(Part 1)
I want to die.
This was the thought that ran through Yi Musheng's mind as he watched yet another one of his little relatives die.
His inky black eyes used to glow with bright star-like radience faded.
Yi SuNi, five years old, male, killed by poison.
That was his 6th cousin and the 10th child that had died after entering the palace.
"Concubine Jing! You wretch! Why did you have to take my little Ni'er away? Ni'er, Ni'er open your eyes! Mother's here, mother's here."
A sorrowful beauty crouched on the floor, cradling a little child in her arms. He was no longer breathing.
A crowd of servants surrounded them. All had faces of great sorrow with heads bowed. Not daring to make noise.
Yi Musheng could only stand and watch, his face devoid of emotion. Only his eyes made people feel desolate.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Yi Musheng kept mouthing that phrase over and over. The little jade bangle in his hand dropped and shattered.
-- it was supposed to be a gift for the now dead child.
The crying mother glanced away from her dead child.
Their eyes met.
She smiled wobbly and forced. "Musheng, come-- come closer auntie doesn't blame you. It's not your fault. It's not your fault."
Yi Musheng slowly walked closer. He knew she was lying. Her eyes were full of hate. But his feet would not stop moving.
The next day he woke up, chest bandaged and weak. The taiyi at his side prescribed him medicinal soup for his stab wound. The auntie that stabbed him was executed.
In the end, after drinking the soup, Yi Musheng puked out blood and fainted. Servants had scrambled into the room in fear.
Three days later, he had found out that one of his father's concubine had bribed the taiyi to add a common medicinal plant that became poisonous when mixed with another common plant. She too was executed along with the taiyi.
When he was thirteen, he witnessed his father taking a young concubine. She was, in his words, like a living painting.
In just three years, that young concubine took over the palace harem and was elevated by his father to be the empress.
Five years later, his father, the emperor had died and had decreed that the position of the crown prince was bestowed upon the five year old son that the young empress had given birth to.
Yi Musheng was never allowed to meet this little brother.
At least until now.
Kneeling upon the cold palace floors, guards at his side, hands on their swords as they watched him warily.
In front of him was a little wooden table with a bottle and a cup.
"Prince Yi has done enough. Bengong has rewarded you for the times you have stayed quiet. As long as you drink that cup, Bengong will let you go silently."
The one that spoke was that little concubine that Yi Musheng had witnessed entering the palace harem. The one whom he must address as Empress Mother or Empress.
Yi Musheng, silent and cold-faced as ever stared right into the empress' eyes. She was still beautiful as ever. Only 26 and now at the top of the world.
"Impudent!"
A maid at the empress side ran down to slap him. Yet she was stopped by an arm.
"Empress?"
"It's alright. Bengong wants to know, do you have any last requests?"
The empress was not afraid and calmly stared back into those pitch black eyes.
She remembered this young man as the young boy that silently watched her as she made her way to the top.
His face was white and glowing like warm jade. Hair and eyes pitch black like ink. And red lips that never showed emotion. He sat there, below her, immovable yet elegant.
He was as beautiful and handsome as ever. Pity he was a prince and pity that he was in her way.
Yi Musheng pursed his lips, gnawing on his cheek.
After a few minutes of silence, he spoke up.
A voice as soft as silk yet cold as a winter spring echoed in that quiet palace.
"May I see my-- the crown prince?"
The people there became bewildered.
See the crown prince? Was he trying take the crown prince down with him? What nonsense is this?
The officials watching all of this began to clamor.
"After killing all the children in the palace you want to kill the last line of the throne?"
"You are cursed! Cursed!"
"I say you should be executed! Death by a thousand cuts!"
"Enough!"
The palace had suddenly silenced. The empress had spoken.
Her eyes were piercing straight into those inky black ones as if she was trying to discern his intentions.
She waved her golden sleeves. "Bring Ru'er here to bid his Dage farewell."
"But empress--"
"Silence!"
A maid ran off to bring in the crown prince.
Everybody waited in silence.
Although their gaze were piercing and sharp as knives, that figure kneeling in the middle never moved.
Soon they heard footsteps entering and their heads swiveled to the entrance.
A little child led by a maid slowly walked in.
His hair black and tied, held up by a jade hairpin. His robes were white laced with golden lining.
"Mother!"
He shook off the maid and ran to the woman sitting on the higher chair.
It was that voice that shook the figure in the middle.
Yi Musheng could not help but slowly turn his head.
A lovely child came into his view. Eyes bright and moving with a warm smile. Hair flying as he ran.
Yi Musheng could not take his eyes off.
The empress smiled dotingly at her son.
"Ru'er there's someone that wants to meet you."
"Who?" The little child's eyes glanced around the palace.
"Your dage."
"Dage?" A light flashed through the little child's eyes.
"Yi Musheng, are you willing now?"
Her eyes glanced at the still kneeling figure, his eyes transfixed in her son.
Her brows furrowed. Just what is he planning?
Yi Musheng wasn't planning anything. His eyes were on that little figure next to the empress. Those eyes that watched him with caution.
His heart melted.
For years, Yi Musheng has waited for a younger sibling or another child. He had been so lonely in a palace with only scheming women and servants with hidden intentions.
All this time, he just wanted to have some company. So he begged his father to have another son or daughter. Although he was the eldest prince, what throne? What empire?
Yi Musheng didn't want any of that.
His father complied, a little helpless. What prince would ask his father for more children?
But atlas, the palace harem wouldn't allow for it. Women schemed against each other.
Poisoning, killing, threatening.
Concubines that were pregnant had miscarriages. Some became sterile. And others that were able to successfully give birth only to have their child live five years until they were poisoned or killed off by another concubine's scheme.
Having hope and having hope killed over and over, the little yearning for siblings in Yi Musheng's heart had been buried deeply away.
And all the concubines hated him.
Because somehow, Yi Musheng was always there when their child had died.
Unknowingly, Yi Musheng had been used as a tool by the women in the harem.
That little child as he grew, slowly became colder and colder. Until no one approached him.
"Dage?"
Breaking him out of his reverie was this little precious child.
Yi Musheng and Yi Jinru silently stared at each other.
One young man and one little child. One standing and the other kneeling.
The tension was tight as the guards on the side were ready to draw out their swords.
When suddenly something almost akin to a miracle happened.
Eyes curved in crescent and plum-red lips warmly smiling.
Yi Jinru was dazzled.
Everybody was.
Yi Musheng had not smiled since he was 8, not even the emperor could coax him to smile anymore. And in this moment when he was soon to die-- he smiled?
"Hello, little one. My name is Yi Musheng and I'm your dage. I've been waiting so long to finally be able to call you my didi."
Yi Musheng then slowly reached into his chest.
The guards had pulled out there swords.
"Stop!" They cried.
"Yi Musheng!"
Yi Musheng pulled out a necklace.
Eyes still brightly shining as he reached over to tie the necklace over Yi Jinru. Almost as though he was oblivious to the sword hanging above his neck.
"This is all dage has left to gift you. Emperor father gave it to me for protection. Un. It protected me through my twenty-one years of living here and now it will protect you in my stead.
"Ah, dage has one more thing to give you. Before you go, let dage toast you!"
Hands steady as he poured the liquid in the bottle into the cup.
His eyes never left the younger one in front of him.
"Yi Jinru, I, Yi Musheng wish you the best, the world, and all of the happiness. Toast to you being the crown prince!"
He poured the poison like wine and drank it like wine.
And then he fell asleep. Never to awaken again.
That was the first life of Yi Musheng.
_________
(Part 2)
There was a palace, cold as millennial ice. And in it, there were rumors of a crystal clear coffin.
It was said that the one who laid in the coffin was the beauty in the emperor's heart.
Slender white hands lightly stroked that exact crystal coffin. A sigh lightly caressed it.
"Musheng, Musheng, oh when will you awake."
Golden robes embroidered with dancing dragons laid on top of the coffin as if to warm the one inside it.
A bleak but beautiful picture of a Emperor and his devoted care to a cold corpse in a crystal coffin. All kept in a cold, empty palace.
Wherein, lies the madness of the soul.
"And just when I've finally found you, you've run again."