Crazy bitch.
She wouldn't say that out loud for fear of the ancestors that hovered over her existence in the astral plane. But that didn't mean those words didn't repeat in her head, screaming voicelessly in the crevice of her mind as she gave Crazy Grandmother a polite grin. She had used it enough times when faced with paparazzi desperate to shoot her down with ridiculous questions.
But there weren't many, most were more concerned over IDOL's plans for revival. Amber knew now that it was all thanks to Claudia and her company. What she once assumed was kindness from the people, she now knew was silence bought by money.
No. Was what her head had told her to say, a firm word of denial for a non-existent child that should be her top priority. Her soulmates wanted those children, they would protect them just as she should. But her heart quivered and the words that spewed from her mouth was 'we'll think about it,' as if she would even consider the notion.
Her chest had grown tight at her own words, and she opened her mouth wanting to say 'no'. She should have, Amber decided as she rode the elevator down. She should have said 'no', it would have lessened the guilt that now popped in spurts of unwanted clouds in her head. No. No. No.
Amber's mind jolted, her memory surged free. Don't tell Casper, Crazy Grandmother had interrupted with a heavy thump of her fist on the armrest. Or your soulmates. I will know if you tell them, trust me the consequences will be dire.
She didn't have to tell her that. Amber knew it too.
Amber's lips parted as the old lady sipped on red wine, looking far less fragile than when she'd first seen her. And fuck Amber had liked her for the five minutes into their meeting. That marvellous first impression of a frail, sweet lady who enjoyed nude art had gone straight into the trash. A crazy bitch had metamorphosized in her place, a moth instead of what could be a butterfly.
It would be impossible to completely convince seven men, the elderly lady had explained as if she were a small idiotic child, swishing ice within glass. It made a pretty sound that echoed too loudly in the deathly silent room. Opinions deviate, especially for the biological father and their parents. Some will dissuade you, it will make things difficult. For you. And for me. Amber's breath had hitched in her throat, and an incredulous smirk had danced across her cheeks.
Then how do you expect me to hand the child over to you like that?
A wrong question. It exposed too much, it gave Crazy Grandma false hope. Hope that Amber should have dashed in the beginning, stood and left, ran back into Casper's arms. This is different, her head had told her. Your soulmates' success. Your soulmates' dreams.
I have my ways. You will not need to do anything. The older lady's eyes had sharpened, obsidian so sharp it seemed to slice. Your soulmates will be spared from the pain of knowing if you work with me. Your innocence in the matter is ensured, so choose wisely. She crooked a finger at the servant that flanked her side and he handed a business card to Amber.
You may contact me.
Amber wouldn't. She couldn't. How could she? But even now, her soul wavered. The lack of a firm 'no' throbbed guiltily at the back of her throat. She needed to say something, but even then her voice was stuck in her throat. And her skin burned with awareness of the criminal that shared her space. She couldn't even look at Claudia, now that she knew that she was her.
Amber didn't want to be here, and every damn cell in her body bristled for out.
For now, I require a blood test, Grandmother had said. Servants moved, a suitcase was placed on the table revealing medical equipment and a syringe. Amber squeezed her eyes shut as one wiped her arm with an alcohol swab, and another stuck a hypodermic needle into her arm. They worked quickly and efficiently, something she suspected was due to the matriarch that watched them like a hawk.
What for? She breathed, her voice working again when the topic wasn't so heavy and thick with wrong.
I want transparency. Our agreement will not come to fruition if I do not hold enough information. The older woman answered, spat out the words with a sneer. It implied that she assumed Amber could be riddled with diseases, dripping with infertility, infected with virus.
Something stirred in Amber's gut then, uneasy as she watched staff leave. A part of her allowed them to take her blood because she was moderately willing. She'd sat up taller in her seat as guilt and shame arrived, colouring her cheeks.
A full body checkup will be necessary, you will go to the hospital of my choosing.
I didn't say I agreed! Amber had snapped out but the older lady left the room without looking back.
The servants had bowed to Amber and declared that it was time for the Madam's power nap. And now here she was, on the way home standing in the elevator with the criminal that caused the dance of her inner will. She gave Claudia a side glance, noted the haughty lift and the emotionless façade, and hatred burned in her chest so thick that it flooded her body in a sharp clench of pain.
Agreeing to Crazy Grandmother was an ultimatum.
All evidence had been erased cleanly from the world, Grandmother had confirmed that, Miri had attested to that. The police burped and slouched in the office, feet on the table, a joking shrug to her questions. Actual focus had only occurred when lunch was mentioned by a colleague. Nobody had given a damn and so she'd left. The people that sat outside the office, holding signboards spelling out protest and help told her all she needed to know.
They covered all tracks, understandably since they had assumed Amber would die. The world was fucked up and Amber had let the situation slide down the back of her throat. Disgusting, slimy and cancerous. She'd tried her best to swallow it all down and digest it, let it go.
Then how will you give her what she deserves? Amber had mumbled out weakly when she remembered the words in dialect.
Oh, darling, Crazy Grandmother grinned, you only have to tell me how long you want her in jail. Death can be arranged.
Amber closed her eyes, a headache already forming deep in her skull. Casper's grandmother was a woman who would do anything to get what she wanted, and she could do it. And Amber was someone who struggled and worked to get everything she wanted.
"You know." Claudia's voice dragged Amber straight out from the depths of her thoughts of hell. She stared at the girl blankly, or at least as emotionless as she could manage. But inside her heart trembled, a curious sort of fear fumbling its way through the cracks of her heart. Her head turned blank and her eyes blinked and adjusted, focusing and unfocusing.
"Excuse me?"
The girl smiled, lips curling as her eyes filled with ore, but the flash of green from the elevator brought out a hallucination so vivid and real that vomit choked in her throat. Claudia seemed to grow in height as shadows carved over skin; her lips were turning into the same shade of painted red; her skin a luminescent white.
Amber couldn't breathe, she couldn't speak as her heart rate ascended to a speed that made her body hum. The silence made her skin itch, and she fidgeted, fingers locked to the back of her body. Her thumbs were digging into that fray bit of skin and tearing it off. The pain awakened her from the nightmare, but the fear remained.
"That it's me." Claudia tapped her arm with manicured nails. She smiled. Or did she? Amber couldn't see it in her fear, the anxiety so thick that her throat clamped shut and breathing was impossible. "I tried to pretend." She said something else, but Amber didn't hear it as her eyes flickered back and forth over the tiles, desperate to pretend everything was normal.
She wanted her Casper. She needed him. Amber couldn't face Claudia alone. Her chest grew tight.
"What do you want?" she mumbled. Why else was she willing to talk to her?
"I was naïve as a kid," Claudia spoke, ignoring her question. "I wanted Oliver to be my soulmate." She snorted and Amber's skin burned with awareness. Her eyes snapping open to stare at Claudia's shoes. What the flying fuck? She glared. "Had a crush on MinJae as well. I lost it when I saw you."
Was she fucking kidding? How dare she fucking talk about her soulmates! Amber wanted to scream she wanted to pound the bitch into dust, let blood flow. But she held the anger down, a mad rabid dog, she pulled it and demanded it to be good.
She couldn't kill Claudia.
"You tried to kill me," Amber muttered through clenched teeth, ignoring her words. "You could have killed my soulmates if you did." The anger and fear battled within her now, boiling in a mixture that flooded her mind. "You almost succeeded." The blood rushed from Amber's face, draining her body into the bottomless abyss. "Your entire family believed you would succeed."
She couldn't kill Claudia.
"I did," Claudia shrugged. "I paid the price." What price did she fucking pay? Her family's discontentment? Her life as one of the rich fucking bastards at the top? Her ability to control the media with a snap of her fingers? What fucking price did she pay? "I-I'll continue to help your family, I'll control the media and ensure IDOL's survival."
Amber lifted her head, looking at Claudia again this time, with anger filtered eyes. Claudia appeared smaller, her back hunched as she leaned against the elevator that seemed to never fucking stop. The makeup made her cheeks gaunt and her eyes sad. Sad seemed like the wrong word to use on someone like her. Amber squashed the pity that threatened to bloom, backhanded the sweet kindness she had used when faced with her soulmates.
This was a girl who didn't care about MinJae when she ripped the flowers from her hair.
She couldn't kill Claudia.
"I need…To win the competition," Claudia said, biting on her lip, she chewed it as Amber stared and dreamed about the million ways she could drag her to the ground. "I c-can't give her what you can." She let out a soft breath, looking away as if she couldn't bear to look into Amber's eyes. There was one thing that Amber rejoiced in, the knowledge of what Claudia lacked.
"A child."
"She must have mentioned it to you." Claudia paused, scratching her cheek and Amber's eyes only narrowed further as she scrutinized the older girl's anxiety. Was she older? It felt like she was now that she was dressed so lavishly, with her hair sleek and coiled. "Just-t could you not tell Oliver about m-me?"
What the fuck? Her eyes must have conveyed her confusion because Claudia cleared her throat.
"A-and Casper…I-I guess it would be easier if you just didn't tell them all a thing."
Her jaw dropped into disgusted surprise. Her eyes widening as she stared at the biggest bully in her whole damn fucking life begging her to not tell her soulmates about her wrongdoing. Her lips curled. She wanted to be on their good side. The scoff threatened to escape her throat. She wanted them to fucking like her.
Did she want them to fuck her too?