"The... Ruins..." I weakly muttered as they continued to evade my sights. But I was struggling to move. I hadn't slept because it hurt too much. My scalp, my heart, my burning scar...
I could not sleep so I kept on moving. But with my magic gone because of my punishment, I was struggling more so. I couldn't stand and I was too weak to drag myself along.
It hurt to do this, it hurt to do anything. Yet, I could not just stay out here. It was cold and wet and there were dangerous animals... Dangerous people even.
"Please... Anybody... Nin...? My Love...?" I weakly cried as I came to a stop in the grass before I just let my head drop. I wasn't even sure if I was crying, it had been raining all night and well into the morning as well. My naked body was soaked and it was pooling in all the most aggravating of places.
And I guess this was it... I could feel my eyes just getting heavy...
"HUH!?" I suddenly let out before I came to realise something was off. Why wasn't I on the grass anymore...? Why did I feel like some strength was back in me...!?
"Oh, thank the gods above..." a familiar voice breathed in relief before she came over to me.
"Dandel'lhia...?" I questioned weakly as I looked around at where I was. The ruins, she had brought me to them and had wrapped me up in one of the old tapestries. Down in front of us, was a fire we she had made with the old furniture and above it... A hot meal.
"It should be done soon, don't worry."
"Why're you here!?" I asked her desperately before I tried to reveal my branding. Only for her to stop me with a firm hand keeping the tapestry wrapped around me.
"We found your stuff and there was stuff in it that I could not let you go without."
"Like what...? It was just clothes and..." I started to explain tearfully before she pulled out an example carefully.
"This isn't just an outfit, Rose'lhia." she says as she brings out something I once begged my love to retrieve.
"You..." I slowly let out as I suddenly rushed on over to hold it. Crying as hard as I could as I held the soft silks against my face. Only to then shake my head as I put it back down.
"Rose'lhia, this is yours. All of it is, keep it. Make use of it!"
"I can't now..." I cry as I stroke my sore, bald head and gesture at my burnt stomach.
"None of that matters, Rose'lhia." she says as she makes sure her face is more clear in the light.
"Yes, it does!" I snap back at her, not caring for why she was being so aware of where she was.
"Rose'lhia, look at me. My scars are going away, they are healing me slowly and carefully. I might not be able to ever use my true-voice again, but the skin... It's improving. Your scar will go away too in time if you want it too, and your hair will grow out again."
"Why're you here...?" I asked her quietly as I returned to resting my aching body.
"You already know the answer to that, but, if you would prefer, I can go on back to the Garden-Mount?"
"N-No! You can stay..." I say quietly as my eyes start to linger on the food.
"Right, that." she lets out urgently before she took it away from the heat so she could leave it beside me.
"I take it things are getting better without me around...?"
"You haven't been gone for that long!" she tried to laugh out before she awkwardly looked away.
"You should've just kept my stuff, used it for yourself."
She then started to laugh nervously, "See... I was, but then, well, I found that."
"You just can't stop meddling in my life, can you?" I ask her, trying to smile while everything around me seemed so doomed to fail.
"I suppose not, but I know you are thankful that I am." she answered with a smile before I started trying to eat my food. For a while, however, I just used it as a means to get warmth into my bones.
"Thank you, though, for doing this for me..."
"Don't think much of it, just don't waste my efforts."
"Waste them how?" I decide to ask as I haphazardly test the food.
"By not going to your lover all the way back at Suhurlodst."
"I already told you..."
"Rose'lhia, forgive me for saying this, but, having read some of your diary... By accident! I have come to see how much of a liar you are."
"Liar?"
"The proof is all there, Rose'lhia. You love him and want to be with him. And while I get you'll never come home to plant your seed... You will have him be there for you. So just go, go and find him once again and remind yourself of why you love him. Teach him that and let him love you back." she firmly tells me before she gets up and walks away.
"I suppose I will have to obey you now..." I let out, nearly breaking out into sobbing as the terms of my new life came back to my head.
"Rose'lhia, please, I know how this all works officially... But you haven't stopped being a full-name petal. You are still Rose'lhia, you hear?" she says to me as she comes over to sit by my side.
"So, what will you do once you get back to the garden-mount?" I decide to ask her as I didn't want to keep talking about myself.
"Well, outside of explaining my absence and calming the Gilded-Bark down, I wanted to make our son his first pair of tubes!" she explained, excitement brimming out of her as she started to turn squeamish at the thought.
I then smiled, "I remember my first pairs..."
"Pairs?"
"I was a demanding child," I huffed out, "It all had to be perfect and everyone was happy to allow me the right to demand it."
"I can understand why." Dandel'lhia giggles before she likely starts to think about her first pair.
"If I remember correctly, I wanted my first pair to look like Ivy Mother Passion'liha." she reminisced with a dreamy sigh.
"My predecessor?" I remarked as I remembered the beautiful teacher I once had. While many might've remembered her for her bountiful body and her loving attitude. I remembered her more so for the grace at which she conducted her religious duties. That was what I respected her for.
I was too arrogant when I was younger to care about how she looked because I was already catching eyes. It was funny, in a way, if I didn't become an ivy-mother. The Gilded-Bark's mother might've matched me up with him. But Passion'lhia was special in that she kept me focused even despite what it was that I was preparing to do...
"But, yeah... I wanted them to be just like Ivy-Mother Passion'lhia's... But, they had a hard time explaining to me why I could not have them as she had them. She even had to explain herself while I barraged her with compliments..." she sheepishly explained at the end.
"So, did you ever want to be an ivy-mother?" I decided to ask as I thought it over. If she admired my teacher that much, maybe she had been inspired at some point? But, no, she shook her head at me.
"No, what I wanted to be was a mother since the day I could think, really. I spent a lot of my time around them, watching as they cared for their seeds and listening to them explain how I would be just like them one day..." she explained before she started to cry as she smiled.
"And I near-"
"Don't, just, forget about it, okay?" Dandel'lhia interrupted me with before she smiled at me.
"Alright..." I mumbled as I started to eat. Nearly gagging on it despite the state I was in.
"Don't give me that look!" she complained as she crossed her arms with a bemused huff.
"Leave it to those who can, I suppose?" I ask with a smile before I made sure to finish the meal quickly.
"I have packed some supplies in with your other stuff as well... So, uh, good luck Rose'lhia. I know we have parted already, but, don't forget what I have said." she says as she gets up and clearly heads for the exit.
"I said it was fine for you to stay..." I tell her with a saddened expression. One that switched to agitation when she started to howl with laughter.
"I-I'm sorry... S-Sorry! I just... It's hard to imagine that you'd ever be sad to see me go, you know?" she explains before a smile came to my face.
"I suppose it is." I say as I tighten the hold the tapestry had around me.
"But... I do need to get going, Rose'lhia. It is wonderful to see that you are still okay, stretchy as the term is right now. But, I have a family to get back to, one that is probably very worried about me."
"Yes, I know, don't let me keep you." I tell her as I start to wave as best as I could.
"No... No..." she started to moan before she practically ran at me to give me a hug. One that I could not really return.
"Go to your family, Dandel'lhia." I tell her as she breaks the hug.
"And you start yours, do you hear me?" she jokingly threatens before she waves one final time on her way out.
"I will try..." I ponderously let out as I tried to wonder if I was really done out here. I know Nin needed me and I clearly wanted him. But, was there more I could do out here before I went back to him...? Painful as it was for me to say, I did not see his current issues going anytime soon.
I needed to learn patience and that was probably best learned out here. But what could I do...? I was now an exiled aelenvari. The ones I looked down upon so viciously once upon a time...
But, there were women like that not far from me. And, for a moment, they all looked up at me for guidance. So maybe I could go there...? I may not be an ivy-mother or even a petal anymore, but that didn't mean I was unable to help them.
So, if they were all still there, maybe I should go...?
"Yeah, I think I will." I say with a thoughtful nod before I started to shuffle about in an effort to get to sleep. My body was exhausted even with this clear magic injection from Dandel'lhia. So, I just laid on my side near my stuff and closed my eyes once again. Yet, it would seem my mind was too busy to let me sleep.
So I waited for a little bit, letting the fire's warmth soak me through and through while the soft bag beneath me called out for me. And, slowly, ever so slowly, I felt a heavy weight upon my eyes.