Chapter 348 - Beginning of Chapter 22

There should be no secrets in her family.Amber could not taste forbidden cookies and stay quiet about her wrongdoings. And once the adrenaline had worn off from her system, the tendrils of lust slipping quickly and out of her mind. There was only gut-wrenching fear left for her to stew upon.She'd stared, eyes blank and open, her head filled with what could happen. And fuck it was bad, bad enough for tears to well up in her eyes in the darkness of the van, the droplets reflecting upon the glass. There was sour flavouring her tongue, a spike of something quickening in her chest. She tasted the beginnings of heartbreak.It was merely thoughts of a thousand lilacs, gold on the floor, hands through her hair. Flashes of eyes, of tears, of snarls, screaming rage. The most disappointed of looks from the people she loved. A family that argued, a splinter between the team. A fucking obstacle, a cheating whore, a player that toyed with one soulmate and flew to another. A family of people that struggled for love.A liar.The drop of epinephrine was harsh, so stark and sharp that it took her breath away.Her mistake was already made not just once but twice, and so guilt twisted through her gut. The fun was lost; the needs were gone once sated. And she swayed like a boat at sea that night, filled with the most gut-wrenching anger and hatred for herself that it swelled in her soul. There was a rush of doom in her throat, and ash that clouded her mind as she smiled. The need that billowed in her head left her so quickly moments after she made her mistake.And now guilty truth sat at the tip of her tongue waiting to be unleashed.And fuck did JieMi make it so much worst, his hands finding her hips, his eyes growing wider in the spinning lights. Ezra with the sly looks that he shot her way when he turned to buckle his seat, as if they shared a dirty little secret. His smirk was small, but enough.MinJae with the naughty little giggles and the grip he had on her ass cheek. He'd squeezed, moulded flesh beneath fingers, the tips of his flesh tasting the inner parts of her thigh. And then there was Sieon with his tongue flicked out, purposeful as he wet lips that were so kissable, they seemed to glow juicy and sweet. It sent a jolt of heat through her system and suddenly the need was back like wildfire. She silenced it, drew herself back into the guilt and stayed.Amber settled back into the darkness, gut churning in the body of the most righteous soulmate of her team of seven and felt like the biggest asshole in the world. A pained smile, a gentle shrug, and a lie. That was all that she needed to get them all off her back, a phone and an empty game was all she needed to convince them that she was tired and wanted harmless, brain dead fun. She'd turned her head to the window and stared outside like a melancholic main character in a dramatic tv show.It was not raining. It was sunny as fuck, bright because the days and nights melted in this part of the world. And as late as it was it remained bright out, the sky so blue and happy it made her want to die. She cursed.Fuck.Her eyes had danced to Hikaru's over dinner. She'd stared at painful innocence, at the pretty smile on Oliver's lips as he beamed and asked if she wanted more cucumbers (he had the last of it in his plate). And to that she'd choked out a giggle and answered that Casper's tongue preferred capsicum.Her tongue faltered over the words.She couldn't bear to see Casper then when he'd entered the room to greet them. And she'd naturally transformed into her own body the moment her eyes laid upon her own face. Her soul finding it easier to settle into its own body after a long day in another's.Rumiko was placed into Hikaru's waiting arms, nursing on a bottle with happy little gurgles. And Amber had literally shrunk into her seat, clothes growing larger as Casper moved to kiss her cheek, not her lips. He'd whispered the sweetest 'I love you, baby' so tender it made her heart hurt. Her cheeks burned.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.The excuses began first in her head. The denial. Her brain was forming a thousand lines over the last of her meal. She'd been begging for it throughout their many visits to the doctor's. All she'd wanted was for a life of family, romance, and sex.She wanted hands on her skin, the feeling of being needed and wanted. She wanted to be touched, she wanted to be loved. She wanted flames on her tongue that would burn through her system. God, she wanted the inferno. For her body to forget where she ended and where theirs began, to taste the thrum of her heart in her throat and feel them beating on her fingertips. The veins of their cock, the head of a wet dripping slit.She wanted the taste of them in her mouth, the cage of their soul upon the wall.Their life before Rumiko.A vote was how they had decided as a group. The boys would not risk body damage through the switch, no one's cock was going to be wedged into another's ass. There would be no split perineum and dry anal sex. They would not be tasting another's lips, or another's dick or way fucking worst—a soggy asshole of another man.The risk was too great for them.It had seemed extreme to Amber, reasonable but strange fears because surely that could not happen. Not with the soul bond so desperate to get them making love. A deep frown was on her face as she'd stared at the doctor who'd hesitantly said that there was a low chance for that to happen, but it was a chance all the same.All of them said the same thing.It was the same way an average flu could kill, and a slip and fall could decapitate someone's head. It could happen. It could. And Amber would respect that fear, even if it made her want to die a little inside. Even if it meant abstinence and structure, a strange separation that bled into their dynamics and changed their future.The awkwardness as their eyes danced over hers in a new body...It was something she was used to now. The bite of their lips, the empty smiles. The furrow of their brows as they tried to understand who stood before them. Was it Amber or another? The lines bled; the walls grew.They would provide for all her social needs, there would be comfort, skin-to-skin contact, hands touching. They'd eat her out if they didn't mind a sudden cock jumping in the way, balls to be licked instead of a labia. That was possible, the doctor had said with a nod that had sent a couple of them green.And Amber had scowled because where were the men that wanted her sprawled across the table and weak from orgasms? Where were the men kissing her senseless in the bathroom? Even MinJae and Ezra had furrowed their brows and seriously considered sucking a new dick.They couldn't do it.And she'd watched a little distraught as their resolve had vanished. A step into their hotel room, and she knew the decision had already been made. Their faces a little blank, a little stoic. Casper had first tested the waters with a little politically correct laugh. There was no need to vote, she'd given up on it with a sigh. The results were obvious, even Sieon toed at the line and didn't jump at the chance to ravage her. He did so once a little drunk and loose but wouldn't touch her after.And so, they stayed clean and sex-free.Kisses were okay at first, but then kisses meant hard dicks and then limp ones because of the fear. And that wasn't good for the team. Amber had been fine with it for a while, so utterly distracted by work and life that there was really no need for sex. Truly. But God, it grew too hard, and she became obsessed with her abilities to sway them over. And they could be brought over to her darker side, could be convinced with a little seduction.And now here Amber was stewing in her guilt for the lies, the secrets. The breaking of rules.Idiot.