"No need! I will get something from the store." He shook his head quickly. The doctor nods, politely saying his goodbyes before leaving with the nurse. The thrum of the air conditioning and the whisper of sound from the humidifier was loud in the suddenly quiet room. The silence roared in his head, reminding him that he should take the chance to apologise. He should take the chance to right his wrongs, take the chance to beg for her forgiveness before it was too late. His heart pounded, his body flickering to fight or flight mode at what was to come. He turned to her, opening his mouth wanting to let everything spill from his lips. Only he was caught off guard by her words.
"I'm sorry." She murmured softly, her voice a sad hum. MinJae blinked, feeling shocked as he stared at his soulmate, his mouth gaping wide open. She turned to look at him, a sad lopsided smile on her lips. Her eyes were bitter with her resolve and while her lips curved upwards, her eyes were sad. "I never wished to intrude in your life like this." She sighed, looking away.
No, no. No. This was wrong. She shouldn't be apologising. How could she? Don't be sorry! MinJae pleaded in his head, his stomach churning, his tongue was flopping in his mouth unable to say the words in his head. The guilt that bubbled in his chest spills, frothing and exploding from the crevice in his belly. It swallowed him whole, eating at him alive.
He wanted her angry, he wanted her mad at him. He wanted her screaming at him because at least in some weird logic, he would then be repaying his 'debt' to her. She had a right to be angry and he knew she was angry. He had seen it in her words when she had woken up, seen it in her reaction to his explanation of the situation. Where had that anger gone? His eyes met hers trying to look for the truth, but all he saw was acceptance. This...This resigned reaction was so much more painful for him and he didn't know why.
She continued. "The fact that you're here instead of with the others shows that your work must have been impeded by my actions-"
He cut her off in his panic, his voice filled with his plea. "It's fine! The company has everything under control-"
"I'll leave as soon as possible." She stated clearly, her voice firm and sharp in the room. It cuts off his thought process, sliced the train of words in his mind that he had been practising to say to her. It boke off whatever organisation and mental preparation he has. MinJae's breath hitched, his heart pounding hard in his temples. A cold sort of chill rushed up to his skin and paralyzes his mind as fear and horror pumped through his system. He was stuck, clamped into position as he stared wide-eyed at the love of his life. No, no. She couldn't leave. She couldn't. He opened his mouth, stuttering out the words in his panic. He was desperate, desperate to convince her.
"No, it's my fault. No, no. I was-" His words fell on deaf ears. Itsimpact was like a pinch of sugar in the salty sea.
"It's okay. You don't have to worry about me." She smiled, gently taking his hand. MinJae didn't know why but he didn't like the way she was holding him now. He didn't like the subdued resignment. He didn't like this. He wanted her screaming at him to kneel. He wanted her to tell him to worship her. He wanted a method. A method of forgiveness, but she was giving him nothing. MinJae had the mental image of a door shutting in his face, closing him off from her heart. "You can be with Ezra." She smiled and her eyes glistened, wet and bright. MinJae was confused, his lips parted as his brows furrowed. Ezra? What? No. No. No.
She exhaled, a bright smile on her lips even though her eyes screamed with her pain. His eyes widened at her words and he felt as if he were struggling to hold onto a rope that was fraying at the seams, a rope that connected him to her. "I'll make sure your work won't be affected, I'll live close by just enough to make sure the soul bonds-"
"I don't want that, no, no-"
"MinJae, it's okay. I..." She ran her fingers through her hair. "Listen, you worked so hard to be an idol. I can't just fuck up your dreams, you don't have to feel obliged to be with me."
"No, I'm not! I-"
"I'm no good for you. I know that. I do. It's okay." She nods.
"What do you mean? You're-" How could she say that? How could she feel this way? He felt stressed out. He felt horrible. He felt sick. He messed up. He messed up. He messed up. This was worse than fucking up on stage, worse than singing a note wrongly, worse than disappointing his members, his fans, his family. He had cried then, angry at himself and guilty for screwing up, a crack in his voice, a wrong lyric, but now he wanted to scream.
"The doctor said that the fans know. I'm sure they are enraged, probably demanding you exit from the group-"
"I don't-" MinJae tried to explain, tried to explain that he didn't give a damn about his fans at this point. That he hadn't even cared about work since she's fainted. That nobody in the group gives a shit, really, and the only people truly doing damage control was the company. But she didn't stop.
"I've seen this happen before. Your fame-"
"No-" His eyes pricked in his frustration. Why did she think he would care about his fame and his job over her? Was he that much of an asshole in her mind? Even if he did love his job and has worked so hard to achieve everything, he would always put his family over his dreams.
"MinJae, I know. I know what everyone in IDOL is thinking. Listen, you're right." She sighed, rubbing her arms. "You're right that I'm not worthy enough for seven. It just isn't fair for everyone." MinJae's heart withered at her words. They were a reflection of what he had once believed, a reflection of what he had told her in his anger. The poison that he had given her had implanted itself in her head, digging its claws into her views. He fucked up. He fucked up so bad that he really did not know how to fix the situation.
"No. No-"
"MinJae, please stop being nice." She shot him a look, her bottom lip wobbling. "Stop trying to make me feel better. I'm fine okay?" She gives him a smile, one that's filled with sorrow and hurt. MinJae's heart broke, shattering into a million tiny pieces at her expression, at how hard she struggled to look strong for him. His heart broke, at how her voice sounded so small and so sad. His heart broke at the fact that they could be in this situation when all he's ever wanted was for her to be happy.
He was a fucking asshole.
"I'M SORRY!" He wailed, his voice filled with his guilt. He took her other hand, pulling her lightly to him forcing her to look at him. His bottom lip trembled as he held her hands. With her eyes finally, on his, it wasn't hard for the tears to spill from his eyes and roll down his cheeks. His frustration was mixed with his sorrow and guilt and the tears came easily, too easily. "I'm sorry...Please, please don't leave me. Please."