clan due to you awakening three tomoes in your Sharingan by the age of five, something which has never happened before. You deserve it."
Sasuke blushed in embarrassment. It seemed that even though he hadn't regained his memories in the previous years, his body remembered the movements. However, since there was a stark contrast to fighting in a seventeen-year-old body compared to a three to five-year-old one, it was understandable that he didn't exceed in everything just yet.
Interestingly, it seemed that parts of his power also came back with him as well, leading him to unlock up to three tomoes. On the other hand, it was good that he didn't yet awaken the Eternal Mangekyō Sharingan, or even the Rinnegan, of all things. It would only make him turn out to be a tad suspicious.
It would be a quite possible benefit on his part, however, if he entered the Academy earlier. If he would just quickly rise up into the ranks and become someone who could handle himself as well as his opponents fairly easily, then it would make many of his goals a lot easier to achieve. Especially with the threat of the Akatsuki, Uchiha Madara, Uchiha Obito, and Ōtsutsuki Kaguya discreetly looming over their heads.
Sasuke thought of Naruto and hesitated. If he were completely honest with himself, there was no way that he could do everything by himself.
'Hm...' A small, serene smirk crossed Sasuke's features. 'Since when have I thought about protecting Konoha, of all places?'
'That dobe must have a worse influence on me than I thought... and we haven't even gotten to our last fight yet.'
'One that I planned would be our last...'
Sasuke felt that unbearably nagging hesitation at the back of his mind once more.
Was he still really going to go through with his beliefs?
Were the five villages really going to stay united if they had a common enemy?
What if he died?
Should he go and search for a way on how to become immortal?
Sasuke shook his unbelievable thoughts away. 'What am I thinking?' he scolded himself. 'I'm starting to act... like...'
'Orochimaru...'
Sasuke took a deep breath and tried to clear his mind. 'What should I do...?' He sent a furtive glance towards his brother, who caught his glimpse and smiled in response before going back to reading his scroll. 'Nii-san...'
Memories consequently sprang inside his mind, filling his head with sounds and images.
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"Revenge means everything to me. As long as I can have my revenge, I could care less what happens to me, or the whole world for that matter. For both Orochimaru and me, right now, killing Itachi would be impossible. But if I am able to accomplish my goals, through nothing more than offering Orochimaru this body of mine… than he can have my life, and my afterlife for that matter."
"I was so young... My only explanation was that it was all a horrible nightmare. I wanted to believe it wasn't real; That I was just trapped in someone's cruel genjutsu... But it did happen! That was reality! My "eyes" are wide open now! My Sharingan sees right through your Genjutsu!"
"Saying I should follow in Itachi's footsteps is nothing but pretty words. It's nonsense meant for those who don't know hatred."
"I have closed my eyes long ago... my goal exists in the darkness."
"If anyone wants to deny my way of living, I'll kill everyone they ever cared about left and right! Maybe then, they'll understand... a little of my hatred."
"They're all laughing...they're all laughing it up, at the cost of Itachi's life! Cackling like fools in unison, with no idea of the price he paid! All I hear in your laughter now is scorn and ridicule! But I'll change it... I'll turn your laughter into screams of anguish !"
"Naruto... I told before... how can you... with no parents or siblings... possibly understand me? You never had anyone! So shut up, you outsider!"
"I guess anything I say now would be pointless… When I saw you… I decided to follow you here to confirm whether or not what Danzō and Tobi told me was true or not. But that wasn't the only reason… When I'm with you I remember the way it used to be. I remember time spent with the brother that I looked up to… that I loved.
"That's why… the closer I get to you… the more I'm able to recall what those days felt like… and the more I'm able to understand you. The more I'm able to hate Konoha for the suffering they put you through. In fact, it's becoming even stronger than before. I do understand what you want me to do. It's probably because you're my older brother that you feel the need to put me on the right path. But it's probably because I'm your younger brother that I'll never stop, no matter what you say. As you'll always exist to protect the village… so will I to destroy it. Goodbye… brother."
"I can forgive you… But I can never forgive Konoha!"
"I'm going to the battlefield. I will not let this village... and my brother... be wasted!"
"Many things happened... But I decided to protect the village. And... I... will become Hokage."
"If, as you said, the reason why Itachi couldn't kill me... was because my life was more precious than the village, then I feel similarly, that Itachi's life is more precious than Konoha. That's all."
"I will acknowledge that you are strong. Because.. you are someone who knows the same pain of loneliness that I do. And.. that pain makes a person stronger."
•••
Then, in a memory deep inside Itachi's heart...
"Itachi..." Fugaku closed his eyes. "Take care of Sasuke."
•••
Uchiha Madara, with his blood-red armor and eyes who had gone through pain that it dulled...
"When a man learns to love, he must bear the risk of hatred."
•••
Kakashi, with his trademark mask and his seemingly painful past...
"Sasuke, you're more than just your clan, you're more than just hatred. Look deep inside your heart once more."
"Those who break the rules are scum, that's true... but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum."
•••
Sakura, with her tear-stained face and sincere voice...
"On that day, you taught me that solitude is painful! I understand that so well right now. I have family, and I have friends but if you're gone... To me... It will be the same as being alone."
"I... I love you with all my heart!.. If you were to stay here with me, there would be no regrets... because every day we'd do something fun, we'd be happy, I swear..! I would do anything for you! So... please, just stay with me!"
•••
Naruto, with his unwavering faith and his heart painted with naivety...
"Sever it just like that, huh!? Then why do you even bother wearing that headband anymore?"
"How can someone who can't even save his friends become Hokage...? Isn't it so, Sasuke?"
"I won't let Orochimaru have you! I will stop you even if I have to break every bone in your body!"
"If so, then why...? Why didn't you kill me then?! Isn't that your way of breaking bonds?! Sasuke!"
•••
And Itachi, his brother...
"Well..." Itachi was thoughtful for a moment. "I would say that a village is created for its people. And we are a part of those people."
"If you want to kill me, despise me, hate me, and live in an unsightly way... Run, run and cling to your life, and then some day, when you have the same eyes as I do, come before me."
"You are weak. Why are you so weak? Because you lack... hatred."
Meeting Itachi again... and losing him once more...
"If I had been open with you from the start… and looked you straight in the eyes and told you the truth, then I wouldn't have had to stand before you, from above, as a failure, telling you all of this."
"So this time, I want to impart this truth to you… You don't even have to forgive me."
"And no matter what you do from here on out, know this…"
"I will love you always."
That painful, annoying, yet... loving poke on his forehead back in those days...
"Sorry, Sasuke... Maybe next time."
And Itachi after their last fight, his blood smeared on his face...
"I'm sorry, Sasuke...
There won't be a next time."
• • •
"Don't you... remember anything?"
Naruto stared at him as if he were crazy. "Remember what?"
Sasuke looked positively uncertain now. "You... You really don't remember anything?"
Naruto huffed in irritation. "And I asked you what I'm supposed to remember, moron."
Sasuke sent him a blank glance. "That's my line, moron." Before Naruto could retort in anger, he continued on, "I don't get it. You're supposed to remember. How else are..."
'...How else are the Fourth Hokage and your mother still alive?'
Naruto raised an eyebrow, now looking impatient. "How else what? Just get to the point already, Sasuke! You're killing me here!"
'Wait...' Sasuke's eyes widened fractionally as a possibility occurred to him.
'Could it be... the Kyūbi...?'
"Naruto," he said in a serious tone that made the blond-haired boy quiet for a moment, "you know about the creature inside you, don't you?"
Naruto's eyes widened in shock. A myriad of emotions passed his face, all with various levels of similarity of their own. There was indignation, fear, sadness, wonder, thoughtfulness, blankness, emptiness...
And then there was confusion. "How... How did you...?" Then denial. "I don't know what you're talking about." Then anger. "But even if I do have one inside it, what's it to you?"
And then the most shocking of all: fear mixed with defensiveness. "...You... What are you... going to do next...?" His arms reflexively came around himself. "Are you going to... taunt me...?"
Sasuke's eyes widened. Suddenly, Naruto, the proclaimed hero of the village, the one he considered his closest friend...
Uzumaki — No... Namikaze Naruto looked so much vulnerable than ever.
And Sasuke didn't like it.
Especially because of Naruto's slightly strange behaviour. It was as if he spun through different emotions at the same time, and it was a contradiction just as much as it was reasonable. It confused Sasuke a bit, especially because the fact about him being a jinchūriki isn't really a village secret now, but there was no denying that Naruto was going through his painful childhood once more. Even though it seemed tamer, it was a bit similar nonetheless.
'Itachi... This is the village you want me to protect someday...?'
'The same village who can't even treat a kid right?'
'Bullshit.'
"No, I..." Sasuke didn't quite know what to say to reassure him. Naruto usually put up a strong, competitive personality in front of him. He was full of weaknesses, but he never let those weaknesses bring him down. He was always determined to save him and beat some sense into him, just so he could come back to Konoha, back to their old team again.
Back to Team 7 again.
If Sasuke was again being truly honest with himself, he had actually been very close to staying in Konoha back then. He had just been about to stay for good, to forget his revenge, to forget the grudge he harboured for years against his beloved brother.
He had become attached to them. He began to see Kakashi as a little more than a mentor, somewhat like a father-figure that he couldn't have the chance to have for long.
He began to see Sakura as a little more than a mere teammate, like a true friend who would always do her best to protect him despite his outward indifference towards her obvious affections.
And he also began to see Naruto as more than an annoying dead-last. He was the closest he had who could understand his pain. Of course, Naruto could not possibly fully understand him, but at least he knew most of the feeling, especially when it felt like the loss of something important to your heart. The pain of loneliness. The pain of heartbreak. The pain of rejection. All just in vastly different ways, yet having that slightly similar essence to them.
But Sasuke did not know how to deal with the Naruto of this time. He was too used to the headstrong ninja in his time who had already experienced maturity in his own way, who had already experienced so much, like Sasuke. This Naruto of the past was still far too innocent and vulnerable to pain. This Naruto could not understand him now, because this Naruto had parents now. He was no longer an orphan. He was no longer alone.
Sasuke was no longer alone, too, but there was still the matter of a coup d'état in his clan. He still wasn't sure if it would occur in this timeline or not because of the unexpected living of the Fourth Hokage. However, there was also the matter of Sasuke remembering everything that transpired in the war up to the point where they nearly beat Kaguya. Sasuke's mindset in the future was now incorporated into his past; his beliefs were a bit hard and confusing to let go of. Honestly, everything was still too much to swallow. He had to right himself in order to keep from falling. He had to be his own pillar for the moment in order to think rationally.
It would've probably been better if Kakashi and Sakura were here with him. That is, assuming they would also remember. So far, none of the two showed any sign of remembering, so Sasuke was forced to focus on the possibility that it was only him who travelled back in time at the moment.
He had been mostly hoping that Naruto would remember as well, but that was turning out to be a disappointment.
In truth, Sasuke was still unsure of handling all this alone. He had been hoping that at least Team 7 travelled back as well, given their unusual reactions when they encountered each other at the festival. But it looked like it was just his imagination.
Just mere wishful thinking.
(He couldn't yet acknowledge the small, unconscious stirring in his heart that faintly spoke of wanting to make it up to them... and find redemption... together.)
Naruto was glowering at him. "Why aren't you answering me?" His voice had a bit of a tremble to it now. "I... I always hear some villagers say that it's not something to show off, that I have no right to declare myself as a hero. And you've never asked me about it before! Not like the other kids! Were you hiding it all this time, waiting for this opportunity?!"
Sasuke clenched his jaw unconsciously. This was going to be difficult. Naruto seemed oddly unstable right now, and as much as Sasuke wanted to know why (because the picture didn't seem to fit), he had to find out some answers first. "Would you let me speak to it for a moment?"
"What? Why?!"
"Oi, Kyūbi!" Sasuke said in a louder voice, hoping that Kurama would hear him. "I need to talk to you for a moment!"
Naruto was about to reel back and protest when he was suddenly brought into his Inner World where the Kyūbi resided.
"Na — I mean, brat, let me talk to the Uchiha kid for a second," Kurama said gruffly.
Naruto narrowed his eyes. "And why should I do that, ya crazy fox?!" He placed his hands on his hips, trying to look tough. "And you finally show yourself, huh!? You look pretty patheti..." He suddenly gulped when he realized the size of the creature before him, only just now grasping the great possibility that he could easily be stomped on by a simple swoosh of its paw despite it being locked behind bars. "...u—uh... powerful, I mean! Ehehehe, really powerful, dattebayo..." His voice trailed off and he squeaked when Kurama looked severely unimpressed by his display.
"H—Hey!" he immediately protested. "I was just tryin' to praise you! Ungrateful, stupid fox..." he muttered under his breath, feeling sorely offended.
Kurama twitched. He forgot just how annoying and childish Naruto was as a kid. Apparently, even with his parents now alive, he hadn't changed quite a bit.
It was actually amusing, though. That is, if the stupid kid wasn't hurling insults at him first.
"Allow me access to your body and mind. Or else..." Kurama loomed over him as dangerously as he could, causing Naruto to gulp once more in terror. "...I will eat you. And I will enjoy it. I will sprinkle you with salt and pepper and make you a topping in my ramen."
Naruto's jaw dropped to the ground. "YOU HAVE RAMEN IN HERE?! That's AWESOME! Where is it?! Wait, wait — NO! I DON'T WANNA BE A TOPPING IN RAMEN!"
Kurama sweatdropped. 'You already are, though, in a sense... Your name is Naruto, after all...'
'This kid is still an idiot. Heh. Glad to know that nothing has changed about him even though he doesn't remember.'
"But I don't trust ya!" Naruto said stubbornly. "I mean, what if you gobble Sasuke up and make him a topping in ramen instead of me?! He ain't delicious, that's for sure!"
Kurama stared. "...And I suppose you would know what he tastes like?"
Naruto spluttered. "Wha — EW! NO! YUCK!"
Kurama sighed loudly. "Give me access NOW, Naruto. This is important."
"I know that your dinnertime is important, but I won't let ya eat Sasuke, dattebayo!" Naruto nodded to himself vigorously, obviously satisfied with his dedication. "He's my friend! My closest friend, in fact!"
Kurama peered at him curiously, now intrigued. "But you've only met him a few times. How can you say that he is your closest friend?"
Naruto scratched his head in response, looking a little puzzled. "Huh... That's right..."
Kurama decided to dwell in deeper. Perhaps he was on to something here. "You two have never even talked properly before. You don't know each other that well. That time in the festival was only three kids playing with each other for a short while."
"Hmm... That's right, that's right..." Naruto muttered with a few nods. But then he looked up at Kurama with a bright twinkle in his eyes. "Suddenly, I just thought of him like that. Sasuke is my closest friend. He and I have gone through a lot together, ya know!"
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tbc