"Oh, hi! Great picture!" She beamed and he melted.
"Yeah," he murmured, lost in his words. "It turned out better than expected."
"You think? Mine would have been amazing." she flipped her hair with a wink and he was amused at her actions. He let out a soft breathy laugh through his nostrils, frowning a little at how cute she was acting. "Too bad they couldn't display my marvellous talent. I'm pretty sure I would have gotten the best charity sale of the night."
"If that happens, it's probably just because of my pretty face," he teased and she scoffed, feigning attack.
"Such confidence." She smirked. "Never heard a man call himself pretty before, but you're right. I'll give it to you, pretty boy." And he flushed, surprised that she didn't take the chance to jab at him with a witty comeback. Amber tilted her head then, her eyes sifting through his as if she were looking right into his soul. "You okay?"
"What?" He swallowed, his body trembling.
"You look a little pale, hm? Need a hand? Those bags look heavy."
And he looked down at all the bags and shook his head rapidly. "Oh, just things. I'm fine, haven't been sleeping well." He admitted quickly, then bit his lips. He hadn't been sleeping well because he'd spent most his nights masturbating to thoughts of her. He flushed, biting his lips nervously.
"Oh, man that sucks. I've got a good method for better sleep. Warm milk, rain sounds, maybe a little bath bomb for relaxation." She nudged at her bag, showing him the packaged cardboard and the glittery soap balls that sparkled from within. "The bath bomb. It's good for sleep and I bought a few just for fun. I'll leave one on the counter for you tonight when you get back."
"But uh—
"I insist, seriously. I'm so sorry for keeping you up the other day. Shouldn't have." She winced, shaking her head. And his mind flashed to MinJae and her in the kitchen, to him in his room palming himself to her cries, to the way MinJae had used her, toyed with her and made her come apart. He blushed, waving his hands.
"No, no it's okay. I— I'm good. Have headphones." He gestured to his head to make his point. "You should continue since it's good for your health. Don't mind me." He stammered, and then kicked himself inside his head for sounding like a pussy. When had he become so damn shy with her?
"I promise to be more careful from now on. Seriously." She nodded, her lips crooked into a smile. "And stay for dinner sometimes. I can't cook well, but I swear my teas are great. The guys love it when I brew them chamomile tea after dance practices. It might help you sleep. " And she was being nice, too nice, despite how much of an asshole he had been to her. So nice that he felt bad and he wished. He wished. He wished he was part of 'the guys'.
"Sure, I guess." He shrugged because he didn't know what else to do.
"And you look like you need a good rant. Your eyes, they're conflicted. You can talk to me you know? If you want that is." And it was her turn to look sheepish. "I'm a great listener. If anything we could just watch a movie or something if you just need to let out a little steam. No strings attached. No biggie. Nothing to worry about."
"I—I would like that."And he blinked, wondering how long it had been since he'd felt so at ease, when he wasn't stuttering over his words and fearing for his next. And his heart hurt so much he wanted to cry.
"Right. I'll see you around."
She smiled then, walking towards Casper who gave her a huge hug, kissing her cheek. He whipped out a bouquet then, irises, roses and lilies to congratulate her. She grinned, blushing a little and JieMi felt as if he'd lost. When he walked back to Ha-Eun she had looked at him angrily, her eyes steely. She was angry, angry at him.
As always.
"How could you have been so unresponsive!" She complained, pulling smoke through her teeth with the cigarette between her fingers. JieMi's fingers tightened over the steering wheel. He hated it when she smoked and his voice was sharp then.
"Don't smoke, you know you can't. The people online said that you can't."
"I'm so angry that it's the only thing keeping me calm right now." But she dropped the cigarette as requested, stumped the flames out and tossed it out of the car. He hated it when she littered on the road like that but didn't have the heart to talk about it. He'd tried once, but she'd simply asked if he would drive back and pick it up for her.
"Seriously, JieMi what the fuck? When I was talking about you, you should have stepped in and reassured me. You should have shown them how sweet of a boyfriend you are! You were so awkward than I almost wanted to fucking kill myself."
His jaws clenched together at her words.
"You're useless at social situations. I swear. And you look like shit today, you should have put on some makeup covered up those dark circles and your hair is so fucking greasy." She scowled, gagging and JieMi's heart thundered in his chest. It was easy to make comparisons and his heart urged him to test her.
"I haven't been sleeping well…"
"Me too! And you know why? It's because of you, you're so worthless. It was our 100th day anniversary and you forgot? What the fuck? I had to buy my own roses for social media, it was so fucking sad!"
He'd been at the hospital, crying because of all his mistakes, sobbing as he waited for Amber to wake. And JieMi was struck by the difference of her answer, of how…How evil she was with him. He'd once believed that his love for her would change Ha-Eun, but now he wasn't so sure anymore. She seemed to change just a little.
"Do you love me?" He asked and his words seemed to stop her rant. She blinked, her voice unsteady.
"What? Of course, I do. What's wrong?" And her voice grew sickly sweet, trembling with her insecurities. "What's with the question? Her fingers drifted, ghosting over his cock and he felt disgusted at her actions. "I'm sorry, I'm just on my per—Oh sorry, I forgot. It's all those hormones and medicines. I just it screws with me. I've been a bitch recently, I'm sorry. Have I been neglecting you?"
She pulled at his fly and he struggled to get out of her grasp, stopping the car. "I don't want that."
"Nonsense, I'll blow you it'll feel good."
"I don't—" He growled his voice frustrated as he looked at her. And it was then when he saw the look in the eyes, the spark the fear. The insanity. And he gave in. "Fine." She blew him, took her cock in his mouth but it wilted whenever he looked at her and so he decided to look outside. His mind drifting to Amber. To her on the bed, to her scent, to her moans, to her lips, to her eyes.
He came in seconds, his orgasm unfulfilling despite the warm mouth and Ha-Eun giggled. "I knew it. You're so pent up. I'll let you fuck me if you want."
"Not now, I don't think you can handle it."
"I can. I—"
"The websites online didn't say it was safe yet. I'll just drop you off."
"But JieMi—"
"Please, I'll pick you up tomorrow, drop your purchases at your home."
She gave him a look, then flounced off to her condominium. And JieMi groaned, slamming his head into the steering wheel, it blared and he jumped, startled. That night he found the bath bomb on the kitchen counter in the dormitory. He'd plunge it into the water, the soap dark blue and gold, and he'd soaked himself in it with tears in his eyes. And he hated himself then for loving Ha-Eun, hated himself for clinging on, hated himself for staying when all she gave to him was nothing but greater suffering.
And the empty hole in his soul was doing nothing to help him.