"Hm, an unauthorised dig site with ties that go all the way back to Suhurlodst... Honestly, I was nearly an experiment for them. Why am I not surprised they have legal troubles?" I comment as I read through Inerish's tablet more carefully from the comfort of my bed. Smacking my mandibles about, I reach for my cup and take a sip up the straw. It gently taps the side of my bedside table and I blink.
Looking up, I wait for a noise and my door is knocked again.
"Liada opens the door and says what?" I go and the door opens, revealing my ddrai'och friend.
"Nin, can I talk to you?" she asks and I groan in disappointment.
"Aw..."
"Huh?" she goes, my mood picking up.
"Close enough. But, sure, what you want, Darling?" I go and ask, making her flinch with a slight blush. Putting the tablet down, I shuffle up my bed and partially move off it, giving her room to sit at my side. She does so, instantly leaning against me with a tired sigh and rub of her eyes.
"When you came back to me that day... That day you beat him, what were the terms of the promise Larishazza gave you?" she asks, her hands firmly grasping my arm.
"She told me to find the others, those who had vanished in my time fighting Smiling Jhurack. She wanted me to find love in one of them as she did not love me like I loved her." I clarify, my insides tightening to an uncomfortable degree while my free claw struggles to stay still. It's going to be one of these kinds of talks, is it? The kind that leaves us both frustrated with the problem only worse than before.
She shivers and sniffles.
"I guess it was like this before, wasn't it? You just have this thing about you that makes it so easy for poor women like me to fall for you." she despairs as she adjusts her hug to be more enveloping. My eyes awkwardly shift down an arm, to the wrist she is otherwise covering up.
"Y-Yeah..." I say quietly, moving said arm about with a pointless squirm. The offending object rolling along my shell and into a fleshy crack.
"I know you're still trying to move past Larishazza, but... Is it possible that you would ever love me? I told myself when you first came to me with this information that it was too quick and nothing good would come of it and... I seem to have been right, but, if you can...?" she tearfully begs and I move her into a properly shared hug. One that is careful enough to keep her face away from mine. I will have no lips meeting lips, this isn't something I am ready for. No matter how much I care for the owner of them.
"..." I'm not sure I can give this an answer.
"I'm sorry... I'll leave you be..." she sniffles, pushing herself out of the hug and stumbling out of my room. She barely makes it a step before it all comes out in force and I frown, her sobs as loud as if she was right next to me. Her bedroom door closes and she starts to wail with all her heart. Slowly, I get up, somewhat limp. Slanting my mouth a little, I go close my door and block it with my body.
Crossing my arms, my expression moulds into place, "No, I don't think I can, not with the current me. Love like you want is something only Lari has ever earned from me..."
I sigh and look Liada's way, my magic senses creating the image my eyes cannot see. I can't tell her that to her face, I can't go on to tell any of them that and I really don't know what to do. I have two distinct memories with this bracelet that are coming to mind for me right now, neither good. By coincidence, both involve Einervaene.
In that town, that town we went to on the way back to Tobaballe when there was a Tobaballe, after she saved my life. Salahma, Einervane killed her to save me when even Lari had assumed the worst. This bracelet kept me alive during that time, it's probably the reason why Einervaene came after me to begin with. But, I don't know, I don't...
When I took the bracelet off in order to try and let Einervaene down, she didn't feel much different. She begged me to put it back on to restore the feelings it gave her. The loneliness and isolation of lacking those feelings, she didn't like it and she accepted their return without issue. Long term, the problems never vanished.
I can't remember much other than Smiling Jhurack over these past five years, however, there is one thing that sticks out. Einervaene. She started a fight right here in this shop and we took it beyond the city. I won and I repeated the lesson we had in that mountaintop town.
She did not love me, it's all this bracelet.
None of them actually cared for me like they thought they did, it's all the work of Motrtha. Only, that's the problem, really, isn't it? Motrtha, Goddess of Mothers. But, she's not just that, she's also the Goddess of Love and this divine gift on my wrist is from her.
She told me way back then that its reason is to keep me safe and I struggled to grasp from what. Now, however, I think I might have an inkling as to what it is meant to keep me safe from. Loneliness and a broken, foul heart. The only dangers she alone is capable of protecting people from.
I've been selfish enough over the past five years, even if I cannot sit there and tell Liada what she wants. I owe it to her to give her this protection that I have. She may not care much for the gods beyond her species' own, but the same is not inherently true for them. Maybe at some point, I will be able to tell her or anyone else the truly magical phrase of...
I care about you...
My head starts to shake and I strike my head before reaching for the door handle. Bringing it open, I stop and look back to my bed. Smiling a little, I take my blanket and scrunch it up in my holding claw. Going off to her room, I open it and am met with sorrowful darkness.
The shadow-covered mass on the bed moves and I flick the light switch, the ugly truth clear to me. She gulps, her lips quivering with her body shaking alongside it. Shaking my head a little, I turn the light off and move to her bed. Putting my blanket out, I squeeze onto the bed, somewhat having to bully her into moving aside.
Little noises escape her and- She gasps.
Grabbing her, I pull her in close to keep her away from the edge. Slowly, she starts to return the gesture but I can feel it in the nuance of her fingers that's she uncertain. Actions speak louder than words and nothing is more cathartic than simply hearing the truth for some things. I cannot give her the words she wants, however, I can give her something else.
"I know it's frustrating, Liada... I know I can be insufferable, caring more for a dead girl than a living one. But, as others have been telling me, give it time, the bad times will always make way for something better. It just takes some time getting used to it." I explain, coming just short of giving her a kiss in the spot where her hair divides. I frown and instead settle my chin there, letting her stew in her head while I refuse to let her go.
"I know... I know... It's just infuriating trying and then having someone like her come into my shop to taunt me..." shes goes, tightening her grip in places that seem like she could peel them off. Thankfully for my back, my internal-magic is simply too much for her which I suppose makes me the perfect stress release.
"Trust me, Liada. It's annoying for me to have to deal with her like that." I explain and a scoff vibrates my chest, a gust of hot air bursting out to my neck and over it.
"With how often I've seen women fight over you, I have a feeling you enjoy it to some degree." she tries to laugh, no matter how hard it otherwise seems to be for her.
"I don't think I ever have, actually." I respond in all seriousness, my time with the aelenvari of Rose's flower coming back to me. I recall quite clearly thinking about why I didn't enjoy it as much as my teenage self might've. It's all a little overwhelming, really, having so many beautiful women fight for your attention. And these past few years since I left Tobaballe, I've not exactly worked on handling such things...
"Liar!" she accuses, smacking my chest with an amused huff.
"No, I am being genuine right now. I was in this situation back when I first got my magic where I somehow became the most desirable man in an entire aelenvari flower." I explain and Liada gently mixes her nod into some nuzzling.
"I don't have many aelenvari customers, but I tend to buy a lot of ingredients from them. They don't tend to be farmers, but, farmers like to hire them for their natural expertise regarding crops." Liada exposits and I huff, the fact making almost too much sense.
"Is that so?" I ask more so as a joke, though I'm lacking all of the outward signs of it.
"Whatever it is they know, it certainly helps and I have wondered a little about their honey whenever the humans are celebrating things to this Aahtha goddess..." she starts off reasonably loud at first before she starts to heat up and turn quiet.
"Ah, yes. Aelenvari honey." I go, dryly smacking my mouth together as an itchy sensation gets under my carapace. The sweet thing that is perhaps to blame for me becoming what I am now. I can't really blame Rose, but, it's certainly something that has stuck with me even long after I have gotten over that day.
"You know, though..." Liada quietly goes and I shuffle away whilst she does the same. Our faces somewhat meeting the other from a fist's distance.
"Yeah...?" I go, drawing my word out as I clearly feel the warmth pumping through her veins. Whatever steamy thoughts are in her head, her body's piping can't handle this kind of pressure.
"If we ever do... Uhm, you know- No, -when- we move beyond this phase in our relationship... Well, I've happened to have read up a little on the aelenvari and their history. I know how they came to be and I'm thinking that, that might mean we'd be able to... You know..." she struggles to explain as she squirms in embarrassment and while it's not my intention, she grabs my moving claw. A kiss is firmly placed on the palm and my chitters tremble in time with her giggling.
"That so..." I go, her arms wrapping around me tight. She snuggles into a comfortable position and goes quiet, only her nose really doing anything while her chest heaves. Up and down, up and down... A rather comfortable sensation all things considered.
I frown a little, how would that even end up working out for us? Or anyone for that matter. I am an osibindah, a bug. And, while I have the eyes of a human, everything else about me isn't, even my required tool works completely differently!
Would a child look human with some buggy features? Would they be more like Liada and only have a nervous twitch in their jaw like I do? Would the children be completely osibindah or will an egg pop out, somehow!? I stare intensely at Liada, curses and swears going off in my head.
She just had to get my mind going off now of all times!
Silently screaming in a humourous manner, I move a little and try to get some sleep. I'm not tired in the slightest, but, it will do Liada some good to spend the night here with her. It was only last night after all that I woke her up trying to get out of the house. While I cannot do much about her thoughts, hopefully, hopefully tonight will be something nicer.
I'm not happy with her anguish and distraught heart, it's not what I want for her. I've spent five years not caring for the lives of those around me and I've got five hundred to spend caring. Pulling her in close, she moans in quiet delight and I try to find a smile myself. My chittering dims down to a steadier noise and she starts to groan, perplexing me utterly.
"No... Keep making those noises..." she demands with a tight squeeze and I do my best to shrug, getting back into the habit of making my noises.
Strange, lovely woman.