Amber
She would be lying if she said she was okay.
Seeing JieMi in Ha-Eun's embrace was like gulping down bitter poison from a chalice of ice. What brewed in the depths of her heart was not a jealousy that ate at her soul, but one that burned her alive, twisting at the back of her throat and bubbling forth in the form of pitiful tears.
It wasn't something she hadn't seen before—two lovers in an embrace that would be branded in her head forever by a flaming hot iron. Amber had been well-acquainted with the jealousy that used to brew in her heart at the sight of her soulmate and his lover. So used to it that she'd managed to convince herself that it was all just hatred and spite for his lack of respect for her.
But with love clinging to her heart and oozing from her body, watching JieMi kiss Ha-Eun's cheek was like a gun to her head, and a knife to her heart. Her fingernails had dug into her palm, hands clenched into tight fists, body shaking with pessimistic thoughts that churned in her head.
She knew he was only just acting, repeating lines that would throw Ha-Eun off and keep her happy. She knew that it was all just a damn lie, concocted to keep Ha-Eun on the leash. Amber told herself that, again and again, but the pain that brewed in her was real.
But they looked good together, too good. A handsome idol beautiful enough to be on the covers of every single fashion magazine, and a model with features too perfect to be real. Hand in hand, they appeared to be made for one another, JieMi's visual match in life. Ha-Eun on his lap, legs around his waist and his strong arms around her. He'd caressed her belly and Ha-Eun's smile only grew bigger.
"What do you mean they look like they were made for each other?" MinJae had exclaimed and while his eyes were filled with his pity for her, his lips quirked with amusement. "They look like siblings!" He burst out and Amber had choked at his words, sniffling in his arms. He wasn't wrong. Ha-Eun's surgically created face had an aura to it that matched with JieMi's unparallel beauty.
Amber had never wanted plastic surgery in her life.
She'd stared at her uneven eyes and thought about going under the knife to perfect them. And maybe she did look at the flab under her arms and thought about easier ways to get rid of them. Perhaps, she had been slightly affected by the words her relatives had said about her nose, comments that hit a little too close to her heart. But at that moment, some part of her had wondered if she should get a surgery just so she could stand beside Ha-Eun and call them equals.
"Darling, do what you want." MinJae had scooped her into his arms, stroking her hair. "You can get plastic surgery for yourself. But if you're doing it just to fit into someone else's perception of beauty then I will try to dissuade you, baby. You'll become someone else. Just be yourself." He ran kisses over her jaw, lips caressing the parts that she hated.
But thoughts of her physical appearance were just one of the many thoughts of inadequacy that spewed through her head, burrowing into her chest and killing her from the inside. She was usually strong against those thoughts and she stood tall over the voices of others. But standing there in the dark lecture room, her wall had fallen and crumpled into dust, the arrows piercing straight into her fleshy back and taking her down.
It had hurt to watch JieMi brush his fingers over long blonde hair, pushing curls from another's eyes. It had hurt to watch him smile the same way he did when he told her he loved her. It had hurt to watch him press his lips to her cheek and kiss Ha-Eun the way he had kissed her. She wouldn't have hurt as much if he acted differently, but the JieMi in that room had been a mirror of the JieMi in her heart.
And that JieMi had smiled and laughed to someone else, the way he smiled and laughed to her.
That JieMi was not hers.
She'd retched later, tears spilling down her cheeks as she trembled on the icy cold floor. She knew then and there that there was a reason why JieMi remained in Ha-Eun's clutches. It wasn't just about the fear of exposure or the fear of let-down. It wasn't just about protection.
Some part of him was chained to Ha-Eun's feet, some part of him feared her, some part of him clung to the memories of their lives together. And even if he continued to deny it, even if he knew it was wrong, some part of JieMi still loved Ha-Eun. He loved her enough to not question, enough to not attack, enough to keep silent. It was not his fault, having been shaped and moulded, groomed by Ha-Eun from a young age. But some part of him was not Amber's.
Some part of him was all Ha-Eun's.
And some part of him was afraid for Ha-Eun.
And God, it felt like shit to realise all that as she watched Ha-Eun climb over her soulmate. As Ha-Eun dropped her hands over his arms, as Ha-Eun brought his fingers to her belly, as Ha-Eun kissed him on the lips. That child seemed to represent the part of JieMi Amber could not have. That child would remain to be a link between them both. That child, no matter how innocent it was, kept JieMi from fully entering her family.
That child was her greatest enemy.
"You know he loves you; he doesn't mean it. He's just trying to protect you."
She knew that and that was why she didn't knock on his door when he locked himself inside. He'd rejected her coldly at the door, looked away from her smile and her expecting arms. He'd pushed her away with a soft grunt and her heart had dropped deep into her body when he ran. Frost had crawled up her skin and stiffened her limbs.
She saw the JieMi she hated then, the JieMi that wasn't hers.
But she knew he didn't mean it, his position in the relationship made things so damn emotionally taxing on his overburdened heart. So she buried her face into MinJae's chest and wept instead of confronting the situation.
When he came running over later with apology bright in the tears that streamed down his cheeks and sorrow wet in his voice, she couldn't forgive herself for feeling this way. She knew that he experienced it so much worse. With the person he once considered his enemy as his lover, and his ex-lover was now his greatest enemy.
But was it bad that Amber wanted him to give in? Was it bad that she wanted him to let go? Was it so fucking bad that she wanted him to just announce it to the world? To throw caution into the wind and embrace happiness? To just say 'fuck it all' to publicity and image? To just say 'fuck you I have a soulmate' to Ha-Eun?
Was it so bad that she wanted the whole world to know that he was hers? Was it so bad if she wanted the world to burn, if she wanted her men and their careers to break just so she could have her family again? They were selfish thoughts, dreams that she held back with a firm, steady hand. She couldn't let them know about these dreams. She didn't want them to know especially with how hard they struggled.
She didn't expect her chance to come to her so quickly.
The body exchange happened without warning. She was caught into its grasp, wrung dry and stifled by its sudden grasp. She was transported from the safety of her home in and tossed into the violent cold of the night. She should be used to the feeling of mental transportation, but this time it felt different. Very different.
The air was choking her lungs, and her senses were alight from the change. She'd gasped, coughing violently in his body, arms wrapped around his frame to calm herself down as she dry-retched on the ground. She didn't remember body exchange hurting this badly, nor did she remember the white-hot fire that wracked her abdomen. Brutal and unforgiving.
She'd blinked, disoriented at the change. Pain pulsating in her body, thrumming over her skin in tingles of bad heat that turned her back wet with cold sweat from the ache. She blinked again, and then a groan tore from her throat as a blow was sent her way, a harsh fist to her abdomen.
And when she looked up, she was met with the eyes of the devil.
Ha-Eun was beautiful, there was no denying that in the almond perfection of her eyes and the shape of her nose. But when enraged with angry tears pouring from eyes that were wide and mad with pitch black anger, she was the ugliest person she'd ever seen. Amber's heart pounded at the similarity of the scene before her as the one that had caused her destruction. And bile formed in her mouth, her heart pounding in her ears, a warning of what was yet to come.
The scene was familiar, and déjà vu filled her in ways that made her body colder than it should be.
"How dare you!" Ha-Eun smiled, lips stretching wide. And then Amber was on the ground, her body scraping against the rough tiles, her elbows bloodied from impact. The next move was instinctual, and her fingers blocked her next punch, hands pushing her off quickly in an attempt to protect her body.
JieMi's body.