Amber
They took a private jet across the country.
It would have been a luxury if she didn't know the reason why they'd chosen the private jet. Her boys were sombre as they boarded the aircraft. They took flight when the moon hung heavy in the sky and strong winds tussled their hair, chilling them to the bone. It started to rain when they hit the sky; dark clouds flashing with brief signs of electricity. Ominous, gloomy, and portentous.
Her soulmates were buried behind masks, bucket hats and scarfs that they didn't remove despite the safety of the sky. They didn't feel protected, flanked by highly paid staff that they hoped weren't part of the dangerous few who would sell their secrets. Hoped, because nothing was for sure now, not when they were notoriously famous for a scandal that divided the world.
Two sides—white and black. They clashed and they swarmed, running numbers on the screen. There were days when white dominated, and days when black triumphed. But the seven stood at the very centre of the war, drenched in a thousand shades of grey.
No one fought for grey.
It was unheard of in their society.
The quietness scared her tremendously.
JieMi chose to bury himself in her embrace seeking comfort instead of solitude. He fell asleep soon after, the gentle warmth of their combined souls too tempting for him despite the tempestuous thoughts in his mind. Nevertheless, the brush of her fingers through a curtain of wavy locks revealed the dark eyebags that clung, sticky and fresh on his pale skin.
Another look across the cabin and she caught sight of empty souls staring out into the darkness.
White pulled at the parts of them that were void of colour, black clawed at the parts of them that were. They pulled and stretched, tried to find the pieces of them that fit their own, tried to find the pieces of them that were yields of what they wanted.
But they grew angry when grey just wanted to be grey.
It was difficult to understand their pain without experiencing it herself. But she would describe it as the feelings one felt after years in prison. The feelings one felt after being retrenched. The feelings one felt when one veered off society's path and chose another. Only this time, it was, perhaps, more like the feelings that angels felt, when they were crashing down from the heavens as lightning bolts blistered and blackened their wings.
It was the feelings of uncertainty.
Amber's lips twisted, pursed into a thin line as she stroked the silky black locks of her soulmate.
The music video that she had the privilege of participating in was trending again as the public searched for signs of her in her soulmates' lives. And there were images resurfacing from the depths of the internet. Pictures they'd taken of her boys, pictures she didn't even know existed behind walls of malicious intent.
Her silhouette with Ezra outside the club. Her, eating with Hikaru in the tent, bright obscured smiles on their pixelated faces. MinJae's flowers. Sieon's rose tattoo. Many compared themselves to her, many talked about how it wasn't fair that someone like her could be soulmates to her boys. They thought her seven deserved better. Someone prettier, someone local, someone smarter, kinder, nicer, older.
Someone that wasn't her.
Grey just wanted to be grey.
The trial began.
Court was colder than it should be with wooden benches and podiums, hushed tones and an overall solemnity that made her heart itch and squeeze. Even worse, was seeing JieMi's small form perched beside their lawyer, trembling each time he spoke to the judge. And perhaps what pained Amber more was the exposure of his private life for the public eye. Text messages, emails and pictures, things that no one should show, things that no one should see.
It was a brutal exposure that didn't feel necessary.
White and black clashed once again.
They debated clinically.
The lawyers pushed forth their arguments backed up by evidence that supported both sides. It was fair and just; it was objective. But it was that same detached argument that made JieMi's shoulders grow tense. It was that same objective proof that made JieMi lie awake in bed questioning the truth and the need for such truth.
Her soulmate was kind-hearted, and it was the warmth in his soul that made his heart hurt for Ha-Eun. He melted for everyone, even the shadows created from his dripping blood. It was that kindness that made him shiver even when wrapped tightly in her warmth.
'In the first place,' he'd whispered softly to her one night. 'If I hadn't accepted her in the first place…' Amber turned to place a hand on his cheek, stroking soft skin. 'If I hadn't continued to let her hit me…If I just didn't let her—'
'It's not your fault, baby,' Amber insisted. 'She had a choice too. And if you want to put the blame on someone, then blame her. Because no matter who is right or wrong, these broken ribs, these bruises are always wrong. Always, baby. Always.'
No one should use violence as a way to coerce others into submission. No one should suffer under the hands of another just because they disagreed. No one should have to protect themselves from the people they considered a part of their hearts.
'I should be happy,' JieMi murmured. 'I know she's getting what she deserves now, the trials are in my favour.'
'They are.'
'B-but why does my heart feel so strange?' He'd choked back a sob as he held on to her. 'I've always…Sometimes, when I couldn't take it, I used to imagine what it would feel like to expose her. To just see her cry with regret and guilt. Sometimes, I just think about what it would feel like to do the things she did to me.'
Amber had rubbed his back, pity thick in the wet lump forming deep in her throat. 'Rage is normal, baby. You were angry and stuck.'
'I thought I would be happier now that she's in this with me. I thought I would feel better, but I don't…I really don't.' He bit back a bitter grin. 'I feel like fucking shit whenever she looks at me across the room and our eyes meet. I-I feel like I'm the criminal. Like she has her hands around my neck and I can't—'
'Baby, look at me,' Amber whispered, tilting his head to meet his eyes. 'You love her.'
He'd jumped at her words, the startled brightness in his eyes so painful to her that her chest had constricted. But the words were not for her, but for him. And even if she didn't like these words, they were words he needed to hear. They were words that shot straight to his heart, rattling the chains that he tried desperately to hide away.
They were words that she knew and she accepted, but he didn't.
'I-I don't—'
'You don't love her like you love me. But you love her. No matter what you do, she was a part of your life. For a while, she was a part of your heart. You remember the person she was; you remember the good times, you remember the Ha-Eun you fell in love with. But there's nothing you could do to change her or to change your situation. The abuse was not your fault baby.'
He flinched at her words, huddling into her embrace and hiding his face against her chest. It seemed to have hit too close to home, her words breaking the rattling shelter that he'd hidden himself in. Her words were tearing apart the lies he'd concocted for himself in order to survive. Her words were burning apart the deception that had kept him alive.
But it was time he let go of those lies.