His breath hitched as his hands pressed against the softness of her bare back. She fitted perfectly in his embrace, her natural scent sweet even if it was tinged with the hint of blood. Her body was soft and warm as she moulded onto him and MinJae whimpered, a soft sob escaping his lips. Because at that moment, he understood. His mind wrapped around the severity of his actions and of what he had done.
She was perfect. She was his and h-he had— His breath hitched as he struggled to bite down the whimpers, and dry sobs. He had wanted to throw her away. How had he been so stupid? His sight blurred with tears as he held her to his chest. What had he said? His mind hated it but he tried to retrace his steps. He had to. With nothing else to distract him and her in his sight, he could only recall his sins.
He only remembered it being horrible. It was difficult to remember the actual words. He'd just been so angry in his bubble of self-pity and so consumed by just feelings and emotions. He called her worthless, talked about how much she deserved them. His lips trembled. He had wanted to pay her to leave. He bit his lips hard, trying to stop the dry sobs from escaping him because he was scared it might affect her in her already weakened form.
His mind flashed to her expression. The look on her face just before she fell like a swan shot from the sky. An angel dropping from the heavens. His tears dribbled down his face and his nose clogged, stuffy from the moisture. Her face had been stiff and calm, but her eyes had been-Sad. Hurt.
He swallowed the sour tang in his throat. The pain that reflected in those light hazel eyes had been strong enough to make him stumble a little as he spoke. He'd been angry at that expression and he had continued, continued to attack her with everything he had. That expression pushed him to turn into the devil.
Then she crumpled.
Perhaps it was then when he realised that he had been blind. That he had a partner to dance with. But MinJae didn't see her in his own sorrow and self-pity. He lashed out and pushed her away from him. And like a toy off the shelf, she fell and broke on the ground.
It was all his fault. His and his only. His breath hitched and he felt the onset of his hyperventilation. He couldn't. Not now, when she needed him the most. But he wanted to. He wanted to run away. He wanted to run back to his mother and father and just curl up in their arms. He wanted to hide. He wanted to scream, but he couldn't.
He couldn't.
His chest hurt worse than before, in ways he couldn't describe, and he cried as they pulled the both of them on an emergency bed and wheeled them through the hospital. He cried when they brought them to a room and hooked him and her to thousands of wires and monitors.
The panic in the medical staff's voices, the machines, the wires, the drips, everything. They seemed to be the evidence of exactly how much he had hurt her.
He was afraid.
MinJae breathed through his mouth, dropping his eyes to look at her and brush his hands through her hair. It was easy to block out everything else in favour of looking at her instead. It was easy to fall in love with her with her body pressed snug against his. It was easy to think of a future with her. It was easy, too easy, and that was what made it hurt.
Dr Eugeum arrived and at first, MinJae didn't notice because he'd seen ten doctors enter the room for the past hour or so. But his head jerked at the hitch of breath, and he froze when Sieon moved to run a gentle hand through her hair. He didn't meet his eye, they all didn't. The worry, concern and unsaid tension stinking the room to high heavens.
MinJae had never ever felt more ashamed of himself in his entire life and he was partially thankful that they didn't meet his gaze. Their eyes remained on her and his heart clenched and swirled with even more guilt when Sieon broke away to cry into Hikaru's shoulders.
MinJae was the reason for his tears.
MinJae bit his lips so hard he tasted blood.
Dr Eugeum checked the monitors. He was gentle as he ran a probe across her back, a nurse in tow. He spoke about the procedures and medical terms as he worked the gel over her back to detect her soul. MinJae didn't really listen to him. His heart thudded so loudly in his ears that he couldn't hear him at all. His eyes blurred by the tears that continued to stream down his cheeks.
"She will be fine," the doctor said as he wiped the goo off her skin.
A soft exhale escaped his lips.
"Her soul? Our bonds?" Oliver mumbled out and MinJae's heart twisted at the tremble in his voice.
Oliver's father had died this way and MinJae had essentially made him experience that pain again. Oh, would he ever forgive him? MinJae bit his lips, looking away. He couldn't even forgive himself.
"I will be honest with you," the doctor said. "Her condition was not good." MinJae had never hated himself more. "But! You called the paramedics quickly. Things could have been much worse." MinJae swallowed thickly. "Tell me, boys. What do you know about soul violations?" The doctor said. The pause in the air was thick with dread and concern. Casper spoke.
"A severance of bonds ripped from the soul."
"That's right. Souls are stronger than you think. It's not easy to truly rip apart at a soul bond, especially for people who love one another very much. But they are at their weakest and most sensitive during formation and that is what happened to your soulmate."
MinJae felt sick and the contents of his stomach threatened to spill from his lips. The doctor continued.
"But the bonds were broken physically and so suppressants could be used. It's like a physical wound, you apply bandages and medicine to it. It will heal if you don't touch it. This time, it's different. I would best describe it as a mental wound. She broke the bond herself…"
MinJae could hear the continuation of those words in his head.
She broke your bond with her because she believed you didn't want her.
More tears spilt from him as he trembled, holding her close. She was wrong. He wanted her. He did. He did. He just didn't know. Tears continued to spill from his eyes as he gently brushed her hair.
He just didn't know.
He almost jumped when a gentle hand was placed on his head and he looked up to see Oliver. A sad smile was on his lips as he stroked his hair. A forgiveness of sorts that MinJae was skeptical he deserved.
"Usually the best cure is soul to soul contact as we're doing here because it staunches the bleeding. But her wound, unlike a physical break, will not stop on its own."
The doctor's gaze was grim as he stared at MinJae. "While we have kick-started your bonds and you will be seeing them in effect, you have to convince her to stay." MinJae's breath hitched at his choice of words, the oxygen robbed from his lungs. "Until then, at all times, at least one of you must hold her and never let go." His fingers tightened, digging lightly into her flesh.
And he promised to never let go.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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