"Then make me understand!" Oliver shot up from his bed, to sit at the edge with a resigned, exasperated sigh on his lips. He appeared as if he had been wrung dry, pulled to the seams and twisted from the inside out.
He pressed a hand to his head, rubbing his temples as he spoke. "Fuck, I like her okay? I like her more than you think!" He threw his hands out as he spoke. Casper gaped at his best friend. What the fuck? He had a crush on a girl? Why hadn't he told him? "But as your best friend, I've stayed away for you—"
Fuck. Casper swallowed, getting a general grasp on the situation.
"Damn it. It's not my place to explain, okay?"
Casper's eyes widened, and he inhaled sharply, his mind finally clicking the jigsaw pieces together, solving the riddle. No one else said those words the same way as he did.
Casper would know that 'damn it' anywhere. He had heard it in its most warped and twisted state in the studio after running that very voice ten times through the mixer. The one on the other side of the phone was Ezra.
"You can't convince me like that—" Oliver growled, rubbing his hands on his face.
"I can't just fuck around with someone else's secrets, alright?" Ezra snapped back, he sounded equally distraught.
Ezra's voice was filled with his own agitation and anger. He sighed, his voice growing soft with his concern, gentle despite its annoyance. But Casper caught something more in that voice. The tinge of sorrow, and a touch of despair. The dip of pain. Each word a raspy exhale of trembling breath.
"But she's just not good for you or me. Just listen to me! For once!" The sound faded a little as Ezra's voice lowered, turning into a muffled rasp through the speaker that Casper couldn't catch. More words that he couldn't hear.
Oliver let out another long sigh, pressing his lips into a thin line. Casper watched as the man opened his mouth wanting to say something then seemed to decide against it, changing his mind.
"Fine. Fine. I won't jump into it. I promise," he paused, a curious tick of something in his face as he spoke. A light in his eye that Casper could not understand. "So you're out of the game, huh?"
Ezra was quiet. Then he gave him another snort, an exasperated huff of sound that was almost sad. A bark of dry, emotionless laughter. "She fucked me up. I fucking hate her."
The words were spat out as if they were poison to his tongue. The emotions were thick in each word. Casper could hear it. The cloud of grief which clung to his voice, the frustration and exasperation in his voice. Having stayed with the man for over five years, Casper knew him like the back of his hand. Ezra wasn't joking or overdramatizing his situation. That was for sure.
Casper inhaled sharply at Ezra's sudden change of tone, concern blooming in his chest. Ezra was a nice guy. He was the kind to look fucking scary in person but would end up being the one to feed stray cats and bring home injured animals. He just could not stand the sight of someone else hurting, a result of perhaps his own pain.
Oliver seemed to feel the same way because the hand on his temple dropped to hold on to the phone. His brows furrowed at Ezra's words and he looked a tad guilty. His expression simmering into a gentler one.
"Want to talk about it?" Oliver's voice was kind and soft, apologetic.
"It's fine. MinJae's here. He stayed over."
Casper's lips stretched into a small smile. There were many ways to cope with loneliness and he wasn't one to judge others on their choice of partners. If anything, he supported their relationship more than he supported JieMi and Ha-Eun's relationship.
The bitch was toxic. Needy, venomous, easily jealous. She hated JieMi spending time with his friends and family no matter the gender. His holidays were, in her words, to be spent with her and only her.
Casper's expression soured at the thought of her. When they had just debuted, she had begged JieMi for money that he did not have. The guy had to spend extra hours at a part-time job just to pay for something stupid, a branded lipstick that she wanted. A shade of red that Casper didn't see her wear more than once.
Bitch.
"Alright. I'll see you around," Oliver replied, breaking Casper out from his thoughts. The phone slipped from his hands, thumping loudly on the bed and Casper watched as his best friend dropped into his bed, letting out a loud sigh. Casper knocked on the door quickly deciding to make his presence known. He smiled, feeling a little amused as his friend sat up quickly in surprise.
"Hey," Oliver greeted quickly, looking a tad awkward and startled by his appearance. The guy stared at him, his smile stiff as he spoke.
"Sorry, I couldn't help eavesdropping." Casper apologised, sheepishly scratching his cheek. He nodded to the phone, a gesture to indicate how much he had heard. "Want to talk about it?" He asked, quickly taking on his usual role as team leader and peacemaker.
They were seven men, boys when they first met, and fights had been normal when they once harboured no love for one another. With a job where life and work intertwined together so strongly, it was difficult to not find fault in each other. Difficult to not be selfish and jealous over differing levels of success, over abilities and performance.
Casper was usually the one to break off fights in the team and also the one to talk to each member when they were troubled by something. It was part of his nature to sort out problems and be the bigger man in every situation. Oliver shot him a troubled smile.
"Sure, I guess," Oliver's lips twitched with a small shrug as he leaned back into his bed, resting his back on the pillows. He patted the spot beside him and Casper lumbered over, flopping to sit on the bed beside Oliver.
Oliver sighed. "I met a girl." He paused, looking lost on how he should continue. Casper grinned, raising a brow at his words.
"Crush?" He smiled cheekily. It was normal to have a crush.
"Not exactly," Oliver replied, his grin morphing into something else as he spoke. Casper watched as his best friend flushed, cheeks turning a pretty pink. He was blushing. Casper blinked, gawping at his friend, watching as the man before him played with his hands nervously.
Oliver dropped his hands and then he spoke. "I'm very sure she's my soulmate." The minute he let the word drop, Casper was sitting up, turning to give Oliver his full attention. He stared, wide-eyed at his best friend, jaws dropping in shock.
Oliver's expression was serious, his eyes warm as he stared back, certain and clear with not a hint of doubt. Casper's brows twitched as he read his expression and a smug smile stretched across his lips.
"You're sure," he smiled as he spoke, happy for his friend.
This was good news. Amazing news. Wonderful news. His grin grew at the thought. Oliver was such a wonderful person, he deserved a soulmate. He deserved a girl in his arms. He should have someone to cherish and adore, someone who would return his love equally.
His mind drifted to the horrible nightmares Oliver would sometimes have at night. The kind where he would scream and scream, waking up to cry about dreams of loneliness. He would be free from them. Free from all that pain, free from all that damn suffering. Free and in love. Casper smiled at the thought.
"I am," Oliver grinned.
The thought of her lit up his entire face, and he was almost glowing with happiness. The way his eyes glistened and sparkled, his cheeks pink as he spoke. Oliver was happy, so fucking happy. "I've told you before about how I just feel this connection between all of us? How I'm so sensitive to relationships."
"You've always been amazing at judging people." Casper nodded.
"Exactly." Oliver's grin was bright as he spoke. He was ecstatic, deliriously happy just by talking about her.
It sent a jolt of joy through Casper's own chest, relating to his best friend in more ways than ever. He understood. He understood the pain that they shared and the pain that would go away soon for the both of them.
"With her, I feel as if I can finally see the sun," Oliver turned, glancing out of the window, his eyes far away as he spoke. "As a child, I didn't see first-hand what the soul bond was. I never got the love of a parent or a family." Oliver turned to look at Casper, his eyes darting to meet his. "Did you know what the doctors told me?"
"The soul doctors? You told us you were fine," Casper's voice was tinged with his worry, his brows furrowing with his concern.
"I'm fine. Don't worry, Casp," Oliver chuckled, shaking his head. "They told me that my soul is a little drained from the lack of parental love, like a malnourished animal living on the bare minimum." He hummed. "Children grow the best in mated families, something about the influence." His voice was soft as he spoke, a low drone of thought.
Casper knew what he was thinking of and the thought of it pained him, his heart squeezing at the thought. Oliver was thinking of his time at the orphanage watching and waiting for someone to adopt him, someone to hold him in their arms and tell him he was loved. Only nobody ever did and nobody ever would.
It was simply the cruel fate of unwanted children.
Oliver shrugged, continuing on. "Because of that, they told me I would be able to feel my soulmate, soul bond or not. That it would be a blow in my face." He shrugged. "A nifty ability that I didn't care for in the past. But, now things are different." Oliver grinned. "She's mine Casp. She's mine, I know it. I feel it so strongly that it hurts me."
He touched his chest. The placed right above his heart and he massaged the area. It seemed to hurt him, judging from the wince in his expression at the sting, but the smile that flickered over his expression was beautiful and tender.
"Since I met her, I've been experiencing an increasing emptiness in my chest that grows and grows. I've never noticed how much I lacked until I met her. How broken my soul was."
Casper was quiet as he listened, gently rubbing his shoulder in support. Oliver shot him a thankful smile as he spoke. "I was going to look for her." Oliver continued with a sigh. "I gave her my things at the concert. The orange glasses." Casper's eyes widened at his words.
"Your favourite pair."