The condominium suddenly felt too dark, too wide, and too spacious. Ezra wrapped his fingers around his arms, rubbing them as he stared into the darkness. He was alone.
He inhaled sharply, the rush of fear strong in his mind. There was the buzz of something over his skin as if someone were pricking him over and over again a million times. Then the rush of coldness as if he were dunked in ice again and again. Fear. He shook, closing his eyes as he hugged his body tightly to himself.
He had forgotten the reason why he had always wanted to room with someone. The trauma had been so long ago, that he would forget it sometimes now that he was happy. He would pick someone loud as his roommate, someone who talked too much. He roomed with them even though he hated the sound of people talking when he worked because it messed with his own thoughts.
He couldn't think without the quiet but in the absolute quiet he thought too much and suddenly those monsters became too real. They fed on him, growing like fire with oxygen and fuel.
He was panting. His eyes were wide as his heart quickened in his chest. It was cold, too cold. Why was it so cold? So, so cold. It felt—He ran, darting for his phone. It lay discarded on the floor. A crack tearing across its surface from the fall. He reached for his phone, tumbling as he moved, keying in that one number without a second thought—
"Hello?" The voice was mellifluous, a little husky and a little gruff from sleep. It was sweet and soft, gentle like cotton candy fluff. "Hello? Ezra? Ezra?"
The voice repeated his name and he could not help but let the whimper escape his lips as he sat huddled on the cold floor as tears dripped from his eyes. His nose was stuffy with snot as tears soaked the corners of his clothes.
"M-minjae," he mumbled out, his voice bled with his fear. "Minjae."
The sound of that name on his lips pulled an emotion from his chest that surged and spun in his head. It broke the last barrier that he had held against those feelings. It broke everything.
"I can't—" His voice trembled, cracking as he spoke. "I can't."
"Hang on." The firmness in MinJae's voice was clear. "I'll be there in a bit. Our place?"
Ezra didn't respond, quiet as he breathed. Each inhale was shaky and painfully loud. It was hard to breathe because something within him seemed to clamp up whenever he tried.
"Stay on the line? Stay."
His best friend's voice was pretty. It had always been and it always would be. A smile stretched across his lips. He snorted, rubbing his cheeks. He felt small, young. Tiny. Alone. So alone. He was breathing. Was he breathing? It took so much effort to inhale and exhale. Breathing, surviving, living—
The door clicked open and he raised his head to the click of the lights. MinJae stood before him, his hair a mess of curls, a bedhead that stood out like a sore thumb. He panted, a hand propped on the wall. He appeared as if he had run miles to get here, sweat beading on his skin despite the cold temperature.
Even now in his unprepared, sleep swollen state, his best friend looked beautiful swathed in the glow of the moon. His droopy eyes were wide with his concern, tipped at the edges with lush lashes. His lips, plump juicy mounds of meat, were permanently stained a brilliant red from the cold.
Dressed in those skin-tight leather pants that accentuated the curve of his ass and a denim jacket draped over his pyjama top, he somehow managed to pull off a flawless look without the added makeup and glitter. He had always been, and he always would be the most beautiful of men.
"Ezra!" MinJae gasped, in real life his voice sounded sweeter than ever. "What happened?"
There was a soft mellow tinge to his voice, a roughness from sleep. Despite his smaller frame, he was scooping Ezra up, pulling him with strong arms that held him tightly in place. Ezra stumbled, his feet slipping and sliding on the marble floor. Slimy and wet from something.
He tried to smile for his best friend. He tried, but his lips didn't seem to work anymore. What was wrong with him? What was wrong? He didn't know. Didn't understand. All he felt was that indescribable inner pain and loss. He swallowed thickly, feeling horribly broken for a moment. Why? Why? Why?
"You're bleeding!" His best friend looked worried, his eyes round with his concern.
Ezra hadn't seen such strong emotions in his face for a while. Why was that so? He winced, flinching as his mind supplied the answer. A lost soulmate. Soulmates. Why did they exist? Why create people meant for one another? Why create this fucking barrier? This law. This fate. This restriction! This prison.
This hell.
"Ezra, hey. Hey."
His best friend shook him out of his daze, drawing his gaze to his eyes. They were warm, brimming and spilling with his concern and love. They reminded Ezra of a distant memory that was filled with so much joy and warmth. He had been comfortable then, the happiest he had ever been.
He wanted it again.
"Minnie," Ezra mumbled, his bottom lip trembling.
The beautiful boy's eyes melted before him, pretty lips parting as he held him. MinJae had always been pretty. Always. His lips, soft, plump and round, had always been tempting to his body. Ezra didn't even need to think because he reacted without a second thought.
He lunged forward, pressing a hard kiss to MinJae's lips. They were soft, and they distracted him for a moment in time. They reminded him of the physical comfort, of their time together, of happiness.
He should have expected the harsh shove, should have expected the punch of a smaller hand on his chest as MinJae pushed him away. But Ezra wasn't in the right state of mind to think of all those tinier details so he gasped, feeling terribly hurt. The physical attack didn't sting as much as the throb in his heart.
Another rejection. Another disappointment. Another loss.
"Ezra what the fuck?" His best friend snapped although his hands were gentle when they held his wrists.
Ezra remembered that they'd stopped this for a while. That they'd parted ways as partners. His best friend had left him too, just like her. He sobered as he mused over this, sorrow filling him as he shook.
He...He needed this. He needed intimacy. Maybe, his body was just fucked up without the sex. Maybe, he was just experiencing withdrawal symptoms.
Maybe everything would be okay if MinJae accepted him again.
"Minnie," he repeated like a mantra. "Just, once. Once." He begged, eyes wide as he trembled, eyes glued to his best friend's face. "Please."
Please don't reject me. He might break. No. He would break.
MinJae was quiet as he stared at him. Years of friendship told Ezra that MinJae was contemplating, trying to read the situation. Then he nodded, his brows furrowed as he relaxed his grip on Ezra's arms, acceptance and understanding in his eyes.
"Fine."
That answer delighted him and for a moment, the numbness faded into something else. They kissed again. This time it was hard, fast and deep. It was carnal, primitive and it reminded Ezra of their routines. It reminded Ezra of how they had once started as just two curious young, awkward men.
Their touches had led to a habit that ended with something that was more than just brotherly love. It ended with happiness and warmth. Why couldn't it have continued? Why couldn't they stay together forever? Why had God made this change when Ezra had finally been at peace?
Why did he have to meet her?
He was pulling MinJae's clothes off, unbuttoning the silky green long sleeve before crashing their lips together again. Their hips desperately grinding against one another for greater pleasure.
It was rough and his cock stung from the texture of his jeans on the soft flesh, but the pain egged his arousal on. When Ezra ran his fingers up MinJae's abdomen to massage hardened nipples, the soft groan that escaped MinJae's pliable lips was familiar.
"Hurry up," his Minnie hummed and they stumbled into the master bedroom.
Somehow, they made it to the bed, with MinJae sprawled on the mattress. The jeans came off and Ezra was left to the sight of masculine curves. MinJae's boxers clinging to a round, supple ass. His arousal straining against the fabric.
He was beautiful as always, the harsh lines of his muscles stretching across his skin in sexual dips and turns. Ezra was lost in the haze of lust and routine when he fumbled for the lube and condom.
A pattern his body seemed to remember more than his mind did.
It didn't take long for him to sink into MinJae's warmth, drowning in the physical pleasure. His hips snapped quickly, wildly, not interested in something slow and gentle.
He was rough and selfish, tearing into MinJae with a fervent need in a chase for his own release. He remembered at some point to pump at his best friend's cock, drawing gasps and later loud wanton moans as MinJae clenched down over his unrelenting cock. His abs were fluttering as Ezra pounded into him, circling his hips to hit that one spot.
MinJae was beautiful in the light of the moon and Ezra wanted to enjoy it. He wanted to, but his mind drifted as his thrusts increased. The faces blurred, the pleasure mixed and he was seeing her in his arms.
He was angling his cock to hit her spots. He was seeing her back arching in pleasure, her tits bouncing as pink nipples hardened into rosy nubs. Her lips moving. Her sounds echoing to the pump of his hips, a mirror of his own voice. He saw her when MinJae clamped down over him and orgasmed, spurting his own pleasure over his chest.
Ezra was seeing her eyes when he came. Her smile when white consumed his vision and his come released into the protection wrapped around his cock. His eyes closed and his vision flooded with her hazel, her peach, her cream. Her scent, her sounds, her laughter. Her. Her. Her. Her.
His eyes fluttered open and he glanced down at the boy in his arms, exhausted. Something bitter rose up in him. Disappointment. Confusion. Ezra's lips parted as he exhaled, confused. He felt lost and empty as he slipped out.
The release brought him nothing but greater exhaustion.
"Who?" MinJae asked softly, brows furrowed in his confusion. Ezra blinked as he stared back, meeting his eyes.
"What?" He blinked, lost in the memories of their past, of MinJae with a bright sunny smile. MinJae who giggled in his arms, MinJae who smiled at him with love in his eyes. He hadn't seen that for a while.
"Who is Amber?" Minjae asked again.
The name jump-started his memory. It reminded him of everything and his mind snapped. It regurgitated the information, splattering memories that flashed before his eyes.
It was like a useless partner who came too fast and too early shooting him straight in the damn eye without warning. Harsh, painful and disappointing.
With the memories, came the emotions that rushed out of him like a broken dam, consuming his body. They came with fat droplets of tears that trickled down his cheeks and dripped onto MinJae's chest. Like the pathetic loser he was, Ezra broke into sobs, pressing his fingers to his cheeks as he cried and cried in MinJae's arms.
From the start making love to her has always been your end goal.
Ezra had always been in love with her and he only realised it now when it was too late to go back.