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Feeling, this thing is just spice in live for humans strive in this hard and though world
Sometimes the feelling is can make you smile and do something unexpeted in what you never believed in your entry live
Feeling is always happen when event human interaction with something or someone but belive it, something interaction with someone is always win for sure be it past, now or future who humans cannot perceive even if they are not the seeker
This fragile this is always what human seek beyond their struggle live in gray clor? Muddle color? Yellow color? No matter but of course that will not become red or green color because that will happen when humans or they say with instant death
Many humans perceive death is something like unfavorable act of heavens to ward mortal and make them become playthings in the hand of paragons, many say if death is like some relive for tortureous victim in their entry time, many thought if death like some blessing for them if that is not happen to them
Sure, many that opinions is nothing have connection with what will happen to me or what will happen to people around me, but, this time for some unknow reasons, i remember this fact, or i did't want to admit albeit what will i say did't change anything for the things i did in the past and i can for sure or... if i can have the change outside of box, i want him to forgive me and gave me second change
... haha, this may be just ramble of me in door of death and i cannot think any further for save me from this predicament which soon befall me
*hic
But, of course i want to live for more years, ten years or maybe hundred years and feel many thing in this world and and... maybe i much selfish to my self but i want previous happyness happen to me, not the physical though, cause that... after i can a bit think or i can say, heard and see situation around me... i not just things in big house, but more low than being born in this small room... i shame me act for previous me for make this mistake who can make me fall to hole and i... i... but that, too damn gooooood for mistake i have and... if people ask me about this mistake of me, if i can say for honest... i don't aregret walk this path
( of course you are )
Unworthy, unbecoming, filthy, abused, torture and harsh word i received from past weeks in our activities... mmm, i shold call it mates for better or sex friends or fuck buddies,... my body become delight for their treathment who can make my body fly to heaven just with some ponding and flap and of course that treatment is not from one side, that from many sided and my mind maybe will break if i cannot my body fly with flow
( yes you are, can make many excuses many times )
Truly! That feelling is really make me want more and more despite i know that are really wrong for me become like this and make it worse i even agree to thier request for make my daugter fall to become like me in no time agaist her feelling, though that just in early time, as for later time? She too become more engrossed like me or should i say if they too more focused to her and make me jealous
( you are no more than meat for carnal pleasure and i feel if you can become one incarnation of lust if you can more struggle there )
Yes, the feeling of flanked from any side is truly marveous and i regret i don't know this pleasure act sooner before i have daughter and of course i hope this feeling is always bound me and make blanket my whole body all times
...and, what i get after this whole happines happen?... i hope i can fast to die and forget all this previous act of me but of course i want to life for enjoys all happiness who will come to me if i can preserve my life to forward time...
*hic
What should i do?
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--- this is what i can think inside of my wife who look at me with those pitiful eyes and have teared eyes, and of course icannot say for sure all those word is really what she think... may be she think about revenge, hateness who beyond she can handle? No matter i cannot think more about this because from start... male and women was created differently and they completed each other and you know? That what make her cannot resist urge about have sex with them despite how much she struggle ---