JieMi
The feelings.
They fluttered off on translucent, iridescent wings that caught the light of the morning sun. He lied; he knew how they disappeared. Their wings had caught in his throat, itchy for escape. And he allowed them to leave, one after another, to brush over the faces of his loved ones. Its dust created a wash of tears from their beautiful eyes.
Those thoughts were finally free, gone from his chest.
They spent the beginnings of winter amidst drifting golden leaves and flaming trees; soft wheat fields and turquoise waters of the sea; surrounded by honeycomb pillars of basaltic rock. The bountiful splendour of nature was given by a family of three that welcomed them into their home with open arms.
JieMi loved Sieon's grandparents. Traditional as they were with their strange idioms and beliefs, they welcomed the family with open arms. Unsurprisingly, they fawned over his soulmate, cooing and welcoming the youngest of their family unit. The first words out of their mouth were about children, and how precious their children would be.
Children.
The thought once brought a bitter taste to his tongue, and led to a constriction in his chest, but now he wondered about the babe in the womb of his ex. A child of the prison cells, born from an unwilling mother. He wondered if Ha-Eun would choose to raise the infant in prison or if she would give her away.
He vowed to look into it, to ensure that the child would live, healthily and happily. An act of kindness for the little human that was once his cage, but was now a by-product of many mistakes. An innocent life he now knew not to blame. A life that was not from his blood.
Rue continued to churn with the tears in his chest, melancholy burning in his heart. JieMi sighed, hands shove into his pocket as he stomped his feet in the cold.
He should be grateful, more grateful.
Grateful, for the little things in life like the soft fluff of snow compressed by his weight. For the wind in his hair that turned his cheeks pink. For the winter haven that lay before his eyes, white, ever-lasting peace. For his best friends, his soulmate, and his family.
Grateful for the people that actually mattered to him.
He scrunched his nose, and rolled his eyes. Poetic. He was becoming like Amber, matured beyond her years with an understanding of the world that he didn't have at her age. He kicked his feet out into the snow, trampling the soft dense sheets of fine ice. And then he continued stomping all over it because the addiction was real, and the texture of snow crunching beneath his shoes were—
The snap of the camera startled him, and he turned to see Sieon holding a camera. His older brother grinned, messy hair a tussle of wavy brown locks that were now so long that he had to pull it all back with a hairband. Sieon turned before he could speak, fixated by other beautiful things that pleased their eyes.
A haven of colours as opposed to the grey and white angled concrete they were used to.
He would however, willingly store away the memory of the familiar sea of purple bobbing light.
Hikaru was yelling, maybe even screaming judging from how loud his voice was despite their distance. Ezra seemed to have destroyed the frozen cabbages that they were instructed to pluck from the beds of snow.
Casper was squatting by a stove, and trying to light a fire with the gradually diminishing heap of dry twigs that Oliver had foraged with great difficulty. And MinJae was harvesting fermented sauce from glistening black and hazel pots with a wooden spoon. JieMi's lips quirked when a whole spoonful landed on his shoes with a loud squelch, and MinJae kicked it aside with a whistle on his lips.
Just months ago, they would have clambered about the house searching for places to sleep because rest was non-existent for them. Just days ago, they would be practicing before a mirror mirroring each other until the differences were non-existent. They would calculate their worth much later, when the company provided them with a scathing remark of how MinJae had topped the charts with signed deals and ambassadorship but Oliver hadn't.
From the house made of timbre and stone, was the sound of chopped vegetables and the gentle crackle of a radio that played soft humble strums of a guitar. The bubble of boiling food and the gentle whoosh of steam that escaped the kitchen covered them all, in a comforting bubble of sound.
"Hey, JieMi! Want one?"
Oliver waved at him, and he strode over, his feet clumsy and just a little soaked from the snow sloshing in his shoes. The treasure that laid in his brother's gloves were charred, roasted sweet potatoes—Yellow, fluffy flesh that was steaming hot when he peeled off the crumbling skin.
JieMi hesitated. He couldn't have one, because— There was no reason why he couldn't indulge in an extra calorie or two. He smiled. And took it with a soft word of thanks. The carbohydrate was hot in his palm, and he blew on it. How simple his life was here. How lacking in pain. How perfect.
"JieMi, baby," his soulmate's voice was sweeter than honey. The soft timbre ran through his system along with a tingle of heat that felt a thousand times better than hot potatoes in his pockets. He didn't have to turn, and she was already burrowing her body against his, arms around his waist.
Apples as always.
"You're cold, you've been up for a long time," she murmured, her voice dipping into a soft whine that spun sugared thread over his already enraptured heart. His muscles relaxed, the tightness disappeared and the melancholy that lingered slid away under her heavenly touch. "You know you could have woken me up, I would have walked with you."
His therapist encouraged walks and he did so at the break of dawn.
It calmed him. The darkness of the land, the sips of orange through cracks in granite. The clatter of the metal grates, the first yell from the stores, the tired shuffle of feet. It was clockwork, the events of the morning, a repeat that was blessed with an occasional cute little cat that would nuzzle at his feet for food. Or the crow of a rare exotic bird that spun circles over his head.
The world repeated again and again in a cycle.
But that cycle was blessed with change. And when he made those changes, crossed a few streets, took a walk through the beach, talked to an owner about tangerines and fish. He'd helped an old lady carry her groceries to her home. And she'd pointed out how he could eat some of the weeds they'd passed on their way home. He'd picked a few up. They were sweet.
With change, routine became exciting. And that was what made life interesting. Choices. He'd spent another hour at the docks penning down lyrics that came out of him without a second thought, no longer stuck within the walls of his soul, but spilling and spilling with creation.
"I will soon. No-Uh tonight," he responded, tongue clumsy in his mouth despite the time he'd spent with her. "I'll bring you and the guys to my favourite spot, when the snow settles." His lips twitched and confidence ignited as he took her hand in his. "But I did try to wake you, you mumbled about dragons and flowers, and then you fell back to sleep."
"Did I?" She snorted, making a face. "I think I had a really strange dream. Something about a dragon…It gave me a bunch of flowers and then a silver ring. I woke up panicking because I thought I lost my promise ring." She showed it to him, and his heart fell just a little. He would give anything to turn back time and right all his wrongs.
"I got you something," he said, pulling the weeds from his pocket, pre-washed and cleaned, wrapped in a soft handkerchief. "The granny I met said it's good for health, it's sweet." He gently popped the tiny flowers into her mouth, his thumb brushing over her lip. The act was anything but sensual, but it did send a delicious fizz down his skin and straight to his fleshy cock.
"Bleugh it's bitter."
She made a face, and JieMi's brows rose. He leaned forward easily, closing his eyes as he took a gentle bite from the hanging end of the stalk from her lips. The sweetness blossomed over his tongue, along with the mossy smell of grass. He furrowed his brows, nose wrinkling as he tried to pinpoint the bitterness.
It wasn't that bad...
"I don't taste it," he mused, chewing as he tilted his head. His soulmate was staring at him. Her eyes were a soft hazel from the refracted light of the snow and he could see her pupils dilating wider. She blinked, eyes clumsily darting over his face as her skin turned a darker red, despite the already present tinge of colour from the cold.
Oh. JieMi's lips quirked. The proximity.
He smirked and before she could react to his advances, he leaned forward quickly, taking a bit bite out of the remains of the weed, his lips curving over hers in a smooth gentle caress. She gasped, a soft exhale that had his heart racing and his cheeks warming. His fingers were moving before he knew it, arms scooping her warm body into his embrace.
Her lips were sensitive, biting them was different. His mind supplied, memories of how his mind had felt in her body. He nibbled, tongue darting over the seams. Something about the sides of her tummy. His fingers drifted over smooth flesh and she shivered. And…Her ass. He scooped her up and she squealed, laughing as he palmed her generous flesh, squeezing it lightly.
"You're just flexing your strength," she teased breathlessly, lips beautifully swollen and red. "Didn't you get enough last night?"
"It's never enough when it's you."
She leaned down to kiss him again then, arms wrapped around his neck. And for fun, he'd bounced her in his grasp, letting the wind and snow brush through her hair, and the feeling of falling danced in her heart.
She'd laughed, then screamed for someone to save her when he started to toss her a little higher than he really should, and then his brothers were running after his ass. He'd flipped her, hoisting her up into a piggy back with a mad scream as he tore across the fields.
Heaven.
*
The Christmas ham was good, the best he'd ever eaten in his life. Rich, hot and juicy, served with pan drippings and the zest of orange. The mashed potatoes Amber made was fluffier than most, beaten until it became smooth on his tongue and filled with rich butter. It tasted better with rice and the plethora of side dishes that Sieon's grandmother had made. It was something Casper had declared an abomination of a Christmas dinner, but he couldn't resist due to his Asian genes.
They'd all cleaned their plate and asked for a second and third serving, even Sieon's ten-year-old little sister couldn't resist another plate of salty ham. But Amber had declined, saying the food was so good that she'd grown a little queasy.
When they finished there was a beautiful strawberry cake, heaped full with whip cream, shiny red strawberries and local winter tangerines. They sat for a long time at the table, talking to Sieon's grandparents about the harvest and their lives. JieMi should have expected it, but eventually the topic of their employment came up.
"What are you going to do in the future?" Sieon's grandmother had asked, sipping hot tea from ceramic cups. "Now that you're not a singer. Retirement?"
"We haven't thought about it yet, grandma—" Sieon said with a shake of his head.
"You don't need to earn more money," Sieon's grandfather clucked with his tongue. "You can stay here; the mountain air is good and the food here is fresh. We're healthier here too. We can help to raise any children you have." His grandmother nodded, and JieMi glanced at his family wondering how they would respond to these words.
It was all just moving too fast.
"We'll think about it, grandma," Amber replied softly, setting down her chopsticks. "I'll be completing my degree next year." She smiled. "I'm still not ready for kids just yet, because there's too much for me to experience and learn. I don't know if I can teach them well."
"You'll be a good mom—"
"I will be, eventually, but not now. Not when I've yet to accomplish my dreams too." JieMi laced his fingers with Ambers, squeezing it softly, and she smiled at him. Grateful, kind, sweet. "There's so much more to experience and learn in this world, and settling down now just doesn't seem…Right."
"Of course, of course, your education is important. But don't you think that the timing is perfect now that you boys are free?"
"I'll admit…" Oliver cleared his throat. "That my dreams have changed and I do want a family with Amber. We all do. Of course, we do. But she's right that we're still young. Children will come eventually when we're ready. And I think…I think…We won't…" His eyes flickered over the team, and JieMi's heart lurched at his words.
"We'll think about it," Casper concluded with a smile to disperse the tension in the air. "How about we open up the presents now? The little girl has been waiting so patiently all morning." Sieon snorted and moved to tickle his baby sister. She slapped him in the arm, running towards the glittering tree to avoid his next attack.
Their future…
*
They stood at the docks later that night; the darkness illuminated by the moon that hung in the sky. They were noisy at first, chasing one another across the beach as Amber giggled and laughed. Their voices were ricocheting in the silence of the night, harmonious with the lullaby of drifting waves crashing against rock.
They stopped when Amber declared that she was light headed from all the exercise, panting hard as they reached the end of the dock. It was then when JieMi garnered the courage to speak, his voice trembling a little as he held Amber tight to his chest.
"I wrote a song." The silence was daunting and suddenly the waves seemed so much louder than it should be. "I wrote a song," he repeated and cleared his throat. "I just want you all to listen to it."
They were quiet at his words, but the encouraging smiles brought the music out from his heart. And then he was singing to the quiet melody of nature, in a voice that chilled and calmed. His voice called like a lighthouse at sea, a siren to pirates. It called, lonely and gentle. A haunting melody that caressed the winds and touched hearts. When he finished, there were tears in everyone's eyes as they struggled to hold back the memories that threatened to pour down their cheeks.
"I want us to start again as a team, together," JieMi insisted, his eyes flashing as the words spilled from his throat. "I want us to go to a place where they'll accept us. I want to sing. I want to perform. I want IDOL to come back. And I want to soar towards my dreams, because if we give up now. Then there's no turning back. I don't want to regret my only life in this world. I want to try, even if it kills me."
Amber's eyes shone, bright with unshed tears.
"And then," he took her hand, pressing a gentle kiss to her wrist. "After we've all lived out our dreams let's settle down." He brushed her hair pulling curls out of her beautiful brown eyes. "And then we can have children with your eyes."
END OF EPILOGUE