I hate myself so much. I hate my age and I hate how much I love you. When did it start? When did my feelings change? When did I stop seeing you as a young sibling and like the owner of my heart of my love.
For many many years I've done my best to keep my eyes, soul, and heart from beating too fast at the sight of you. To keep you in the light of my eyes. Not dirting you with my tainted eyes. Keeping my urge from throwing you down and doing things I should never do. Just wanting to dirty you in my color. Make you mine by force doesn't sound so bad. STOP!
I hate this! I know I love you but I can't love you in this way. I have yo get away from you. Keeping you at arms length but I don't want to let go of your hand. How selfish can I be. I want to keep you for myself even though I know I shouldn't. Letting you go is a most but I don't want to.
I look for others to take your place in my heart, but it never works. They may look like they share the same eyes as you. Doesn't take long for me to see their true eyes. Dark so dark as if their eyes have no life no light. Your eyes always shine so bright like the stars in the sky. Never takes long for me to call the relationship off.
Their smell may seem similar to yours. I won't even- don't even want to tell you how passionate I get with your smell alone. Thankfully I never get too far with them. I use any excuse just to get ride of the scent. Showers are always the safest bet to get ride of their fake smells. How can I be a foul, only your scent is as sweet as honey and the smell of sunshine is always following you. It's only your scent that drives me over the edge. Just know I always turn away for your own good. That's the reason I always try to find your replacement.
I hate myself because of it. How many nights have I cried in pain for this love. I know the best thing to do is stay away from you. I'll give you all the space we need to stay just as siblings. I still want to try to keep you as innocent as when we were small and young. But I can't, not anymore.
I can feel my anger boil with rage. Seeing others try to get close to you. Lusting for you and you just don't know it. I can see it in their eyes. Recognize the look in their eyes it's the same as mine. They are eyes of a carnivore. Keeping an eye on it's pray before it goes for the kill.
How my heart cries when anyone calls out your name. As if with your name alone already gives them the right to make you theirs. Can't you see! My eyes always find you and never leave you until you are out of my sight, just like now. I see how that person is looking at you. They want to touch you make you theirs in any way possible.
NO MORE!
I can't take this any longer and I won't stop myself any further than this. Even if the world or GOD are agents us always know I'll never betray you much less letting you go out of my arms. Just remember you are going to be mine and mine alone.
I have held back for so long I'm not going to give you up. Just thinking of someone else wanting to touch you in the way I want to make my blood boil. I think I would kill just to keep you safe. That's why I'll stop fighting with my self and just lesson to my heart. Something I haven't done in a long time and it's telling me to make you mine.