"Zen, Zen, come on don't close your eyes, please try to stay awake...", said a pleading voice beside me. I tried to open my eyes, but even trying to do that is very tiring for me.

It hurts, please someone take away the pain. I hate this....

I want to go back to a normal life. A life where there is no need for medicines, no hospitals, no supplements, nothing. When I was 18 years old, I was diagnosed to have a very rare blood disorder wherein my blood clots easily, which means that even though I don't have wounds, I have a very high risk of having blood clots in my veins. They say that this disease only occurs in one out of a million people.

I watched my father work himself to the bones just so we can have money for my hospitalization. I saw him making the night into day, tiring himself while I can do nothing. Evem neglecting himself just so that I can be cured at a hospital.

But why does it have to be me? Why cant it be the 19,256th person out of that million?

I hate the feeling of finding myself unable to breath when a clot occurs in my lungs when the medicine fails to melt it. I feel like I am drowning on solid ground. I dont want to experience again the excruciating pain on my stomach caused by not enough blood supply and even the pain on my legs when I have deep vein thrombosis.

When other youths of my age are out there enjoying the time of their lives, I am at the hospital getting treated, enjoying the hospital food that is not even enjoyable to eat and talking to the nurses who only talks to me because its their job.

Ahhh, this is not good. I can feel my strength totally leaving me. I don't want to die yet. Even if I am like this, I still want to enjoy my life. If i had known that it will be my time soon, I should've done the things that I want to do before I take my last breath.

I still want to talk to my father more. I want to sit down and have a drink with him. Thank him for being the best dad in the world and to say sorry that I became a burden to him.

But its too late now.

Oh god, please if there is one out there, let me be a healer in my next life. Let me be able to heal anything so that I dont have to experience this suffering again.

I slowly let myself fall into the dark abyss beneath me, still hearing the pleading voice of my father and his heart wrenching wail when he heard the flat beep that signifies the stopping of my heart.