Somehow I'm stuck sharing a gym class with Juan and Kandy.
Naturally this school would pair a really sucky gym uniform to prolong our suffering in this period. It's awful and itchy.
The top is a thick cotton Tee shirt with a neckline that's just too close to my throat to be comfortable. And the school board decided to pair it with cotton wool shorts. In a matching emerald green.
Kandy of course is straining against her shirt and now all the girls know there's a ruby on each end of her nipples. She should be less concerned with trying to look sexy and more worried about the likelihood of them getting ripped out.
Coach Tam has us form a line and takes attendance. Sixteen names later he gets to Kandy and his eyes immediately drop to her freed boobs.
"Miss Smythe, is there a reason your out of uniform?" Coach Tam says with a red face that has proceeded past his hairline and onto his bald spot. The quarter halo of dark brown hair just makes it funnier.
Kandy just looks at him then looks down. She's clearly confused.
"What are ya talking bout'? I'm in the gym clothes!" She says with indignation.
If I let her talk she'll keep it up for 20-minutes at least. Fortunately, Juan beats me to it.
"Your boobs are bouncing! And your nipples are all pointy and pierced! He wants you to wear a bra!" Juan shouts unreasonably loud.
Kandy is clearly embarrassed, and for that matter so is the rest of the class. Coach Tam just wants to disappear inside a hole.
If he wanted to score with her before, he's got zero chances now.
Kandy viciously turns on him.
"There is nothing wrong with my tits! Their perfectly shaped and bedazzled! I shouldn't have to wear a bra if I don't want too!" Kandy says in a furious whisper.
Coach Tam looks like he's going to give up.
"That's it! Your both going to visit Assistant Principal Vance after class. You Miss Smythe are out of dress code and will wear undergarments by next class. As for you Mr. Trijullio, you will remember to have appropriate conversations in my class! I don't want to have to write you up for sexual harassment!"
And with that rant, Coach Tam sends us off to run a mile.
What the hell? It's the first day! There's no need to take it out on the rest of us!
Kandy runs up next to me.
"So, you and Jasper seem pretty close." She says inquiringly.
I just look at her.
"Is he your boyfriend?" She asks a little less snidely.
Hmmm. Should I nip this in the bud, or watch Jas try and fend her off? Choices, choices.
"Nope! He's been depressingly single! He's totally into you!" I say with a cheerful, upbeat voice of encouragement.
It's so hard not to laugh. Jasper hates the taste of nipple piercings, he says it's like licking the door knob of a bar bathroom. And he doesn't have any patience for stupid. He really doesn't find appealing in any way, shape or form.
But Kandy doesn't know that.
Have fun with the bimbo Jasper. I think gleefully.
Kandy looks like all her hopes and dreams are coming true. Then she latches onto my arm and jumps up and down, rubbing her boobs all over me.
"That's so amazing! I thought for sure you were his girlfriend! How can you not be?! He's so hot and his eyes are so dreamy! It's like he looks deep inside you and touches your soul! He's so deep!" Kandy practically squeals.
Just because a man and woman are friends doesn't mean they have to have sex. Jasper, deep? Is she blind? He's not looking into your heart and soul, he's trying to picture you without your skin.
Tortures not exactly a new thing. And while I do like blood with my sex, I don't want to wear someone's skin and roll around on it. And I definitely don't want to thrust a raging erection into some chicks gapping stomach cavity. Besides, perforated bowls smell worse than a outhouse in a construction zone, but for whatever reason, that doesn't seem to bother Jasper.
Kandy however doesn't know any of that. She actually thinks he has the soul of a poet.
Juan just happens to overhear her obnoxious squealing, not that anyone can escape the assault of it on their ears.
Juan looks downright jealous.
"He does not! He obviously likes Nix! You should just look elsewhere. Who knows? Maybe a columbian god wants to make you his queen?" Juan says with a lavacious leer.
I nearly trip and fall on my face. What the hell?! What kind of arrogant jock refers to himself in the third person, let alone as a god?
Kandy is still running in front of him and can't see his face. And given her current expression, she doesn't seem to realize he's columbian either.
"I forgot. Where's a columbian from?" Kandy asks. She serious.
Okay, maybe Juan isn't the dumbest one in the group. I'd encourage them to get together, but that would unreasonably cruel to their future children.
Juan apparently is thinking something similar.
He completely stops and looks at her as if she was a poodle that just peed on his carpet.
"It means their from Columbia." Juan explains slowly, as if she has brain damage.
Kandy scrunches up her nose and asks, "Where's Columbia?"
Okay, maybe she does have brain damage.
Juan looks concerned. "Columbia is in South America. You know? It's separated by Mexico and the Panama Canal?"
Kandy still looks confused.
This is getting irritating, so I just run off ahead of them.
I'm more tolerant than Jasper is, but this is more than I can handle.
Three more classes than I can finally leave!