Her soul hurt. She dug her fingers into her chest, hoping that the physical pain would drive out the emotional one. It hurt when she thought about this and her soul dreamt of them. It dreamt of their touch, of their love. It dreamt of all seven of them. Even JieMi. She sniffed, she shouldn't have been so mean to JieMi. She wiped at the tears dripping from her eyes.
He had been nothing but himself.
Nothing but a gentleman. He'd helped her as much as he could, stood up for her when she was bullied. Tears welled up in her eyes. All she had done was lash out at him. All she had done was be such a bitch to him.
A cold-hearted selfish bitch who wanted more than she was allowed to, just because her soul said so. She sniffed, bringing her knees to her chest. It hurt inside, the thought that she had been the one to cause him pain. Much more than the thoughts of him with Ha-Eun.
She had never wanted to bring him pain.
And she did.
The door clicked open and she blinked stunned at the sight of Oliver at the door. Her sunny soulmate looked sexy in sweats and a t-shirt. A blue one with branded prints that spoke volumes of its true price. She had no doubt that his seemingly normal sweats were awkwardly expensive as well, bought from some flashy fashion brand.
His hair was tousled. The once bright orange colour dyed a darker shade of brown so much darker than the colour she had seen on him in the studio. He was bare faced and even without the additional touches of makeup to his features, her soulmate was handsome, swathed in the soft glow of the light from the hallway.
He looked stunned, his eyes wide with his surprise, lips forming an adorable heart shape as he stared at her. Amber flushed, but before she could wipe the self-deprecating tears from her eyes. He was beside her, his eyes wide with his concern as he knelt beside the bed.
"You okay?" He asked, his bright voice was gentle, soft, and warm with his concern. "Want a hug?"
She didn't reply, couldn't reply but something in her body language must have registered as a yes to him. His arms were around her in a heartbeat. His hands gently pressing her cheeks to his chest as he held her in his arms.
He was warm, big and everything she had ever needed and Amber had never felt as safe in his arms at that moment. The delicious scent of orange and cedar wafting from his frame. His touch drew her sadness away, his body distracting her mind from her own thoughts.
She was embarrassed when he parted from her after a hug that lasted for too long to be normal. His eyes were gentle with understanding as he patted her hair, rubbing her shoulders with an odd look of understanding and wisdom in his eyes.
She was confused at the sad expression, the guilt that tinged in the windows of his soul. The regret and deep concern. He was looking at her with those eyes and she panicked a little after a while wondering if she looked okay in her messy bedhead.
He answered her before her questions even touched the tip of her tongue.
"There's a toilet in the room," he pointed to the sliding door at the corner of the room. "You can use it then come out and have dinner with us."
He smiled, standing and his hands left her shoulders. It was followed by the seeping cold that climbed into her chest that made her entire situation seem so much worse.
Oliver grinned. "I made army stew. You can come and meet Casper," he darted to the door. "Take your time." He left in a whirlwind of energy and bright, pretty smiles disappearing through the door.
Amber stared blankly at where he left, numbly listening to her soulmate's words. She stepped into the bathroom, washing up. She pushed her hair back with her fingers, brushing her bangs out of her eyes.
The person that stood in the mirror looked sad.
Her eyes were red with her guilt. The secrets and events had taken its toll on her and she could see the stress in her features, in the budding pimples that threatened to appear. In the paleness of her cheeks, in the loss of weight. The secrets sat on her shoulders like fat, heavy lumps of coal.
It was about time she stopped running from the truth.
Her smile was bitter and sad. It was time she told them her secrets. She inhaled sharply, gripping on the sink. She could tell Casper and Oliver. She didn't know them as well as the others and their rejection would hurt a lot less. She could start from here. Start from here and never go back.
What if they reject you?
The voice in her head threatened curling over her shoulder, choking her with its words.
What if they call you a crazy fan like MinJae did? Kick you out of the country forever? Never give you another chance?
Her lips quirked. Then they would either never hear from her again or the soul bond would react erratically bringing her before them during a concert. She would then accidentally reveal her existence to the media.
It would be on them at that point but she would make this fact clear to them if they rejected her. Probably, explain everything concerning teleportation soul bonds.
What if they choose another girl over you like JieMi?
As long as they were happy.
Liar, you love them.
She smiled, her expression sad. She did. Sure she didn't know all of them that well but she was growing to love them one by one. She had always loved too quickly and too easily. Her heart pounded at its words, her greatest fears surfacing with each question.
You will die like this.
Would she? Her hands drifted to her chest, the emptiness raw in her soul. Could she stand another emotional attack?
You don't care?
It hurt too much to lie to them. It was time she faced the music she had set for herself. The tune that fate had played. She'd tried to escape its hold, tried to live happily without facing her worst nightmares. But the guilt had plagued her dreams for too long and she couldn't wait to admit everything to all of them.
She would be free from all this suffering.
Free and alone.
Free and alone. What other choice did she have?
You could continue with current arrangements.
No. She inhaled deeply, her lips pressed into a thin line. No. She would be swallowed by her guilt and stress. Eventually they would think that she was playing with their feelings, they would think that she was cheating on them. That she was a whore.
She could drive a wedge between them, their jealousy tearing at one another and pulling the group apart. It was time for her to come clean and tell them the information they deserved to know. One at a time, slowly, carefully.
Are you sure?
Yes.
She stepped out of the toilet, determination edged into her features. The hallway was familiar and she found the kitchen easily. On normal days, the smell of army stew would have made her hungry but she found her stomach recoiling at the thought of food. Her body shuddered at the idea of eating with such a heavy topic on her mind.
She spotted the bubbling stew on the slow burner. Her soulmates were sitting on high chairs at the kitchen island, half-finished bowls of rice in their hands. They seemed amicable, a smile on their lips as they chatted and her brows furrowed.
Casper had been spooning her. Her mind reminded her. Oliver had seen that and didn't make much of a fuss over it. Their reactions and actions confused her greatly but she didn't think to dwell too much on it as she stood at the doorway.
She wanted to come clean and she would focus on that goal first.
She stepped into the light and they turned. Her heart stuttered in her chest, skipping a full beat at the sight of Casper, her belly flopping about when his light brown eyes roamed her skin. His foxy eyes and exotic features were on full display.
She had forgotten how handsome he was, with those deep set dimples at the corners of his adorable cheeks and elegant features. His long-sleeved shirt clinging to thick muscles for dear life, his hair parted into a sexy ruffle. Those arms had held her in her sleep, lulling the nightmares away. She flushed as the two handsome males glanced towards her.
"Hello, I'm Casper."